Would you date a man if he told you he had a STD?

[LivingDol1]

i personally wouldn't date a guy who disclosed to me that he had herpes. it's great that he told you though. it's what he should do... there are lots of men out there who are freaked out about going to the doctor and just don't want to confront the possibility of having to be responsible for their own health.

i don't know if the 4th date was too soon to tell? i mean, who knows, you could be canceling out a great guy... herpes is super common. i know of someone who has it and she's married to a great guy and i guess she hasn't passed it onto him.

if someone is perfect for you in every way, i guess the disease wouldn't be a big factor. but it is a big factor... i would hate to give someone a chance who had an incurable virus, catch it, and then have things not work out and be stuck with it.

on the "positive" side, you could always say that whoever the next guy is who wants to commit to you obviously wants to be with you despite that but... what a challenge it would be considering the stigma that STDs have...?

 

[TayMac]

Not knowingly.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

One of my BFF's now hubby has HPV. He told her on their second date and she continued to date him because that was the only thing she didn't like about him. She got the HPV vaccine and they got married a year after, have a beautiful daughter now.

I found out another good friend of mine has herpes, because I worked at the lab that tested her cell sample. She never told me, but it was confirmed after the test came back. Her having herpes doesn't mean I don't want to be her friend or her to be happy in love.

I honestly don't know what I would do, but maybe you can go on a few more dates and see if you are compatible. I'm not saying to sleep with the guy, but maybe you can see if there's more there.

 

[goldielocs]

I commend him for his honesty. I know a person who didn't tell her fiance she had it until after the engagement party. I was scared for her life, but her dishonesty about the situation was the problem- not the herpes.

Whether or not you date him is your choice and I think you should follow your heart.

I couldn't date him personally but I am concerned that he doesn't take the medication regularly since it is spread so easily.

 

[LilMissRed]

oooo.. I dont think I could honestly do it.

 

[Skyfall]

I would....
if he was on medication and if I really liked him and it was later on in the relationship, like say we had been together for 6 months to a year, not having sex, when he told me. if it was early on in the relationship, then no.

 

[Lynnerie]

I've asked him to tell me more about it and he described that it is no fun. But at the same he is also not on any meds but he said that if the right girl came along he would go on meds.

I've already came to the conclusion that we will only be friends, it just sucks because he is like....wonderful otherwise! But herpes is FOREVER

WTF?!? So he's not taking medication because he doesn't have a girlfriend? What sense does this make? He should be trying to take care of himself instead he's just letting it flair up?

ETA: Just read Sylver2's post about taking meds only when having an outbreak.

My answer is no I wouldnt date him but I commend him for telling you the truth so early. I knew this girl in college who has herpes and she said she wasn't going to tell the guy until he fell in love with her because when she was upfront and honest early guys would always leave her.

 

[Nasdaq_Diva]

I met this VERY nice and handsome man who made me laugh and kept me interested in conversation. He was a true gentlemen and seemed like someone I would want to get to know. He's in his older 20s, has a job, has his own place and we really hit it off. So we started to date and after about four dates he dropped something major on me! At the end of the night of our fourth date he told me he has HERPES! And that he hoped it wouldnt change the way I view him.....I was speechless...What would you ladies do in this situation? Would you continue to date him? Or run and never look back?

I know alot of ladies are telling you to run, but the fact of the matter is - alot of folks have herpes/genital warts and dont' even know it. You can have one of thise diseases and never get an outbreak. Just an FYI

Does he take medication for it? How often are his outbreaks? Continue to date him. Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean it will automatically lead to sex.

eta: Ok, so I'm doing further reading and he doesn't take meds..I'm going to need him to start caring more about his body. Just because he has this STD doesn't mean it's a death sentence!

 

[sonyablade]

There is a whole lot of misinformation in this thread and some very valid truths. First of all Herpes Simplex 2 is the genital variation of the common cold sore which 98% of the population has been exposed to (even babies) and has antibodies for.. and shingles another skin disease that lays dormant in the spine,even chickenpox all are forms of herpes. The stigma with HSV2 is because its on people "privates" and its mostly contracted through some form of sexual contact though not even necessarily intercourse...just skin to skin contact. I agree with the poster that said people that are acting like its a life threatening illness are very misinformed. In fact all other STDs are more dangerous to your health since they can lead to cancer(HPV), infertility, PID, death. Herpes does not need to be treated if the patient doesnt want to be. Medication only controls symptoms, lessens them, shortens outbreaks and lessens the likelihood of transmission... but doesnt "improve health". I understand the OP's guy friend not taking meds..cause they are probably expensive and if he is not in a relationship he probably just deals with his outbreaks and keeps it moving. As far as everybody just assuming they are "clean" because they go for their annual pap smear.... They do not check for STDS. And even if you do a STD test request you must specifically request a blood test for herpes. If you do not...they will not check for it. The swab tests only check for Gonnerhea, Chlaymidia, Trichomonosis, HPV. The blood test is for Syphillis and HIV...unless you ask for Herpes testing by name. I have heard from health care professionals that they dont routinely screen for herpes because there is no need with such a large percentage of the population having been exposed and being asymptomatic. Also...there is no long term health risk like other STDS if gone untreated...so basically if you dont go to the doctor complaing of symptoms they arent going to offer the test. Like someone said...if you really like this guy... I would go get a blood test to see if you already have the antibodies in your bloodstream. (im not saying OP has it...Im just saying what if she has already been exposed at some point in her life and she misses out on an otherwise great guy?)

