Spinny: White guys that perfer the Black ladies

[Bun Mistress]

Ok there are a lot of threads about BM perfering everything but BW and there is a new one about BW that perfer WM (or anything other than BM) for their reasons, and then there is the notoriously long thread about not dating black men.

Well, this is the LAST angle to approach this aruguement from. Here is the story:
I have been online dating on match for a month (disaster) and I get two type of males. BM that have issues or are pure scrubs (hang in there people, I have a point to this) or pretty up standing white males that have a career, homes, and like the Black women. It threw me off at first.

In the past I have dated despite the racial divide. Then I went on a BM only kick for a few years and it hasn't ended well.

But this list of WM that perfer BW is intriging. I almost didn't know how to respond at first but now I have met several WM that I really like talking too! In the past I have had bad experiences with men that only date (fill in the blank). But in all fairness men are visual and have a certain look that attracts them

Ladies, what do you all think? Would you be put off by a WM that only dated BM? Have you ever had a hang up dating outside your race? Would you think it's flattering that a well to do WM would persue you?

I know you all have an oppinion on this!

 

[Katherina]

If I were to date WM, I'd rather they preferred BW.

ETA: I just want to make sure he's dating me for reasons other than: to add the BW notch on his belt, to piss his parents off, to have some "ethnic" arm candy, to prove his liberalism, or something like that. I want him to appreciate my culture and my beauty. But honestly, I don't even want a white guy so...

 

[qchelle]

If he were on some jungle fever, mandiga type ****, then no, I wouldn't date him...I'd fcuk him...but I wouldn't pursue an actual relationship with him. Just keepin it real. And by this I mean going on and on about how he loves dark skin/nappy hair to the point where it's evident that he has issues. Like constantly commenting on his black gf when we're out. Yea, that's flattering, but it gets annoying fast+he has issues=let's just fcuk and be out

If he just stated (once or twice) that he has a preference for BW, then yea, I'd date him. Personally, there's nothing wrong with that to me. It's just when you get extreme with your preferences to damaging proportions is when I have a problem.

And I'm a big hypocrite because when I hear of BM having preferences for WW, I automatically think he has issues For BM prefering WW*, it doesn't even have to be an extreme case (like stated above) before I think he has issues...it can still be in the early stages of 'preference'. Idk...it's just different to me. And of course there's an element of bias there as well...but it's more than that. It's like...ok, you prefer WW. Well duh. You have everything from commercials, to movies, to music videos, to articles, to TV shows subconsicousy instructing you to find WW more attractive, etc. So it's like whatever...you didn't think for yourself...that's fine, next (no shade, just indifference). But when you have a WM who actually voices his preference for BW...it's like wow! Not only do you have everything/everyone and they mama pushing the opposite on you, but you're not afraid to tell people? Dayum boi! Go head wit yo bad self I think that takes guts...and gets much more respect from me. (But like I said, I understand that there's a huge element of bias at play here )

*By prefer I mean he who states "I like WW better", not he who meets a WW by chance and happens to like her. Two different things.

 

[kittykhat]

I only date white guys. Not the wiggers but white guys. I wouldn't be putt off by white guys that only date black girls but people don't really group me with "black girls". A lot of people (only black--which is sad) tell me that I'm not black enough...So yeah. I don't think it matters as long as you guys are feeling each other.

 

[comatose]

I'd be giving the side-eye. Might be some fetish ish. I'd rather he likes dating all types.

 

[keykee]

I love all men... ..all of them. so much.. hahaha
I just have criteria that I want in a man that I date. Good job, house, car.. successful.. etc. Not too much to ask for.

I want to know where all of the sophisticated black men are because lately all I am finding are white men.. or indian men. And I guess that is alright with me. At one point I was sure that I would marry a black man.. but now I am not sure.. I have a feeling I will be with someone outside of my race.

I don't mind WM who persue BW... but its annoying when it seems like the inter-racial relationship is something he wants to show off about.
I've told many of my friends.. there are more white men in this city than there are black men.. so just deal with it you're going to end up with a white guy.. hahaha.. too bad.

 

[Katherina]

I'd be giving the side-eye. Might be some fetish ish. I'd rather he likes dating all types.

He can like dating all types but still prefer black women. I have a few guy friends like this, and they've explained to me that they date black women because they enjoy the culture and beauty of black women. I wouldn't think it's a fetish.

 

[phynestone]

I wouldn't mind dating a white dude. They never approach me. Okay, they do, but rarely. Just looks, nothing else.

 

[comatose]

He can like dating all types but still prefer black women. I have a few guy friends like this, and they've explained to me that they date black women because they enjoy the culture and beauty of black women. I wouldn't think it's a fetish.

