This Thread Is For the Healing Hearts....

[MzLady78]

@togethernessinchrist- Girl, there's nothing weird about it at all. If I could go back to my early 20s, trust me, I would bypass relationships. I didn't get to enjoy my college years as much as I should have because I was always trying to be the "good girl" to whoever I was dealing with at the time. I came home almost every weekend for two years when I had a bf back home instead of staying at school, partying and enjoying my freedom. Relationships are alot of work and being in one failed one after the other (like me) is what makes you bitter. Take your time. When the right guy for you comes along, believe me, you will feel differently.

 

[MzLady78]

I thought about doing that but to me it will feel as though I was still holding on to him. I just don't want any negative energy in my life or it's bad chi to follow me.

But MzL's stripper ideal is soooooooooooo tempting

I'm telling you girl, we could have a great big LHCF bash...on him. It's the least he could do, LOL.

But seriously, I hear you on the ring. I'd probably give it back too. I'm the type that gets rid of everything when I break up someone, pictures, cards, letters, everything. I don't have not one pic of ex and we took alot of em. I don't do well with reminders.

 

[MzLady78]

I agree with DI, I'm almost 22 and most of my life I spent with my ex. I sacrificed a lot for our relationship and the "love" we had. Even though I have no regrets I now see the importance of getting to know yourself first and experiencing life on your own. Don't feel bad about not wanting to be with anyone because honestly I feel the same way. Men just get in the way when you're at this stage of your life and I don't want any interruptions.

ITA. One thing I've learned throughout this experience is that I have a lot of work to do on myself- a lot of things to accomplish as an individual before I can really be with someone. I've never been good at putting myself first when I'm in a relationship and I always end up regretting it. I decided I don't want to be in a relationship again until I'm settled, my bank account is back up and I have my own house. I'm in so much debt because of dumbazz that it's probably gonna take a while but it'll be worth it. I really have to stay focused now. I'm not getting any younger, lol.

 

[lonesomedove]

I know I'm in trouble because I've been avoiding replying to this thread and just now it took me a long time to even get my fingers on the keyboard.

Some days I'm strong and other times I just feel like crap. Some days I feel beautiful and worthy and others I feel ugly, unwanted, etc. Ugghh! Dammit now I'm crying and I HATE IT! It's harder for me because this is the father of my child. I was with him for 10 years and finally released him from my life August 2005 and I'm still in pain. I don't want him back at all. I feel nothing for him, but I grieve for the time I lost because of him, the blinders that I had on for the majority of the relationship, the hurt he has caused my baby, , and the self doubt that he caused me to have. I wished I would have listened to my mom back then but I am thankful to God that I woke up before I married him. The man proposed to me in front of my whole family but when I found us an apartment all of a sudden he kept making excuses of why he couldn't move in yet. This had happened in the past among other big ass warning signs that this man is just emotionally unavailable. I really believe that he does not possess the skills to be a MAN. Because we are not together, he can't seem to be a father to our child. I haven't received any money from him since'05 and we haven't heard or seen him since last August. Actually last summer, he was trying to be a constant in her life, which I have always welcomed and encouraged. He would come over practically everyday, he painted my whole apartment, and wanted to work on the relationship. Thank God this was a year after our breakup and I had time to analyze our "relationship" because if he did this soon after the breakup he would probably be living up in here with me now. However, I saw him for what he was. I figured whatever he had going on went sour and now he wanted me, the financially stable one, to take him back and provide a roof over his head. Otherwise why would it take him almost a year to try to work things out with me?

He digusts me. Now when I look back, all of the signs were there. I feel so stupid. My daughter has moments when she'll just burst out crying because she misses daddy or we pass by someplace we've been to before, or she's wondering why daddy didn't even send her a card for Christmas? I hurt because I picked this man to be her dad and all he does is hurt her. I secretly wish he stays away. The inconsistency just hurts her more. I kinda cut off his parents. We were never close just a hi/bye type of thing. Very sweet and welcoming peple.They senta card and a check for Christmas with a message to please call. It took me a week to muster up the courage to call and even then only my daughter spoke. I have yet to call her back as she requested. I haven't even deposited the check.

