TheGrimPhreaker
Active Member
Naw I love white men. I've just never been attracted to black men like that...not even the mixed ones. I really couldn't tell you why...
Spinny: White guys that perfer the Black ladies
- Thread starter Bun Mistress
- Start date
CurlyMoo
Well-Known Member
I could tell you why. Because you don't have to like them, what kind of world would it be if we all liked the same thing. BORRING!
CurlyMoo
Well-Known Member
Your still bothered by the racial history. Asians don't have the same history with Black folks.
andromeda
Well-Known Member
I don't deal with WM (or non-BM) who only date BW or who only date outside of their race. As soon as I find that out, it's done. There are usually underlying issues there and I don't won't be a party to or enabler of anyone's (WM or BM) racial hangups.
I'm flattered by anyone who approaches me in a genuine manner or who has keyed in on what makes me "me" just from a brief period of observation or interaction.
As for preferences, I'm weary of WM who prefer BW but I take a wait-and-see approach depending on a number of factors. I know a lot of people have physical preferences, for example I like men with thick brows - that's something that transcends race (and although it's a preference I frequently cast it aside). Obviously my appreciation of cro-mag features
is something that's generally limited to WM but I don't adhere to it strictly enough IRL for it to be a preference that rules out males from my own race. There are people who date outside their race whose only "preference" is anything-but-their-own-race.
I'm flattered by anyone who approaches me in a genuine manner or who has keyed in on what makes me "me" just from a brief period of observation or interaction.
As for preferences, I'm weary of WM who prefer BW but I take a wait-and-see approach depending on a number of factors. I know a lot of people have physical preferences, for example I like men with thick brows - that's something that transcends race (and although it's a preference I frequently cast it aside). Obviously my appreciation of cro-mag features
is something that's generally limited to WM but I don't adhere to it strictly enough IRL for it to be a preference that rules out males from my own race. There are people who date outside their race whose only "preference" is anything-but-their-own-race.
CarmelCupcake
Well-Known Member
I don't seem to know why so many people are disturbed by white men who have a preferance for black women. We as black women are unique, exotic, strong and beautiful. If a man has a preferance for us, what is the big deal??
andromeda
Well-Known Member
You don't "seem to know" (interesting wording) or you don't want to know?
If you give the topic serious consideration and thought, I'm sure you'll be able to understand the disturbance, even if you don't share it. Ebonylocs's points are a good place to start.
If you're being obtuse and only started this thread to have your own beliefs and dating preferences confirmed, then that's fine too. Whatever works for you.
Just so you know, I understand why some women would prefer, not be bothered by or not rule out WM who prefer BW. But I'm generally an understanding person, so...
Optimus_Prime
Well-Known Member
Learned something new...
Add independent to the list and you'll have the 5 things america hates the most.
I'm actually all for IR dating and marriage for black women, but I see Andromeda's point on this one.
chrisanddonniesmommy
New Member
Always question a guy who only dates "fill in the blank". Eliminate the possibility of being fetishized or placed in a stereotypical category. If he doesn't date his own as well, something's really iffy.
Btw, I've dated and, um, "loved" some white men. It wasn't a big deal. I liked it quite frankly. I have to use a mosquito net because they always approach me. I hope they don't think I play some tragic mulatto role.
Btw, I've dated and, um, "loved" some white men. It wasn't a big deal. I liked it quite frankly. I have to use a mosquito net because they always approach me. I hope they don't think I play some tragic mulatto role.
chocolat79
Well-Known Member
I've noticed EXACTLY the same thing. My ex (black) and I went to the ASO in October and I saw a good deal of BW/WM. I have a theory, but I don't want to derail the thread.
chocolat79
Well-Known Member
I NEVER get approached by WM IRL, randomly. I need to migrate to where they do that. However, I realize that WM are usually more open when they've had a conversation with a BW and realize that she COULD/WOULD be into a WM. I think they don't put themselves out there like that until they KNOW that a BW would be interested.
