Spin-off : If You Hit Your Boyfriend/husband

[ChristmasCarol]

thats abuse!!! How can you be so clueless?!?! If your husband lightly slapped you across the face would you stay and think it's not abuse or would you roll?

Eta: your are at least 41 if you got married at 18, you can't be this naive in your forties.

FYI, I'm closer to 50.

You can call me whatever you'd like. The slapping double-standard has existed forever. It's not that unusual.

I just gave DH the "blow by blow" regarding this thread and he had a good laugh.

I'm finished with it, though.

 

[CoutureMe06]

I would not hit a man unless I was in danger and or rightfully felt threatened. An argument isn't enough for me to even think about raising my hands to a man or anyone for that matter.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[LaBelleLL]

FYI, I'm closer to 50.

You can call me whatever you'd like. The slapping double-standard has existed forever. It's not that unusual.

I just gave DH the "blow by blow" regarding this thread and he had a good laugh.

I'm finished with it, though.

you are equally yoked. the dynamic works for you both. i'd imagine you both would laugh.

 

[C@ssandr@]

I suspect there are more than a few trolls in here.

 

[JaneBond007]

if the is no justification to hit back there is no justification to hit first, no matter what he says. Learn to control yourself.

You mean, "oneself." I'm not in those situations. But you said,

"i was a victim of DV and my ex had NO REASON AT ALL TO PUT HIS HANDS ON ME. I didn't deserve it. I NEVER put my hands on him first. I ONLY stayed married bc I didn't want to get divorced within my first yr of marriage. However I do feel that if you hit someone they are well within their rights to retaliate. Don't want that drama, keep ya hands to yaself."

And I certainly hope that you recognize the danger of that statement because it points to a deep belief of something. I'm certainly glad you are now in a safe place.

 

[carcajada]

I agree. Women should not hit men. But to your specific point about rats, my question still stands. Why are these men dating abusive women? Especially if they know upfront what these women are about? If they learned to make better choices, they wouldn't be in such bad situations with these women, right?

The same reason why women end up with abusers. To say an abused woman needs to make better choices greatly marginalizes the issues involved. So, let's not do that to men.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I have never and would never strike DH.
I know 100% that if I ever did, he would not hit me back.

He is that dude who tries to help women in distress. He broke up a fight on his block years ago and the woman being attacked by her boyfriend turned on DH and started hitting him. DH let the guy go and went back inside.

However, I support self defense 100%. I don't expect any man to stand their and take a beat down from a woman. Walk away or restrain, but if its get violent I don't expect men to just take a beating.

 

[FeelinIt]

...would he hit you back?


Say you're arguing with your S/O and you're so frustrated that you end up slapping him or shoving him really hard ....would he hit you back ?

If he did, would he be justified in your opinion? I'm not talking in general, I'm asking specifically about your current S/O.

This is a spin-off of the thread in ET about Steve Smith and his comments about domestic violence. A lot of ladies in that thread agreed that if a woman hit a man, she should prepare to get hit back.

Well she should be prepared to be hit back. Just like Whoopie said, you can't expect guys now to be chivalrous and just walk away. Be prepared to get chin checked if you don't keep your hands to yourself. You can't have it both ways. Is it right? Hell no! Men should not hit women. But can it happen? Apparently it does.

 

[NOEChic]

You mean, "oneself." I'm not in those situations. But you said, And I certainly hope that you recognize the danger of that statement because it points to a deep belief of something. I'm certainly glad you are now in a safe place.

a deep belief that every has a right to self defense wether it is male on male, female on female, male of female, or female on male. Just because you are the "weaker" sex, doesn't mean you get away with being abusive. That frame of thought is detrimental to everyone involved. It breeds a groups of insolent little girls masquerading around as women. Who believe they can hit a man all day and he has no recourse. It trivializes the the seriousness of the situation.