Most times I feel that I am meant to be alone for the rest tof my life and have come to terms with it. Other times I do want a husband. My family have been encouraging me to go out because I don't. They are ecstatic that I'm going out 2 times this week! Thanks for letting me share. I'm not crying anymore. I hope I don't come back and delete this.

Just wanted to say quick our stories our identical! I have a daughter too and the relationship would have been going on 10 years. I'm also still mourning, I just can't get over how stupid I was/feel. Anyway I'm really trying this year to be strong and move on once and for all. It amazes me how easy it is for guys to cut the child off if the relationship doesn't work out.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Update:

Last night, I got a call from a blocked number. I usually don't answer blocked calls, but I've been picking them up the past few days because I'm expecting some important calls that may be blocked.

Anyway, I said hello...didn't hear anything. I said hello again and 'Superstar' by Luther Vandross starts playing. I said hello again and all I heard was music. I listened as the song played, then at the end of the song whoever was on the other end hung up.

I was mildly amused, and I have a couple of ideas of who it could be. I just hope it's not my ex finding a way to reach out to me since I asked him not to contact me. My mom is convinved it's him, but I'm not so sure.

Anyway, I thought that was interesting.

 

[MzLady78]

LMAO!!!! It probably was him.

Don't you remember you told me you loved me, babaaay

Okay, now I wanna hear that song!

 

[upandcoming]

A part of me says it's cute; a part of me says he needs to grow up. But it is amusing though, lol. Men. Girl, you're so pretty and accomplished and God-fearing....you deserve the best of the best.

Update:

Last night, I got a call from a blocked number. I usually don't answer blocked calls, but I've been picking them up the past few days because I'm expecting some important calls that may be blocked.

Anyway, I said hello...didn't hear anything. I said hello again and 'Superstar' by Luther Vandross starts playing. I said hello again and all I heard was music. I listened as the song played, then at the end of the song whoever was on the other end hung up.

I was mildly amused, and I have a couple of ideas of who it could be. I just hope it's not my ex finding a way to reach out to me since I asked him not to contact me. My mom is convinved it's him, but I'm not so sure.

Anyway, I thought that was interesting.

 

[MzTami]

Divine...You know it was his butt...He wanted soooo bad to say something. Who else would be playing music in the background?

LOL@ Mzlady..That is the jam...I'm going to put it on my mp3 player. Hey Divine..make sure you thank him for reminding me of that jam.

"You told me you'll be coming back this way again...Baby baby baby oh baby...I love you, I really doooooo!!"

SimpleDiva...Please don't mail that ring back...Take it to the pawn shop stat!!!
That way the Pawnshop will have the memories not you.

lonesomedove...Some men are just that way..They can walk away from anything or anybody without missing a beat. But are they really getting away with it? Time will tell. Also, there are plenty of men that will love your child like she is their own. Trust me, I found one!

 

[upandcoming]

Thanks Diva, Divine, and MzLady. That's exactly how I feel. Being in a relationship is SO serious. I don't want to unite myself with anyone else before I know ME. I need to be together before I'm with anyone else, not for someone else but for ME.

I think it's that my sister got married at 23 and started dating at 17, then started dating her husband at 19. They're reallllllllly happy and I've let go (or am really close to) realizing that we're two completely different people and God has a plan for me so...no more comparisons.

Thanks for the kind words ladies!

 

[simpleDIVA]

Divine that is toooooooo funny. At first I was like what song is that. Woow he really did used a throw back

 

[Divine Inspiration]

LMAO!!!! It probably was him.

Don't you remember you told me you loved me, babaaay

Okay, now I wanna hear that song!

I had to download it and give it another listen in memory of Lutha!

A part of me says it's cute; a part of me says he needs to grow up. But it is amusing though, lol. Men. Girl, you're so pretty and accomplished and God-fearing....you deserve the best of the best.

That's sweet!! Thanks chica!

Divine...You know it was his butt...He wanted soooo bad to say something. Who else would be playing music in the background?