The WM that I've dated have always "joked" about being intimidated by BM. For instance, I went out with this older WM and we went to the quintessential "smokey bar" full of WP (it was near my house and it was fine, I can fit in almost anywhere). So my "date" stated that he doubted there'd be any brothers in there to beat him up. I've also heard other WM reference something similar. I'm not sure if it's because I'm in ATL and there is a STRONG black presence here so WM feel so intimidated by approaching BW or what, but it RARELY happens to me. Maybe other women from ATL can chime in on that.
Anyway, all the WM I've dated or gone out with, say they prefer BW or only dated BW. I think, in general, we need to relax, LOL. I don't see that as a bad thing. We get suspicious when a WM has NEVER dated a BW, then we get suspicious when a WM ONLY dates BW. We need to recognize and embrace our beauty. Simple as that. It's really not that difficult to understand that ANY man would find us desirable.
I personally haven't run into many WM who fetishize us. I think that it's blown out of proportion sometimes. And fetishes are VERY obvious, so I don't think you can miss it. I also don't find the admiring of brown skin as unusual or suspicious activity. It's simply an admiration. I think sometimes that as BW we don't get enough obvious and genuine compliments about our skintone, so when we actually do get one or some, we get defensive or suspicious.
WM like the same thing BM and other men like. It's just that what's shown in the media is opposite us because they are trying to "sell" a certain image. WM like butt/breasts just like BM. So, I feel just as objectified about a BM ONLY liking me for certain body parts as I would a WM only liking me for certain body parts; either way, it's objectifying and I don't appreciate it from either. So I wouldn't crucify the WM for saying that he likes a nice butt/breasts and then just grin when a BM says it. A man is a man. And if I'm offended when a WM says something vulgar to me, I'm just as offended when a BM says something vulgar to me.
The WM that I've dated have always "joked" about being intimidated by BM. For instance, I went out with this older WM and we went to the quintessential "smokey bar" full of WP (it was near my house and it was fine, I can fit in almost anywhere). So my "date" stated that he doubted there'd be any brothers in there to beat him up. I've also heard other WM reference something similar. I'm not sure if it's because I'm in ATL and there is a STRONG black presence here so WM feel so intimidated by approaching BW or what, but it RARELY happens to me. Maybe other women from ATL can chime in on that.
Anyway, all the WM I've dated or gone out with, say they prefer BW or only dated BW. I think, in general, we need to relax, LOL. I don't see that as a bad thing. We get suspicious when a WM has NEVER dated a BW, then we get suspicious when a WM ONLY dates BW. We need to recognize and embrace our beauty. Simple as that. It's really not that difficult to understand that ANY man would find us desirable.
I personally haven't run into many WM who fetishize us. I think that it's blown out of proportion sometimes. And fetishes are VERY obvious, so I don't think you can miss it. I also don't find the admiring of brown skin as unusual or suspicious activity. It's simply an admiration. I think sometimes that as BW we don't get enough obvious and genuine compliments about our skintone, so when we actually do get one or some, we get defensive or suspicious.
WM like the same thing BM and other men like. It's just that what's shown in the media is opposite us because they are trying to "sell" a certain image. WM like butt/breasts just like BM. So, I feel just as objectified about a BM ONLY liking me for certain body parts as I would a WM only liking me for certain body parts; either way, it's objectifying and I don't appreciate it from either. So I wouldn't crucify the WM for saying that he likes a nice butt/breasts and then just grin when a BM says it. A man is a man. And if I'm offended when a WM says something vulgar to me, I'm just as offended when a BM says something vulgar to me.
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qchelle
Well-Known Member
CurlyMoo
Well-Known Member
LMBAO reading some of the comments and arguments. Unfortunately the same sentiment is in "IRL" too. Black women are the only women who get offended and go into a full scale panic when non-Black men express that we are the idea of what they view as beauty and a quality mate. We give side eyes, neck rolls get hysterical and historical. We just have so much cynicism when it comes to dating.
It's 2010, society should be a hotbed of race mixing, but we are still holding on to old racial grudges and stereotypes. When actually, the men who give us the most grief are Black men, and they openly express how they love us so much. But it's ok for a Black man to say he thinks we are the most beautiful woman and perfers us to all, yet he is a serial cheater and beater. (Of course not all Black men.)
