So the wife owes child support on a child that isn't hers because of her husband?

[Raine054]

Don't google. Call a lawyer. If you really want to marry him after all of his, get a prenup. I don't recommend marriage though. Why didn't get he a DNA test before?

 

[Theresamonet]

How old is the child? Is your SO employed? How long were they broken up before she came forward with the kid? How long have you two been together?

 

[MizzBrown]

OMG! Every other week I see a thread like this and yall just keep reminding me to NOT marry a man with children.

Even if yall were married..i still couldnt deal with it and would have to get a post-nuptial or something.

And I agree about the mother needing her butt whooped. The fact that she sprung something like that on him when she knows he's serious about you means you WILL HAVE HELL WITH HER til that child is of age.

 

[MizzBrown]

Can you get a pre-nup with a clause that states that IF a woman were to come out the woodwork with this mess?

What do women do when they are already in the marriage and get this news?

 

[Windsy]

Get a pre-nup, post-nup, etc??????

If you've gotta go through all this, then don't marry the man; it's a union and the two becomes 1 meaning you get ALL of him, good and bad; if you're not ready to accept it all then don't marry him.

This is really simple ladies, do yourself a favor and don't marry a man with children IF you don't want your income to be given to the "messy baby mama" and her child(ren) because whether it comes from your check or his, money FROM your household is going to them.....directly or indirectly!!!

THE END...PERIOD!!!

 

[MzLady78]

Yeah that's the horrible part. I don't think she was ever going to tell him. I believe it was a mixture of her relationship going south and knowing he was about to be engaged She tried passing the baby as her new boyfriend's for about a year....

Wow. I can't stand women who play these kinds of games.

I would think long and hard about how you want to proceed. Someone who's capable of something like this has "drama" written all over them.

 

[Windsy]

Wow. I can't stand women who play these kinds of games.

I would think long and hard about how you want to proceed. Someone who's capable of something like this has "drama" written all over them.

You're absolutely correct and I just can't shake the feeling that OP was in the picture before the ex was completely out which also may be adding fuel to this fire.

Per the OP, "but the baby was conceived way before our relationship became committed "

So was the OP in the picture but the relationship became committed after a while of dating.....hmmmm!!!

 

[Browndilocks]

So my boyfriend and I have been planning our marriage. I'm not sure if his ex caught a whimps of it, but she pops up out of the blue and says that her daughter is his. We get a DNA test, and it is his daughter

This has put a strain on our relationship that you wouldn't believe, but the baby was conceived way before our relationship became committed and so after prayer and counsel I decided to proceed with our marital plans.

My girls were glad to share with me horror stories of their female relatives whose checks were garnished because of their husbands outside children. How does that work? Does the wife owe child support just because she's married to a man that does? Or do they garnish her check only in the event that he's unemployed? I don't know the first thing about child support....or any of this other absurd baby mama drama that comes along with this hot mess.

Is there a book for ish like this????? I'm so serious! IDK what I'm doing. I don't know what to expect. Can I protect myself at all? Do I have any rights?

If you pray, please pray for me
If you have absolutely any relationship advice that may be helpful please share
If there are any resources (books, articles, orgs, etc) that you think may be helpful to us please share as well!

Thank you ladies so much

So he was still kinda messin with you both at the same time, although you weren't in a committed relationship, and now there's a kid involved? Not a good sign.

 

[hopeful]

Get a pre-nup, post-nup, etc??????

If you've gotta go through all this, then don't marry the man; it's a union and the two becomes 1 meaning you get ALL of him, good and bad; if you're not ready to accept it all then don't marry him.

This is really simple ladies, do yourself a favor and don't marry a man with children IF you don't want your income to be given to the "messy baby mama" and her child(ren) because whether it comes from your check or his, money FROM your household is going to them.....directly or indirectly!!!

THE END...PERIOD!!!

@ the bolded -- thank you! Not sure why people don't get this. When you marry you get the good, bad, and the ugly. It is what it is. If you don't like or approve of the ugly parts you should move on or just date and be gf and bf, living in separate homes.

 

[Britt]

Girl you are young, single (legally) and childfree..it sounds like drama (she was already lying, plotting and scheming)..I would KIM.

I was thinking the samething... you are 24 years old, too young to be dealing with this.