I know, right? Today I called the other guy I thought it could be, and he said it wasn't him. I believe him because he sounded completely confused because I haven't talked to him in weeks. So I'm convinced it was the ex.

Divine that is toooooooo funny. At first I was like what song is that. Woow he really did used a throw back

Yeah, I was telling a friend about it, and I said 'Superstar' and she was like I had to sing the hook for her to remember the song, and she was like "Oooooh girl that was the jam!"

 

[SweetNic_JA]

Very long..sorry....
.

Sunnydaze, your story touches my whole heart. I wish you and your baby never experienced this. This had to have been a total shocker. You spent 6-7 years of your life with this man and he appeared to have it all together. No one could have seen this...I am so sorry this happened to you.

 

[DatJerseyDyme]

This is a really good thread. Just broke up with my boyfriend for good last week. (We broke up the first time in September). He's not a bad person, we just aren't at the same places in our life right now. I think that makes everything harder. Him calling and trying to be there for me also makes things harder. Some days I wish he would just dissapear.

Throughout this all, I've learned that a good number of men (I've only been seeing black men at this point) are triffling liars that will lie about just about anything. I continued to talk to them as something to do because I thought I was going to get back with my ex. But as of today, I won't be answering any of their phone calls. You wouldn't believe the guys I've run into.

Guy #1: 32 yrs old (I'm 21 mind you), works a retail job (I think as a stock boy), lives at home with his dad. DOES have a degree. Mistake #1, calls me ALL THE TIME, I'm talking probably six times a day between my house and my cell phone. Leaves messages, texts me, you name it. I tell him that I don't like to listen to messages, and he says "what if I just want to tell you good morning and I'm thinking of you." I say, "don't". Mistake #2, asks me if I would bring him breakfast EARLY on black friday morning. Negro, PLEASE! I am not your girl. Mistake #3, tries to invite HIMSELF over to my apartment. At this point, I meet him wherever we go. He says I am guarded with my emotions, blasy blah, then says "What, are you afraid I'm going to come over every day." Frankly, YES! Mistake #4, we go to the mall so he can buy a suit. I'm thinking he's going on a job interview or something, NO, he's going to a costume party. AND we go to chick-fil-A and he can't even pick up the tab. PLEASE! And the icing on the cake is that I'm not even remotely physically attracted to him.

Guy #2, Drives a Benz. Lives in an apartment. Is 32 years old. That should be enough red flags, right? WRONG. This negro REALLY has the audacity to SHOW UP AT MY PLACE! NO, he didn't call or anything. I had known him for about four days. So we're talking, and I'm still in shock that he just came over. And he tells me that he needs something to wear to his SHOW tonight (I forgot to mention that he is a "singer" and owns a recording studio - yeah, right!), I tell him he better go look for something. He says, "BUT BAAABBBY" I'm like WHAT?! He says, you can't pick me up something? HELL NO. I don't take care of NO MAN! NEXT! (Oh, and at this point, I have all of my faculties and promplty curse him out for showing up UNINVITED).

Guys #3, I meet him, he says he graduated from Morehouse, went to Cornell for law school, and practiced corporate law for a few years before going to business school. Yeah, he said it. Mistake #1, I tell him I'm thinking about buying a Condo when I graduate, and he says that that's not a smart idea, because of all the fees and this that and the third thing. Fast forward two months, he tells me he owns a condo and a house. Yeah, he said it. Mistake #2, he tells me that he has all the money he will ever need because he invested wisely. Negro, why are you driving a MAZDA then? Mistake #3, he only calls me at 10:00 at night at this point, to ask me what I'm doing and to tell me he's doing nothing and I can come over and kick it with him if I want. Yeah, right, you just want to watch movies? At this point, I've never seen you outside of my apartment, or yours. Do you think I'm stupid? And the icing on the cake: he is terrible in bed, but things he's great.

WTH is wrong with men?

Sorry this is so long, but thanks for letting me vent.

