♥~♥ SINGLE MOTHERS SUPPORT THREAD! ♥~♥

felic1 said:
Hello Everyone! I would like to say Hi! I am the divorced mother of a 23 year old son. He has a disability and I think we will live together a long time. I have not dated much since he was in the world. I have seen a few people and the last I was seeing was off and on for about 10 years. I let it go. My parents had some illness and my Dad died a good death in 11/2013. My mother needs help right now so I am doing that as best I can. My son is a really big help to me and his Granny. Unfortunately, he is a better helper than my 2 siblings.

My son rode a bus to school for the disabled. There were bus aides who were very "helpful". One of these was arrested for assaulting a kid in a local municipal complex. Not with his fists mind you. Do not be afraid to be called over protective.
Keep on guarding your children. Pedophiles will do your sons and your daughters. The arrestee actually asked me once if my son could spend the night. I declined. Look at what was revealed.:look:
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Oh yes, mothers of sons have to be JUST as vigilant as mothers of daughters!!!!
 
crlsweetie912 said:
Honestly for me I didn't have a choice. Lost a lot of friends because I couldn't afford to go out eating and drinking.......but it showed me that not everyone is your true friend. And if they weren't true I didn't need them anyway.
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You bring up a good point and I absolutely can relate.
 
Got a couple small topics to get off your chest Smiley79 :lol:. I'd like to respond to those tonight when I'm off work and the LO is put to bed.

I'd also like to thank the veterans for posting like Hairsnob and crlsweetie912 (and anyone else I'm missing)! We got a wealth of knowledge and experience up in here :yep:
 
SweetlyCurly said:
You bring up a good point and I absolutely can relate.
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I mean I had "friends" say oh we got you girl, we are "sistas" we are there for you....:ohwell:
People who can't hold you down in rough times don't deserve to be there in good times.
I remember during a particularly rough holiday season, this one girl bragged on and on about how she was going to buy this and that and all this stuff for her son on black Friday. She knew about my situation (that year we didn't have much of anything for a "holiday") and kept me asking about my shopping plans. Finally I said we won't have much of a Christmas this year, and she said "well, you can come with me and stand in line in X store while I go to Y store". With a straight face....smdh. Kicked that chick to the curb.
 
crlsweetie912 said:
I mean I had "friends" say oh we got you girl, we are "sistas" we are there for you....:ohwell:
People who can't hold you down in rough times don't deserve to be there in good times.
I remember during a particularly rough holiday season, this one girl bragged on and on about how she was going to buy this and that and all this stuff for her son on black Friday. She knew about my situation (that year we didn't have much of anything for a "holiday") and kept me asking about my shopping plans. Finally I said we won't have much of a Christmas this year, and she said "well, you can come with me and stand in line in X store while I go to Y store". With a straight face....smdh. Kicked that chick to the curb.
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Those are definitely learning experiences and show you who's really there for you. Last year I had a car accident and ended up losing my job after. My "friends" except one all disappeared basically because I wasn't doing happy hour after work. Even with family you see some of that. After I had my son I noticed my siblings started hanging out without inviting me. I don't know if people automatically assume that your life is over after you have kids and stop including you in stuff or if they just think that you'll say no. Either way it hurts a bit when you are not included.
 
Hey ladies! I'm a single mom to a 5 y.o. boy. His dad is very active in his life and we have a pretty good relationship... It's still "all on me" though! I work full time and I do sew ins on the side... Thank God for my support system.

I date but I'm super cautious when it comes to introducing DS... It rarely ever gets to that point and I also try to limit conversations regarding DS... I don't want to talk about him too much and I don't want them asking too too much about him. I want to be married but, I'm terrified at the thought of leaving DS with anyone... I know that would eventually happen.
 
DarkJoy make sure you take sometime for you. Also, make sure your child doesn't feel neglected, my mom worked two jobs to get out of debt which in turn left me to raise myself. My mom regrets it now.

I am grateful for my parents being supportive of my kids and me but I have made up in my mind that in 2014 I well give back to my parents in small ways until I get extra monies. I just want them to know I am so grateful for their support.
 
crlsweetie912 said:
I mean I had "friends" say oh we got you girl, we are "sistas" we are there for you....:ohwell:
People who can't hold you down in rough times don't deserve to be there in good times.
I remember during a particularly rough holiday season, this one girl bragged on and on about how she was going to buy this and that and all this stuff for her son on black Friday. She knew about my situation (that year we didn't have much of anything for a "holiday") and kept me asking about my shopping plans. Finally I said we won't have much of a Christmas this year, and she said "well, you can come with me and stand in line in X store while I go to Y store". With a straight face....smdh. Kicked that chick to the curb.
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I feel you!!!! I have two friends and a new one that if the rubber meets the road they got my back. They supported me through my divorce.
 