 

[FemmeFatale]

So I know it's not PC to say that an older woman should settle, that came out kinda wrong but the truth is the older you get the more you will encounter men with baggage..and that includes baby mama drama. When you're younger you're more likely to meet men with less baggage.

 

[hopeful]

So I know it's not PC to say that an older woman should settle, that came out kinda wrong but the truth is the older you get the more you will encounter men with baggage..and that includes baby mama drama. When you're younger you're more likely to meet men with less baggage.

I'm in my 40's and I didn't take offense. I know what you meant.

 

[deltadreamland]

I don't think my post came off as taking offense to what you said, I was just sharing my opinion. No offense taken.

 

[caltron]

One thing you can do to protect your $$$ if you get married is to file your taxes separately instead of jointly. Of course, there may be other considerations and particular state laws to consider, but that is something I'd definitely do if you feel the bm is going to try to go after your money.

 

[mscocoface]

OP as sure as the sun rises in the morning, this woman will come after him for child support. So check the laws in your state.

 

[Renewed1]

1. Research the laws in your state.

2. Why is there an assumption that there will be baby mama drama?

3. The book is called "Don't Marry A Man with Kids"

I'm 35 and I AVOID dudes with kids like the plaque. If I never been married AND never had any kids. I can ATTRACT the same type of guy.

I hate to say it, but money should be the last of your concerns.

If you marry this man, you're looking at a minimum 18 year relationship contract between you, him, his ex, and his child.

True statement. But I always thought, as long as the child is alive (regardless of age) you would have to deal with the "triangle."

Such as, marriage, needing to borrow money for tommy's (his grandson) tuition, etc.

Get a pre-nup, post-nup, etc??????

If you've gotta go through all this, then don't marry the man; it's a union and the two becomes 1 meaning you get ALL of him, good and bad; if you're not ready to accept it all then don't marry him.

This is really simple ladies, do yourself a favor and don't marry a man with children IF you don't want your income to be given to the "messy baby mama" and her child(ren) because whether it comes from your check or his, money FROM your household is going to them.....directly or indirectly!!!

THE END...PERIOD!!!

So true!! Opster, I would RRRRRRUUUUUNNNN!!! Personally, I would take this as a sign from God for me to leave the situation. He was messing with other women while he was "dating" you prior to your "committed" relationship (nothing wrong, ya'll wasn't a couple).

But I would think and pray about the TIMING of this: God may be trying to tell you something.

 

[curlycoquette]

You're absolutely correct and I just can't shake the feeling that OP was in the picture before the ex was completely out which also may be adding fuel to this fire.

Per the OP, "but the baby was conceived way before our relationship became committed "

So was the OP in the picture but the relationship became committed after a while of dating.....hmmmm!!!

So he was still kinda messin with you both at the same time, although you weren't in a committed relationship, and now there's a kid involved? Not a good sign.

THIS.

 

[Dellas]

For some reason, i have had guys who thought i was Celie from the Color Purple. Pray but i think there is a consensus to walk away!

 

[CurlyMoo]

I agree - research the laws of your state, generally speaking (I work for child support office in NY and I have my law degree) your income may be counted towards the calculations of what future husband has to pay (best for him to get an agreement in place before you get married). If he is unemployed and owes back support and you file joint tax return - the entire return will be taken and used to pay the arrears - same for any joint income such as lotto winnings, inheritances and etc.

The best way to deal with ex is to be proactive - dont wait for her take him for support, start sending her checks and/or money orders and let him go to local child support office and ask for an order of support. Judges are more lenient when the man is pro active.

Good luck and if you need a free or low cost atty - look up American Bar Association, your State bar association and ask for pro bono family court lawyer - they keep lists of attys that do free and low cost legal work.

Also the possible future husband can look to his union for an atty if he has a job that has a union.

Either way that child and her momma will be a part of your life forever, you just have to see if that is something you can deal with.

Now is it possible if she files her tax returns seperately and maintains her own account she will not be liable? It sounds like the woman is using the child as a meal ticket.

 

[JayAnn0513]

You need to move on while you still can. You have plenty of time to find a man that's not going to be making babies with other women while trying to date you.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

MESSY. OP, don't be surprised if he leaves you to go back to the babymama at some point, and then wants to come back to you, over and over. Since this whole mess started with him having both of you, he may well wish to continue having both of you.