I understand where you guys are coming from but perferring someone to all does not mean that you can't appreciate or fall in love with another. There are many men who prefer Black women as viable mates, who fall in love with other races of women. I bet that statement also gets an eye roll because he didn't just go for the Black women, but then he would be accused of having ulterior motives if he did just stick to his preference. LOL
It's 2010, society should be a hotbed of race mixing, but we are still holding on to old racial grudges and stereotypes. When actually, the men who give us the most grief are Black men, and they openly express how they love us so much. But it's ok for a Black man to say he thinks we are the most beautiful woman and perfers us to all, yet he is a serial cheater and beater. (Of course not all Black men.
)I understand where you guys are coming from but perferring someone to all does not mean that you can't appreciate or fall in love with another. There are many men who prefer Black women as viable mates, who fall in love with other races of women. I bet that statement also gets an eye roll because he didn't just go for the Black women, but then he would be accused of having ulterior motives if he did just stick to his preference. LOL
jamaica68
Well-Known Member
Please share.
LMBAO reading some of the comments and arguments. Unfortunately the same sentiment is in "IRL" too. Black women are the only women who get offended and go into a full scale panic when non-Black men express that we are the idea of what they view as beauty and a quality mate. We give side eyes, neck rolls get hysterical and historical. We just have so much cynicism when it comes to dating.
It's 2010, society should be a hotbed of race mixing, but we are still holding on to old racial grudges and stereotypes. When actually, the men who give us the most grief are Black men, and they openly express how they love us so much. But it's ok for a Black man to say he thinks we are the most beautiful woman and perfers us to all, yet he is a serial cheater and beater. (Of course not all Black men.
I understand where you guys are coming from but perferring someone to all does not mean that you can't appreciate or fall in love with another. There are many men who prefer Black women as viable mates, who fall in love with other races of women. I bet that statement also gets an eye roll because he didn't just go for the Black women, but then he would be accused of having ulterior motives if he did just stick to his preference. LOL
I agree, it's old and tired!!
brg240
Well-Known Member
I was thinking the same thing....I think we miss out on opporunities not thinking that a white man is trying to hit on us....this happened to me the other day at Red Box. Cute white guy strikes up a convo. I was back in my car and on my way before I even realized that he was flirting.
It's also funny to me how so many black women hold on to this belief that black men "prefer other races" even though like 95% of black men are consistently dating, making babies with, and marrying us.
I agree most of the black guys I've known preferred black women. I always kinda role my eyes at black men don't want black women. :/ I'm not sure about the black men people here are meeting but I feel bad for them.
I don't think i'd have a problem with a guy that preferred black women as long as it wasn't on fetish level(and I do think people can fetishistize other races, i have met a couple people with aw fetishes, it can get really creepy) and in his preference for bw he doesn't hate/put down ww. That doesn't sit right with me.
The only guy I've been out with was white, I don't think he preferred bw, just liked me.
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chocolat79
Well-Known Member
Well, if you want to hear my theory, here it go:
I really enjoy "cultural" events such as the opera, symphony, ballet, plays, etc. basically any of the performing arts. I find (just MY experiences) that BM tend to be less "accepting" of those types of unfamiliar things. Some of the ones I've met have vehemently refused to go to anything "like that" or some just simply aren't interested enough in it or me to concede to going. Most BM have not been exposed to cultural things and therefore aren't as receptive to something they may consider to be a "white" thing. It also entails "dressing up", which I love, but is not something BM (in general) necessarily enjoy doing (that's men period), but I believe in this country more WM have to opportunity to "dress up" than BM. Disclaimer: Of course, there are exceptions and that last statement was a generalization.
Therefore, being those things are "associated" with the white "culture", if you want to go, you almost have to find a WM to go with. I think that some of them, or at least the ones I'd be interested in, have been exposed to some form of performing arts AND also know that they WILL be expected to go whether they want to or not, LOL. So, it's easier to "convince" them to go because they have been exposed to it and they DO know that if YOU love the performing arts, they WILL be going. They could also love it just as much as you do too, so that's also something else to consider.