 

[JaneBond007]

a deep belief that every has a right to self defense wether it is male on male, female on female, male of female, or female on male. Just because you are the "weaker" sex, doesn't mean you get away with being abusive. That frame of thought is detrimental to everyone involved. It breeds a groups of insolent little girls masquerading around as women. Who believe they can hit a man all day and he has no recourse. It trivializes the the seriousness of the situation.

Yes, but that is not what I'm getting at. I don't believe in violence, period. It's the cultural beliefs that are hard to crush. It's deeply ingrained, in the speech, in the actions, the views...it's there. People shouldn't even have to explain.

 

[FeelinIt]

So everybody just forgot about that Solange video huh? Jay Z did the right thing in most people's eyes. He kept his cool for the most part. But if she was dealing with someone who had less to lose, she would have been on that floor. ijs. She knew she could try it with him.

 

[Kanky]

Why would you be putting your hands on someone during an argument anyway? He was open and honest with her and she was able to work within his parameters. Isn't that what partners do? Or should he just get over his abuse so she can continue to back him into a corner by her actions during an argument. I'm beginning to see that many women really do believe that they are somehow excused for not controlling themselves when they are angry because men can take it.

What I'm getting from this discussion is many women are feel it is ok be emotionally immature and lash out when provoked but men who respond to their bad behavior are abusers. I though the idea about how many men are abuses by their wives/So and not reporting it was inflated but now I don't know. We tell women that if he hits you end the relationship and we expect men to understand he did something to provoke her.

I am assuming that the touching that he warned her against was not necessarily the violent kind. Even if it is, he should get over the abuse because having "flashbacks" and being unable to control his behavior is dangerous for everyone around him, including children who may not understand the "don't make daddy crazy" rules. I would not live with a man who was mentally unstable.

 

[Kanky]

FYI, I'm closer to 50.

You can call me whatever you'd like. The slapping double-standard has existed forever. It's not that unusual.

I just gave DH the "blow by blow" regarding this thread and he had a good laugh.

I'm finished with it, though.

You don't look anywhere near 50. Apparently slapping folks keeps you young.

People really need to stop equating violence towards women with violence towards men. My husband could probably kill me with his bare hands. Meanwhile if I seriously injure him without a weapon or the element of surprise it is because he stood there and let me.

And for the record, yes I keep my hands to myself.

 

[Mortons]

Hmmmm I am curious how you would really know until you hit him? I have dated some mild mannered dudes, and I can assume/hope they wouldn't. But my personality isn't really like that anyway. But I really can't say what a person would do if provoked repeatedly and aggressively.

Their overall personality and what they say(read: let slip).

My ex was mad arguing with her mom one day, then mumbled that she understood why her dad smacked the crap out of her mom sometimes because of her smart mouth.

I'm a girl with a smart mouth so I had to go ahead and end that one.

 

[NOEChic]

Yes, but that is not what I'm getting at. I don't believe in violence, period. It's the cultural beliefs that are hard to crush. It's deeply ingrained, in the speech, in the actions, the views...it's there. People shouldn't even have to explain.

you should change that cultural view with every generation.

Stop using the excuse as it's my culture.

 

[ChristmasCarol]

NOEChic

I just saw your earlier post that stated you were a victim of domestic violence. I would have never engaged with you on this topic - had I realized. I don't know your pain and certainly wasn't trying to add any salt to old wounds. I apologize.

 

[Leeda.the.Paladin]

I've never, nor would I ever, hit my DH, nor he me.

I have 2 sons, and if they were hit by their SOs I would expect them to dodge, and at most restrain, until they could remove themselves from her presence.

I also have a daughter, and if I found out she'd gone to beat up said SO, I'd probably have to beat her behind in turn. For me, that is not the answer.

The only way I see it being ok for me or my daughter to seek physical retribution for someone hurting my son in a relationship would be if he were physically incapacitated at the time ( quadriplegic, etc) and couldn't remove himself from the situation.