 

[MzTami]

This is a really good thread. Just broke up with my boyfriend for good last week. (We broke up the first time in September). He's not a bad person, we just aren't at the same places in our life right now. I think that makes everything harder. Him calling and trying to be there for me also makes things harder. Some days I wish he would just dissapear.

Throughout this all, I've learned that a good number of men (I've only been seeing black men at this point) are triffling liars that will lie about just about anything. I continued to talk to them as something to do because I thought I was going to get back with my ex. But as of today, I won't be answering any of their phone calls. You wouldn't believe the guys I've run into.

Guy #1: 32 yrs old (I'm 21 mind you), works a retail job (I think as a stock boy), lives at home with his dad. DOES have a degree. Mistake #1, calls me ALL THE TIME, I'm talking probably six times a day between my house and my cell phone. Leaves messages, texts me, you name it. I tell him that I don't like to listen to messages, and he says "what if I just want to tell you good morning and I'm thinking of you." I say, "don't". Mistake #2, asks me if I would bring him breakfast EARLY on black friday morning. Negro, PLEASE! I am not your girl. Mistake #3, tries to invite HIMSELF over to my apartment. At this point, I meet him wherever we go. He says I am guarded with my emotions, blasy blah, then says "What, are you afraid I'm going to come over every day." Frankly, YES! Mistake #4, we go to the mall so he can buy a suit. I'm thinking he's going on a job interview or something, NO, he's going to a costume party. AND we go to chick-fil-A and he can't even pick up the tab. PLEASE! And the icing on the cake is that I'm not even remotely physically attracted to him.

Guy #2, Drives a Benz. Lives in an apartment. Is 32 years old. That should be enough red flags, right? WRONG. This negro REALLY has the audacity to SHOW UP AT MY PLACE! NO, he didn't call or anything. I had known him for about four days. So we're talking, and I'm still in shock that he just came over. And he tells me that he needs something to wear to his SHOW tonight (I forgot to mention that he is a "singer" and owns a recording studio - yeah, right!), I tell him he better go look for something. He says, "BUT BAAABBBY" I'm like WHAT?! He says, you can't pick me up something? HELL NO. I don't take care of NO MAN! NEXT! (Oh, and at this point, I have all of my faculties and promplty curse him out for showing up UNINVITED).

Guys #3, I meet him, he says he graduated from Morehouse, went to Cornell for law school, and practiced corporate law for a few years before going to business school. Yeah, he said it. Mistake #1, I tell him I'm thinking about buying a Condo when I graduate, and he says that that's not a smart idea, because of all the fees and this that and the third thing. Fast forward two months, he tells me he owns a condo and a house. Yeah, he said it. Mistake #2, he tells me that he has all the money he will ever need because he invested wisely. Negro, why are you driving a MAZDA then? Mistake #3, he only calls me at 10:00 at night at this point, to ask me what I'm doing and to tell me he's doing nothing and I can come over and kick it with him if I want. Yeah, right, you just want to watch movies? At this point, I've never seen you outside of my apartment, or yours. Do you think I'm stupid? And the icing on the cake: he is terrible in bed, but things he's great.

WTH is wrong with men?

Sorry this is so long, but thanks for letting me vent.

Thank you for sharing!!

Sorry to hear about you and your boyfriend. It's good that you are getting out and keeping yourself occupied.

It seems like you are having your share of rotten apples. Yes at times, 'some men' can be characters(Oscar worthy). I use to sit back and laugh at some of the things they do to keep from crying.

In my experience, the dating game was not fun, 'some men' like to play too many games and they kept me on an emotional rollercoaster.

As for your question, what's wrong with men?
That is the question. I doubt seriously if men have the answer.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

I might as well add my breakup story

We broke up 5 months ago (wow...so long?) but it still feels recent. Honestly, I broke it off with him because he was beginning to become emotionally controlling. I can't explain it. It seemed like he had to control everything. He would get agitated if I wanted to watch tv after we had retired to bed. He would get agitated if I cooked dinner and it took too long ( Look, I'm Jamaican and our food takes a while to cook). He would get agitated with the way I clear my throat. He would get agitated whenever I chatted with my best friend. The last straw was pulled when we traveled together and made dinner plans with his friends. I took an extra 5 minutes to get ready and do you know this man got up and left the hotel? I can laugh about it now but I was PISSED. I even went out to catch up with him and he would not stop and wait for me. He was being so spiteful to me and I coudln't put up with his stoicism anymore. I don't know if it's because he's a Capricorn or because of his cultural background. But he was just tooo rigid for me. Too RIGID!