That being said, I actually went to the symphony with my ex and he's black, BUT he'd been exposed to it by his sister, so he was cool. But he definitely IS the exception, not the rule.
In short, it's all about exposure and open-mindedness and I find that sometimes some BM are short on both. That's just my
I really enjoy "cultural" events such as the opera, symphony, ballet, plays, etc. basically any of the performing arts. I find (just MY experiences) that BM tend to be less "accepting" of those types of unfamiliar things. Some of the ones I've met have vehemently refused to go to anything "like that" or some just simply aren't interested enough in it or me to concede to going. Most BM have not been exposed to cultural things and therefore aren't as receptive to something they may consider to be a "white" thing. It also entails "dressing up", which I love, but is not something BM (in general) necessarily enjoy doing (that's men period), but I believe in this country more WM have to opportunity to "dress up" than BM. Disclaimer: Of course, there are exceptions and that last statement was a generalization.
Therefore, being those things are "associated" with the white "culture", if you want to go, you almost have to find a WM to go with. I think that some of them, or at least the ones I'd be interested in, have been exposed to some form of performing arts AND also know that they WILL be expected to go whether they want to or not, LOL. So, it's easier to "convince" them to go because they have been exposed to it and they DO know that if YOU love the performing arts, they WILL be going. They could also love it just as much as you do too, so that's also something else to consider.
That being said, I actually went to the symphony with my ex and he's black, BUT he'd been exposed to it by his sister, so he was cool. But he definitely IS the exception, not the rule.
In short, it's all about exposure and open-mindedness and I find that sometimes some BM are short on both. That's just my
blackbarbietea
New Member
you must be talking about black boys not black,men. LolWell, if you want to hear my theory, here it go:
I really enjoy "cultural" events such as the opera, symphony, ballet, plays, etc. basically any of the performing arts. I find (just MY experiences) that BM tend to be less "accepting" of those types of unfamiliar things. Some of the ones I've met have vehemently refused to go to anything "like that" or some just simply aren't interested enough in it or me to concede to going. Most BM have not been exposed to cultural things and therefore aren't as receptive to something they may consider to be a "white" thing. It also entails "dressing up", which I love, but is not something BM (in general) necessarily enjoy doing (that's men period), but I believe in this country more WM have to opportunity to "dress up" than BM. Disclaimer: Of course, there are exceptions and that last statement was a generalization.
Therefore, being those things are "associated" with the white "culture", if you want to go, you almost have to find a WM to go with. I think that some of them, or at least the ones I'd be interested in, have been exposed to some form of performing arts AND also know that they WILL be expected to go whether they want to or not, LOL. So, it's easier to "convince" them to go because they have been exposed to it and they DO know that if YOU love the performing arts, they WILL be going. They could also love it just as much as you do too, so that's also something else to consider.
That being said, I actually went to the symphony with my ex and he's black, BUT he'd been exposed to it by his sister, so he was cool. But he definitely IS the exception, not the rule.
In short, it's all about exposure and open-mindedness and I find that sometimes some BM are short on both. That's just my
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qchelle
Well-Known Member
Well, if you want to hear my theory, here it go:
I really enjoy "cultural" events such as the opera, symphony, ballet, plays, etc. basically any of the performing arts. I find (just MY experiences) that BM tend to be less "accepting" of those types of unfamiliar things. Some of the ones I've met have vehemently refused to go to anything "like that" or some just simply aren't interested enough in it or me to concede to going. Most BM have not been exposed to cultural things and therefore aren't as receptive to something they may consider to be a "white" thing. It also entails "dressing up", which I love, but is not something BM (in general) necessarily enjoy doing (that's men period), but I believe in this country more WM have to opportunity to "dress up" than BM. Disclaimer: Of course, there are exceptions and that last statement was a generalization.
