Black Female Interracial Marriage Ezine
- Thread starter texasqt
- Start date
mwedzi,
I haven't been picked up forcibly by a random black man in a club since I was, like 23 or something. And, at 23, we were unrefined and goofy and likely thought it was funny. Actually anything pre-freaknik for me I would have been more game to play with a bm. Post-freaknik, I was done with forward acting bm forever and have not swayed from that to this day. Visiting that "festival" changed my perspective on black men in profound ways. I became extremely conservative after that.
I think if it had been a black man this time, honestly, I don't think I or my SO would have been amused. I can admit that. He would have stopped the guy and I would have had all sorts of an attitude.
And, it's not like I think wm should get a break but it was so just unexpected and against the grain that we were all like, "."
It was totally beyond the realm of anything I've ever experienced with wm.
Thanks for the response. Yeah, I figured that that is often the case. You know, if a black person does something, it's offensive, but if a white person does it, it's bold and funny. I can't say I haven't fallen victim to that same thinking before, but I try to catch myself. The system is pervasive!
I've never been to freak-nik, but my bf went once several years ago and he described it to me. I was
. I guess I'm a very sensitive person and those stories made me mad and want to cry. He said he saw a woman stripped naked in a matter of seconds. Like, hearing that really hurt me. 
The whole thing sounds barbaric and base. #judging
Carolina Girl
New Member
@~Charlotte*York~ I would have
Ohhh yes they are getting bold. VERY BOLD when they drink. On a regular day, they don't have that liquor courage.
True Story
My last ex SO before we were in a relationship took me to Ocean City overnight. We decided to go to Seacrets (a caribbean club by the beach). I wore this dress. I wanted to kill it and it was my first time ever wearing this dress out. The back of the dress is almost completely open so yea...I worked out.
.
If you don;t mind sharing where did you find that dress? My anniversary is in a couple of weeks
mischka
shrinkage.
[/QUOTE]
I figured that's what you were getting at when you kept posting this. If you don't like the implications of these discussions, find other threads to patronize. THAT'S what's not hard.
mischka
shrinkage.
Deets. Please pm if necessary.
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
If you don;t mind sharing where did you find that dress? My anniversary is in a couple of weeks
I got from LVL X a year ago. Here is the dress in black..
Try searching for cut out side dresses online. And try here
Thanks phynestone. I was tryin do a little something.
[/QUOTE]
I am really confused by your post.
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BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
idk why they named the woman and not the man - this guy is an actor, he played on Heroes on NBC.
She is super cute. He's cute too.
SND411
A True Soldier Never Dies
If you don;t mind sharing where did you find that dress? My anniversary is in a couple of weeks
Arent you a WW? What is your interest in this thread
Carolina Girl
New Member
Thank you, I will definitely try and find something
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Esthi777
Well-Known Member
BeautifulFlower You look amazing!! I'm mostly a lurker but I had to jump off the phone app and log on to my computer so I could see this dress and you are rocking it!
SND411
A True Soldier Never Dies
She paid to mock BW on in this thread/board.
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
She asked about a dress and that's mocking black women? I apologize if I don't see the correlation.
And from what I can see, she has a bi-racial child so this board is for her and anyone else that would like to learn about ethnic hair.
*exit stage left*
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
BeautifulFlower You look amazing!! I'm mostly a lurker but I had to jump off the phone app and log on to my computer so I could see this dress and you are rocking it!
Hehehe....awwww shucks...Thanks. I was trying to do a little somethin' somethin'
texasqt
Well-Known Member
You did that! Thanks for the links!!!!!!!
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
The entire environment was just severely animalistic and chaotic. This was the early 90's and the men were behaving like raving animals toward every woman who walked past. This was before the pervasive stripper culture we have now. I don't even think Lil Kim had come out yet so women weren't even buying into putting everything out there and being treated as objects....and even that early, even then, the men were grabbing and accosting women at every turn. It was just too much. I had never been in an environment like that where ALL the men were functioning from a mutual paradigm that any and all women were objects there for whatever they wanted to have happen.
