This Thread Is For the Healing Hearts....

[MzTami]

Goodness, I am sitting here about to cry as i have read all of the posts, I am so glad i found this thread tonight, I too am going through heartbreak, right now its too hard to even sit here and type about it, i just wanted to thank MzTami for starting this thread and Divine Inspiration and LynnieB for all the tips.

I'm sorry that you are going through this and I wish I can take away your pain. I know how much it hurts, but I truly feel that it's a blessing in disguise. (((HUGS))

 

[MzTami]

I'm not sure if this has been mentioned before becasue I haven't read through the whole thread yet but...

Think of the man that you have broken up with. Is he REALLY the man that you have/had been praying that God to send you? Does he have all the qualities of a man u would not mind submitting to? If not, it should make it a lot easier for u to move on. I know it helped me. I had to constantly remind myself of that when I began to get sad about the man that broke my heart.

HTH!!!

EXCELLENT POINTS! Thank you for your support!

 

[MzTami]

Not broken up.....yet but i sense it will happen very soon. Ill be back then. LOL

*hugs to everyone*

We have to stay strong and im begging you. Y'all need to stop all contact with your exes as soon as the break up happens and no telling them how you feel or asking them how they feel cos its non of their business. It will just make you more depressed and them, happier. The thing is men bounce back from break ups faster than we do.

I don't know how they do it but they do.

 

[MzTami]

i think the reason why they can just walk away is that they already walk in their heart and mind i found that out the hard way you are still in love and he has been out of love just waiting to leave and some time they are already seeing someone and had move on in their mind and heart and all you had was a person just waiting to leave think about it we just did not pay it no mind

Ditto!!!!!!!

 

[MzLady78]

Has anyone had a negative event happen with your ex that actually made you feel a sense of relief about the situation?

I had my ex removed from my credit card awhile back when he used it to hold a hotel room. He called Monday and asked me if he was still on the card, and I told him no. Sure enough, I get up the next morning, check my account and lo and behold, he did it again. (they did remove him so I don't know how he managed to do it). So I called him to cuss him out and he hangs up on me. I tried to call him back at least 15 times and he wouldn't answer. My ringer was off so I missed when he called back. He left me a message saying "look, it's 7:30 here, I'll call you back around noon and you can yell at me all you want". Of course he didn't but I wasn't really expecting him to. Add to that the fact that I found out he still hasn't given the landlady back the keys to the house so now they're trying to say we owe them January's rent.

The funny thing is even though I'm pissed and hurt that he's being such a jackazz (especially when he's the one that left me) I feel relieved in a way. It's almost like this was the last confirmation that I needed that he is not, nor will he ever be the man for me. I feel like I can finally stop mourning the end of the relationship because the reality is I didn't lose much. He ain't shyt, he doesn't have shyt, and he never will. He had a better chance at being successful with me in his corner than he ever will on his own. Everything we had, everything we were able to do during the time we were in Arizona was because of me. From getting the house to being able to get to get the furniture. I feel like I can finally let go of any feelings I still had for him and it feels great

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Has anyone had a negative event happen with your ex that actually made you feel a sense of relief about the situation?

Glad you're feeling better.

I felt a sense of relief but not because he had been doing me wrong but because we had been going back and forth over the SAME issue for months...it had gotten very old, and I was emotionally tired. I was relieved because I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. I was exhausted, and I think he was too. It's been nice to mentally & emotionally rest.

 

[MzLady78]

Glad you're feeling better.

I felt a sense of relief but not because he had been doing me wrong but because we had been going back and forth over the SAME issue for months...it had gotten very old, and I was emotionally tired. I was relieved because I wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. I was exhausted, and I think he was too. It's been nice to mentally & emotionally rest.

Exactly! That's where I am. I'm emotionally drained and I really am not going to waste anymore of my energy on him. He clearly doesn't give a shyt about me, or does he respect me. He's gonna do whatever he wants, act however he wants and play as many games as he wants. But from now on, he's playing them by his damn self. If I get another call about the keys I'm gonna tell them they're either gonna have to go after him directly or just change the locks, but I can't be the middle man anymore. I refuse to deal with him on any level for any reason. I'm done.