Therefore, being those things are "associated" with the white "culture", if you want to go, you almost have to find a WM to go with. I think that some of them, or at least the ones I'd be interested in, have been exposed to some form of performing arts AND also know that they WILL be expected to go whether they want to or not, LOL. So, it's easier to "convince" them to go because they have been exposed to it and they DO know that if YOU love the performing arts, they WILL be going. They could also love it just as much as you do too, so that's also something else to consider.
That being said, I actually went to the symphony with my ex and he's black, BUT he'd been exposed to it by his sister, so he was cool. But he definitely IS the exception, not the rule.
In short, it's all about exposure and open-mindedness and I find that sometimes some BM are short on both. That's just my
Ummmmmmm you wouldnt put most BW in that same category? You think that the average BW has been exposed to more cultured things than the average BM? Or are you comparing the average BM to BW of a higher caliber? If so, thats completely unfair, and the same could be applied to how BW are uncultured. You should be comparing black people of the same caliber with each other.
Thats like putting a group of ghetto BW in one room and a group of higher status WW in another room and saying that you like WW better
That wasnt a fair comparison in the 1st place.But if you don't mean this, please correct me.
arosieworld
Thanks 4 our nail *****!
@chocolat79 i think I get you.
Most BM who have been to the opera aren't going back because they are men and most men in general aren't patrons of the arts
The ones who haven't gone, it hard/impossible to introduce them to the arts now.....
Where WM are more apt to go because a higher percent have been introduced to the arts and while the average man may still not want to go there is a wider net so you can more easily find a WM who will...
If that's what your saying then I agree..... If not then I'm confused so don't mind me.....
Most BM who have been to the opera aren't going back because they are men and most men in general aren't patrons of the arts
The ones who haven't gone, it hard/impossible to introduce them to the arts now.....
Where WM are more apt to go because a higher percent have been introduced to the arts and while the average man may still not want to go there is a wider net so you can more easily find a WM who will...
If that's what your saying then I agree..... If not then I'm confused so don't mind me.....
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chocolat79
Well-Known Member
Ummmmmmm you wouldnt put most BW in that same category? You think that the average BW has been exposed to more cultured things than the average BM? Or are you comparing the average BM to BW of a higher caliber? If so, thats completely unfair, and the same could be applied to how BW are uncultured. You should be comparing black people of the same caliber with each other.
Thats like putting a group of ghetto BW in one room and a group of higher status WW in another room and saying that you like WW better
But if you don't mean this, please correct me.
You know, I started to add that the same could be said of BW too, BUT I left it off because I was specifically talking about BM, but yes, a lot of BW would fall into this same category. We were specifically talking about seeing BW/WM couples at symphonies, operas, etc., so that's why I didn't bring up BW.
Clarification: I agree, the same could be said for BW in my above statement.
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chocolat79
Well-Known Member
chocolat79
Well-Known Member
LOL, in ATL, you can never tell which. But I've seen more BW/WM couples than the other way around or Black couples period, but hey, that's just my experience in ATL. It could certainly be different in other places.
RossBoss
Well-Known Member
Do you think that White guys feel more confident approaching Asian women since Asian women are more open to dating White guys than Black women?
andromeda
Well-Known Member
@ the boldI think location plays a major part. That's why I don't give some black women who only date outside their race too much grief because they're not exaggerating when they say that their local BM don't approach them or don't share their interests, values, accomplishments, etc. That's also why I don't find it offensive that some women are willing to deal with WM who only date or prefer BW because, generally speaking, men don't like rejection and if you're in area where BW-WM relationships are shunned or are uncommon, then it makes sense that WM who have strong preference would do most of the approaching.
Also, what do you mean by "randomly"? Like, when you're out and about? I think this expectation might be culturally-influenced and also sheds light on my view on the topic. People tend to meet romantic interests in settings where there's prolonged interaction - school, work/work-related events, etc. A certain subset of black men will approach random women on the street and some men will approach women based on limited periods of observation (bars, clubs, bookstore, train, etc). It might be unreasonable to expect WM to randomly chat you up in the same way that some BM do. These dynamics and patterns are why I'm wary of non-BM who don't date their own and only BW. I find it hard to believe (esp given the size of the white population) that in the course of daily life that they never encounter or get to know women of the same race who are date material. And I'm generally wary of men who approach me based on looks only.
