♥~♥ SINGLE MOTHERS SUPPORT THREAD! ♥~♥

[crlsweetie912]

has anyone used care.com? it is hard to get a reliable sitter.

does everyone in this thread have a regular 9-5 job? how do you handle dropping off and picking your children up from daycare/aftercare? do you have family that helps you out? how many have had to rely on family to help you with your children?

Only when my oldest was young did I have help with pickups my mom would get him from head start. About two years ago my youngest sons dad started taking him to school. I changed my schedule at work do I could pick him up. I drop him off at us dads he takes him to school and I pick up. At one point they were in different schools! !!!. My oldest son was old enough to ride the bus I was just late picking one of the other two up. I looked into transportation once and was like 400 a month!!!!!!

Thank God now my middle son can pick up my youngest. There schools are pretty close. He walks up to my youngest son's school and they walk from there. But only when I have to work late.

 

[LovelyRo]

has anyone used care.com? it is hard to get a reliable sitter. does everyone in this thread have a regular 9-5 job? how do you handle dropping off and picking your children up from daycare/aftercare? do you have family that helps you out? how many have had to rely on family to help you with your children?

I have a 8:30-5 and I don't have help with picking DS up. Aftercare ends at 6:30. I'm able to get to him by 5:30/5:45... Unfortunately, I have to drive to work so that I can pick him up on time!

 

[Country gal]

Daycare and after school activities are always hard to deal with when you work far away from home.

 

[The Girl]

Daycare and after school activities are always hard to deal with when you work far away from home.

Good Job($ and benefits vs commute, late pick ups and possible CPS for repeat occurenes, etc)...the struggle is real!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Evolving78]

Daycare and after school activities are always hard to deal with when you work far away from home.

See I don't have anyone to help me and that has been my biggest fear and hurdle about getting a job outside of the house. Plus, it is going to cost me some serious coins for daycare and aftercare. I've been looking into working from home, but I got issues with that too. I hope that I'm not just sitting here making excuses for myself. I got gigs here and there but nothing steady. I freelance for a certain company, but can't take jobs due to the timeframe and family not being available to watch the kids for me.

 

[TayMac]

shortdub

I have used care.com and sittercity and found awesome responsible and fun sitters. I only use them for a couple hours til SO comes and puts everyone to bed. I work 7p to 715am

My 7yo is old enough to let me know if there is an issue which there hasnt. And she has her favorite sitter list. Before I moved, I relied on my mom a great deal and felt bad. I had to get out of my hometown though so moved an hour away. Now she gets them on weekends when I'm working and they love it.

 

[sunnydaze]

See I don't have anyone to help me and that has been my biggest fear and hurdle about getting a job outside of the house. Plus, it is going to cost me some serious coins for daycare and aftercare. I've been looking into working from home, but I got issues with that too. I hope that I'm not just sitting here making excuses for myself. I got gigs here and there but nothing steady. I freelance for a certain company, but can't take jobs due to the timeframe and family not being available to watch the kids for me.

I work at home, which in of itself is a real blessing, so I am able to get my daughter out of the house and pick her up from school in a timely manner.

I'm at a point in my career where I am ready to take that next step, but I know I would likely need to be onsite somewhere or move into a traveling role and I just don't know how I could make that work. I have a very supportive family and they are like don't worry about those logistics, they will work themselves out..but I am in the middle of town and they are all on outskirts..so I have to think about the day to day whenever I consider such changes.

I remember interviewing for a job and finding out it had international travel involved. The wanderlust in me was salivating at the idea, but then reality hit that I probably couldn't manage that in my current situation and I went from...to ....

 

[Evolving78]

thanks ladies for the input. i gotta a lot to figure out....

 

[sunnydaze]

shortdub78


What are your issues with working at home on a permanent basis?

 

[Evolving78]

shortdub78


What are your issues with working at home on a permanent basis?

bringing in enough money and paying for daycare. my background is strictly customer service, so i wonder how would i manage having a baby at home while working? working from home doesn't qualify you for childcare assistance, so i would have to pay that cost out of pocket, and that is $900 i can't afford.

