This Thread Is For the Healing Hearts....

ManeVixen said:
ITA ^^:yep::yep:

I found this thread right on time... My SO and I broke up this past monday....I moved out of my parents home when i was 19 and moved right in with him and we have been together every since... I never had to take care of myself or pay any bills and my SO worked so hard to keep the bills paid as well as pay for my dreams...well something in 2009 just hit me it kinda came from no where and I had this urge to prove to myself that i can take care of myself...I feel like I dont know me...I know him inside and out but what about me :perplexed I feel like I dont have anything to bring to the table...so i moved out and we "gave each other space" for a while. He is sooooooooooooo hardworking and a go getter! He never had anything handed to him in life so that really makes him work so hard..He is perfect and I pray that when i get myself together he will still be there:yep:
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Congratulations. I'm proud of you for taking a step away from the man you love in order to learn more about yourself. I doubt that many people share your courage, so kudos to you! Hopefully he will be there once you get everything sorted out, but if he isn't, you'll survive quite well. :yep:
 
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MzLady78 said:
As some of you may already know, my bf and I broke up about a month ago. I'm still having a difficult time. Not so much with the actual break up, but more the way he's turned his back on me since. On the rare occasion that I call him, I get the impression that he's simply tolerating me at this point. (I don't call anymore). I truly believe that I ceased to really exist to him the minute I got back to Boston. I was a good woman to him by his own admission, and as a result all I ended up with is a broken heart, thousands of dollars of debt and empty savings account. I'm living off my retirement money (I had to withdraw all of it so I can pay my bills). We still have loose ends to tie up concerning the house we were renting and he refuses to deal with any of it. He doesn't answer his phone when the landlady calls (even hanging up on her at one point) because he knows that she'll just call me and I'll have to deal with her. Unlike him, I care about my credit so I take the calls and then stress myself out about how to deal with the situation. I get headaches everyday because I'm constantly stressed or crying. Even though I know in my heart that he wasn't the best man for me, I really loved him. And knowing that he doesn't care anymore hurts like hell. Knowing that I so overestimated his character and his integrity hurts me even more. After all that I went through when I lived in AZ with him (not being able to buy a car so I could find a job, which caused me to be stuck in the house pretty by myself everyday for 4 WHOLE MONTHS) and everything that I lost, you would think he wouldn't be trying to add to my problems by passing the buck as far as the house situation. He literally walked away from this relationship scott free without a care in the world and it makes me so damn angry. It's so unfair. I have such a long way to go to get myself back on track that I'm really worried about my future.
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Mz Lady...today is two years exactly from when you posted this, how has your feelings changed and do you think you are over him now?
 
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Encore said:
Mz Lady...today is two years exactly from when you posted this, how has your feelings changed and do you think you are over him now?
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Oh wow, it is, huh?

I am definitely over him. :yep: I only really think about when I find myself frustrated with aspects of my life that jacked up from my relationship with him (finances, living situation). But aside from that, he's pretty much a distant memory.

I am, unfortunately, struggling to let go of my feelings for someone else, though. But this is a great reminder that one day he too will be just a memory.
 
my ex and i broke up 4 months ago (i think). i spoke about the loss of our baby in another thread a while back in another thread. in any case we had a very bad fight in august and i severed all ties, including resigning from a board of directors of an org we were a part of.

i've moved on and all has been good with me. first month was hard but it got easier with time.

over the holidays i sent out an mass xmas email to folks and he was included. we haven't spoken since august. this man took info from my sig, saw the new gig i am working on, and contacted the head of the gig about working with the firm.

:nono: the owner/head emailed me about it since he knew i was part of that org my x is on.

now emotions have resurfaced and i am very upset that he is trying to weazel into my world. pissed off actually. not sure how to handle it but right now i am doing it with grace by saying nothing.

