Spinny: White guys that perfer the Black ladies

[Ediese]

Ediese, I think you did sound a bit defensive in your response to him. Honestly, you told the guy you'd never had a black dude do the "Ai Shortay!" thing? That simply cannot be true. Those type of black dudes would holler at ANY woman, let alone a beautiful girl like you. I hope you do give him a chance, he didn't say anything that sounded off to me.

As to the main topic, I don't see anything wrong with white guys who prefer BW. The white guys that I dated in my single days had never been with a black girl before me. After we were together, they were SOLELY interested in black chicks lol. They had no use for any other type of girl anymore. I feel kinda bad for the one guy, as his family moved back to Russia and I know he was hurting for black chicks out there

After all, most BM prefer white women or basically any kind of woman BUT a black woman. And yet black women bend over backwards and tie themselves in knots to chase these men who would have any other type of woman if they had their preference. So why not date a man who actually prefers a BW? Makes sense to me.

I tell you what, if I'm single again you can trust and believe I will marry a WM with a strong and exclusive preference for BW, but NOT a member of the Federline Federation. A guy who claims so much love for AA culture probably wouldn't be a good match, those tend to be the fetishy ones IME.

A mature, intelligent, successful WM with a preference for my copper skin can step to me for sure, though. I agree that a man does have to have a strong character to openly defy convention and pursue a BW for marriage.

Yep, I did realize that after reading my comment. You're right...I have been approached by some of those obnoxious jerks, but um...I guess I was trying to not have him group them all like that because for the most part, it's not true. It's just the ignoramous ones.

 

[simone103]

I think there are a lot of WM that are attracted to BW, but they may be apprehensive about approaching us because they are not sure that we would even date them. I find that the majority of the BW that I talk to are just not that attracted to WM, and if they do finally decide to date them it's because they've had a lot of bad luck with BM.

 

[C(squared)]

I agree, especially at being apprehensive. A couple of times, when being approached, I've had white guys ask me if I would ever date a white guy. Like, erplexed...that's your first introduction? A lot of women don't realize that its difficult for a lot of decent guys to approach women in general.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Ladies, what do you all think? Would you be put off by a WM that only dated BM? Have you ever had a hang up dating outside your race? Would you think it's flattering that a well to do WM would persue you?

I know you all have an oppinion on this!

That seems to be your issue don't you think? Why not a scrub like the black men approaching that you listed But really why NOT a well to do man. Black women are awesome. I'd say unless he had some issues, or made you uncomfortable there's nothing wrong with preferences. I've never had a hang up dating outside my race. My fiance is black but he just as well could've been white, spanish, or asian, it really was a matter of who I fell in love with period.

 

[DarkVictory]

...member of the Federline Federation...

That's even better than "wigger"!

 

[keykee]

So what about the rest of you ladies...do you often get approached by white men? If so, where?

I always do.. at clubs or bars..
and ever since I went natural less black men approach me.. it's weird.

 

[deltagyrl]

I've been approached by WM and in almost all instances they held a preference. I've noticed that they tend to flirt with me ALOT...from white collar to blue collar to no collar. I don't know what it is.

I've also noticed that since I've become natchal, more are staring and making eyes...

I like it.

I am definitely open to dating WM but I have sons so I'm conflicted.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

Deltagyrl why are you conflicted since you have sons...is it because you are afraid of who they will bring home?

 

[Kalani]

One guy messaged me that he loved "darked skin, big boodies, and curves". I was like I am a 120 light skinned stick?? Did you see my picture?

LOL! Sounds like a description of me. Gotta love those presumptious generalizations.

 

[NYAmicas]

So what about the rest of you ladies...do you often get approached by white men? If so, where?

Mainly online and sometimes at clubs, lounges; they do tend to chat me up when I'm out and about alone, especially older ones.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

So what about the rest of you ladies...do you often get approached by white men? If so, where?

I've been approached by white men. One WM was so bold he came up to me while I was waiting for a ride and told me he'd been staring at me trying to figure out a way to talk to me without looking stupid lol. He asked me for a drink but I was on my way to my sister's birthday party (with present in tow) and I wasn't into him.

It's true white guys are more apprehensive about approaching women in general, let alone black women. I've noticed white guys staring at me occasionally when I'm at restaurants, bookstores or any place.

I'm not really into WM. White Americans anyway. I'd be a bit hesitant to date a WM who has a specific preference for BW just because I don't want to be a fetish object and I want a man to see me as a woman before anything else.