Your post mentioned "only dating BW". So I responded accordingly. Wouldn't mind "dating all types but having a preference". I just get dubious/cringe when I hear WM go on about dating BW or anyone go on and on about dating a particular race, really.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I'd be giving the side-eye. Might be some fetish ish. I'd rather he likes dating all types.

Serious question - Why are fetishes bad?

I was just over in the Deon Sandars thread where it's real obvious from pics of his ex wife and current wife who favor each other that dude has a very specific type. I've found this to be the case with most men. Steve Harvey's wifes come to mind as well.

If white dude had a bunch of black ex girlfriends who favored I'd be more inclined to believe he knows what he wants instead of a 'taste the rainbow' type who is probably more about the new ussy aspect of dating than just settling down.

 

[Katherina]

Your post mentioned "only dating BW". So I responded accordingly. Wouldn't mind "dating all types but having a preference". I just get dubious/cringe when I hear WM go on about dating BW or anyone go on and on about dating a particular race, really.

Umm, I said that he'd prefer BW. The OP said only black women.

If he only dated black women, I'd want to know why, but it's not necessarily weird. It might just be that he prefers BW ... just like some BW only date WM because it's their preference...

 

[Katherina]

Serious question - Why are fetishes bad?

I was just over in the Deon Sandars thread where it's real obvious from pics of his ex wife and current wife who favor each other that dude has a very specific type. I've found this to be the case with most men. Steve Harvey's wifes come to mind as well.

If white dude had a bunch of black ex girlfriends who favored I'd be more inclined to believe he knows what he wants instead of a 'taste the rainbow' type who is probably more about the new ussy aspect of dating than just settling down.

If it's a milder fetish that's just about attraction, then it's okay for me. Some sexual fetishes objectify, and I wouldn't want to feel like an object...I'm multidimensional, worth more than just my "black traits" - for example, if a guy only liked me for my butt I would have to kindly ask him to go elsewhere. If his love of my butt was just one of many things he loved about me, I wouldn't feel like an object. I want to be loved for who I am completely.

 

[Bun Mistress]

Had a long post typed then thread closed on me ugh!
Thanks for the responses ladies.

I think what is beinf elluded to is that there are two type of WM that perfer BW. The ones that seems to have almost a "fetish for BM". I have run into this alot. One guy messaged me that he loved "darked skin, big boodies, and curves". I was like I am a 120 light skinned stick?? Did you see my picture? Some of these guys are "closet wiggers" (oh no here comes the back lash). I say that because is seems like they do have something to prove by dating a BW. I run from these people. Fast. They usualy do bring up race very soon.

The type of guy I'm running into now "thinks BW are more attractive," which coming from the South drops my jaw a bit.

I know I am apprehensive b/c a long time ago I briefly hada run in with hte first type of guy and didn't relieve it at first. After we broke up not even two weeks later he was with a woman that looked EXACTLY like me. It was kinda funny b/c I dodged a bullet, but to see some one that is that simialar to you and that is the next person he found was also creepy.

 

[comatose]

I thought you were the OP, for some reason. Wasn't paying attention. But yeah, was responding according to OP.

 

[comatose]

Serious question - Why are fetishes bad?

I was just over in the Deon Sandars thread where it's real obvious from pics of his ex wife and current wife who favor each other that dude has a very specific type. I've found this to be the case with most men. Steve Harvey's wifes come to mind as well.

If white dude had a bunch of black ex girlfriends who favored I'd be more inclined to believe he knows what he wants instead of a 'taste the rainbow' type who is probably more about the new ussy aspect of dating than just settling down.

Personally, I don't like to be seen as an object of someone's fetish. What are their motives? It could be anything and my imagination runs wild. But that's just me.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Personally, I don't like to be seen as an object of someone's fetish. What are their motives? It could be anything and my imagination runs wild. But that's just me.

What does the bolded mean?

Men are not approaching women because of their personalities. That only leaves something physical on a womans person that is drawing them in. Any man with a thimble full of sense isn't going to say "Hi, I want to get to know your breasts/behind/whatever better." So the ones with some sense do the niceties until they are given access to knowing your breast/behind/whatever better.

All that said, what's the difference between the man who is drawn to your double D's vs the man drawn to your skin tone?

BTW - I understand distrust. We as women do have to be careful with the goodies. Problem is that if attraction to brown-ish/esque skin is easily thrown in the fetish category, then we are complicit in underminding and second guessing the beauty of our skin/features.

In other words, if the sight of a brown woman gives a non black man pause for sexual attraction then it must be because of some dirty fetish instead of nature taking it's course. That does not put black women in a good light.

While I am not on team save a wigger or any other such nonsense. I do think that male attraction is very simple.

 

[DarkVictory]

But in all fairness men are visual and have a certain look that attracts them

Ladies, what do you all think? Would you be put off by a WM that only dated BM? Have you ever had a hang up dating outside your race? Would you think it's flattering that a well to do WM would persue you?