 

[s_terry]

mZLADY I am so sorry this fool is still taking you through this. I would call the hotel and tell them to reverse the charges that they accepted payment on a stolen CC. If you have any info on where he is give it to them and have them call the police. They were out of order for accepting this form of payment and his name was not on the card! He is now using identity theft to steal from you! Press charges so they can lock his butt up. I would tell him too that you are going to turn him in for stealing from you!!! Can you talk to the landlady and explain to her what this man is\has put you through. Women can be more sympathetic and maybe she will cut you a break if you explained what this fool has put you through? You have done nothing wrong and have no reason to be ashamed. He is the morally corrupt one. No Mrs nice guy for you. It looks like he is not going to quite until he runs you in the gutter! Fight his a** back!!!

 

[MzLady78]

His name was on the card unfortunately, I added him as a user and he got his own. (my mistake). I had them just cancel the entire account, which is what they should've done in the first place. Apparently all they did was remove his name and send me a new card with the same exact numbers.

But I have been in touch with the landlady and she is aware that he's the one with the keys etc. She knows he's acting up cause he hung up on her once. Bottom line is i'm not giving her another months rent. If she wants to sue me or send me collections so be it, but I don't have the keys and there's nothing I can do if he doesn't wanna cough em up. I hope that it doesn't come down to that, but I'm tired of stressin about it.

ETA: And I don't know yet if he actually charged the room to the card. Last time he used it just to hold it and paid them in cash when he checked out.

 

[KiSseS03]

Another healing heart checking in . My SO and I were only together about 4.5 months, but we became very close during this time because I was there with him when he lost a family member. Honestly we haven't officially broken up, but I haven't heard from him in almost a week, and I can't be the one to try and fix things up this time. I put up with a lot from him already, just because of his family situation, although I made sure he knew how I felt about things. At this point, I feel don't feel that I can trust him anymore and I'm a little resentful at the way he has acted towards me in the end. I'm proud of myself though for staying strong and not contacting him... We're gonna be just fine ladies...

 

[p31woman]

Random Question,

To the ones who have started the process of getting over their SO, and to the ones who have done it before...How did u start?
Even though you have gotten over someone and a break-up once before, it always seems like the first time and u have to start from scratch.

So are there suggestions? How are you ladies doing it?

 

[Precious_1]

Ladies, I know this maybe totally off topic and random, but I was at work today, feeling sorry for myself walking the halls asking god why, and when will I find my husband, and telling him it seems like my life cant officially "start" until i am settled with a family, husband, etc, just all out pity party. so I had a patient to do, he was a nice older man around 70 years old. I took him in to do his xray and he tells me he is paralyzed from the waist down, and i would have to help him. This man looks like he was around 58 years old and in good health, i had no idea he couldn't walk, so i got help. So throughout the exam I started talking to him, I said do you have anyone at home to help you and he said, No, i dont have any help. I said so you are not Married, i was really shocked and he said "No, my wife up and left me soon as i was paralyzed, said she wanted to live her life" I asked how could anyone do that? so this started him to talking he said, "I didnt understand it at the time, how she could do me like that. I was angry for a long time, people will walk out of your life, especially when you are down, we you are up, everybody is there, everybody is your friend, but when I got down, it seemed like everybody left me, my wife, friends..at this point i am fighting back the tears...he went on "but I forgive her now, i understand, life is beautiful, you have to enjoy life, and live it! i dont have any regrets" at this point i walk out the room , so i am thinking, here i am thinking about some guy who has made it clear he doesnt want a relationship with me, and i have this poor man who has lived half his life in a wheelchair and wife walked out on him at his most critical point, he is talking about enjoying life, and life is beautiful, i felt so bad. I mean i can walk, I can find a new love again, and though it still hurts, He really helped put things in perspective for me. Just wanted to share.

 

[p31woman]

Ladies, I know this maybe totally off topic and random, but I was at work today, feeling sorry for myself walking the halls asking god why, and when will I find my husband, and telling him it seems like my life cant officially "start" until i am settled with a family, husband, etc, just all out pity party. so I had a patient to do, he was a nice older man around 70 years old. I took him in to do his xray and he tells me he is paralyzed from the waist down, and i would have to help him. This man looks like he was around 58 years old and in good health, i had no idea he couldn't walk, so i got help. So throughout the exam I started talking to him, I said do you have anyone at home to help you and he said, No, i dont have any help. I said so you are not Married, i was really shocked and he said "No, my wife up and left me soon as i was paralyzed, said she wanted to live her life" I asked how could anyone do that? so this started him to talking he said, "I didnt understand it at the time, how she could do me like that. I was angry for a long time, people will walk out of your life, especially when you are down, we you are up, everybody is there, everybody is your friend, but when I got down, it seemed like everybody left me, my wife, friends..at this point i am fighting back the tears...he went on "but I forgive her now, i understand, life is beautiful, you have to enjoy life, and live it! i dont have any regrets" at this point i walk out the room , so i am thinking, here i am thinking about some guy who has made it clear he doesnt want a relationship with me, and i have this poor man who has lived half his life in a wheelchair and wife walked out on him at his most critical point, he is talking about enjoying life, and life is beautiful, i felt so bad. I mean i can walk, I can find a new love again, and though it still hurts, He really helped put things in perspective for me. Just wanted to share.