Anyhow, we broke up and acted as if we weren't. I have to say that was my fault. Even thoughI broke it off, I tried to get him back and I allowed him to have complete access to my heart even though we no longer had a title for one another. The whole thing became a power struggle. He wouldn't come back because his ego was so shot, but yet, we were still just as close as we were (if not closer) than before our break-up. I mean, he would still come to family/friend functions, he would still look out for me, I would still look out for him... everything. After a while I just had to step back and look at the big picture. He was getting all the perks of a relationship without being in one and I was only going to end up hurt. Marriage was no longer a part of his vision for us. I have since cut him loose. Though we still talk everynow and then, I have moved on.

I was really optimistic because he is 1 of 2 people that I would ever marry despite his control issues. I must say that even though I objected to some of his personality traits, he is/was an excellent human being. Intelligent, dedicated, hardworking, loving, caring, protective, successful, respectful...the list goes on.

He still has not let go and I have begun giving him gentle pushes...i.e no more lovey-dovey nick names. No sexy talk. No "US". No "WE". no more lovey-dovey greetings. No more "I love you"s, and no frequent phone calls. It sometimes hurts because, I think of what we could have been had he let go of his stubbornness. We really could have worked things out become an even greater couple. But like I said - I've moved on.

There is always the light at the end of the tunnell, as something great came out of all of this. I began dating the person who I have always wanted to marry . He's my best friend, my soulmate, my confidant, and so much more. I am extremely happy about our union. We'll see what happens

 

[upandcoming]

I might as well add my breakup story

We broke up 5 months ago (wow...so long?) but it still feels recent. Honestly, I broke it off with him because he was beginning to become emotionally controlling. I can't explain it. It seemed like he had to control everything. He would get agitated if I wanted to watch tv after we had retired to bed. He would get agitated if I cooked dinner and it took too long ( Look, I'm Jamaican and our food takes a while to cook). He would get agitated with the way I clear my throat. He would get agitated whenever I chatted with my best friend. The last straw was pulled when we traveled together and made dinner plans with his friends. I took an extra 5 minutes to get ready and do you know this man got up and left the hotel? I can laugh about it now but I was PISSED. I even went out to catch up with him and he would not stop and wait for me. He was being so spiteful to me and I coudln't put up with his stoicism anymore. I don't know if it's because he's a Capricorn or because of his cultural background. But he was just tooo rigid for me. Too RIGID!

Anyhow, we broke up and acted as if we weren't. I have to say that was my fault. Even thoughI broke it off, I tried to get him back and I allowed him to have complete access to my heart even though we no longer had a title for one another. The whole thing became a power struggle. He wouldn't come back because his ego was so shot, but yet, we were still just as close as we were (if not closer) than before our break-up. I mean, he would still come to family/friend functions, he would still look out for me, I would still look out for him... everything. After a while I just had to step back and look at the big picture. He was getting all the perks of a relationship without being in one and I was only going to end up hurt. Marriage was no longer a part of his vision for us. I have since cut him loose. Though we still talk everynow and then, I have moved on.

I was really optimistic because he is 1 of 2 people that I would ever marry despite his control issues. I must say that even though I objected to some of his personality traits, he is/was an excellent human being. Intelligent, dedicated, hardworking, loving, caring, protective, successful, respectful...the list goes on.

He still has not let go and I have begun giving him gentle pushes...i.e no more lovey-dovey nick names. No sexy talk. No "US". No "WE". no more lovey-dovey greetings. No more "I love you"s, and no frequent phone calls. It sometimes hurts because, I think of what we could have been had he let go of his stubbornness. We really could have worked things out become an even greater couple. But like I said - I've moved on.