argh!:wallbash::whyme:
 
checking in: this will be 8 weeks apart for me. i just started to not feel pain in my heart in the last week. i've been to a therapist, and am on meds because i couldn't handle feeling the way that i was and i wasn't eating. i spoke with his mom and she too was perplexed and saddened by the breakup, but when she asked him to try again he sent me a very cold email. he wants nothing more to do with me, needs "his space". we broke up for really silly reasons, but i am seeing in him a very nasty side because his pride is damaged despite the fact that i swallowed mine for him several times and even made a video apology which he also disapproved of and said i was "crossing his boundaries". the way i feel love, it doesn't go away it only changes as life goes on, but his treatment makes me feel that he never loved me. granted i shouldn't have broken up with him if i didn't mean it, but even that night he was like done with me and never wanted to talk to me again. i've gone thru so much- more than i ever would've conceived myself doing to win a man (which was nothing). and he just doesn't love me. i'm accepting it now and accepting that my future is very bright, although i am not sure that i will ever love anyone the way i loved him. that saddens me. and it saddens me that he just cut me off and let me go. atleast i don't cry everyday anymore, and when i do it's not the boo-hoo i'm just going to crawl into bed crying. i will always love him but i'm working hard every day to move forward. but it really takes work. and i really do want him to come back to me, when we are both ready and able to work it out.
 
I left him 3 days ago and the wound is fresh and throbbing. When I feel like I'm not dyin of heartbreak I will say what happened. Our season was over a long time ago but love kept me trying...but there's a point where love wasn't enough.
 
Encore said:
I left him 3 days ago and the wound is fresh and throbbing. When I feel like I'm not dyin of heartbreak I will say what happened. Our season was over a long time ago but love kept me trying...but there's a point where love wasn't enough.
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Girl, me and you are on the same exact page. It will be a week on Saturday. I was supposed to let go 3 years ago and didn't. (((HUGS)))
 
DaPPeR said:
Girl, me and you are on the same exact page. It will be a week on Saturday. I was supposed to let go 3 years ago and didn't. (((HUGS)))
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Wow mine is barely 24 hours old. But like you, I should have let go 2 years ago instead of trying to be a Superwoman...

Lesson Learned...
 
Newly single, after a two year relationship, checking in. Not yet strong enough to share my story without bursting into tears over my keyboard - wouldn't want to cause water damage :nono: I would like to say, however, that I only made it to page 5 of this thread and was absolutely touched and inspired from your triumphs and stories. Thanks so much for sharing!!!!
 
Ladies

Thanks so much for sharing and for this inspiring thread. These are not just stories of heartbreak... they really are stories of strength, from amazing women.:yep:

I pulled myself out of a bad relationship some time ago. I have not called or emailed or texted and I feel a little bit stronger each day.
Deep down I knew it was wrong but I stayed and kept forgiving and trying to make it work while I was being lied to and cheated on.

I couldnt bring myself to walk away emotionally but I prayed... and God really showed without a doubt that it was time to walk away. And I am glad I did.

I feel really sad and lonely sometimes... but I am beginning to see that that poisonous friendship was really holding me back from being all I can be and from really seeing the wonderful people in my life!

It's a fresh lease on life... and I am wiser!
 
::busts in crying:sad::: Just ended a four year relationship I thought was headed towards marriage. It was for the best. He was an awesome guy but we are young trying to find our path in life and the relationship suffered bad. I don't want him back but I just have to get use to us not hanging out, texting, etc. I actually thank God for this relationship because it taught me how to deal with men, what works and what doesn't, and how I want to be treated.

Oh and I prayed long and hard for God to show me and he gave me a window to get out.
Now I am just trying to stay busy, and I don't think about him as much anymore.
 
well I thought that I will write in here.. I broke up with my bf of a year and 3 months just three days ago. Everytime I think about it I just start crying. Its really hard right now because I loved him so much and did everything for him. He would tell me how much he loved me and cared, we also were bestfriends before we started going out. but he kept lying to me and recently I saw that he was writing gurlz on FB in a way he shouldnt have. The gurl seen he had a gurl and asked him about it and he said na im doing me and she doing her. So thats when I broke up with him. He wrote me this long letter and txts saying sorry that this happened ect...but I honestly believe he is only sorry because he got caught. Then he was saying he think we just need a brake to get ourselves together... Im feeling so depressed and alone right now, the first 2 days I cried uncontrolably and I couldnt breath, kept waking up at night and it also felt like my heart was physically hurting.. but I know I deserve better... sorry if this is so long, if nobody reads this I still feel a little better venting :sad:
 
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Wow...so many at once...:(

I'll share this:

Be where you are. Really be there. I realize that when you feel your heart has been ripped out and put into a food processor, you'd give vital organs to go numb and not feel the agony, sadness, depression, frustration, self-loathing, listlessness, hopelessness, and the emotional rollercoaster that just won't quit. But ladies, when you can be in that moment...when you can allow yourself to be as vulnerable as you need to be with yourself, you make an investment into your relationship with yourself. And that investment enables you to be a mother, sister, friend, and comforter to yourself. Other people may not be able to understand you right now or they may not be able to give you the time you need to lean on them, but that's ok. If you use this time to strengthen your relationship with yourself, then you can expand your unconditional love for yourself - and that means you can accept yourself, your mistakes, and your current state for what they are. Be gracious and patient with yourself; support yourself through this time. It's ok that you are sad right now. Really, it is. It's ok that your head hurts from crying so much. You're HUMAN! And you have a heart. And as a lady, you're far better off being able to feel than you are being numb to everything and everybody.

Understand that your healing is a choice...and don't believe the hype about it getting better with time. It gets better with CHOICE. Have you ever noticed that you occasionally run into women who broke up with their men like 3 years ago, but they're STILL pining over him? A part of you wonders what the heck did to have her pressed like that, but another part of you wonders what in the world is going on with her that she can't let it go. Clearly, time is not the almighty remedy. Your choice to move past this is the where the magic is. Something remarkable happens when we make commitments...the entire universe moves to aid us in the achievement of our commitment. Choose to move past this...choose to patiently go through this process of healing...and choose to get through it with your sanity in tact and a positive outlook on life. Because guess what? The best revenge is a life well lived...and the level of resilience and strength necessary for you to rise above you ex's nonsense says something about you. You are stronger than any circumstance around you; your breakup is not here to define you - it's here to reveal you. So who are you, really? What type of woman do you want to be once you get on the other side of this?

Ladies, please don't forgo the beauty of your future for the sake of bemoaning your past. I promise that trouble won't last always. No winter lasts forever and no spring skips its turn...it WILL get better once you choose to get better. I remember thinking my life was over and that I would never feel so much as a flutter in my heart for another man, but you know what? Nothing could be further from the truth. The man who are pursuing me now are giants compared to the midget my ex was. And imagine me thanking God incessantly for having ordered my steps and kept me on my path. That man was not for me and he was not good for me. And even if he was, I now appreciate that there is no such thing as an accident...God is too big and brilliant for that. Everything in your breakup is as it should be...and while you may wonder "What for?" just know that as you evolve in your womanhood, the purity of your spirit will be revealed in the challenges you overcome.

Most women have had The Big One - that big nasty breakup that feels like a natural disaster. You are not alone! Really, you're not. You probably feel weird or like no body in the whole wide world ever hurt like you do, but just know that you won't die of a broken heart unless you choose to and that so many who have gone before you on that path (myself included) have gotten through it and lived to tell remarkable stories. You're gonna be ok - just keep going. It's ok to be tired...breakups are incredibly expensive emotionally. Rest when you need to - and then get back up. Cry when you need to - then dry your face. Lay in bed when you need to - and then get active. Be moderate with everything - food, alcohol, sleeping, etc. You don't want to get through this with an addiction...you want to be as happy, healthy, and beautiful as you were before this relationship happened. Care for yourself accordingly.

Feed your mind strategically. You already know you should be avoiding his Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, job, momma, cousin, sister, neighborhood, gym, house, etc...but find a healthy replacement. The conventional wisdom is to fill what used to be his time with a new "hobby"...hobbies are fine, but get something positive and uplifiting in your head every day. Read an inspirational book (Iyanla Vanzant's In The Meantime is a personal favorite) or listen to a CD on overcoming adversity...find a way to feed your mind with information that will serve you both now and in the future. It will make this entire process more valuable and rewarding.

I know this post is insanely long so I'll wrap it up with this. Some of you are wondering if he's coming back or if you should go back. Take a deep breath and release the need to control the outcome. Your worrying, stressing, and hoping is not going to change him. He needs to make choices for himself (because you don't really want a man who was bamboozled into loving you anyway). If he is indeed meant to be in your life, trust the divine order of things and trust that in the end, everything will be ok...and if it's not ok, it's not the end. Be ok with the questions...live with the questions, as unbearable as that may seem right now. And please, if you don't do anything else, be willing to let go of a good man so that you can have a GREAT man. God is not in the business of harming His children...and if you have a relationship with Him, I encourage you to talk candidly with Him about where you are because I've witnessed that when He had to rip something good from my grubby hands after me clinging so desperately to it, He replaced it with something so wonderful that it doesn't even compare. Yes, I cried like a 2 year old and thought God was being a big meanie, but He makes NO error. If you need peace, ask for it. If you need mental clarity, ask for it. Develop a case of reverse paranoia where you think everybody who crosses paths with you now is there to teach you a valuable lesson or help you. Understand that your attitude will have tremendous bearing on your process and how many battle wounds you have after you heal.