 

[HennaRo]

I know plenty of WM that are only attracted to BW. I've asked time and time again why...even my husband. They all say BW are just more attractive, they love the skin color, physical attributes etc. But even though my husband is white I'd still be aprehensive in dating another white guy just because people are weird. I have to know that your intentions are real and not some fetish. I agree that most hesitate to ask BW out and if they do they go all so do you like white men. It's the easiest way for them to find out if they are wasting their time.

 

[Spiffy]

Serious question - Why are fetishes bad?

I was just over in the Deon Sandars thread where it's real obvious from pics of his ex wife and current wife who favor each other that dude has a very specific type. I've found this to be the case with most men. Steve Harvey's wifes come to mind as well.

If white dude had a bunch of black ex girlfriends who favored I'd be more inclined to believe he knows what he wants instead of a 'taste the rainbow' type who is probably more about the new ussy aspect of dating than just settling down.

I think fetishism was a term/idea created by white women when they realized that white men liked women other than them, especially Asian women, but it's just as easily and swiftly applied when a man prefer's Black women.

Anywho, I've been approached by WM for as long as I can remember, through varying sizes and stages. I've been approached at school (high school & university), on the street, lounges, concerts, bars, restaurants, etc. I must say, from my experience (just want to make that clear), they have the cutest approaches, so many funny stories.

Someone mentioned up-thread that Midwest men love BW, well you ain't lying!

 

[jem_mcmillan]

My current SO is white and prefers bw. He admires our strength, the way we carry ourselves and loves it when we wear our hair natural. He never puts down wm he just prefers us.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Some black women can brag all day and long that we have the best bodies, most glowing skin, yada yada. We are the baddest creation, mothers of humanity, queens of the universe...
But if a wm agrees they immediately think something must be wrong with him.

 

[Renewed1]

Some black women can brag all day and long that we have the best bodies, most glowing skin, yada yada. We are the baddest creation, mothers of humanity, queens of the universe...
But if a wm agrees they immediately think something must be wrong with him.

Good point. Men are men of course they want to sample every woman under the sun, it's their nature. I don't think it has anything to do with color.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I think fetishism was a term/idea created by white women when they realized that white men liked women other than them, especially Asian women, but it's just as easily and swiftly applied when a man prefer's Black women.

I wish I could thank you 10 billion times for this!!! It is policing. WW know that WM are the dominant, alpha males on this planet. It doesn't matter if you are talking about Tennessee or Timbuktu, white men RUN it. WW want to marry these alpha men, they don't want to see some other race woman enjoying the lifestyle that WM can provide.

So this charge of fetishism comes in to CONTROL and dissuade WM from marrying out of their race (and taking those resources $$$$ with them). And it keeps non-white women, some of them anyway, from accepting the interest of the top dog men. It never stopped me, and I hope more BW will catch on to this scenario.

Think about it, WW have not one iota of a problem with marrying an Arab/Latino/Black billionaire who has a clear and open fetish for white skin. Do they let the fetish stop them? No they surely don't, as long as he can bring home the bacon! But when it comes to a WM taking his money and resources to a non-WW, they get a stank attitude quick, fast and in a hurry.

And yet black women, who stand to benefit the MOST from marrying out, want a full psych eval on a WM if he likes BW

Some black women can brag all day and long that we have the best bodies, most glowing skin, yada yada. We are the baddest creation, mothers of humanity, queens of the universe...
But if a wm agrees they immediately think something must be wrong with him.

OK! If BW really believed all of that, they wouldn't get all suspicious of every non-black man who showed an interest in them.

Really, lots of women have just been duped. MEN like WOMEN in general.... and BW are in many ways the most feminine of all women. The big lie that BW are inherently undesirable is in direct conflict with the facts and the history of our country and of humanity in general. The whole construct was put in place in order to protect WW by keeping WM's resources "at home" instead of with US.

I'm so glad I never drank the Kool-aid on this.

BTW, this thread made me go and look up one of my WM ex-BFs... he is a very successful man. I'm lightweight mad that I didn't marry him ... this is the boy who told me he was fascinated by my beautiful honey-colored skin and that it is the PERFECT color for a girl to be... that every girl should be my color. Now why should I prefer to marry a man who fawns over white skin (like BM do) instead of a man who thinks my skin is perfect? That's what most BW do, though...

 

[Solitude]

I think fetishism was a term/idea created by white women when they realized that white men liked women other than them, especially Asian women, but it's just as easily and swiftly applied when a man prefer's Black women.

