caribeandiva
Human being
I understand completely cuz that’s exactly where I’m at too. I’m working on getting debt free like crazy because of this reason.
Dating For Marriage: Advice, Tips, Suggestions
- Thread starter Zaynab
- Start date
caribeandiva
Human being
Thanks for the reminder and congratulations on your upcoming nuptials!!
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Care to elaborate on the bolded? After nearly 13 years of being single, I'm finally coming into this, but I keep running into folks who want to rain on my parade
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caribeandiva
Human being
Care to elaborate on the bolded? After nearly 13 years of being single, I'm finally coming into this, but I keep running into folks who want to rain on my parade
them
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caribeandiva
Human being
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
How so? Men are raining on your parade, or friends and family that are just uncomfortable with you enjoying yourself and being happy? Some folks just are good with change. It doesn’t matter if it is positive. They maybe used to seeing you think and behave a certain way.Care to elaborate on the bolded? After nearly 13 years of being single, I'm finally coming into this, but I keep running into folks who want to rain on my parade
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Ma'am I hail from a culture where the mindset that a woman isn't complete until she has a husband and children is deeply rooted
. Last week I ran into an Angolan acquaintance that just ruined my whole day. Every.single.time she meets me she has to enquire about my marital status and NOT in a positive way or tone: Can you not get anyone? Are you not lucky in love? Are you still living in that tiny studio apartment of yours? :roll eyes: I'm finally coming into my own and coming to terms with the fact that it may not happen for me, which I am A-OK with. But I swear some people...!Evolving78
Well-Known Member
I would just get quiet with someone, or tell them that’s not part of my belief system, then hit them with a “have a good day” send off. No need to be confrontational. You will teach them how to talk and treat you through nonverbal cues, while using direct, intentional verbiage. I’m learning to not get into long drawn verbal debates with people, or explaining myself all of the time.Ma'am I hail from a culture where the mindset that a woman isn't complete until she has a husband and children is deeply rooted
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
Ma'am I hail from a culture where the mindset that a woman isn't complete until she has a husband and children is deeply rooted
You are responsible for protecting your peace and happiness. It’s bad enough when close family pick at you, but an acquaintance? No m’am, you do not have to tolerate what IMO is a form of abuse. Repeatedly asking the same questions. Insinuating that something is wrong with you, etc. Don’t tolerate it. Stand up for yourself. End the conversation and carry on with your day. It doesn’t matter if they are old or ignorant or are trying to be helpful. What matters is you, you feeling loved and safe, you spending time with and having conversations with people who are loving and supportive. You don’t have to answer their questions or explain yourself or your situation. It’s none of their business.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I have never been the one to walk away from men. I’ve been the ehhh it’s not sooo bad let me work with it girl. Currently guy #1 that I walked away from is begging to come back. I miss you like crazy. However he won’t do what it takes to rectify our situation so I didn’t fall for it.
Guy #2 is the same way. He’s selfish and slightly controlling. I don’t know why I have confidence and it feels good to know if I put my foot down andcreate boundaries they don’t hate me...they actually respect me more.
Guy #2 is the same way. He’s selfish and slightly controlling. I don’t know why I have confidence and it feels good to know if I put my foot down andcreate boundaries they don’t hate me...they actually respect me more.
ArrrBeee
Well-Known Member
Keep up the good work! You are the prize. When people show you who they are, believe them.
This is great.
phynestone
Well-Known Member
phynestone
Well-Known Member
Ma'am I hail from a culture where the mindset that a woman isn't complete until she has a husband and children is deeply rooted
Some (emphasis on the word 'some') older African women do this and I've always found it to be rude as h*ll. But if you point out their cheating husband or bad kids, you are being disrespectful and need to learn how to mind your manners and respect the elders. Age, culture and tradition are no excuse for disrespect.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
It is rude and so dysfunctional
Prettymetty
Natural/4b/medium-coarse
I met the most wonderful guy. I know he's going to propose eventually (he's in college). I'm just enjoying the ride. I wouldn't want to ride it out with anyone else.
We met at work. He has always had my back. He thinks I'm beautiful. We have fun together. Like an insane amount of fun. He's my Jim and I'm his Pam. The Office fans will get that lol.
Anyways...I'll keep yall posted.
We met at work. He has always had my back. He thinks I'm beautiful. We have fun together. Like an insane amount of fun. He's my Jim and I'm his Pam. The Office fans will get that lol.
Anyways...I'll keep yall posted.
Jas123
The Star of a Story
Can you explain this? Thanks.That's my humble advice. I'm happy to direct you to resources if you're interested as well. Dating from feminine energy works but it's not easy. It triggers men. You will be triggered your damn self, LOL. But being triggered and overcoming those triggers is where the change begins. But you have to be 100% committed to yourself, even if that means losing the guy. You're actually not losing anything--you're opening up space for something even better. HTH
oneastrocurlie
Well-Known Member
I love Jim and Pam! Lol.
caribeandiva
Human being
This dude saw my pictures on my friend’s phone and promptly fell in love. Duh! 