 

[softblackcotton]

If we are talking one of "The Uncurables" HPV, Herpes, HIV/AIDS. The answer is NO, IFS, ANDS, OR, BUTS. I'm a virgin. I don't need and shouldn't have to deal with that.

 

[sonyablade]

If we are talking one of "The Uncurables" HPV, Herpes, HIV/AIDS. The answer is NO, IFS, ANDS, OR, BUTS. I'm a virgin. I don't need and shouldn't have to deal with that.

This is a scenario where I completely agree. You have kept yourself pure and you have been responsible with your choice to remain abstinent. You are right- you shouldnt have to deal with that.

 

[Mena]

I know alot of ladies are telling you to run, but the fact of the matter is - alot of folks have herpes/genital warts and dont' even know it. You can have one of thise diseases and never get an outbreak. Just an FYI

Does he take medication for it? How often are his outbreaks? Continue to date him. Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean it will automatically lead to sex.

eta: Ok, so I'm doing further reading and he doesn't take meds..I'm going to need him to start caring more about his body. Just because he has this STD doesn't mean it's a death sentence!

You can't die from herpes. It is very very unlikely. Think of it as a skin rash. How many people from skin rashes? Not many. They are not life threatening. It is more of an irritation than anything. Take meds and keep it moving. The poster above was right. Other stds are more life threatening and can cause cancer or worse death. This why doctors don't test for these. For public health reasons, most doctors will test patients for chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis and HIV. This is because they are required by law to report any occurrences of these diseases. Herpes doesn't cause death or anything so they don't report it. If it were a serious illnesses, doctors would be more likely to report it.

 

[pattyr5]

If you like the guy and are willing to get to know him then go for it. I dated a guy who had herpes for many years and I never contracted it. Not only did he tell me about it up front, but he was well educated about it and how to stay healthy. You are better off dating someone who knows about whats going on with his health than one of these fools out here that never even bother going to a doctor. Herpes is a lot more common than you think.

 

[Ms Lala]

If I thought the person was a possible mate yes.

 

[happyjourney]

He's gonna wait for the right girl before treatment/medication????

Ummm...that would be a NO.

 

[sylver2]

There is a whole lot of misinformation in this thread and some very valid truths. First of all Herpes Simplex 2 is the genital variation of the common cold sore which 98% of the population has been exposed to (even babies) and has antibodies for.. and shingles another skin disease that lays dormant in the spine,even chickenpox all are forms of herpes. The stigma with HSV2 is because its on people "privates" and its mostly contracted through some form of sexual contact though not even necessarily intercourse...just skin to skin contact. I agree with the poster that said people that are acting like its a life threatening illness are very misinformed. In fact all other STDs are more dangerous to your health since they can lead to cancer(HPV), infertility, PID, death. Herpes does not need to be treated if the patient doesnt want to be. Medication only controls symptoms, lessens them, shortens outbreaks and lessens the likelihood of transmission... but doesnt "improve health". I understand the OP's guy friend not taking meds..cause they are probably expensive and if he is not in a relationship he probably just deals with his outbreaks and keeps it moving. As far as everybody just assuming they are "clean" because they go for their annual pap smear.... They do not check for STDS. And even if you do a STD test request you must specifically request a blood test for herpes. If you do not...they will not check for it. The swab tests only check for Gonnerhea, Chlaymidia, Trichomonosis, HPV. The blood test is for Syphillis and HIV...unless you ask for Herpes testing by name. I have heard from health care professionals that they dont routinely screen for herpes because there is no need with such a large percentage of the population having been exposed and being asymptomatic. Also...there is no long term health risk like other STDS if gone untreated...so basically if you dont go to the doctor complaing of symptoms they arent going to offer the test. Like someone said...if you really like this guy... I would go get a blood test to see if you already have the antibodies in your bloodstream. (im not saying OP has it...Im just saying what if she has already been exposed at some point in her life and she misses out on an otherwise great guy?)

PLEASE READ The BOLDED for everyone that keeps coming in here acting mortified that he's not taking meds and waiting until the right woman comes along..lol he probably doesn't have outbreaks like many people so doesn't need meds.
He is saying when he is in a relationship, he will start the meds which will keep his partner safer.

 

[happyjourney]

Still a no...for me

 

[sylver2]

as for me..right now i would say no. but i have friends who have it and know all about it. married couple where she has it he doesn't.
i guess i would have to be in the situation to actually really answer. if were inlove, getting married and he looks like Bryce .maybe..lol.

