♥~♥ SINGLE MOTHERS SUPPORT THREAD! ♥~♥

SweetlyCurly said:
Have any of you gone to court to obtain sole custody of your kids? I need advice
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I have sole custody of my oldest two. We agreed and he has visitation. We agreed outside of court and took it to court. I don't know your situation, but would your son's father agree to family counseling? I am suggesting that because it will be an all out war and I would rather you both work it out without getting dirty. Tell him you really want to work together to have a cohesive, productive parenting relationship beneficial to the your child (our)

This sounds like he may have some ill feelings towards you and is using your son as a weapon. I get the total opposite. We aren't together, so he checked out or doesn't keep them to spite me. Make me pay for breaking up our family. Now my other situation is a total different ball game and if things got ugly, I would have to get the court involved and it would be a battle. Women really gotta be careful who they have children by. Husband or boyfriend. Some men think they will forever have control and access over your life since you are the mother of their child.
 
shortdub78 said:
I have sole custody of my oldest two. We agreed and he has visitation. We agreed outside of court and took it to court. I don't know your situation, but would your son's father agree to family counseling? I am suggesting that because it will be an all out war and I would rather you both work it out without getting dirty. Tell him you really want to work together to have a cohesive, productive parenting relationship beneficial to the your child (our)

This sounds like he may have some ill feelings towards you and is using your son as a weapon. I get the total opposite. We aren't together, so he checked out or doesn't keep them to spite me. Make me pay for breaking up our family. Now my other situation is a total different ball game and if things got ugly, I would have to get the court involved and it would be a battle. Women really gotta be careful who they have children by. Husband or boyfriend. Some men think they will forever have control and access over your life since you are the mother of their child.
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But you gotta play the game. This is chess. All of this is psychology. You gotta really know and figure out who you are dealing with and use that to your for the best interest of the child. Know who you are dealing with, so you know how to handle yourself and what approach to take.
 
SweetlyCurly said:
I'm not opposed to him having visitations. Not to thrilled about him taking him on weekends ( he brought back my 3 year old with stitches and a missing tooth) and don't want him making any decisions since he's very spiteful and instead of looking at what's best for my son he looks at what's more inconvenient for me. So upset right now
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That sucks!!!! If you are afraid of how he is treating your child you can ask for supervised visits. Your child's safety comes first. :yep:

My kids are teens but they don't ask, speak or care to do anything with their dad at this point. My ds doesn't even want to invite him to his graduation in June and we live in the same city as him.
 
SweetlyCurly, I agree about the supervise visits especially since your ex is spiteful. Why oh why when men don't get their way, they turn into 5 year olds? SMDH.. Anyway, is this the first time your child had been brought back injured? If not, document all of it, bruised children coming back from parental visits is deemed suspicious by the courts. I agree with shortdub78 that this is a battle of wills, you're going to have to play it very smart because these days, the courts are favoring fathers of getting custody. The way my lawyer for CS presented it to me is the trick to sole custody is that you have to prove that you are the BEST parent for your child. If your ex is lax about picking your child to and from activities, being active with the child, familiar with his Childcare provider (if in daycare), knows the pediatrician, etc, these are cases to build on. I'll come up with more scenarios in a bit. Be aware that custody cases are expensive and you must get a lawyer, absolutely do not try to represent yourself.
 
Happy Monday Single Moms! Thanks to those who answered that question about the neighbor and her DD. I've been kind of obsessed with it! THinking about it over the weekend, was a reminder to me to GET MY LIFE! THough I have to work like a madwoman for a short amount of time to get out of debt, it will be a priority to not make work and DD the sole center of my universe where it becomes obsessive AND a means to avoid life itself.

I think there is potential in me to do that...I wont, though. That life is not for me. Will work hard on it.
 
DarkJoy I've been thinking the same thing lately which is why I have stepped out of my comfort zone recently. My introvertness is getting to me but I'm making efforts to change......

Going on a school trip with dd and her class on Wed. Doesn't sound like a big deal but the thought of socialising with teachers (I'm fine with the kids!) did not fill me with joy but now I've signed up (and have no choice!) I'm looking forward to it and dd is overjoyed.

Talking to the Mr I'm dating, I didn't realise how closed off I was. He said he didn't feel like he knew anything about me which is why he went quiet for a while. He said he has shared so much about himself and didn't feel I was putting in any effort. I was stunned then realised he was right. I've changed since my ex. Talking to my ex meant he would use anything I said against me. It has become the norm to act like I'm in No Contact mode all the time. That's very sad.
Over dinner I told him more about me, just general stuff, nice stuff.

