Spin Off: Can Men and Women be friends?
- Thread starter EbonyYoungin517
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erplexed...
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Well...I used to think so but....
After what I've gone through recently, I have finally come to realize that MEN. AND. WOMEN. JUST. CAN'T. BE. FRIENDS!!!!
After what I've gone through recently, I have finally come to realize that MEN. AND. WOMEN. JUST. CAN'T. BE. FRIENDS!!!!
KiSseS03
Well-Known Member
They sure can! I didn't believe so before because of two experiences in which men I THOUGHT were friends basically put the moves on me. In the past two years I have formed a friendship with a groups of guys (and girls) from work that I can honestly say are purely platonic, and it's a wonderful thing!
caltron
Well-Known Member
No I don't think so. I don't think I've ever heard of it happening without some major drama happening at some point. It's just not worth it.
BTW, I'm not talking about acquaintance-type friends that you may talk to here and there, but full-blown, call once a day, spill your guts to, and hang out friends.
BTW, I'm not talking about acquaintance-type friends that you may talk to here and there, but full-blown, call once a day, spill your guts to, and hang out friends.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Yea, kudos to you women who have been able to keep and maintain boy-girl "friendships" without anything getting in the way.
For me...there's always been "drama" associated with boy/girl "friendships".
-Either the guy ends up liking me and I don't feel the same way
-The guy friend likes me but never makes a move...and since I'm not interested, it can get funny interacting with him for lengthy periods of time...thus making things awkward on BOTH of our parts
-I have a secret crush on my guy "friend" but he's definitely NOT interested back
OR...
Then you have the OTHER scenario which just recently has happened to me.... Where I liked a guy friend of mine, I kind of sensed that he felt the same way, but we both NEVER made a real "clear-cut" move. We just showed how we felt in "other ways" (ie. flirting, drama, him getting jealous of other guys around me, me getting jealous of other girls around him, playing "games" with each other, hurt feelings, misunderstandings and getting mad at each other, etc.) Ugh...
NEVER do I want to go through that again!!! Never again! That's why I don't think guys and girls can ever be TRUE platonic "friends" unless one of them is gay, or perhaps they both are taken. Otherwise.... 
I've just ALWAYS seen that eventually SOMEONE catches feelings for the other. Sometimes it's mutual and just not acted upon, and sometimes it's unrequited...which can be equally painful. 
That's just how women and men were made.
So...no more "guy friends" for me. Especially if there is some attraction on either side. I have some guy friends I made in the past that I've kept, but after what happened with my most recent guy friend, I'm not looking to make anymore guy friends. 
I want a BOYfriend. Not a guy "friend" pretending to be my friend because he wants more, or us both secretly wanting more but not acting upon it. Nope! Too much drama!
For me...there's always been "drama" associated with boy/girl "friendships".
-Either the guy ends up liking me and I don't feel the same way
-The guy friend likes me but never makes a move...and since I'm not interested, it can get funny interacting with him for lengthy periods of time...thus making things awkward on BOTH of our parts
-I have a secret crush on my guy "friend" but he's definitely NOT interested back
OR...
Then you have the OTHER scenario which just recently has happened to me.... Where I liked a guy friend of mine, I kind of sensed that he felt the same way, but we both NEVER made a real "clear-cut" move. We just showed how we felt in "other ways" (ie. flirting, drama, him getting jealous of other guys around me, me getting jealous of other girls around him, playing "games" with each other, hurt feelings, misunderstandings and getting mad at each other, etc.) Ugh...
NEVER do I want to go through that again!!!
Never again! That's why I don't think guys and girls can ever be TRUE platonic "friends" unless one of them is gay, or perhaps they both are taken. Otherwise.... I've just ALWAYS seen that eventually SOMEONE catches feelings for the other. Sometimes it's mutual and just not acted upon, and sometimes it's unrequited...which can be equally painful. That's just how women and men were made. So...no more "guy friends" for me.