 

[LivingDol1]

I know alot of ladies are telling you to run, but the fact of the matter is - alot of folks have herpes/genital warts and dont' even know it. You can have one of thise diseases and never get an outbreak. Just an FYI

Does he take medication for it? How often are his outbreaks? Continue to date him. Just because you're dating someone doesn't mean it will automatically lead to sex.

eta: Ok, so I'm doing further reading and he doesn't take meds..I'm going to need him to start caring more about his body. Just because he has this STD doesn't mean it's a death sentence!

this is very true actually... lots of people don't know their status or just assume they're healthy because they've never experienced anything out of the ordinary.

i know girls who have HPV and one in particular who chooses not to tell her boyfriends... i don't know if she doesn't tell at all or she waits until much later in the relationship... but she sees it as an unnecessary burden to tell a man she's dating because chances are, men have HPV and don't know it b/c men aren't routinely tested/can't be tested/don't have symptoms... which is kind of messed up.

but yeah, there are a lot of people walking around, downplaying their conditions, and still having sex without giving the person the option...

i agree with this poster. keep seeing him... you never know what could be?

but he should get on meds...

 

[septemberbaby]

as for me..right now i would say no. but i have friends who have it and know all about it. married couple where she has it he doesn't.
i guess i would have to be in the situation to actually really answer. if were inlove, getting married and he looks like Bryce .maybe..lol.

you lubs you some Bryce.

My brother kinda looks like him. He's a personal trainer too.

 

[Imani]

I really do wonder how many people have Herpes and don't know it since they don't routinely check for it. I've never been tested for it myself. I have a annual gyno check up next Tuesday. So, I just need to ask them specifically to do the Herpes test? I thought I read somewhere (this was a few years ago) that the method they use for testing it isn't all that reliable.

To answer OP's question, probably not. Unless I was really really really head over heels about someone.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

I really do wonder how many people have Herpes and don't know it since they don't routinely check for it. I've never been tested for it myself. I have a annual gyno check up next Tuesday. So, I just need to ask them specifically to do the Herpes test? I thought I read somewhere (this was a few years ago) that the method they use for testing it isn't all that reliable.

To answer OP's question, probably not. Unless I was really really really head over heels about someone.

I've heard this too. Its been a few years but I think I heard that its only accurate if you are having symptoms when tested. For someone without symptoms there is a good chance you'll get a false negative. I'm not a health care professional though so please don't take this as the final word.

I honestly don't know what I would do in this situation. After 4 dates I'm inclined to agree that its not worth contracting an incurable disease. At the same time, its very common so you may be exposed by the next partner that you think is so great who unknowingly gives it to you if you don't already have it yourself (not suggesting that the OP does, just mentioning it because its so common). Also, (and this is the argument that gets me every time) I think about WWJD. Granted Jesus wouldn't be sexing before marriage but my point is that Jesus wouldn't treat this person any differently.

I'd probably date him if we both agreed on celibacy for 6 months or something like that. That should be plenty of time to find out what he is about and if he is worth taking that chance.

 

[sky_blu]

Whhhhhhaaaaaaaaa? How can they have a test for it and it not be accurate? Geez. I know a guy who believe his ex gf had it and he said something about her saying she had a false positive or something to that effect because of something. All of this stuff makes you scared to breathe the air.

 

[sky_blu]

There is a whole lot of misinformation in this thread and some very valid truths. First of all Herpes Simplex 2 is the genital variation of the common cold sore which 98% of the population has been exposed to (even babies) and has antibodies for.. and shingles another skin disease that lays dormant in the spine,even chickenpox all are forms of herpes. The stigma with HSV2 is because its on people "privates" and its mostly contracted through some form of sexual contact though not even necessarily intercourse...just skin to skin contact. I agree with the poster that said people that are acting like its a life threatening illness are very misinformed. In fact all other STDs are more dangerous to your health since they can lead to cancer(HPV), infertility, PID, death. Herpes does not need to be treated if the patient doesnt want to be. Medication only controls symptoms, lessens them, shortens outbreaks and lessens the likelihood of transmission... but doesnt "improve health". I understand the OP's guy friend not taking meds..cause they are probably expensive and if he is not in a relationship he probably just deals with his outbreaks and keeps it moving. As far as everybody just assuming they are "clean" because they go for their annual pap smear.... They do not check for STDS. And even if you do a STD test request you must specifically request a blood test for herpes. If you do not...they will not check for it. The swab tests only check for Gonnerhea, Chlaymidia, Trichomonosis, HPV. The blood test is for Syphillis and HIV...unless you ask for Herpes testing by name. I have heard from health care professionals that they dont routinely screen for herpes because there is no need with such a large percentage of the population having been exposed and being asymptomatic. Also...there is no long term health risk like other STDS if gone untreated...so basically if you dont go to the doctor complaing of symptoms they arent going to offer the test. Like someone said...if you really like this guy... I would go get a blood test to see if you already have the antibodies in your bloodstream. (im not saying OP has it...Im just saying what if she has already been exposed at some point in her life and she misses out on an otherwise great guy?)

The whole post is informative to those ignorant of the facts. That bolded section I didn't find out until I was pregnant and reading every book about anything. Which is why I cringe when I see adults kissing babies in the mouth and on the face. People may have it not know and spread it to the babies. I remember being in middle school and this girl would have those break outs around her mouth often and we would be grossed out.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

It wouldn't even be an option. I couldn't knowingly put my self at risk like that.