Now he’s tryna holla and I don’t want any part of it. He lives in Canada. That’s right: C-A-N-A-D-A! Shoot, I’m so focused on my dreams and goals right now that I’m not dating. Heck, I’m curving local men left and right. Never mind long distance wanna be baes. 
Now he’s tryna holla and I don’t want any part of it. He lives in Canada. That’s right: C-A-N-A-D-A! Shoot, I’m so focused on my dreams and goals right now that I’m not dating. Heck, I’m curving local men left and right. Never mind long distance wanna be baes.
Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
This dude saw my pictures on my friend’s phone and promptly fell in love. Duh!
The bolded is really dope!
caribeandiva
Human being
I can’t speak for @Belle Du Jour but I’ll explain from my experience. Dating in a feminine way means leaning back and letting the men prove themselves by pursuing you. Don’t lift a finger and let them do all the work. Men are hunters by nature. You leaning back will trigger that instinct in them. You’re creating a space to allow to pursue you. Imagine that you’re backing up and creating a forest for him to hunt in. Men only appreciate what they had to work hard for. They cherish it like nothing else.
When I started leaning back and letting me pursue me, I struggled at first. I wasn’t used to not having to hustle for my worthiness. I was used to putting in effort. I had to look within and examine why was I so uncomfortable with this. I eventually discovered that I had abandonment issues, daddy issues, trust issues and self-esteem issues. I had issues.
I had to ask myself why I was always trying to control everything and everyone? Fear. I wasn’t triggered. I was TRIGGERED. That’s just a short summary of some of the things I learned about myself. Does that make sense?
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
When you start tapping into yourself and your power, you will uncover a lot of stuff. It's like plumbing the depth of a vast ocean. You may have a lifetime of accumulated beliefs to process and change.
But once you do the work, you will learn to trust yourself on an intuitive level. Most women aren't living from feminine energy so you'll feel like you're doing something very different that 95% of the women out there. And men won't be used to your behavior and will try to push you back into masculine (chasing) energy. But don't fall for it--the right man (who is masculine and willing to go the distance) will be all over the new feminine high value you. With the right man, it will be easy. But the dating process is about eliminating and sorting until the best man claims you.
Belle Du Jour
Well-Known Member
I can’t speak for @Belle Du Jour but I’ll explain from my experience. Dating in a feminine way means leaning back and letting the men prove themselves by pursuing you. Don’t lift a finger and let them do all the work. Men are hunters by nature. You leaning back will trigger that instinct in them. You’re creating a space to allow to pursue you. Imagine that you’re backing up and creating a forest for him to hunt in. Men only appreciate what they had to work hard for. They cherish it like nothing else.
When I started leaning back and letting me pursue me, I struggled at first. I wasn’t used to not having to hustle for my worthiness. I was used to putting in effort. I had to look within and examine why was I so uncomfortable with this. I eventually discovered that I had abandonment issues, daddy issues, trust issues and self-esteem issues. I had issues.
YES. I co-sign 100%.
You have to first realize that just by being alive, by being created by God that you are worthy of love. Period. You don't have to DO anything. Things are so messed up these days with women working so hard to catch a man.
The hard work is in the clearing out old limiting beliefs that are lies from the pit of hell and really maintaining that high vibe. And REALLY getting to the place where you believe that you are enough. Period.
Also the act of surrendering is very hard for most of us but it's a very feminine trait. At a certain point you just have to let go and trust in what you are trying to attract. It's yours.
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Maracujá
November 2020 --> 14 years natural!!!
Yup, very very true. Was thinking about this today: there are head of states nowadays, who are women. But they don't lead like women, it's almost like being masculine is the default and there are no other options. Such a pity really. Learning to tap into this feminine force and not feeling one ounce of remorse about it.
caribeandiva
Human being
We’ve been brainwashed to believe that feminine power is weak.
I wouldn't write him off so quickly, with the way things are going in the U.S., and Trump's people gearing up to revoke citizenships and all. You never know, having him as backup could come in handy.This dude saw my pictures on my friend’s phone and promptly fell in love. Duh!
caribeandiva
Human being
I wouldn't write him off so quickly, with the way things are going in the U.S., and Trump's people gearing up to revoke citizenships and all. You never know, having him as backup could come in handy.
sarumoki
Epicurean Empress
Jas123
The Star of a Story
@Belle Du Jour @caribeandiva
Thanks for the replies.
I thought this is what you meant, I just wanted clarification.
eta: My parents, specifically my mom kind of raised me like this- So, when I started dating as a teenager I didn't do jack. I showed up & looked pretty. I used to cringe at the girls who were chasing boys, calling them all the time. To this day I can't call a man 1st, or even call him. Some
men think I'm stuck up and/or spoiled.. Oh well.
Thanks for the replies.
I thought this is what you meant, I just wanted clarification.
eta: My parents, specifically my mom kind of raised me like this- So, when I started dating as a teenager I didn't do jack. I showed up & looked pretty. I used to cringe at the girls who were chasing boys, calling them all the time. To this day I can't call a man 1st, or even call him. Some
men think I'm stuck up and/or spoiled.. Oh well.
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