I wish I could give you each a big hug and tell you it was all going to be ok, but for now, just take my word for it and make tomorrow better than today. :kiss:

{DI}
 
My SO and I mutually ended things. We have been together for almost 5.5 years, since college. I have to say that he was a great boyfriend, would do anything for me. But when you are in college, things happen and I should have left then. I really don't feel like going into details right now. I could not let go. We worked through it believe it or not. At the start of this new year many things have happened. I started graduate school and moved to a new setting. I guess after almost 6 years of putting my all in, I am pooped. Its funny how guys start to do really right when you are almost through. But I got a text saying that he needed to talk to me bc he just felt in his gut that he needs to let me go so that I can figure out where I want to be. I have been vocal to him about how I have been feeling these past couple of months. I have been indifferent, not having the urge to call or see him, and eyeing other guys. So with my change he and I have been emotionally draining ourselves. This needs to happen even though I am tearing up. If it is meant to be it will be and if it is not then it will not. I have been praying so much about this for months and I am actually relieved even though I am sad. Its a weird feeling. I am just going to Let Go and Let God.
 
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Divine Inspiration said:
Wow...so many at once...:(

I'll share this:

Be where you are. Really be there. I realize that when you feel your heart has been ripped out and put into a food processor, you'd give vital organs to go numb and not feel the agony, sadness, depression, frustration, self-loathing, listlessness, hopelessness, and the emotional rollercoaster that just won't quit. But ladies, when you can be in that moment...when you can allow yourself to be as vulnerable as you need to be with yourself, you make an investment into your relationship with yourself. And that investment enables you to be a mother, sister, friend, and comforter to yourself. Other people may not be able to understand you right now or they may not be able to give you the time you need to lean on them, but that's ok. If you use this time to strengthen your relationship with yourself, then you can expand your unconditional love for yourself - and that means you can accept yourself, your mistakes, and your current state for what they are. Be gracious and patient with yourself; support yourself through this time. It's ok that you are sad right now. Really, it is. It's ok that your head hurts from crying so much. You're HUMAN! And you have a heart. And as a lady, you're far better off being able to feel than you are being numb to everything and everybody.

Understand that your healing is a choice...and don't believe the hype about it getting better with time. It gets better with CHOICE. Have you ever noticed that you occasionally run into women who broke up with their men like 3 years ago, but they're STILL pining over him? A part of you wonders what the heck did to have her pressed like that, but another part of you wonders what in the world is going on with her that she can't let it go. Clearly, time is not the almighty remedy. Your choice to move past this is the where the magic is. Something remarkable happens when we make commitments...the entire universe moves to aid us in the achievement of our commitment. Choose to move past this...choose to patiently go through this process of healing...and choose to get through it with your sanity in tact and a positive outlook on life. Because guess what? The best revenge is a life well lived...and the level of resilience and strength necessary for you to rise above you ex's nonsense says something about you. You are stronger than any circumstance around you; your breakup is not here to define you - it's here to reveal you. So who are you, really? What type of woman do you want to be once you get on the other side of this?

Ladies, please don't forgo the beauty of your future for the sake of bemoaning your past. I promise that trouble won't last always. No winter lasts forever and no spring skips its turn...it WILL get better once you choose to get better. I remember thinking my life was over and that I would never feel so much as a flutter in my heart for another man, but you know what? Nothing could be further from the truth. The man who are pursuing me now are giants compared to the midget my ex was. And imagine me thanking God incessantly for having ordered my steps and kept me on my path. That man was not for me and he was not good for me. And even if he was, I now appreciate that there is no such thing as an accident...God is too big and brilliant for that. Everything in your breakup is as it should be...and while you may wonder "What for?" just know that as you evolve in your womanhood, the purity of your spirit will be revealed in the challenges you overcome.