 

[knjsavy]

Now is it possible if she files her tax returns seperately and maintains her own account she will not be liable? It sounds like the woman is using the child as a meal ticket.

That will offer some protection but as stated up thread her money can become involved indirectly - ex: if he takes his money to pay child support and then their mortgage is due - guess where that money is coming from - her seperate acct

 

[CurlyMoo]

That will offer some protection but as stated up thread her money can become involved indirectly - ex: if he takes his money to pay child support and then their mortgage is due - guess where that money is coming from - her seperate acct

Ok, I posted before I read about indirect liability. So there is no way around this for her then? erplexed Surely there is some legal trick like non-profit status.

I'm with everyone else, think very carefully before making the relationship legal. If only love was enough.

 

[NappyNelle]

Windsy I just bought your book. Do you do signings?

OP, I agree with the consensus. Something seems very fishy about this situation; I find it very hard to truth him and the mother. I would not be able to be in that position at all.

WHat is your boyfriend doing now? What is he saying about this?

 

[Seraphina]

MESSY. OP, don't be surprised if he leaves you to go back to the babymama at some point, and then wants to come back to you, over and over. Since this whole mess started with him having both of you, he may well wish to continue having both of you.

This happened to a friend of mine. They were together a year and a half when he told her that he felt he owed it to his daughter to try to work things out with her mother.


People have already said what I would say regarding the financial aspect but you also need to consider whether you'll be able to be a step-parent to the child. It's not the child's fault that this situation is what it is and if it'll be difficult for you to be around him or treat him kindness, that's reason enough to get out.

 

[*CherryPie*]

@the bolded,

I'm 46 and I wouldn't deal with this. Too much stress.

Girl you are young, single (legally) and childfree..it sounds like drama (she was already lying, plotting and scheming)..I would KIM.

If you were 44 I'd say otherwise but you're young and do not need to deal with this.[/QUOTE]

 

[loved]

Now is it possible if she files her tax returns seperately and maintains her own account she will not be liable? It sounds like the woman is using the child as a meal ticket.

How is a custodial parent filing for support using the child as a meal ticket?

OP, these 2 parents have a lot to work out & it sounds like it's all going down in a heated emotional environment. The child's mother is doing your SO a favor by getting an order so support is regularized & not a monthly battle. While they're working that out, hopefully they'll work out visitation, custody & other issues related to the child.

If your SO is a decent man that child (& thereby his mother) will be a regular part of your lives & that includes during major holidays & at times that may be inconvenient for you. It sounds like this child is really young so that will up your drama factor because it hasn't been that long since your SO & the child's mother were intimately involved.

Whether or nor your specific check is garnished, resources from your household will flow to another household & 2 other people will be involved in your lives in a major way as long as you are married. The mother is part of the package that comes with the child.

ETA: His family, including his mom, will probably have a relationship with the mother.

 

[CurlyMoo]

How is a custodial parent filing for support using the child as a meal ticket?

OP, these 2 parents have a lot to work out & it sounds like it's all going down in a heated emotional environment. The child's mother is doing your SO a favor by getting an order so support is regularized & not a monthly battle. While they're working that out, hopefully they'll work out visitation, custody & other issues related to the child.

If your SO is a decent man that child (& thereby his mother) will be a regular part of your lives & that includes during major holidays & at times that may be inconvenient for you. It sounds like this child is really young so that will up your drama factor because it hasn't been that long since your SO & the child's mother were intimately involved.

Whether or nor your specific check is garnished, resources from your household will flow to another household & 2 other people will be involved in your lives in a major way as long as you are married. The mother is part of the package that comes with the child.

ETA: His family, including his mom, will probably have a relationship with the mother.

Due to the fact that she was trying to pass the child off as another man's baby. That didn't work so when she heard the real baby daddy was getting married she decided to throw her hat in the ring. I wasn't saying she didn't have a right to ask for support it's when she did it and the fact that she lied about the paternity. The child is obviously not the focus here.

I guess the real father didn't have the prospects she wanted at the time.

 

[LiftedUp]

Said a prayer for you.

Honestly, I think that this is a sign.

 

[Mis007]

Op if you're even asking this you already know what the answer is, this is drama waiting to happen cause the kid's mother is not pleased with his *** at all