It was just a real wakeup call. My friends and I found ourselves really trying to protect each other until we could get out of the environment safely. Fortunately, there were about six of us. The women in smaller groups of two or three could forget it. They were going to be accosted. It was ugly and I didn't see any women there enjoying it.
It was like a male mob mentality.
Anyway....after that, and has our hip hop culture has taken up the mantle of that kind of thinking....I became hyperaware of disrespectful men, particularly black men. mwedziI'm sorry but, white men were not and have not been leering at me and approaching me in the way black men have done and do. It really is deeper than that we tend to allow whites to get away with things we don't allow blacks to get away with. Black men have a very bad track record. Anytime I've been leered at and had my crotch and behind stared at right in my face, it's been a "brotha". They don't even try to hide it. I had a little young boy stare at my crotch a few weeks ago on the street and look me in my eye and then look back down at my crotch without any kind of awareness or concern that I was watching him. When he looked up again, I asked him what was up and shot him a look and he sheepishly turned around and didn't say a word.
Do all black men do this? No. But, many of them have bought in to a conditioning that has disconnected them from common courtesy and human decency. The onus is on black men who have bought in to this kind of thinking to do some soul-searching and rejoin the civilized....it's not on women to pretend we haven't been experiencing or witnessing widespread disrespect from them for years.
When I encounter a black man who doesn't carry himself this way, I am beyond pleased. I haven't written them off. But, when I encounter a white man (only this one time so far) who seems to be aggressive out of character, I don't automatically lump him into a group because I don't have a widespread frame of reference with a group that he would fit into.
Dare~to~Dream
Well-Known Member
What's funny is that I don't think they are even married in real life. They both played in a short filmed entitled Akira's Hip Hop Shop. In the film, Akira is the name of the Asian actor...so that caption under that pic is all kinds of wrong.
idk why they named the woman and not the man - this guy is an actor, he played on Heroes on NBC.
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The entire environment was just severely animalistic and chaotic. This was the early 90's and the men were behaving like raving animals toward every woman who walked past. This was before the pervasive stripper culture we have now. I don't even think Lil Kim had come out yet so women weren't even buying into putting everything out there and being treated as objects....and even that early, even then, the men were grabbing and accosting women at every turn. It was just too much. I had never been in an environment like that where ALL the men were functioning from a mutual paradigm that any and all women were objects there for whatever they wanted to have happen.
It was just a real wakeup call. My friends and I found ourselves really trying to protect each other until we could get out of the environment safely. Fortunately, there were about six of us. The women in smaller groups of two or three could forget it. They were going to be accosted. It was ugly and I didn't see any women there enjoying it.
It was like a male mob mentality.
@mwedziI'm sorry but, white men were not and have not been leering at me and approaching me in the way black men have done and do. It really is deeper than that we tend to allow whites to get away with things we don't allow blacks to get away with. Black men have a very bad track record. Anytime I've been leered at and had my crotch and behind stared at right in my face, it's been a "brotha". They don't even try to hide it. I had a little young boy stare at my crotch a few weeks ago on the street and look me in my eye and then look back down at my crotch without any kind of awareness or concern that I was watching him. When he looked up again, I asked him what was up and shot him a look and he sheepishly turned around and didn't say a word.
Do all black men do this? No. But, many of them have bought in to a conditioning that has disconnected them from common courtesy and human decency. The onus is on black men who have bought in to this kind of thinking to do some soul-searching and rejoin the civilized....it's not on women to pretend we haven't been experiencing or witnessing widespread disrespect from them for years.
When I encounter a black man who doesn't carry himself this way, I am beyond pleased. I haven't written them off. But, when I encounter a white man (only this one time so far) who seems to be aggressive out of character, I don't automatically lump him into a group because I don't have a widespread frame of reference with a group that he would fit into.
This is interesting. In my experience, Latino/Hispanic men are more aggressive than black men, but I never went to freaknik.