I also think characterizing the issue as a matter of embracing our own beauty or being suspicious of fetishes is overly simplistic and somewhat offensive. For me, embracing black beauty, realizing that non-BM can appreciate it and also being unsettled by non-BM who don't date their own aren't incompatible concepts. Additionally, finding BW desirable isn't incompatible with finding your own desirable. And the reasons for being unsettled go beyond fetishes. (eta: And I don't get suspicious when a WM hasn't dated BW. It's socially normal to date your own race, ethnicity, tribe, etc. - whatever the prevailing method of identification and socialization is)
Due to factors within and beyond my control, I'm not limited to only being approached by WM who prefer BW. I live in NYC. My mom has been dating IR (including WM) since she was in high school, maybe earlier. Same goes for some other relatives and older acquaintances, so the IR thing isn't verboten or stigmatized in my experience. At the same time, I've always been surrounded by black people (and black men) of all different walks of life and interests. So BW-BM relationships aren't rare, dysfunctional or one dimensional, IME. Here, black men and women are patrons of arts, as well as techies, geeks, hipsters, so on and so forth. Black beauty is and has been celebrated for quite some time; it's not something that has be to embraced or defended in a reactionary manner, it just...is.
My interests, neighborhood, profession and schooling present opportunities for prolonged interaction/observation with non-BM, so many of the non-BM who approach me aren't doing so solely based on the fact that I'm a BW. My area isn't segregated, so for many non-BM, their decision to date or not date BW isn't motivated by media stereotypes or limited exposure.
I write all this, in my long-winded manner, to genuinely offer perspective. I (and many who share my view) have formed by opinions based on my own experiences and the universal dynamics of attraction, courting and socialization. Not based on stereotypes, insecurity and racial paranoia.
LMBAO reading some of the comments and arguments. Unfortunately the same sentiment is in "IRL" too. Black women are the only women who get offended and go into a full scale panic when non-Black men express that we are the idea of what they view as beauty and a quality mate. We give side eyes, neck rolls get hysterical and historical. We just have so much cynicism when it comes to dating.
It's 2010, society should be a hotbed of race mixing, but we are still holding on to old racial grudges and stereotypes. When actually, the men who give us the most grief are Black men, and they openly express how they love us so much. But it's ok for a Black man to say he thinks we are the most beautiful woman and perfers us to all, yet he is a serial cheater and beater. (Of course not all Black men.
I understand where you guys are coming from but perferring someone to all does not mean that you can't appreciate or fall in love with another. There are many men who prefer Black women as viable mates, who fall in love with other races of women. I bet that statement also gets an eye roll because he didn't just go for the Black women, but then he would be accused of having ulterior motives if he did just stick to his preference. LOL
"Side eyes", "neck rolls" and "eye rolls". Oh my. Interesting use of stereotypes.
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naijamerican
Well-Known Member
Awesome post, Andromeda. I completely, wholeheartedly agree with you.
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I completely, wholeheartedly agree with you. Sent from my ADR6300 using Long Hair Care Forum App
andromeda
Well-Known Member
Awesome post, Andromeda.
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Thanks naijamerican! That means a lot to me.
_______________
Some additional things to consider:
The difference in mentality and behavior between "dating women who happen to be black" and "dating black women". I don't mean the former in a color-blind way but rather in a way that goes to what I said in my previous post about how attraction and the decision to court usually develop under prolonged-interaction circumstances.
Fleshing out what it means to "prefer black women". How does such a preference form? How particular or broad is it (what aspects or types of black women?)?
Can the disturbance of WM who only date BW be applied to other groups who don't have the same racial history as Whites and Blacks? An Italian who doesn't date their own? A Telugu Indian who only dates Phillipinos?