I thought if I carry on being militant, not relaxing with him(dates) then I will be single forever. We really like each other. Bublin chill out. My bestie told me NOT to text her unless I had some fun on our last date.....well you all know the rest.....them cobwebs got blown away....wooohoooo.

Now I need to figure out how to see him more. My life is one big routine. I live in safe bubble that needs to be burst.
 
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Nice post Bublin. You and me, we got similar issues. Le sigh.

Introversion, emotionally absuve ex's, well, if we let it the outcomes wont be great for either of us.

Think maybe it's a good idea to follow YOUR current example. Time to open up and be more social...eek!
 
Single Mom here to a 4 year old Princess. I just found this thread and was like AHHHH :littleangHi!

What is everyone's dating situation? I am assuming we are considered single until we remarry?
 
Welcome dede1129. I would consider single mom til marriage but we also include blended households where the man of the house is not the biological father.
 
I feel some type of way that my kids all have boos for VDay and I don't. Last year only one had a date so it wasn't that bad. I have to help them get a present. I wish I could get a surprise gift or something.

DarkJoy Bublin I am am introvert too I had to force myself to get out just a little but I love being home with my kids. I am taking baby steps but I know I will always be a home body
 
Good Day Single Moms! :) So I'm gonna switch gears for a moment. How are you all handling keeping up with yourselves as far as appearance. Is it challenging to do so while juggling taking care of the kids? Have tight finances prevented you from being able to keep up with yourself as well as you'd like? Or, have you mastered a system that works for you and you have been able to keep up with your appearance as well as you'd like? As much as we're working on our inner self, and doing a superb job at raising our Princes and Princesses, how is our outer shell reflecting this? I am a firm believer that when you look, you feel good. Does everyone have that area under control or does it need some tweaking.
 
Smiley79 said:
Good Day Single Moms! :) So I'm gonna switch gears for a moment. How are you all handling keeping up with yourselves as far as appearance. Is it challenging to do so while juggling taking care of the kids? Have tight finances prevented you from being able to keep up with yourself as well as you'd like? Or, have you mastered a system that works for you and you have been able to keep up with your appearance as well as you'd like? As much as we're working on our inner self, and doing a superb job at raising our Princes and Princesses, how is our outer shell reflecting this? I am a firm believer that when you look, you feel good. Does everyone have that area under control or does it need some tweaking.
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I really am working on having time for my fitness. I bought a jogging stroller last summer, but I didnt really like it. I also bit the bullet and got a gym membership. It was tough at first finding time for me. But now that I do, it actually makes me a better mom because Im happier
 
Smiley79 said:
Good Day Single Moms! :) So I'm gonna switch gears for a moment. How are you all handling keeping up with yourselves as far as appearance. Is it challenging to do so while juggling taking care of the kids? Have tight finances prevented you from being able to keep up with yourself as well as you'd like? Or, have you mastered a system that works for you and you have been able to keep up with your appearance as well as you'd like? As much as we're working on our inner self, and doing a superb job at raising our Princes and Princesses, how is our outer shell reflecting this? I am a firm believer that when you look, you feel good. Does everyone have that area under control or does it need some tweaking.
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As for the wardrobe, I love shopping at the thrift shops and my mom's closet. :look: My parents buy my kids their wants and needs so I am blessed that I really don't have to spend my money on them when it comes to clothing them. I started going back to Zumba (it is free through my job) I signed up for a $5 yoga meetup group which I figure I spend that on two teas a week so I can go to yoga. I signed up for the It Girl challenge and my hair is where I have the biggest struggle. Trying to keep it moisturized is a battle. I am going to perm this weekend and then rock tree braids for the spring and summer.
 
Thats awesome ladies! Great efforts. My thing is that I need to get more organized and manage my time a little better. That plays a factor in my appearance and keeping up with myself the way I could. I got a plan though, lol.
 
Smiley79 said:
Good Day Single Moms! :) So I'm gonna switch gears for a moment. How are you all handling keeping up with yourselves as far as appearance. Is it challenging to do so while juggling taking care of the kids? Have tight finances prevented you from being able to keep up with yourself as well as you'd like? Or, have you mastered a system that works for you and you have been able to keep up with your appearance as well as you'd like? As much as we're working on our inner self, and doing a superb job at raising our Princes and Princesses, how is our outer shell reflecting this? I am a firm believer that when you look, you feel good. Does everyone have that area under control or does it need some tweaking.
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Good question. For years I slacked on this. I had makeup, clothes etc (I can sniff out a bargain ANYWHERE) but didn't use them and only used them on special occasions. One day I said what are you waiting for. So I started with a bit of lipstick/gloss....eyeshadow here and there, and practiced. Now everyone always says I'm overdressed at work and other places. But I feel good putting my best foot forward.
It's not as hard as people think. I would get puma half hour earlier than the kids so I could be almost ready when they got up. Now they are older so it's a snap since they do so much on their own.
 