Although this is your personal experience, and you are sharing (not looking for approval or judgment) I'd like to point out that you seem to be justifying what is essentially a racist belief. If a company claimed that it often had bad experiences with black women and that's why it had a one-strike policy for black women but a three-strike policy for everyone else, we would all have a problem with that.
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
And, that is fine. I don't have a problem with you feeling that way. In my experience, anytime I've been disrespected as a woman by a man, it has been one of my "own", a black man. When I listen to our music and see the videos and look at how our men behave, they aren't Latino/Hispanic. So, I really do not feel any kind of remorse or guilt for pointing that out. More black women need to point that out and call for it to end rather than going along with it. A very large portion of our men have foregone the personal responsibility of contributing positively to our community and many sisters have been carrying that load like a mule for too long. I'm not interested in categorizing misogynistic black men who disrespect and degrade black women as an equally valuable group with black women in the workplace. Those two groups are not even on the same par and shouldn't be lumped together to prove a point.
MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
You're absolutely right. It all depends on personal experience which is highly subjective based upon where you live, where you work, where you hang out, your religion, etc, etc, etc.
TrueToHair
Well-Known Member
.....................................
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I have no intention or desire to deny any experience you've had. I've had some of these bad experiences, too. But these aren't about general experiences. These are about specific experiences that have been mentioned in this thread that were disrespectful but excused because it was white men who were doing it. Forget even lumping someone into a group. These stories have specific individuals who behaved disrespectfully. But thinking about it, they were lumped into a group: the white group, and that is why the behavior was excused. For an individual white man's behavior to be objectionable, it has to be the case that most white men are doing it? Otherwise it doesn't count? Just calling it like I see it. And if I'm reading your post correctly, you don't deny that, so there's no disagreement here, in fact.
I'm sure any of us could construct a scenario where, say, some white woman does something extra sassy or smart-mouthed or what not and it's bold or cute or climbing the corporate ladder or whatever, but if we do it it's because we're emasculating sassed up unfeminine black women. And then would the justification for that viewpoint be "well, black women are sassy, they catch attitude all the time, just walk down the street and you can hear them!"? I mean, if that's okay, too, then . . .
Yet another case, in both instances, where if a black person did the exact same behavior as a white person, he or she would meet with far worse results. I'm not trying to play at saving black men or excusing any behavior. Bad behavior is just that, bad. Just pointing out a reaction that if a white person does the same bad behavior, somehow it's not bad anymore because they are in the wonderful white man group. Nothing wrong with dating white men or any other non-black men, and I have dated them. It's all good. But let's not excuse an individual's poor behavior because we're so enchanted by their whiteness.
Anyway, I know this conversation is derailing the thread, so I guess that's all I have to say. PM box is always open, but your point is already pretty clear, so .
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Almaz
New Member
Yeah I dont think those people are running out buying books I should not have to be that hard REALLY is it that hard to meet people of other races the book smacked of Desparation she should have just opened up a charm school and charged a thousand bucks a pop
So you think all people who online date (match.com, plentyoffish.com, eharmony.com, etc) are desperate?
Or just people who target other races online?
Sent from my WX445 using WX445[/QUOTE]
So you think all people who online date (match.com, plentyoffish.com, eharmony.com, etc) are desperate?
Or just people who target other races online?
Sent from my WX445 using WX445[/QUOTE]
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
I would say that I have observed that people tend to be harder on their own race which is natural and makes sense especially if you are around your own race more. Its like...
- a black man saying white women are better because black women have attitudes but we all know white women attitudes too
- a white man saying black women are better because white women are weak but we all know white women can be equally as strong
- a black women saying ....
You get the point.
I have first had experienced how disrespectful white men can be. It is different from what I have experienced with black men but it is disrespectful none the less. I have experienced the way they talk about women they are sleeping with or females around them in general. These things they say behind their back. VERY VERY HARSH and disrespectful words. I think, "wow, I wonder how they talk about me when I'm not around."
So just because we point out that our black men do some disrespectful things, its not saying we don't acknowledge other races can be equally disrespectful.