 

[MzSwift]

Good Job($ and benefits vs commute, late pick ups and possible CPS for repeat occurenes, etc)...the struggle is real!!!!!!!!!!!!

So true!!

I'm seriously considering a career change until my son is older and more independent. I'm in social work now and work many late hours. My commute to work is 1-1.5 hrs and my commute home is 1.5-3 hrs! I spend over $200/mth just on gas!

I live near major retail stores and I'm considering doing that until he's older. At least then, I can have a 5 min commute. I pay my own private health insurance so I'm not too worried about that.

 

[MzSwift]

TayMac
Thank you so much! I've been a little leery of the idea of a sitter but DS is so lonely it's breaking my heart.


Hey ladies!!

Another single mom checking in! My stats:

33
Divorcing after 14 years of marriage (hopefully finalized by the time DS is out of school)
1 son
social worker

I've moved to be closer to my mom for support but the area is so expensive! I feel like I can't make enough to have a pleasant life. I have a bachelor's and a master's degree. I've been working in my field since 2007 but I have absolutely no interest in becoming a supervisor. My job carries a lot of responsibility and this transition (relocation and divorce) is not making things any easier. I work late hours and my commute can be anywhere from 1-3 hours! The only thing I can change right now is my career field. So I'm on the lookout for something interesting that'll provide the pay I need to provide a good life for us.

Thank you so much DarkJoy for starting this thread. I haven't been a single mom for long but I was raised by one.

 

[mallysmommy]

Nvr mind.....

 

[Tolle]

mallysmommy

I lived with my DH before we were married but I would not advise someone with kids to do so. Are you guys thinking of marriage, does he have any children?

 

[mallysmommy]

Nvr mind.

 

[DarkJoy]

@shortdub78, have you considered a Mother's Helper at least while you are working at home? They're not quite a sitter but are. They assist the mother as in keep the child distracted, cleaned, and fed while mom does whatever. Unlike a sitter or nanny, they do not spend time alone with the kid or cart the kid around by themselves. Mother's Helpers are cheaper than sitters too for these reasons.

I mean, while you work in your office, she would be with the kid watching TV or giving them snacks. That kind of thing.

As for care.com. I'll let you know. I'm currently in the market and looking. With all these dang jobs, all of which are 20-25 miles from home/her school, I'll need one for DD's pick up and drop offs and to keep her fed until I get home for work. Luckily her dad shares 50% custody so it's not such a hardship.

 

[DarkJoy]

A note: I have ZERO help with my daughter except the occasional playdate with her friends. Her dad has her 50%, so luckily it's not a huge issue. However, I urge moms to look into these options if they're in your area:

--Boys and Girls Club: CHEAP w/early late DO/PU. Membership fee $50. After School Care: $125 per school term, so $250 per YEAR! Summer Camp $250(? cant recall what i paid last summer but it was around that) per week for members. They also have special boys only development programs. Yes, I use them myself

--Gyms: I found a gym in this city that has lots of kids sports programs for both members and non-members. Parents night out monthly (child minding from 6pm-midnight $40!!); summer camps, winter break camps, spring break, plus little leagues, martial arts classes, etc.

--JOIN your PTA: I just went to a few meetings and had to work really hard to find aftercare programs other moms were using. Grilling PTA moms, I found lots of programs:
a. Non-profits: the BnG Club plus YMCA, and others
b. FREE Federally funded after care programs in every darn city. The one I have DD in keeps the kids with continued, structured homework and continued schooling, plus physical education until 6pm! No income restrictions.
c. City funded programs: There's like 5 in this city that either keep the kids on campus or bus them to other schools due to space. Fee increases with income and PU times are earlier.
d. County funded: similar to city but tend to have lots of income restrictions. Fee increases with income and PU times are earlier. Many times they dont take higher SES kids.
e. Lots of expensive sitters, nannies, programs, etc.