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Wow, that was me too. Buying a bunch of stuff but using them for special occasions. I realized I dont need a special occasion to look my best and im going to use my stuff. The very thing I teach my daughter about apperance is the very thing I needed to practice myself, lol. Like you said, just a few things here and there make all the difference and I feel good when I put in the effort.
 
Unlike y'all, I don't buy stuff besides hair and makeup to keep myself up. I am way behind on clothes, undergarments and only buy shoes when an old pair is ruined. All my cash for extras goes to dd and debt.

Trying to write myself, including fun and entertainment, in to my own budget but it's not easy. I'd rather get out of debt faster and give her the extras. Changing that for 2014 though.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*
 
kaykari said:
Honestly...From fear...Im afraid of some teenager hurting him
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Wow... I hadn't even thought about that!!!! I think that we have to be careful in general. Although it's not comparable, you never know what a 4 year old or 6 year old has been exposed to either.
 
Smiley79 said:
Good Day Single Moms! :) So I'm gonna switch gears for a moment. How are you all handling keeping up with yourselves as far as appearance. Is it challenging to do so while juggling taking care of the kids? Have tight finances prevented you from being able to keep up with yourself as well as you'd like? Or, have you mastered a system that works for you and you have been able to keep up with your appearance as well as you'd like? As much as we're working on our inner self, and doing a superb job at raising our Princes and Princesses, how is our outer shell reflecting this? I am a firm believer that when you look, you feel good. Does everyone have that area under control or does it need some tweaking.
Click to expand...

I'm a work in progress! Honestly, my fitness journey started after DS came along. I've gained about 15 lbs and I'm working on getting that back off. I try to wear make-up daily... Even if it's just a 5 min face. Accessories are a must and I'm working on building my work attire back up. My job is way too casual for my taste and after almost 7 yrs at my job, I unfortunately adapted. I'm working on that... I actually bought a few pieces last month. I try really hard not to be the disheveled mom regardless.
 
Single mom feeling blue..I broke my rule and dated a guy i met online who was never married and close to 40. He rushed me into a relationship .Over my bday weekend.. last week i discovered he was cheating. These never married guys have way too much practice running games. I feel so stupid and vulnerable like my picker is off.. He was even talking about wanting to meet my DD.. glad it happened before that. I'm venting.. so hard.. you meet a guy who accepts you as a single mom and then they turn out to be players.. :-(
 
Jazzmommy said:
Single mom feeling blue..I broke my rule and dated a guy i met online who was never married and close to 40. He rushed me into a relationship .Over my bday weekend.. last week i discovered he was cheating. These never married guys have way too much practice running games. I feel so stupid and vulnerable like my picker is off.. He was even talking about wanting to meet my DD.. glad it happened before that. I'm venting.. so hard.. you meet a guy who accepts you as a single mom and then they turn out to be players.. :-(
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That is awful.....and on your birthday too.
The positive is that he didn't meet your dd.
 
Jazzmommy said:
Single mom feeling blue..I broke my rule and dated a guy i met online who was never married and close to 40. He rushed me into a relationship .Over my bday weekend.. last week i discovered he was cheating. These never married guys have way too much practice running games. I feel so stupid and vulnerable like my picker is off.. He was even talking about wanting to meet my DD.. glad it happened before that. I'm venting.. so hard.. you meet a guy who accepts you as a single mom and then they turn out to be players.. :-(
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Don't feel bad...Venus ruler of romance has been on hiatus since end of December. She will be out of her slumber soon and we will all have a better time finding a mate.

I met a guy in November and we hit off. I went on vacation and we were going to hook up when I got back. We agreed on a movie date then on Wednesday he was like can I chill with him on that day, I was not in the mood but I was like for an hour then five minutes later he is like never mind. I knew then he had found another chick to get up with. I didn't call him out bc I wanted to see if we were still on for the movies. He never called or texted until the next Monday asking can we still get up, mind you our date was for the Friday that past. I told him no and good luck on his dating quest.

Just think you avoided getting real serious with that fool. His loss.
 
Jazzmommy said:
Single mom feeling blue..I broke my rule and dated a guy i met online who was never married and close to 40. He rushed me into a relationship .Over my bday weekend.. last week i discovered he was cheating. These never married guys have way too much practice running games. I feel so stupid and vulnerable like my picker is off.. He was even talking about wanting to meet my DD.. glad it happened before that. I'm venting.. so hard.. you meet a guy who accepts you as a single mom and then they turn out to be players.. :-(
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Im sorry :-(. What a jerk!
 
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