Spin Off: Can Men and Women be friends?
- Thread starter EbonyYoungin517
- Start date
Ramya
New Member
ITA! Every man ain't checking for you! Some of yall need to learn that.
We're friends because we have stuff in common not because he secretly wants to have sex with me. They get enough sex without having to result to waiting patiently for the day that I come around. aka a cold day in hell. 
STLCoverGirl
New Member
ITA! Every man ain't checking for you! Some of yall need to learn that.
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
For me no b/c men who like to get close friends "catch feelings".
Whether the human mind can control the body is not in question.
And, of course, women and men can be friends. Friends with no past or present ulterior motive or hidden desires, not so much. I assumed that was what the OP meant, otherwise this would be a quick answer, and a unanimous poll.
I absolutely believe men are as faithful as their options. The last two people I heard this from or saw this demonstrated by were an attorney and an Ivy League grad. It does not imply he has no control. He has absolute control. We are talking about what they want to do.
EbonyYoungin517
Member
ITA! Every man ain't checking for you! Some of yall need to learn that.
LMAO...you right. LOL maybe an ego check is in need for some of us. LOL.
ITA! Every man ain't checking for you! Some of yall need to learn that.
We aren't talking about every man.
We're talking about ones that go out of their way to maintain a friendship with you, be there for you, do favors for you, etc. There's an ulterior motive.
Like Chris Rock said, every time a man does a favor for you, he's saying, "Here, would you like some ____?"
ScorpionQueen
Member
I voted that it depends..It depends totally on the man. There are some men that only want to be your friend and then there are others that use the "friend" thing as away to try and ease into your pants. It can get ugly..
Ramya
New Member
We aren't talking about every man.
We're talking about ones that go out of their way to maintain a friendship with you, be there for you, do favors for you, etc. There's an ulterior motive.
Like Chris Rock said, every time a man does a favor for you, he's saying, "Here, would you like some ____?"
I disagree with you. For immature men who can't be upfront with their feelings then yes, there may be an ulterior motive. For others NO. In my case a big fat RED NO. They really and truly want nothing more from me than my friendship. We are like family. I would move mountains for them and they would do the same. They weren't trying to holla at me when we met. Our friendships were gradual over a period of time just like my girlfriends. See this is why men scared to even open doors for women. Can't be nice to folks without people thinking you want something from them.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
My question however that always comes up when I read this topic is:
Just WHAT exactly do you mean by "friend"? How are some of you defining what a "FRIEND" is?
Because, based on how "Deep" the friendship is, my answer can vary. If it's a male guy buddy that you only see every once in a while, maybe hang out once every 3 months or so, and he never really calls you except every once in a while in the blue, then I'd say: "YEAH! Of course men and women can be friends!"
But, if it's a guy who's always calling you (at least once a week), doing favors for you, going out of his way to help you out, blocking any guy who seems interested in you, asking you out to be with him A LOT, etc. then I'd say: "NO a man and a woman can't be "friends".
So, what exactly is YOUR definition of "friendship"?
I totally agree with this statement. Even the majority of men on askmen.com will tell you that a man and a woman CANNOT be "just friends". Even if (EVEN IF!) the guy didn't originally have any feelings for you whatsoever, most guys tend to fall for women the more and more they spend time with them. So, his feelings (although platonic at first!) could very well change in the future if he continues to get to know you, etc.
Just WHAT exactly do you mean by "friend"? How are some of you defining what a "FRIEND" is?
Because, based on how "Deep" the friendship is, my answer can vary. If it's a male guy buddy that you only see every once in a while, maybe hang out once every 3 months or so, and he never really calls you except every once in a while in the blue, then I'd say: "YEAH! Of course men and women can be friends!"
But, if it's a guy who's always calling you (at least once a week), doing favors for you, going out of his way to help you out, blocking any guy who seems interested in you, asking you out to be with him A LOT, etc. then I'd say: "NO a man and a woman can't be "friends".
So, what exactly is YOUR definition of "friendship"?
Okay, so now I'm confused... If sexual attraction is the only reason that a guy would want to supposedly be "friends" with me, then does that mean that if a guy is NOT sexually attracted to me that he WON'T want to try to be friends with me? In that case, the answer to the OP's question would automatically be YES because guys can be "friends" with women...if they have attraction to them. I'm wondering if guys can be friends (or will even WANT to be friends) with women that they DON'T find attractive in the least.
I totally agree with this statement. Even the majority of men on askmen.com will tell you that a man and a woman CANNOT be "just friends". Even if (EVEN IF!) the guy didn't originally have any feelings for you whatsoever, most guys tend to fall for women the more and more they spend time with them. So, his feelings (although platonic at first!) could very well change in the future if he continues to get to know you, etc.
My question however that always comes up when I read this topic is:
Just WHAT exactly do you mean by "friend"? How are some of you defining what a "FRIEND" is?
Because, based on how "Deep" the friendship is, my answer can vary. If it's a male guy buddy that you only see every once in a while, maybe hang out once every 3 months or so, and he never really calls you except every once in a while in the blue, then I'd say: "YEAH! Of course men and women can be friends!"
But, if it's a guy who's always calling you (at least once a week), doing favors for you, going out of his way to help you out, blocking any guy who seems interested in you, asking you out to be with him A LOT, etc. then I'd say: "NO a man and a woman can't be "friends".
So, what exactly is YOUR definition of "friendship"?
Okay, so now I'm confused... If sexual attraction is the only reason that a guy would want to supposedly be "friends" with me, then does that mean that if a guy is NOT sexually attracted to me that he WON'T want to try to be friends with me? In that case, the answer to the OP's question would automatically be YES because guys can be "friends" with women...if they have attraction to them. I'm wondering if guys can be friends (or will even WANT to be friends) with women that they DON'T find attractive in the least.