Most women have had The Big One - that big nasty breakup that feels like a natural disaster. You are not alone! Really, you're not. You probably feel weird or like no body in the whole wide world ever hurt like you do, but just know that you won't die of a broken heart unless you choose to and that so many who have gone before you on that path (myself included) have gotten through it and lived to tell remarkable stories. You're gonna be ok - just keep going. It's ok to be tired...breakups are incredibly expensive emotionally. Rest when you need to - and then get back up. Cry when you need to - then dry your face. Lay in bed when you need to - and then get active. Be moderate with everything - food, alcohol, sleeping, etc. You don't want to get through this with an addiction...you want to be as happy, healthy, and beautiful as you were before this relationship happened. Care for yourself accordingly.

Feed your mind strategically. You already know you should be avoiding his Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, job, momma, cousin, sister, neighborhood, gym, house, etc...but find a healthy replacement. The conventional wisdom is to fill what used to be his time with a new "hobby"...hobbies are fine, but get something positive and uplifiting in your head every day. Read an inspirational book (Iyanla Vanzant's In The Meantime is a personal favorite) or listen to a CD on overcoming adversity...find a way to feed your mind with information that will serve you both now and in the future. It will make this entire process more valuable and rewarding.

I know this post is insanely long so I'll wrap it up with this. Some of you are wondering if he's coming back or if you should go back. Take a deep breath and release the need to control the outcome. Your worrying, stressing, and hoping is not going to change him. He needs to make choices for himself (because you don't really want a man who was bamboozled into loving you anyway). If he is indeed meant to be in your life, trust the divine order of things and trust that in the end, everything will be ok...and if it's not ok, it's not the end. Be ok with the questions...live with the questions, as unbearable as that may seem right now. And please, if you don't do anything else, be willing to let go of a good man so that you can have a GREAT man. God is not in the business of harming His children...and if you have a relationship with Him, I encourage you to talk candidly with Him about where you are because I've witnessed that when He had to rip something good from my grubby hands after me clinging so desperately to it, He replaced it with something so wonderful that it doesn't even compare. Yes, I cried like a 2 year old and thought God was being a big meanie, but He makes NO error. If you need peace, ask for it. If you need mental clarity, ask for it. Develop a case of reverse paranoia where you think everybody who crosses paths with you now is there to teach you a valuable lesson or help you. Understand that your attitude will have tremendous bearing on your process and how many battle wounds you have after you heal.

I wish I could give you each a big hug and tell you it was all going to be ok, but for now, just take my word for it and make tomorrow better than today. :kiss:

{DI}
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This is one of the best post I have ever read. Thank you.

"Live well. It is the greatest revenge."

~The Talmud
 
Divine Inspiration said:
Nobody says you have to follow this to the letter, but I did some of these things in this timeline a few years ago when I was dealing with a tough breakup, and they helped significantly. I'm posting it here for anyone who's interested.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People may say no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way--at least initially. These suggestions may help you navigate the painfully troubled waters of a relationship that has ended.

Day 1
Instructions
STEP 1: Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time.
STEP 2: Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.
STEP 3: Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break.
STEP 4: Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."

Day 2
Instructions
STEP 1: Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others.
STEP 2: Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.

Week 1
Instructions
STEP 1: Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk.
STEP 2: Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music.
STEP 3: Do daily cardiovascular exercise--the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift.
STEP 4: Resist the urge to call your ex. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it.
STEP 5: Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit.
STEP 6: Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely.

Week 2
Instructions
STEP 1: Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship.
STEP 2: Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade.
STEP 3: Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day or go shopping.
STEP 4: Resist the urge to call your ex.

Week 3
Instructions
STEP 1: Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship?
STEP 2: Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language.
STEP 3: Resist the urge to call your ex.
STEP 4: Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.

Week 4
Instructions
STEP 1: Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain.
STEP 2: Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things.
STEP 3: Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships.
STEP 4: Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Burying or ignoring these emotions will thwart the healing process. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.

Months 3 to 6
Instructions
STEP 1: Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.
STEP 2: Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression.
STEP 3: Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.

One year and beyond
Instructions
STEP 1: Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."
STEP 2: Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.
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I LOVE IT GIRL!!! I wish I would have had this years ago. I was spazzin HARD over lost loves. This time around though has not been as bad. I'm def going to print this out though. I'm in that "Resist the urge to call" phase. I can't wait until thinking about him is just a distant memory.
 