If he hit a woman back and/or if my daughter went to retaliate physically, I would be shamed to my core.

No offense to anyone, it's just my take

 

[JulietWhiskey]

Don't do me. I'm not the one.

.


Waymin, @shortdub78.

How are you "not the one" on the INTERNET?

Like, how does one get your girls and come see somebody on THE INTERNET?

How does one catch fade on THE INTERNET?

.

You know that sounds crazy, right?

 

[LaBelleLL]

. Waymin, @shortdub78. How are you "not the one" on the INTERNET? Like, how does one get your girls and come see somebody on THE INTERNET? How does one catch fade on THE INTERNET? http://38.media.tumblr.com/43f9ad61810fd4aaf6aeeccb0f0afdc8/tumblr_n801444fK11te26u9o1_250.gif. You know that sounds crazy, right?

Oh come on. There are crazier things said in this thread. That comment was the least of it.

 

[Southernbella.]

The same reason why women end up with abusers. To say an abused woman needs to make better choices greatly marginalizes the issues involved. So, let's not do that to men.

I was being sarcastic. Of course I know that's the case. It's said in every thread about dv towards women, by some of the very posters in this thread.

 

[PJaye]

Where I’m from, there are two things you just don’t do: (1) spit on someone; and (2) hit someone in their face. It’s never funny and things will go from zero to a hundred in a heartbeat.

 

[MamitaLolita]

I remember one time I was really stressed and my SO tensed his arm and let me punch it to relieve the stress. Like punching a rock. Anyways he would never hit me and if he did I would be wasted. That was proof enough of how much stronger he is then me and how him hitting me would hurt far more than me hitting him. I've heard men talk about how they should be able to defend themselves, I figure if a chick is mauling them they probably skipped arm day. If then do feel endangered I do believe they have the right to restrain their assailant.

This thread is long...let me go read

 

[JulietWhiskey]

Oh come on. There are crazier things said in this thread. That comment was the least of it.

Yeah, you're right.

But that was still pretty crazy.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Yeah, you're right. But that was still pretty crazy.

That visceral reaction should tell you all that you need to know.

My problem is that some women are egging men on to react in an unproductive way that will do more harm than good. There has to be a hard line for men, PERIOD.

 

[SlimPickinz]

I don't raise my hands to my men. But if I did some of them would have hit me back and some would not. My current man would not. But I wouldn't hit him, I've seen him knock someone out from one hit. I don't want that work.

 

[LaBelleLL]

Yeah, you're right. But that was still pretty crazy.

lol true but I found it comical actually....like "lol huh? So what's going to happen?"

anyways!

 

[MissSenegal]

No he would not. I don't hit people anyway but if I did he could very easily restrain me and he would.

 

[Supervixen]

I don't raise my hands to my men. But if I did some of them would have hit me back and some would not. My current man would not. But I wouldn't hit him, I've seen him knock someone out from one hit. I don't want that work.

"...Some of them would have hit me back..."

Seems like 97% of the DHs, SOs & boothangs in this thread supposedly wouldn't hit back. Great, but I just don't believe the % is that high.

Please dont be the chick who tries it and gets her hurt.

 

[Kanky]

"...Some of them would have hit me back..."

Seems like 97% of the DHs, SOs & boothangs in this thread supposedly wouldn't hit back. Great, but I just don't believe the % is that high.

Please dont be the chick who tries it and gets her hurt.

The overwhelming majority of men do not hit women. Hitting a woman isn't normal or civilized behavior.

 

[Supervixen]

The overwhelming majority of men do not hit women. Hitting a woman isn't normal or civilized behavior.

My opinion...^^^ is yours. We dont know the stats and people act different than what we/they expect in the heat of argument.

NO ONE SHOULD HIT! And no one should hit and not expect to get hit back. It is not normal or civilized behavior for a woman to hit either.

Simply, EVERYONE KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF. Kindergarten stuff.