Hmmm... I met mom briefly on Halloween. The first thing she did was give my son a big hug and said call me "pink pink" ( that is what her grandchildren call her). We did not talk much because we took two cars and was driving behind the children.
She misses her grandchildren. They have been at my house everyday now for about a week. At first, I thought she was trying to undermine me because Cali would tell her they are having dinner over here and she would go out and buy them McDonald's (yuck! Lol). But now I understand their eating schedule too. They have "lunch" after school and then dinner at 7-8. That is a lot of eating in my book. They already have breakfast, lunch and two snacks at my son's school.
The children get along very well. My son is very protective of his daughter, but he is like that with younger children. Cali was voicing his concerns about his son not including the daughter in play and sometimes our sons gets carried away with video games and stuff the boys do not include her. Well Cali was like I am going to take the children home. I said "bye!" Are you really about to run off?! I asked why and he said he felt his daughter was being left out and that his son should be more accommodating. I told him straight up, wrong! Especially taking them out of the environment, my home!
I told him I was his daughter growing up. My brother was one year older than me and I wanted to tag along and do things with his friends. I missed out on Barbies and things trying to fit in with the boys. And it definitely did not work. There will never be an equality, because boys have their own thing. Though inclusion is nice once in awhile, unfortunately she has to find her own thing and I, as another female, will give her more attention, that is what she needs.
He felt insulted that I compared his daughter to my experience, because he has raised his children by himself for the most part, he knows his children, he must protect them. I said cute babe, but no matter how much you try to protect her, you cannot give her the same thing feminine energy can. Just like when he was telling his son, it is okay to be sad and frustrated, that men do all the time. I said there will always be a disconnect between me and my son, because it has a different energy. I cannot grasp a male perspective. Similarly with men raising young women.
You cannot run because YOU feel your daughter is being left out. Because once we move together, where are you going to run? We have to solve these things here and now.
That day I took her out, we had brunch, I bought her a dress, did her hair, then he came home and she jumped on her IPAD while we caught up with our day then me and her watched SpongeBob, he wanted alone time but was bother the boys were not playing with her. Everyone was chilling and you come in with your anxieties. Fuqq that! I just felt it was ridiculous to want to leave because of that. So I felt my short, angry "bye!" Was warranted. Old me would have said a lot worse. Like yeah, bye neegro...
Anyways, he mentioned this morning he told his mom about that particular disagreement. Neegro! Sigh...what did she say? Madison is right. The children love her, if you love her and want her to be a part of your life, CO parenting is going to happen. Yasssss, mom!
Cali is the reason I give my child so much independence. He was the only child, product of a divorce, like my son and mom coddled, I believe. I give my child SPACE. He has coddled the his son and daughter. It unfortunate that the people we chose as spouses did not work out, but you cannot protect children from all yucky feelings, you handicap them. I remember when I was having a grown up conversation and his son remarked, "I was lazy, I just slept." My son looked at him like "neegro."
So I said, "so I did not run out and buy YOU donuts this morning, wash dishes, clean YOUR room, run to the store to get you a video game, then cook YOU lunch." And you did exactly what today? Move along... one thing I don't do is talk back, or out of bounds questioning. I need to have one on one outings with him too. He is older and may be dealing with female abandonment issues because of his mom. That really hurts little boys so it is important to turn that around. I need to give him more attention too because he is talking out of terms to test my boundaries.