This is a great post. Just keep in mind that even though the beginning of the breakup is unbearable; time really does heal all wounds. You will eventually wake up one day and feel better..just outta the blue it happens. When and if you see that person, it gets to a point when you ask yourself: What did I ever see in him? When you can sincerely ask yourself that question, then you will know that you have arrived at the healing point.

I promise you that time will come.

Speaking From Experience...deltadreamland
 
ITA, healing comes with choice, time is just the natural element that makes it that much more feasible. Well, after few days, I can finally bring myself to reflect on my story. I was with my ex-boyfriend for two years. We had plans on getting married, starting a family, the whole nine. I got preggo about 4 months into our relationship; I immediately went from being the care-free college girl whose responsibilities were nothing more than keeping my nails manicured and getting good grades - to a mother. I took that same lense, looked at my sweet boyfriend and thought "The father of my child? Hell naw!" After having a serious conversation with him about the baby and our future, I thought "Wow, all he is, is a sweet guy." He's immature, lacks vision and ambition, and he absolutely hates facing his problems. His response to me trying to prepare for the baby was "Be cool. We'll handle everything when the baby's here!" I terminated my pregnancy (worst decision I could have ever made!) ..from that experience on, I've tried molding him into the man I wanted him to be. WRONG on my part. It's unfair to both of us. I'm expecting him to fulfil a need that he's unable to, and he's feeling pressured and inadequate because he's not able to give me what I need. You ladies might have seen some of my post. Me being turned off by how overly indulged he is in a particular rapper, etc etc On top of that, he has the audacity to be disrespectful and an effin liar. After being pregnant, I blossomed. I became involved in business (multi-level marketing) and committed to life long learning and personal development.

In a nutshell, we're not compatiable, and I was sick of all the other bull ish he was taking me through. (paying "our" phone bill with a stolen credit card and now I'm $1,500 in debt with T-Mobile, running up phone bill caked up on the phone with other females, putting his hands on me, etc) I tried leaving but I was afraid. "We oftentime think fears are predictors to impending doom. In reality, our fears are our resistance to the unknown." -Dr. John Kay. I'd realized that I was afraid of not being with someone, being lonely, not willing to "start over" , etc Psshh I'm 22 years old, I have lots of time for that. I also embrace this philosophy, "With every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it a Seed of equivalent or greater benefit." -Napoleon Hill. I knew that as much as it hurted, was as much as I would triumph from this experience; whether it was helping another woman through a breakup, being encouraged to volunteer with programs for battered women, etc

P.S. I wasn't being abused in my relationship, neccessarily. My ex hit me ONCE, but if he did it once, I'm sure he'd doing it again. Just being hit and going back was something I swear I'd never do - and to look up and realize that I was just like "them" blew my socks off.

So yea, I honestly, don't think I would have been able to walk away had it not been for the testimonies in this post. Thanks ladies! You gave me courage!
 
PanamasOwn said:
Wow mine is barely 24 hours old. But like you, I should have let go 2 years ago instead of trying to be a Superwoman...

Lesson Learned...
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:lachen: Its funny because he is Panamanian. I'm still hurting that we don't talk anymore. I think I'm still dwelling on him only because I have NO ONE to get my mind off him. A girl isn't even asking for a relationship. I don't even have a person that could call me once a month :lachen:. Its lonely, but ill be alright.
 
Um...hi there...so, how do you heal if you have absolutely no friends and a distant family? For instance, a father who told you that since your ex didn't want you, no other man would? Or grown (d*mn near 30) sibling laughing at you because your heart is shattered and there are times when you can't hold back from crying? I made a post about this, a while ago, so I should be healing, right? But, it's been so hard for me to find a job and my bills are piling up (stress). Not to mention, every man in my life (brothers, father, cousins) have done me DIRTY in some sort of way or treat women like dirt or ARE cheating on their wives/girlfriends. I'm also the victim of multiple forms of child abuse...by men and women...and after four years, my relationship went down the toilet because of another woman and a baby. I worked so hard just to lose everything in one sweep. O yea, did I mention I was bipolar with panic disorder and can't pay for meds anymore? I'm also so afraid that I won't ever be happy with another man because to me, trusting is like falling off of a cliff backwards with no one to catch you?

So um...how do you even to begin healing from that? Because, I tell you, I think I'm going crazy.
 