There are some BW whose vigorous rejection of WM who prefer/exclusively date BW is based on racial paranoia, grudges and the marginalization of BW and black beauty. Is it the case that some of those BW who vigorously embrace those WM are fueled by the same factors? Some of the answers in this thread would indicate that the answer is yes, these factions are two sides of the same coin. Their opinions and choices are not couched in a sober view of social and cultural norms or even in a pragmatic "get in where you fit in" strategy. Their opinions are the outgrowth of being invested in a certain racial narrative.
lol @ "being deliberately obtuse" that was a pretty rude comment, basically calling me slow.....but seeing as how I'm highly educated and have plenty of common sense as well, I don't take offense to it. To be clear, I did not challenge any statistics (none were provided) about the number of black men who "marry out" versus the number of black women who "marry out." I took issue with the general comment that you made that black men "fawn over" white women.
I don't need raw data to look around me and realize that every black man I know, including the thousands that I met while attending two HBCUs, my own father, all of my church members, and my own boyfriend and all of his family members, are all dating and/or married to a black woman...(with the exception of, maybe, two men).
....but, that's not even the topic of this thread. Good luck and Happy New Year to you as well.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
More often then not, WM are sooo much more passive when it comes to approaching woman then BM. BM tend to be more of the "cat callers" where as WM feel the need to swoon a girl and make her think he is a good guy. They seem to run on nerves as opposed to ego. Its quite cute and flattering actually.
OBVIOUSLY there are exceptions to every scenario, but I do think it serves true for the most part
ITA with this. In college my two roomates (white) kept complaining that this guy "Trey" was pestering one of them, asking her for her number, to the movies, etc. This went on for a few days it they were talking about it like he was harassing her or something, but I didn't really see what the big deal was. And then, idk why, I just asked, "Is he black?" And they were like, "
Yeah..." And then I just had to explain to them that black men tend to simply be more aggressive in pursuing women they're interested in and that she needs to tell him explicitly and in no uncertain terms that she's not interested, or he might just take it for coyness and keep being persistent. They were like, "Ohhh, okay!"I know that's a generalization, but what to me was normal behavior for being hit on, to them was overboard. White men are generally not as aggressive. I think that I've missed a lot of cues because WM are waiting for you to give the green light or flirt back in a certain way, and IME with BM if they see what they like they'll come after you.
I think it's also significant that BW on the whole weren't co-opted into the feminist revolution in the same way WW were. This board is, IMO, more traditional than average when it comes to gender roles, and I think that plays into different expectations.
ITA with the bolded. I don't care if you're black, white, Asian, whatever; if you don't genuinely find beauty in women who look like the mother who raised you, the sisters you grew up with, your cousins and aunts--women who look like you and like the women who've loved you all your life, then something is wrong with you. A Japanese man might be captivated and wowed by the unique beauty and femininity of Indian women; but he should still be able to find Japanese women beautiful, even if he's more attracted to Indian women. If he can't, I think it's a clear manifestation of self-hatred.
I agree with your theory on the whole. As someone who sings opera, it is rare to find black people participating in this type of cultural activity beyond a singer here or there, let alone black men. I do know black men who are or have been instrumentalists in orchestras, but they are almost always the onlyone. And while black women are also uncommon in this art, they are definitely more prevalent than black men. Something that the broader black community doesn't realize is that black women are actually disproportionately famous in the classical music world--we're divas and legends!
Black men participate, but not at all to the same degree.For this reason I feel like maybe I should just date "out"--I'd probably have an easier time finding common ground.
Ummmmmmm you wouldnt put most BW in that same category? You think that the average BW has been exposed to more cultured things than the average BM? Or are you comparing the average BM to BW of a higher caliber? If so, thats completely unfair, and the same could be applied to how BW are uncultured. You should be comparing black people of the same caliber with each other.
Thats like putting a group of ghetto BW in one room and a group of higher status WW in another room and saying that you like WW better
But if you don't mean this, please correct me.
On average, black women are more educated than black men; so more black women would be exposed to the arts than black men. In addition to women in general being more into the arts, I definitely believe that the "average" black woman is more cultured than the "average" black man.
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nappystorm
Well-Known Member
Really? My experience is the exact opposite
They don't do the cat calling but they are persistent as hell if they like you.