Especially if there is some attraction on either side. I have some guy friends I made in the past that I've kept, but after what happened with my most recent guy friend, I'm not looking to make anymore guy friends. I want a BOYfriend. Not a guy "friend" pretending to be my friend because he wants more, or us both secretly wanting more but not acting upon it. Nope! Too much drama!
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Angel of the North
Well-Known Member
I do no think that being a strong Christian and being happy in one's relationship alone is enough to prevent a man from straying from his relationship (think about king David and some of our church leaders who have strayed and got caught), I guess what I'm trying to say is that we are mere mortals and everyone is open to temptation. Most of the men I've known who have cheated on their partners, did so because they could or because opportunity knocked, not because their partners or relationships were lacking in anything.
Personally I do have and have had many friendships with the opposite sex, I have had the issue of a few of them carrying the tealight of hope in the past but other than that the platonic relationships have worked for me
TCatt86
Well-Known Member
I'm not even like that with my female friends, so maybe that's why it works. I talk to my female friends maybe once a week, we go out about once a month and I spill my guts to my mama or cousin.
EccentricRed
New Member
I have plenty of male friends. I think it is important as the friend of a man, is to be respectful of his girlfriend. I don't call or text at latenight hours, or too frequently. I make sure that she is invited and welcomed if we all hang out. I try my best to be respectful, and not say crazy things that I would normally say to my boys who are single. I do understand both sides of it, though.
deltagyrl
Well-Known Member
I have a "friend" who I've known 22 years and every so often he drops hints.
ETA- He's married.
Associates - yes.
Close friends - not really.
At some point, men whom I've tried to be friends with seem to always cross and put the signal out that they're interested in more, regardless of their personal situation. I can clearly remember the first time it happened - I was in high school and this dude was one of my BFFs. We hung out together, talked on the phone all the time - I shared all of my secrets with him. I was heartbroken when he told me that he had a crush on me the whole time. I have male friends now, but I'm always cognizant of keeping some distance.
I have one long term very close male friend that has never gone there.
Close friends - not really.
At some point, men whom I've tried to be friends with seem to always cross and put the signal out that they're interested in more, regardless of their personal situation. I can clearly remember the first time it happened - I was in high school and this dude was one of my BFFs. We hung out together, talked on the phone all the time - I shared all of my secrets with him. I was heartbroken when he told me that he had a crush on me the whole time. I have male friends now, but I'm always cognizant of keeping some distance.
I have one long term very close male friend that has never gone there.
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CoilyFields
Well-Known Member
Right,
associates=yes
friends=no
ask yourself this...concerning you "male friend" if you put it out there, would they be down? If you walked across your living room naked would he withdraw in horror? men cannot be friends with us the way our girls can because they do not relate in the same way. I have had plenty of guy friends and i have always known that if i wanted it to go farther it would. we may not be bf/gf but he would definately hit. And some of them never gave any signs of wanting to.
Now when you are in a relationship, especially married, you mos def have no business having friends of the opposite sex. as a couple you can be cool with other couples but not specifically with the one of the opposite sex. when you are friends you share things, there is intimacy and not just physical but emotional intimacy (thats the way we women relate to others). And for the guy, their eyes get them in trouble. The bible says that when a man looks on a woman to lust he has already committed adultery in his heart. the more time you spend together...the more the temptation is to "look" (and you know what kind of look im talkin about). Also when you have two things that are similar then it is tempting to compare them. So there are going to be things that you may appreciate in your guy friend that you dont find in your husband/bf and vice versa for the men. thats a dangerous situation because then all it takes is one fight...one frusteration too many with your SO and who do you run to? Who can "explain" that genders actions? Who will you appreciate for being open and honest? Because guys are more honest with girls they are not in relationships with and we can easily fall for that sensitivity and caring (which is only there because there is no responsibility accompanying it).