Anywho, I've been approached by WM for as long as I can remember, through varying sizes and stages. I've been approached at school (high school & university), on the street, lounges, concerts, bars, restaurants, etc. I must say, from my experience (just want to make that clear), they have the cutest approaches, so many funny stories.

Someone mentioned up-thread that Midwest men love BW, well you ain't lying!

I agree, especially @the bolded...black women can't just be beautiful. We are "exotic" beauties. I like to watch Millionaire Matchmaker, but I notice how Patti rolls her eyes when a white millionaire says he's open to marrying a woman of any race.

Some black women can brag all day and long that we have the best bodies, most glowing skin, yada yada. We are the baddest creation, mothers of humanity, queens of the universe...
But if a wm agrees they immediately think something must be wrong with him.

I was thinking the same thing....I think we miss out on opporunities not thinking that a white man is trying to hit on us....this happened to me the other day at Red Box. Cute white guy strikes up a convo. I was back in my car and on my way before I even realized that he was flirting.

It's also funny to me how so many black women hold on to this belief that black men "prefer other races" even though like 95% of black men are consistently dating, making babies with, and marrying us.

 

[Solitude]

Now why should I prefer to marry a man who fawns over white skin (like BM do) instead of a man who thinks my skin is perfect? That's what most BW do, though...

This is puzzling to me....you know a lot of black men that fawn over white skin??? I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years...he has a ton of friends and only one even looks at white women. This one friend dates Hispanic and white women, but he has a child with a black woman. He tells me all the time that he will likely marry a black woman...I think he's just exploring because he's still young. None of my male cousins or friends dates outside of the black race, either.

Now, most men will sleep with any woman they find attractive, regardless of race, but to say that all black men "fawn over white skin" - that's just not true. Maybe it's just me, but I don't even feel like I'm in competition with white women.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

This is puzzling to me....you know a lot of black men that fawn over white skin??? I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years...he has a ton of friends and only one even looks at white women. This one friend dates Hispanic and white women, but he has a child with a black woman. He tells me all the time that he will likely marry a black woman...I think he's just exploring because he's still young. None of my male cousins or friends dates outside of the black race, either.

Now, most men will sleep with any woman they find attractive, regardless of race, but to say that all black men "fawn over white skin" - that's just not true. Maybe it's just me, but I don't even feel like I'm in competition with white women.

I'm far more concerned with raw data across huge populations than I am about a handful of men here or there. And the raw data clearly shows that then when it comes to marriage, black men marry out far more than black women.

Honestly, I could spend time typing out point by point the overwhelming evidence that black men prefer any other race of women over BW as a whole... but it's just not that serious for me to do all that. You already know what it is, and you are either choosing to believe otherwise or being deliberately obtuse.

In either case, good luck and Happy New Year.

 

[nysister]

No I wouldn't be put off, (especially seeing & listening to many of their options) It's a preference. We all have them.

And there are a ton of WM out there who have this as a preference, but don't act on it they're just ball less and scared do to American conditioning.

I'm not put off by it, in my mind it's as it should be and makes perfect sense.

 

[nysister]

I think fetishism was a term/idea created by white women when they realized that white men liked women other than them, especially Asian women, but it's just as easily and swiftly applied when a man prefer's Black women.

Nail. On. The. Head. We blame white America for a lot, but a lot of issues really stem from ww and their myriad of insecurities.

 

[ebonylocs]

Ladies, what do you all think? Would you be put off by a WM that only dated BM? Have you ever had a hang up dating outside your race? ...
I know you all have an oppinion on this!

Funny thing, my bro and I were just discussing this day b4 yesterday. He is engaged to a BW. But we were discussing a particular IR relationship and he said that if he were to be with a white woman, he would only choose one that prefers black men. I brought up the fetish thing, but he said "Why does it have to be a fetish?"

His point was that everyone has particular physical preferences, even within their own "race". A white guy might just love straight dark hair, petite builds and slanted eyes, so he finds Asian girls most attractive. Or he might like (relatively) dark skin, full lips, and round backsides, so he might think BW in general are most attractive. Or a white girl might like dark skin and tightly curled hair, so likes black guys best. If you don't think of it taking some big step to cross a some big RACIAL DIVIDE, but just see people as people, then it just boils down to preferences.