 

[Evolving78]

@shortdub78, have you considered a Mother's Helper at least while you are working at home? They're not quite a sitter but are. They assist the mother as in keep the child distracted, cleaned, and fed while mom does whatever. Unlike a sitter or nanny, they do not spend time alone with the kid or cart the kid around by themselves. Mother's Helpers are cheaper than sitters too for these reasons.

I mean, while you work in your office, she would be with the kid watching TV or giving them snacks. That kind of thing.

As for care.com. I'll let you know. I'm currently in the market and looking. With all these dang jobs, all of which are 20-25 miles from home/her school, I'll need one for DD's pick up and drop offs and to keep her fed until I get home for work. Luckily her dad shares 50% custody so it's not such a hardship.

I never heard of that! Nobody wants to share anything with me, so I am on my own. I started talking to my mom about and she said we will talk later, so maybe she and I can work something out. She is all I really have.

 

[Jazzmommy]

has anyone used care.com? it is hard to get a reliable sitter.

does everyone in this thread have a regular 9-5 job? how do you handle dropping off and picking your children up from daycare/aftercare? do you have family that helps you out? how many have had to rely on family to help you with your children?

Hi.. checkin in.. divorced 3 years with a 10 year old dd.
I work full time from 7:30 am to 4:30-4:45. My dd is in her school's before/ aftercare program from 7:00-5:30pm. She is with her dad on Wednesday evenings and every other wknd. I am in MI and my family is in CA, so i don't have help. I just have my mom's best friend for emergencies but she is almost an hour away. My job is really not flexible, so i save my vacation for emergencies, her dr apts, school functions etc. It's a source of stress. The ex doesn't really help.

 

[Bublin]

Question about online dating.
I know I don't want anymore children so what do I do when a guy messages me but his profile says he wants kids. It is not worth pursuing? Should I just ignore that fact and go with the flow? I just presume they haven't noticed that fact on my profile and it seems a bit too heavy to mention it.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Question about online dating.
I know I don't want anymore children so what do I do when a guy messages me but his profile says he wants kids. It is not worth pursuing? Should I just ignore that fact and go with the flow? I just presume they haven't noticed that fact on my profile and it seems a bit too heavy to mention it.

I say feel them out first. I never had that in my profile. And I don't think I ever went out with a guy with no kids. (I'm old) Go out and have casual discussion about it. If it's a sticking point, move on.

 

[Bublin]

I say feel them out first. I never had that in my profile. And I don't think I ever went out with a guy with no kids. (I'm old) Go out and have casual discussion about it. If it's a sticking point, move on.

I'm old too! 50% seem to have no kids. Maybe I should leave that off my profile but I like things to be clear from the start.

 

[crlsweetie912]

I'm old too! 50% seem to have no kids. Maybe I should leave that off my profile but I like things to be clear from the start.

No I know exactly what you are saying. I feel the same way about no more kids. Ds will be twenty soon so I'm in a different bracket. I was just stating that even though I agree with you, I guess it just slipped my mind to put that in my profile.

 

[sunnydaze]

I'm old too! 50% seem to have no kids. Maybe I should leave that off my profile but I like things to be clear from the start.

Bublin - I'm online and that is all I meet..40+ year old men with no kids . Funny...younger girls probably see that as the ideal..me, not so much.

At 42, my baby factory is happily out of business, there is no squeaking out one more. A lot of these 40+ have family/kid clocks that all of a sudden are going off. I try to let them know early on that I am not having any more children. I think that is only fair. If they want to keep talking after learning this..it is on them.

 

[Bublin]

^^^well my system is capable of popping out more.....but there is no way Im going through all that again....and risk being a single mum all over again. Nah. Not ever. Would rather be single for the rest of my life.

 

[DarkJoy]

I had put on my profile, first item in a bulletted list, "prefer single fathers" and that's what I got. Was sick of childess men. My uterus has done her job. The doors are closed.

 

[SweetlyCurly]

Question about online dating.
I know I don't want anymore children so what do I do when a guy messages me but his profile says he wants kids. It is not worth pursuing? Should I just ignore that fact and go with the flow? I just presume they haven't noticed that fact on my profile and it seems a bit too heavy to mention it.