- a black man saying white women are better because black women have attitudes but we all know white women attitudes too
- a white man saying black women are better because white women are weak but we all know white women can be equally as strong
- a black women saying ....
You get the point.
I have first had experienced how disrespectful white men can be. It is different from what I have experienced with black men but it is disrespectful none the less. I have experienced the way they talk about women they are sleeping with or females around them in general. These things they say behind their back. VERY VERY HARSH and disrespectful words. I think, "wow, I wonder how they talk about me when I'm not around."
So just because we point out that our black men do some disrespectful things, its not saying we don't acknowledge other races can be equally disrespectful.
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Almaz
New Member
Exactly I have seen some IRR that the white or other man was TOTALLY disrespectful to the woman behind her back AND too her face but unfortunately she was so wrapped up DE White man is my saviour and my personal Jesus it did not matter when she left the relationship she would always harp on the black men that treated her bad but when I would bring out the white man that treated her worse than ANY Black man she ever had (Again she is one of the types of women that can do mankind a favour and STAY SINGLE) she would change the subject
People are people and men are men just find someone good for you whatever colour as far as that A-Class list of IRR posted earlier IF you are not of that Ilk I highly doubt one would meet those types of people just do the best you can and don't have delusions that you might meet the next Wolfgang Puck if you are not of that ilk.
People are people and men are men just find someone good for you whatever colour as far as that A-Class list of IRR posted earlier IF you are not of that Ilk I highly doubt one would meet those types of people just do the best you can and don't have delusions that you might meet the next Wolfgang Puck if you are not of that ilk.
Since this thread has pictures i thought i would post youtube videos of cute BW/WM couples...
But since I already tried to post this three times, I'm only going to post two...
I'm always laughing at this couple's videos...they actually met on a social network site..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWPcRu9Hi1Q&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xundMlMADM0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HetSnNRJh8g&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL
this couple is real young, but they're married
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AsZWPYva10&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC2uXLZWS4o&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL
But since I already tried to post this three times, I'm only going to post two...
I'm always laughing at this couple's videos...they actually met on a social network site..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWPcRu9Hi1Q&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xundMlMADM0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HetSnNRJh8g&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL
this couple is real young, but they're married
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AsZWPYva10&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC2uXLZWS4o&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL
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MissYocairis
Well-Known Member
With all due respect, I am not enchanted by anyone's whiteness. And, there's no group in my paradigm that would qualify as a "wonderful white man group". These are your preconceived notions that you assume people hold. Not mine. I've never even dated a white person or an non-black person for that matter. I simply have not been disrespected by one in the way we are discussing here. Why that has to become a lesson in racism against BLACK people, I have no idea.
When I mentioned the story intially, I didn't mention black men. You brought that up apparently to demonstrate that my and SO's reaction to the wm was disproportionate and inconsistent. Not sure how a thread on interracial dating has to revert back to how black men are being discriminated against, but, whatever, if it makes one feel more loyal, then so be it. I don't have that need. Trust me, I have gone deeper down the black man loyalty rabbit hole than you could imagine. Spent ten years of my life dedicated to ministering to, teaching, recruiting, mentoring, assisting, donating to, etc. wayward black men while in the NOI. I'm over it.
I've released myself of the need to tie each and every living experience into some sort of referendum on why we need to bet on black first. I'm going with the flow. This doesn't involve pretending white men have a history of showing crass disrespect toward women in public just because I know some types of black men do. I can't make every experience of my life about validating a group who has refused to live like civilized, self-respecting individuals.
As I stated earlier, I haven't written all black men off. My son is a black man, my father is a black man, as are my uncles and my SO. I adore them all. And, I can see the difference between good black men and the awful ones. I'm sorry it's uncomfortable for some. But, again, just because it is a priority for you to measure out experiences for disparate responses between groups, does not make it a priority for everyone. And, it does not mean one group is more revered than another. That's waaaay too simplistic. I may not be on the captain save a black man train as much anymore but it isn't because I think white men are saviors. It's just better for them to heal themselves, imo.
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