In theory I agree with him. But I also think that because of racism, colorism, historical baggage, etc. are a reality in society, it is often difficult to separate out pure preference from fetishization or objectification. In either direction. A BW who only dates white guys, does she do so because she just finds that look attractive, or because she views them as a "step up", a way to distance herself from the black race and align herself to greater power and higher social status? A white guy who only dates Asian women, does he just like that look, or it is because he associates them with some kind of geisha girl-soldierboy-me-love-you-long-time, kinky-tight-poonany stereotype?

I think that you can only go on a case by case basis and really pay attention to what the person does and says.

Would you think it's flattering that a well to do WM would persue you?

No. I would think it flattering that an accomplished, intelligent, successful, discriminating man of any race would pursue me.

And I'm a big hypocrite because when I hear of BM having preferences for WW, I automatically think he has issues For BM prefering WW*, it doesn't even have to be an extreme case (like stated above) before I think he has issues...it can still be in the early stages of 'preference'. Idk...it's just different to me. And of course there's an element of bias there as well...but it's more than that. It's like...ok, you prefer WW. Well duh. You have everything from commercials, to movies, to music videos, to articles, to TV shows subconsicousy instructing you to find WW more attractive, etc. So it's like whatever...you didn't think for yourself...that's fine, next (no shade, just indifference). But when you have a WM who actually voices his preference for BW...it's like wow! Not only do you have everything/everyone and they mama pushing the opposite on you, but you're not afraid to tell people? Dayum boi! Go head wit yo bad self I think that takes guts...and gets much more respect from me. (But like I said, I understand that there's a huge element of bias at play here

I agree. I don't think it's necessarily bias though. What you say makes sense. It more likely to be a true "preference" (instead of simply a pursuit of what gives higher social status) if you make the less socially sanctioned choice.

 

[deltagyrl]

No, not at all. At one point in time, I felt like it was ok for them to date (but not marry) interracially. I've since accepted that they have a right to love whomever they choose and just so long as the object of their affection is good to them, I'm straight with it.

I was alluding to some deep seated un-pc things that were ingrained in me as a child regarding yt men and black women. I also wonder if it's possible for a yt man to raise black sons successfully.

I guess that, when I think about it, black men have done such a lousy job, it shouldn't matter. A good man is a good man.

Deltagyrl why are you conflicted since you have sons...is it because you are afraid of who they will bring home?

 

[ambergirl]

I think some of us may be using the term fetish differently. When I use it I'm thinking about someone whose capacity for sexual response is tied to some characteristic or someone who is obssessively attracted to a specific trait. Like a man who can only get off by caressing some woman's feet or by huge boobs or butts. I have large breasts and attract more then my fair share of men with breast fetishes and while on one level it can be flattering, it devolves into something pretty strange and creepy pretty quickly.

That's why I wonder if people really want a man who fetishizes them because it's really not about you at all but some physical characteristic you or any other woman they're with must have in order for them to be sexually attracted and responsive.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I think some of us may be using the term fetish differently. When I use it I'm thinking about someone whose capacity for sexual response is tied to some characteristic or someone who is obssessively attracted to a specific trait. Like a man who can only get off by caressing some woman's feet or by huge boobs or butts. I have large breasts and attract more then my fair share of men with breast fetishes and while on one level it can be flattering, it devolves into something pretty strange and creepy pretty quickly.

That's why I wonder if people really want a man who fetishizes them because it's really not about you at all but some physical characteristic you or any other woman they're with must have in order for them to be sexually attracted and responsive.

Yes, @the bolded, that is what a fetish technically is. When WW allege that any WM who doesn't want *them* has a fetish, they are being hurtful, trying to say a guy must be a creepy sicko or else he'd prefer WW.

 

[runwaydream]

something about a WM that only likes BW kind of bothers me. which is weird bc ive dated AM who have a thing for BW and that didn't bother me at all. it must be the whole slave master thing bc it bugs me. i most likely won't date a WM but if i did i'd prefer one that has no real preference when it comes to race.

 

[mst1908]

When I was in college the white guys showed me crazy love so I showed them love back and I would go on dates with them. I actually perfer to date outside my race its a personal perference. I've had much better experiences dating white men. There are a lot of white men out there that perfer to date us 'sisters'. I say keep an open mind we're all God's creations so to me race doesn't even matter.

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[mst1908]

Girl, I can't go to Walmart without a white man saying something to me. I think I'm a white man's magnet because they stay on me especially at Happy Hour! I just embrace it!

So what about the rest of you ladies...do you often get approached by white men? If so, where?

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[Mis007]

It's cool, I had noticed of late (my experience) that more non black men are approaching bw, I am pleasantly surprised .