There is always the light at the end of the tunnell, as something great came out of all of this. I began dating the person who I have always wanted to marry . He's my best friend, my soulmate, my confidant, and so much more. I am extremely happy about our union. We'll see what happens

AWWWWWWWWW!!!!! =)

 

[buttaflye03]

There is always the light at the end of the tunnell, as something great came out of all of this. I began dating the person who I have always wanted to marry . He's my best friend, my soulmate, my confidant, and so much more. I am extremely happy about our union. We'll see what happens

I wish you guys all the best!

 

[MzTami]

SweetNic_JA...Thank you for sharing!!

You have such a positive and beautifulllll(That's with 5 L's) attitude. It was truly his loss and a blessing in disquise.

Yes, he was too controlling! I'm glad that you went into detail about emotional controlling. I feel it's often confused with love.

BTW...Women need a little bit of extra time getting ready and cooking up a good meal. That's a good thing. I'm sure your new friend will appreciate it.

I wish you and your new friend the best!

 

[SweetNic_JA]

[/B]

AWWWWWWWWW!!!!! =)

I wish you guys all the best!

Thank you ladies. I guess after almost 10 years, we realize that it's time that we worked on a romantic relationship together. We've spent so many years supporting eachother's relationships without any mal-intent. I guess God decided that it's time we focused on us


MzTami, thank you for starting this thread and thank you for listening. This was the first time I've been in a relationship where I felt like controlled, yet I can almost say that he showed me the most love that I've ever experienced in a relationship. Weird huh?

While broken up we created a pros/cons list about being together. It was at that point that I saw that there was no helping him. All the pros he listed for me, dealt with me not being able to handle his stubborness! Ain't that a b! Anyhow, I truly hope that he can change his ways. He really is a good man. He just needs to loosen up so he can find and KEEP a good woman.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

SweetNic_JA...Thank you for sharing!!

You have such a positive and beautifulllll(That's with 5 L's) attitude. It was truly his loss and a blessing in disquise.

Yes, he was too controlling! I'm glad that you went into detail about emotional controlling. I feel it's often confused with love.

BTW...Women need a little bit of extra time getting ready and cooking up a good meal. That's a good thing. I'm sure your new friend will appreciate it.

I wish you and your new friend the best!

Yes, I think he definitely will appreciate it, especially since our cultures are so similar. He takes just as long to cook food

 

[MzTami]

Yes, I think he definitely will appreciate it, especially since our cultures are so similar. He takes just as long to cook food

...You see your new friend understands...Shoo, you can't rush and cook a 'good' meal. You have to take your timeeeee and cook from the heart.

Good cooking is a way to a woman's heart. So they say.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Well DJD, I'm sorry to hear about the jerks you've been running into, but please believe that there ARE wonderful men floating around. I know it looks bleak sometimes, but patience truly is a virtue. Your prince will come.

And SweetNic, I finally know what happened!! I was curious but didn't want to pry. I'm so sorry to hear that...you guys seemed to mesh well. He'll probably be pressed for you for a long time because you're such a sweetheart. Regardless, I'm glad you've moved on. Enjoy your new companion! I'm making preparations for my new guy...whoever he is.

 

[Precious_1]

Bumping this thread up for GoingNatural

 

[GoingNatural]

Thank you! About to read all of this

ETA:

You all are amazing. Engaged, Married, Together 5yrs, 7yrs, 10yrs, Financial investments and trust, children.

I feel like my problem is chopped live because all that was involved with my heart. If all of you can offer such inspiring words after going through so much I know I can cut off contact an ----WOOO right when i typed that I had one of my heart spasms. Everytime I realize we won't be together I have a mild "heart attack" kind of knocks the wind out of me.

I can do this. Thank you all for being brave enough to deal with your pain and posting it on this forum. This has to be my turning point.

 

[misskris816]

Nobody says you have to follow this to the letter, but I did some of these things in this timeline a few years ago when I was dealing with a tough breakup, and they helped significantly. I'm posting it here for anyone who's interested.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People may say no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way--at least initially. These suggestions may help you navigate the painfully troubled waters of a relationship that has ended.