And why wouldn't the guy appreciate you taking interest in him and his life without his being accountable to you for his actions? meaning you are not "nagging" him about taking out the trash or coming home at a descent hour. So you start to look pretty good when his girl/wife is getting on his nerves.
Im not saying that people always start out with bad intentions but at some point, whether they act on it or not, SOMEONE is going to think or feel something other than fraternal love.
associates=yes
friends=no
ask yourself this...concerning you "male friend" if you put it out there, would they be down? If you walked across your living room naked would he withdraw in horror? men cannot be friends with us the way our girls can because they do not relate in the same way. I have had plenty of guy friends and i have always known that if i wanted it to go farther it would. we may not be bf/gf but he would definately hit. And some of them never gave any signs of wanting to.
Now when you are in a relationship, especially married, you mos def have no business having friends of the opposite sex. as a couple you can be cool with other couples but not specifically with the one of the opposite sex. when you are friends you share things, there is intimacy and not just physical but emotional intimacy (thats the way we women relate to others). And for the guy, their eyes get them in trouble. The bible says that when a man looks on a woman to lust he has already committed adultery in his heart. the more time you spend together...the more the temptation is to "look" (and you know what kind of look im talkin about). Also when you have two things that are similar then it is tempting to compare them. So there are going to be things that you may appreciate in your guy friend that you dont find in your husband/bf and vice versa for the men. thats a dangerous situation because then all it takes is one fight...one frusteration too many with your SO and who do you run to? Who can "explain" that genders actions? Who will you appreciate for being open and honest? Because guys are more honest with girls they are not in relationships with and we can easily fall for that sensitivity and caring (which is only there because there is no responsibility accompanying it).
And why wouldn't the guy appreciate you taking interest in him and his life without his being accountable to you for his actions? meaning you are not "nagging" him about taking out the trash or coming home at a descent hour. So you start to look pretty good when his girl/wife is getting on his nerves.
Im not saying that people always start out with bad intentions but at some point, whether they act on it or not, SOMEONE is going to think or feel something other than fraternal love.
LisaLisa1908
What 40 looks like.
It honestly depends. There can be absolutely NO attraction on either part, though, and how you all meet and form the friendship is key.
The male friends (not acquaintances, but real friends) I've had over the years either turned into relationships (including my husband), or we speak so infrequently that it's not an issue. For the most part, my male acquaintances/trying to be friends wanted to hit.
I don't really have male "friends" at this stage in my life. I have dudes I'm cool with, but I can't think of one guy that I would consider like, my boy. What I mean by that is, I consider you my friend if I can stay at your home overnight and vice versa. I can't do that with ANY dude I know that I'm not related to. LOL
The male friends (not acquaintances, but real friends) I've had over the years either turned into relationships (including my husband), or we speak so infrequently that it's not an issue. For the most part, my male acquaintances/trying to be friends wanted to hit.
I don't really have male "friends" at this stage in my life. I have dudes I'm cool with, but I can't think of one guy that I would consider like, my boy. What I mean by that is, I consider you my friend if I can stay at your home overnight and vice versa. I can't do that with ANY dude I know that I'm not related to. LOL
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
I guess if you define platonic as having no physical relationship, then sure. It's not always just about hooking up.
But if you mean platonic as both parties genuinely having no romantic feelings/attraction for the other? Hmm...I'm sure it has happened, but I'm skeptical...and it certainly hasn't happened for me, especially where the guy initiates the "friendship." It doesn't matter if they're single, in a relationship, married, whatever. They seek out the friendship because they're attracted, so I don't consider that exactly platonic, even if nothing happens, since the barrier to something more is circumstantial.
But if you mean platonic as both parties genuinely having no romantic feelings/attraction for the other? Hmm...I'm sure it has happened, but I'm skeptical...and it certainly hasn't happened for me, especially where the guy initiates the "friendship." It doesn't matter if they're single, in a relationship, married, whatever. They seek out the friendship because they're attracted, so I don't consider that exactly platonic, even if nothing happens, since the barrier to something more is circumstantial.
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