It's good his spirit isn't broken!!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Random Question,

To the ones who have started the process of getting over their SO, and to the ones who have done it before...How did u start?
Even though you have gotten over someone and a break-up once before, it always seems like the first time and u have to start from scratch.

So are there suggestions? How are you ladies doing it?

I suggest the breakup guide I posted earlier in this thread. That's basically what I did. I had my days in the beginning where I sat and reflected, cried sometimes...felt a wide range emotions. I wrote a LOT...like 20 pages a day, but that's more because I'm a writer at heart than me finding a way to cope.
Although I do highly recommend writing because it's therapuetic.

I spent time talking with trusted friends and family members...when I needed to vent or just talk, they were there to listen. When I didn't want to talk to anyone in particular, I wrote letters to my ex, and I never mailed them.

I threw out all of his belongings and things that reminded me of him because I felt like those things were slowing up my process. I was right.

I started thinking about the future...about what God has for me...how many wonderful people and things will happen and how SMALL my breakup was in the grand scheme of things. I mean, seriously, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and so many other things that other folks wish they had. I know that doesn't make it easier for some folks, but it definitely helped me put everything in perspective. I did not have kids by this man nor did I give him anything I was not prepared to lose. When I did inventory on myself and all I have to offer, I realized that HE was the one losing out, and his inability to sort through his own issues is NOT my problem. Yes, I thought it was unfortunate that it happened the way it did, but our breakup was over something so simple and stupid that I quickly resigned myself to the fact that I deserve better and under no circumstances will I settle for less than that because once you settle for less, you'll get less than you settled for.

So, I guess my starting point was tears...purging & grieving. It rejuvenated me, and put me in an emotional place to move forward. I've had my time to reflect and accept the disappointment, now it's time to move forward and get ready for everything else that will come my way. I can't be ready for Mr. Right if I spend all my time crying over Mr. Wrong.

 

[MzLady78]

Ladies, I know this maybe totally off topic and random, but I was at work today, feeling sorry for myself walking the halls asking god why, and when will I find my husband, and telling him it seems like my life cant officially "start" until i am settled with a family, husband, etc, just all out pity party. so I had a patient to do, he was a nice older man around 70 years old. I took him in to do his xray and he tells me he is paralyzed from the waist down, and i would have to help him. This man looks like he was around 58 years old and in good health, i had no idea he couldn't walk, so i got help. So throughout the exam I started talking to him, I said do you have anyone at home to help you and he said, No, i dont have any help. I said so you are not Married, i was really shocked and he said "No, my wife up and left me soon as i was paralyzed, said she wanted to live her life" I asked how could anyone do that? so this started him to talking he said, "I didnt understand it at the time, how she could do me like that. I was angry for a long time, people will walk out of your life, especially when you are down, we you are up, everybody is there, everybody is your friend, but when I got down, it seemed like everybody left me, my wife, friends..at this point i am fighting back the tears...he went on "but I forgive her now, i understand, life is beautiful, you have to enjoy life, and live it! i dont have any regrets" at this point i walk out the room , so i am thinking, here i am thinking about some guy who has made it clear he doesnt want a relationship with me, and i have this poor man who has lived half his life in a wheelchair and wife walked out on him at his most critical point, he is talking about enjoying life, and life is beautiful, i felt so bad. I mean i can walk, I can find a new love again, and though it still hurts, He really helped put things in perspective for me. Just wanted to share.

Man, I was tearing up reading this, I can only imagine how you must have felt hearing it first hand. It's hard when you're dealing with your own grief to see that it could always be worse.