Latomian said:
Um...hi there...so, how do you heal if you have absolutely no friends and a distant family? For instance, a father who told you that since your ex didn't want you, no other man would? Or grown (d*mn near 30) sibling laughing at you because your heart is shattered and there are times when you can't hold back from crying? I made a post about this, a while ago, so I should be healing, right? But, it's been so hard for me to find a job and my bills are piling up (stress). Not to mention, every man in my life (brothers, father, cousins) have done me DIRTY in some sort of way or treat women like dirt or ARE cheating on their wives/girlfriends. I'm also the victim of multiple forms of child abuse...by men and women...and after four years, my relationship went down the toilet because of another woman and a baby. I worked so hard just to lose everything in one sweep. O yea, did I mention I was bipolar with panic disorder and can't pay for meds anymore? I'm also so afraid that I won't ever be happy with another man because to me, trusting is like falling off of a cliff backwards with no one to catch you?

So um...how do you even to begin healing from that? Because, I tell you, I think I'm going crazy.
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Well you can vent here, I'm assuming you don't have insurance but there may be some therapy sessions you can attend for a low price. I don't know what to tell you about the meds. My friend told me a good thing one day when I was so low about being without my man, she told me "You know TCatt all this time you thought you weren't strong enough without him, but the fact is your too strong for him. HUGS to you honey. I wish you the best. I too have a broken heart and it feels like it's taking forever to heal.
 
TCatt86 said:
Well you can vent here, I'm assuming you don't have insurance but there may be some therapy sessions you can attend for a low price. I don't know what to tell you about the meds. My friend told me a good thing one day when I was so low about being without my man, she told me "You know TCatt all this time you thought you weren't strong enough without him, but the fact is your too strong for him. HUGS to you honey. I wish you the best. I too have a broken heart and it feels like it's taking forever to heal.
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The problem is that I can't function. One of my EX FRIENDS:wallbash: from college decided to call me today to tell me that he's having a baby girl and what her name is. Honestly, I just feel like dying right here. I just wish there was someone...one person...to cry on or hold me or something. I can't eat, I can't sleep and something always hurts. 24/7. It's like constant pain and I have to suffer it alone. I...hate...this.
 
Latomian said:
The problem is that I can't function. One of my EX FRIENDS:wallbash: from college decided to call me today to tell me that he's having a baby girl and what her name is. Honestly, I just feel like dying right here. I just wish there was someone...one person...to cry on or hold me or something. I can't eat, I can't sleep and something always hurts. 24/7. It's like constant pain and I have to suffer it alone. I...hate...this.
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Pray, pray and pray. God will take U through it. He will make ways where there is no way.
 
Latomian said:
The problem is that I can't function. One of my EX FRIENDS:wallbash: from college decided to call me today to tell me that he's having a baby girl and what her name is. Honestly, I just feel like dying right here. I just wish there was someone...one person...to cry on or hold me or something. I can't eat, I can't sleep and something always hurts. 24/7. It's like constant pain and I have to suffer it alone. I...hate...this.
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I understand but you are stronger than you think. Broken hearts do heal and the sun will shine after the rain. I hate to use all these cliche statements but I was at that point I'm their now, it's been months and I'm still hurting but each week, month it gets better and better.
 
Daily I would come into this thread and read the post by Divine Inspiration. Yesterday, I had an awakening moment. I work 14 hour days and barely have the energy to do much else. I am so tired of trying to make my relationship work. I cried all the way home. Once I got into my garage, I turned the car off and just sat there and cried until I fell asleep. I feel so disconnected. I am doubting myself as a women. My SO keeps telling me that things will get better but his actions are not showing me that as truth. He has a lot on his plate and travels weekly with his company. His 16 y/o child just had surgery and he feels as if his time off from work should be with his child. I can respect that. I just feel in my gut that his ex wife is trying to win him back ( they have been divorced for over 10 years). She cheated on him that's why he left her. She has fallen on hard times and he is constantly helping her out. We got into a huge argument over him bending over backwards for her. He keeps telling me that it is for his child. He always say if the ex wife struggles, his child struggles and he don't want his child to go without. Am I being selfish?

I have a child also from a previous relationship and b/c of the stress that I am having with my SO, I have become easily angered, irritated, out right mean and emotionally unsupportive to my child. I feel so guilty about that. I am so stressed out that I am losing my focus at work and at home. I think I should end things with my SO, but I am struggling with the idea of starting over with a new man. I think I need some time alone to rebuild my relationship with my child and myself.
 
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