Day 1
Instructions
STEP 1: Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time.
STEP 2: Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.
STEP 3: Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break.
STEP 4: Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."

Day 2
Instructions
STEP 1: Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others.
STEP 2: Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.

Week 1
Instructions
STEP 1: Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk.
STEP 2: Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music.
STEP 3: Do daily cardiovascular exercise--the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift.
STEP 4: Resist the urge to call your ex. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it.
STEP 5: Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit.
STEP 6: Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely.

Week 2
Instructions
STEP 1: Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship.
STEP 2: Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade.
STEP 3: Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day or go shopping.
STEP 4: Resist the urge to call your ex.

Week 3
Instructions
STEP 1: Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship?
STEP 2: Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language.
STEP 3: Resist the urge to call your ex.
STEP 4: Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.

Week 4
Instructions
STEP 1: Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain.
STEP 2: Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things.
STEP 3: Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships.
STEP 4: Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Burying or ignoring these emotions will thwart the healing process. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.

Months 3 to 6
Instructions
STEP 1: Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.
STEP 2: Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression.
STEP 3: Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.

One year and beyond
Instructions
STEP 1: Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."
STEP 2: Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.

I've found that writing (and not mailing) a letter always brings me closure.

 

[MzLady78]

Thank you! About to read all of this

ETA:

You all are amazing. Engaged, Married, Together 5yrs, 7yrs, 10yrs, Financial investments and trust, children.

I feel like my problem is chopped live because all that was involved with my heart. If all of you can offer such inspiring words after going through so much I know I can cut off contact an ----WOOO right when i typed that I had one of my heart spasms. Everytime I realize we won't be together I have a mild "heart attack" kind of knocks the wind out of me.

I can do this. Thank you all for being brave enough to deal with your pain and posting it on this forum. This has to be my turning point.

Man, I forgot all about this thread! What a difference a year and half makes.....

Anyway, you absolutely can do this, girl.

We're here for you.

 

[ultrasheen]

I met a guy on Eharmony and we only lasted one month before we broke up. Now ladies please tell me what kind of guy would e-mail you pictures of engagement rings even before he meets you in person??? I should have known better. He sent pictures three days after we started talking on the phone. Anyway, he started showing an attitude that I didn't like after our second date. And, i bought him a birthday day present and he criticized it by saying I bought something that was more for me than for him.

Anyway, I am glad I have moved on. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[lexi08]

I met a guy on Eharmony and we only lasted one month before we broke up. Now ladies please tell me what kind of guy would e-mail you pictures of engagement rings even before he meets you in person??? I should have known better. He sent pictures three days after we started talking on the phone. Anyway, he started showing an attitude that I didn't like after our second date. And, i bought him a birthday day present and he criticized it by saying I bought something that was more for me than for him.

Anyway, I am glad I have moved on. Thanks for letting me vent.

I am sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience. These men online seem to be running the same games, the bait and switch. I gave up on online dating and I hope to meet someone the old fashioned way.

 

[MzLady78]

I met a guy on Eharmony and we only lasted one month before we broke up. Now ladies please tell me what kind of guy would e-mail you pictures of engagement rings even before he meets you in person??? I should have known better. He sent pictures three days after we started talking on the phone. Anyway, he started showing an attitude that I didn't like after our second date. And, i bought him a birthday day present and he criticized it by saying I bought something that was more for me than for him.

Anyway, I am glad I have moved on. Thanks for letting me vent.

What a loser.....

Sorry it didn't work out, but be grateful you only wasted a month.

Some of us wasted years.....

 

[ultrasheen]

I am sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience. These men online seem to be running the same games, the bait and switch. I gave up on online dating and I hope to meet someone the old fashioned way.

Thanks nikki1971. I have to admit I was crushed because I thought he was a good person, and i had got all excited and told my best friend. It had been 2 years since I tried online dating. I also had some bad experiences with blackpeoplemeet.com.

Maybe we will both meet someone the old fashioned way one of these days.