I know you all have an oppinion on this!

Pursuit by any kind of well-to-do man is positive. Green trumps all colors and creeds IMO.

Some have a preference for BW as a physical type (I don't consider this necessarily bad or objectifying) and some have an attachment/appreciation of Black culture so they choose to date women from that community. Could be both, I guess.

 

[Nina_deF]

My ex husband only dates BW.

He's British and lost his virginity to a white girl and said never again.
HE pointed out that white British women are among the ugliest in the world and the Black British women are the most beautiful (HIS words but I do see his point...). I was the lightest he'd ever been with.

He's now married to an Eygtian woman (although she claims that she is not black, long story) and very happy.

I don't see preference as a fetish at all.
That's like saying that prefering bald men over blond men is a fetish.

 

[LivingDol1]

I'd be ok with a wm preferring to date black women. why not? every other grouping states their preferences. lots of black men on dating sites will flat out say they only date white women or don't date black women.

I've only dated white men. but those men I've dated have dated all types or don't prefer white women.

I bet I would get **** on if I posted an online profile claiming to only want to date white men. hmmm...

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

I don't see anything wrong with it.

I do however have an issue with the WM who slam thier own race of women.

There is a white guy that goes to my school who only dates bw. He's not the type of wm you'd want to date (borderline 'wiggerish'). He's one of those wm that makes it known that he LOVES bw. He'll say things like, "WW are ugly, they don't have no arse, they complain a lot, etc., etc." around a group of black females as if he has something to "prove". He does this randomly. In your head you're like, "Who does this ish?"

 

[FlowerHair]

There's nothing wrong with preferring a certain look on women, but like others have said, I would be afraid of a full blown "fetish".

But of course I love men who prefer women who look like me!!

Most people have a type, so that's okay.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

I wouldn't mind dating a white guy; however, they rarely approach me. I went to a predominately white bar /club the other night, and the white men didn't approach me. Im not loud or ghetto, and I would like to think that Im attractive, but no one approached me except the one black guy who was there. But then again, maybe in the Caucasian culture, the women are the aggressive ones because in the club, the women were the aggressors while the men let them take the lead. I just find that to be a bit odd. Also, the interesting thing is that if you tak a white woman and place her in an AA club, 9 times out of 10, she will be approached. Who, knows.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

So what about the rest of you ladies...do you often get approached by white men? If so, where?

 

[lushcoils]

Carmel, the theory is that if you are attractive and slim, men of all races will automatically be all over you as soon as you enter any room. If that's you in you avi, you look gorgeous to me and you have long hair too! But let's see what they have to say.

----
And, no I don't have an issue with WM that prefer BW as long as they aren't the wiggerish types or only focused on my physical attributes. That's like saying BW who only date BM are fetishizing them for their chocolate skin and big penises. But no one ever states that when BW continue to post how they love chocolate skin and large sticks. Why do we do that for WM?

Now the challenge is finding a non-wiggerish type of WM who is open to dating BW online and IRL.

 

[arosieworld]

@Carmel I find that if I want hit on by white guys at a white bar I have to pick one and give him the "come hither eyes" or they don't feel like they have a chance......I got this advice from one of my guy friends and it totally works. Just look at him like he is a confidant and smile....My friend told me that most men will assume your in a relationship or for some other reason uninterested, unless you give them a sign

 

[Imani]

So what about the rest of you ladies...do you often get approached by white men? If so, where?

No, I don't.

ETA: I live in the deep south. I've gotten an occasional flirt or compliment, and I'm always taken aback by it.

 

[Lovelylife]

So what about the rest of you ladies...do you often get approached by white men? If so, where?

Other states. I'm pretty sure it's your location.
I don't get approached white guys.
But something strange does happen. I used to go to clubs with a gay, (overweight)white guy. All the time white guys in car would shout derogatory things at him like they were mad that he didn't deserve to have me. Other times they'll make comments about me being attractive..however only around him. But I bet if I was one on one with these same guys they would just ignore me. I don't understand it. Men are disappointing.

 

[CarmelCupcake]

Thanks Luschcoils for the compliment! That was really sweet.

 

[C(squared)]

[USER]@CarmelCupcake[/USER] It's funny because I live in metro Detroit also and I get hit on by white guys. What even more funny is I get approached even more when I am with my white friends or they see me talking to other white acquaintances. Everything is so segregated in Michigan, that some white guys appear to be intimidated and nervous when approaching black women. I think that when they see you with other white people, they think, "Okay, she likes white people!" As ignorant as it sounds, I think its very true around these parts.

 

[arosieworld]

Midwestern white men love chocolate.....Seriously they have been lovin us since 1967