I totally agree with this statement. Even the majority of men on askmen.com will tell you that a man and a woman CANNOT be "just friends". Even if (EVEN IF!) the guy didn't originally have any feelings for you whatsoever, most guys tend to fall for women the more and more they spend time with them. So, his feelings (although platonic at first!) could very well change in the future if he continues to get to know you, etc.
ITA!!!
But I suppose the men on AskMen have a "low opinion of men."
And, on the underlined, I have been testing that hypothesis for a few years and it's looking pretty much like, "yeah."
Last edited:
out.the.park
They'll be saying, "She gon' let me beat-beat-beat-beat-beat!!!!!"
Ramya
New Member
ITA!!!
But I suppose the men on AskMen have a "low opinion of men."
And, on the underlined, I have been testing that hypothesis for a few years and it's looking pretty much like, "yeah."
I suppose they do. I actually just got back from lunch with a group of friends. Male and female. We've all known each other for about 5 years now some about 2-3 years. Everybody pretty much gave me the "duh" look when I asked them.
Various responses from the men:
"Yeah some chicks just cool peoples like that and if i wanted to hit, I would have already **************."
"If I was trying to get with you, i wouldn't have waited 5 years, you straight but nah you're not my type. I like'em thick"
"Yall my family, we cousins"
After being insulted for about 20 minutes, I changed the subject.
Expand your circle. I'm just saying some of us grew up together. We're like cousins. Everything isn't about sex. It's not like we're sitting up on the phone all day or are in each other's faces all day. If I need something I call them. All but 1 are in a relationship and have been on and off since i've known them. None of them have ever EVER made me feel like they had any feelings for me. 
Gigi-07
New Member
Quoted for emphasis! But I know some females who WILL NOT befriend a lesbian, for fear of being "pursued"
by her or some crap like that. I'm like "Get over yourself!". Ignorance I tell you.
STLCoverGirl
New Member
I suppose they do. I actually just got back from lunch with a group of friends. Male and female. We've all known each other for about 5 years now some about 2-3 years. Everybody pretty much gave me the "duh" look when I asked them.
Various responses from the men:
"Yeah some chicks just cool peoples like that and if i wanted to hit, I would have already **************."
"If I was trying to get with you, i wouldn't have waited 5 years, you straight but nah you're not my type. I like'em thick"
"Yall my family, we cousins"
After being insulted for about 20 minutes, I changed the subject.
You are cracking me up today. I agree though, I tend to click better with males, I am more into cars, motorcycles, sports, crackin on people...typical guy stuff. I love having my male friends and it's never come close to crossing the friendship line.
LiberianGirl
Well-Known Member
Yes, and I would never date a man that didn't believe the same thing. The only reason I would ever feel threatened by another female that is friends with my SO is if they were previously romantically involved. In that case, I would require that he end that friendship.
spelmanlocks
Well-Known Member
It really depends on the person. Some people just can't handle it, others can.
cheetarah1980
Well-Known Member
Yes. There is something called chemistry that needs to exist for an attraction to be there. If there is no attraction or chemistry then a man and woman can maintain a strictly platonic friendship.
I will say that there are life stages when these friendships are most likely to develop. After college men and women rarely meet under the umbrella of just friends. Usually those friendships are a hook-up gone wrong. But in high school and college (and prior to that) men and women interact on a daily basis. They get to know each other through classes, projects, extracurriculars. There are hundreds to thousands of men on any high school or college campus. There's no way an attraction/chemistry is going to exist in all those cases. Sometimes someone of the opposite sex is just cool peoples and fun to be around and that's it. I met one of my best friends in college. He lived in my dorm and I used to hang out in his room constantly. What was my angle? I had the biggest crush on one of his friends. But I never looked at HIM that way. And he damn sure didn't look at me like that. Does he go out of his way for me? Yes. Do I do the same for him. Yep yep. But that's because we're friends. My friendship with him is no different than my friendships with other women. We just don't have that type of chemistry or attraction.
I will say that there are life stages when these friendships are most likely to develop. After college men and women rarely meet under the umbrella of just friends. Usually those friendships are a hook-up gone wrong. But in high school and college (and prior to that) men and women interact on a daily basis. They get to know each other through classes, projects, extracurriculars. There are hundreds to thousands of men on any high school or college campus. There's no way an attraction/chemistry is going to exist in all those cases. Sometimes someone of the opposite sex is just cool peoples and fun to be around and that's it. I met one of my best friends in college. He lived in my dorm and I used to hang out in his room constantly. What was my angle? I had the biggest crush on one of his friends. But I never looked at HIM that way. And he damn sure didn't look at me like that. Does he go out of his way for me? Yes. Do I do the same for him. Yep yep. But that's because we're friends. My friendship with him is no different than my friendships with other women. We just don't have that type of chemistry or attraction.
Wow! this thread is back!
OP, I agree with your bf.
This is not a good idea. I don't know a single married successful couple that maintains opposite sex relationships. I have male friends, but it's not productive to actively maintain these friendships when you're in a relationship.
The exception is not the rule.
OP, I agree with your bf.
This is not a good idea. I don't know a single married successful couple that maintains opposite sex relationships. I have male friends, but it's not productive to actively maintain these friendships when you're in a relationship.
The exception is not the rule.
Theo
New Member
I don't think so. It has never been the case for me at least. I have a lot of male friends, and even though all of them are "platonic", none of them are really "platonic." This is the way its been my entire life.... and I know that while my male friends love and respect me, I have no doubt that if I decided I wanted to get down, they would be down.
It is what it is.
It is what it is.
Similar threads