 

[Precious_1]

Man, I was tearing up reading this, I can only imagine how you must have felt hearing it first hand. It's hard when you're dealing with your own grief to see that it could always be worse.

yes exactly.

 

[life_is_great]

I really admire you ladies. You all are so strong. I just recently divorced my husband, but I have not cut him out of my life. We still talk several times a day, we still see each other on a regular basis. I know, after everthing he's done to me, I am an idiot. I don't want to be married to him, but I miss him when we don't talk. I've met other guys, but I quickly lose interest. I want to move on, but I guess I don't want to grieve. I have to sneak to see him b/c if my family knew they probably would think I lost my mind. This man has ruined my credit and life. It's like he has such a hold on me. If I refuse to see him, he calls me and makes me feel sorry for him. I know he's manipulating me, as he always has. Maybe I am crazy, I don't know. I'm not asking for anyone to tell me that I am stupid, I already know this. I'm just sharing my experience. Thanks

 

[s_terry]

Ladies, I know this maybe totally off topic and random, but I was at work today, feeling sorry for myself walking the halls asking god why, and when will I find my husband, and telling him it seems like my life cant officially "start" until i am settled with a family, husband, etc, just all out pity party. so I had a patient to do, he was a nice older man around 70 years old. I took him in to do his xray and he tells me he is paralyzed from the waist down, and i would have to help him. This man looks like he was around 58 years old and in good health, i had no idea he couldn't walk, so i got help. So throughout the exam I started talking to him, I said do you have anyone at home to help you and he said, No, i dont have any help. I said so you are not Married, i was really shocked and he said "No, my wife up and left me soon as i was paralyzed, said she wanted to live her life" I asked how could anyone do that? so this started him to talking he said, "I didnt understand it at the time, how she could do me like that. I was angry for a long time, people will walk out of your life, especially when you are down, we you are up, everybody is there, everybody is your friend, but when I got down, it seemed like everybody left me, my wife, friends..at this point i am fighting back the tears...he went on "but I forgive her now, i understand, life is beautiful, you have to enjoy life, and live it! i dont have any regrets" at this point i walk out the room , so i am thinking, here i am thinking about some guy who has made it clear he doesnt want a relationship with me, and i have this poor man who has lived half his life in a wheelchair and wife walked out on him at his most critical point, he is talking about enjoying life, and life is beautiful, i felt so bad. I mean i can walk, I can find a new love again, and though it still hurts, He really helped put things in perspective for me. Just wanted to share.

This is an amazing story Precious. Thanks so much for sharing

 

[MzLady78]

I really admire you ladies. You all are so strong. I just recently divorced my husband, but I have not cut him out of my life. We still talk several times a day, we still see each other on a regular basis. I know, after everthing he's done to me, I am an idiot. I don't want to be married to him, but I miss him when we don't talk. I've met other guys, but I quickly lose interest. I want to move on, but I guess I don't want to grieve. I have to sneak to see him b/c if my family knew they probably would think I lost my mind. This man has ruined my credit and life. It's like he has such a hold on me. If I refuse to see him, he calls me and makes me feel sorry for him. I know he's manipulating me, as he always has. Maybe I am crazy, I don't know. I'm not asking for anyone to tell me that I am stupid, I already know this. I'm just sharing my experience. Thanks

I think almost everybody has (or will have at some point) a person in their life that makes all their common sense go out the window, that gets away with things that no other person could. Doesn't make you stupid, it makes you human.

 

[UrbanHeiress]

My sister is going through something terrible right now and all I can do is be there for her and listen to her. She is heart broken and the pain is really too much for her to bear. Her self esteem is low and she blames herself for the breakup. She feels like she is all alone. I printed this thread for her to read. She doesn’t seem to have
much energy to turn her computer on these days. This too shall pass.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

My sister is going through something terrible right now and all I can do is be there for her and listen to her. She is heart broken and the pain is really too much for her to bear. Her self esteem is low and she blames herself for the breakup. She feels like she is all alone. I printed this thread for her to read. She doesn’t seem to have
much energy to turn her computer on these days. This too shall pass.

Aww man. You're a good sister...she's lucky to have you.

 

[simpleDIVA]

I'm sorry ladies that I havben't been on to reply but I find out that he has moved on and is in love with another woman. It seriously has been two and a half months since we broke up. I was upset. But it all started to fall into place, I saw the full picture of the breakup. He pushed me away so that he could be with someone else. . But I'm cool now. I still have the ring and I'm about to mail it to him.