Don't shut them out until you get to know them better. Keep in mind that not everyone wants to have children. I know some men just put that because in their minds it makes them more desirable to women who would like eventually to have children. Therefore until you get to know them better don't shut them out just based on that question.

 

[Bublin]

Thanks for the advice ladies....I'm going with the flow.

 

[Bklynqueen]

Chiming in! I'm a single mom to a beautiful 10 year old daughter with ADHD in the 5th grade. I was previously engaged to her father but ended the relationship because a broken engagement is cheaper than a divorce! Her father is not a constant in her life as he moved thousands of miles away, started a new family and only Skypes with her once a week. In that period, my daughter went 2 years without seeing her father until this past spring due to a family death and 1 time for her birthday. During these years, her father didn't tell her the truth about his current relationship and the fact that he's taking care of another little girl that is not her. I had to tell my daughter about her dads relationship a few months ago because she still wanted us to get back together and he was too cowardly to tell her the truth; she found out about the other little girl by accident (long story). My daughter is feeling a way about all of this but is not ready to fully face her feelings and is uncomfortable thinking unkind thoughts about her dad so I'm just observing her for now. I know a major ish storm is coming regarding her feelings, I'm just hoping it does not destroy her self worth; I work very hard to instill confidence and encouragement to her but I do worry a lot.

It's been 3 years since the breakup in which I ventured in 2 short-lived relationships; one with an ex (fail!) and one long distance ( got too tough). I'm currently going through middle school applications, auditions, preparation for school statewide exams, children activities all while holding down a full time job working over 46 hrs per week and taking on house repairs and maintaining a household. Sometimes I ask myself "How am I doing this without collapsing?" I tell you, it's only by the grace of God that I'm still standing! I told myself that I will try to venture into dating again but I'll admit, I'm doing a lot of foot dragging behind it. At the same time, I'm not getting any younger and don't want to waste my "getting power" staying home all the time, lol. I'm currently battling a nasty cold virus that my beautiful nephew has blessed me with and boy it's times like these that I wish that I had a loving SO to take care of me when I'm sick to my bones! It's hard parenting when you can't even get out of bed.. I'm hoping to see a positive and exciting change in my life for 2014..

 

[Farida]

Another issue that I want to share is that I was in shut down mode for many years... I didn't date nor did I even seek out guy friends. I was just in "Working on Me and DD" mode. I have to admit, it was productive but lonely and as a result it wasn't as productive as I thought because it left me feeling empty and off balance because it wasn't realistic to my true feelings and desires. I was in a way fooling myself by trying to be so strong and overly focused rather than modest and realistic in regards to my life. Anyways, I finally stepped out (end of 2012) and started seeing a really awesome and great guy (even through now I can't deny that this was an awesome man), not just great for me but also for my daughter. He treated her like a princess just like his own DD who is also the same age. I thought I was in heaven, lol. Long story short, when things ended between us (unexpectedly) it not only hurt me terribly but it also silently hurt my daughter. I know this because she just recently expressed to me that when "He" was in the picture, it felt like a Family. She said how she was so happy, and then suddenly it was gone. Needless to say, I didn't know how to feel after she said that; I felt so many emotions, but I was very happy that she shared that with me. I wondered dare I ever let someone back in our lives? Or do I just learn from this and carefully give love a chance again? Yes, I obviously want to settle down, but the protective nature of a Mom refuses to ever put my DD through that again. I felt so bad to hear her say that. I don't care if I go through a heartbreak and disappointment, but I don't want my daughter to feel another disappointment like that, and on top of that, already dealing with not having her father actively in her life she would like. (Hope this makes sense, I was typing in a hurry) So this is something that flutters in my mind as single mom lately. Want the love, skip the disappointment, lol, yea, I may be asking for too much. I am happy to say that I have carefully decided to make friends for now...I'll worry about relationships later, but I really want to build a few good friendships and enjoy companionship rather than be dead struck on finding love. I believe this will be more beneficial for me for now.

You sound like a great mom and I think you are doing a wonderful thing for your daughter.