 

[MzLady78]

I'm sorry ladies that I havben't been on to reply but I find out that he has moved on and is in love with another woman. It seriously has been two and a half months since we broke up. I was upset. But it all started to fall into place, I saw the full picture of the breakup. He pushed me away so that he could be with someone else. . But I'm cool now. I still have the ring and I'm about to mail it to him.

Awww, Diva, I'm so sorry!

 

[simpleDIVA]

It's ok it's like Vivan Green say I'm "freed from the bondage of those who never loved me"

 

[MzLady78]

It's ok it's like Vivan Green say I'm "freed from the bondage of those who never loved me"

I hear you, girl!! And I'm glad you're doing okay.

Now about that ring. I say we pawn it and have some retail therapy. Or maybe get some strippers. Yeah, strippers sounds pretty good right now.

LOL.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I'm sorry ladies that I havben't been on to reply but I find out that he has moved on and is in love with another woman. It seriously has been two and a half months since we broke up. I was upset. But it all started to fall into place, I saw the full picture of the breakup. He pushed me away so that he could be with someone else. . But I'm cool now. I still have the ring and I'm about to mail it to him.

WOW!! What's up with that?!?!? You guys were together for a LONG time...and 2.5 months is NO time at all...wow. You deserve better.

I'm with MzL about the ring though...girl you betta sell that thing and go buy a new pair of shoes and an outfit to match and throw the rest in a "new boyfriend" account.

 

[upandcoming]

Well. I don't know if I'm weird. My mom has mentioned dating to me a few times and I've dated in the past (one long term relationship in high school - even though we were young, we cared about one another as friends) but I just don't want to be with anyone. This guy, a good friend of mine, was "courting" me for about a year - no intimacy or anything, just friends with his intention of getting to know me and my family (met my mom, his dad and I had lunch, his mom emailed me etc) but then I decided that I wanted to do a program in a different state this semester...I've been telling him for the past YEAR that I wasn't ready for a relationship but wanted to get to know him. I really decided that us "just getting to know each other" was kind of like dating and we have since toned down talking. It was like I was tugging with the idea of us being together; but I really just cared about him as a friend. I lied to myself over and over but in retrospect, I have shed no tears over this. I think he was talking to someone WHILE he was "Talking to me" and we had a looong convo about this. I had my suspsicions for awhile; it wasn't like he was "cheating" because we weren't in a relationship but it just struck me that I KNEW something was up and I knew that I wasn't really into it....

I guess I just, I mean - he fit everything I wanted. CHRISTIAN, very into his ministry, intelligent, good family (nice, Christian, warm, succesful), good looking....but eh. I think he wanted to rekindle things and I was like....nah. No more lies, no more games.

I don't know. All I know is I just I'm barely 20 and I really don't want to date ANYONE. I don't know if that means I'm bitter or...=/ It feels like now is the time I should be looking at guys but...I just don't want to commit; I just don't want to be with guys. (I'm straight)

People in my family are beginning to wonder.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Girl there is NOTHING wrong with not wanting to date at 20!! You have your whole life to worry with men and relationships. You should enjoy this time of exploring the world around you and understanding who you are as a woman.

Some of the WORST relationship mistakes are made by young women who are still feeling their way through the world. I'm not saying that this is you, but I am saying that there's nothing wrong with taking things slowly and worrying with all of that later.

Enjoy your singlehood and freedom!! Once you get in a serious relationship marriage, you'll have bouts of longing for it.

 

[simpleDIVA]

I agree with DI, I'm almost 22 and most of my life I spent with my ex. I sacrificed a lot for our relationship and the "love" we had. Even though I have no regrets I now see the importance of getting to know yourself first and experiencing life on your own. Don't feel bad about not wanting to be with anyone because honestly I feel the same way. Men just get in the way when you're at this stage of your life and I don't want any interruptions.

 

[simpleDIVA]

WOW!! What's up with that?!?!? You guys were together for a LONG time...and 2.5 months is NO time at all...wow. You deserve better.

I'm with MzL about the ring though...girl you betta sell that thing and go buy a new pair of shoes and an outfit to match and throw the rest in a "new boyfriend" account.

I thought about doing that but to me it will feel as though I was still holding on to him. I just don't want any negative energy in my life or it's bad chi to follow me.

But MzL's stripper ideal is soooooooooooo tempting