Hi Ladies,
Its nice to see this thread so busy already.

My intro...

I work 4 days a week, good job, not really struggling but could do better with finances.

ds - 11 years old. Has mild Aspergers. My parents moved abroad when he was about 2 years old and so no support at all. His behaviour and ailments were so hard to deal with on my own. At school he was being labelled as disruptive and I was getting no help. I know my son had alot in him but all school could see was a 'difficult black boy'. Long story short he went to stay in JA with his grandparents. It has done him the world of good as is getting good grades. Spent £1000's of £'s on flights back and forth and medical bills. This year he is coming back to me and his little sister. We are all very excited.
His dad diesn't have much input but has given money when I ask. He dumped me when I was preg.

dd - 4 years old. Just started Primary School. Finally no more nursery fees! Cutest little mama. I was engaged to her dad. He is a Narcissist, emotionally abusive. He is active in her life. Had to fight a long hard fight for child maintainance. He almost broke me. I am now new and improved.

I have good supportive friends who are literally begging me to ask them for help. I hate asking people for help. Ive become self sufficient and only in emergencies will I ask for assistance.

Been on countless dates. You all know the rest from the other thread!

The End
 
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crlsweetie912 said:
Honestly for me I didn't have a choice. Lost a lot of friends because I couldn't afford to go out eating and drinking.......but it showed me that not everyone is your true friend. And if they weren't true I didn't need them anyway.
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Yes I can relate. I remember "friends" saying you don't go out anymore, shop as much anymore and so forth. But they fail to realize or understand that as I got older, I got smarter and got my priorities in order because I do not have anyone to fall back on as a plan B. So a few true friends stood the test of time and whatever friends I did lose, I ended up gaining back through my place of worship.

But the people I keep around me as friends play a big role in my keeping my sanity as a single mom.
 
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My son was diagnosed ADDHD atthe age of 5, so I know how crazy it was, now that he is 19, he knows his triggers so he limits foods that he shouldn't eat.

I recently discovered an essential oil to help ground him and keep his focus.
 
Ok......


Since being with my SO he has been upgrading and fixing up his house ie adding a man's room and remodeling his kitchen etc. A few weeks ago he mentioned that he was considering just getting a bigger place rather than doing anymore upgrades. I didnt think much of it until he brought it up again today and even emailed some housing listings asking me for my opinion. Still not getting "it" i vaguely answered then he was like "well the boys could share a room and we can let my daughter have her own room and i can still have a man's room and...... :blah"

Whoooooooaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!

Everything haulted and i havent been able to think correctly or anything since. My mind is in a frenzy. 1. because he has been considering us in such a big and permanent way and so many other things....

The combing of our families. The whole moving in together and where our relationship stands and is headed....

So much is on my mind so much to consider. I mean...ugh i barely know how to cook. That would be going from a family of 2 to 5. He has a 13 yr old daughter and 10 year old son. My ds is 4.

I havent answered him because its a lot for us to consider and plan and etc. I honestly think its too soon we have only been toegether for like 8 months, but then again what would i be waiting for? I mean ds and i have been fine on our own. ive knocked out my bachelors and grad school started today but this hasnt been easy on my own.

My mind is so foggy.
 
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How exciting and yet understandably worrisome at the same time. Blending families is not easy, but at the same time it shows seriousness on his part to take initiative and consider ALL of you in his future plans. I have no advice, I look forward to see what the other ladies have to say who may be more experienced with this. But I am sending you a hug to offload the mental fog.


As a matter of fact HUGS FOR EVERYONE IN THIS THREAD!!!! YOU ALL DESERVE IT! :)
:bighug:
 
mallysmommy said:
I honestly think its too soon we have only been toegether for like 8 months, but then again what would i be waiting for? I mean ds and i have been fine on our own. ive knocked out my bachelors and grad school started today but this hasnt been easy on my own.

My mind is so foggy.
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wow mallysmommy! First, wtg on starting grad school today! Major accomplishment to even get there. What are you studying?

The good news is, he reeeeaaallly cares about you! You confusion is natural and I think it's because you answered yourself in the quote up there. If you're not ready, so be it. He sounds like he will gladly wait for you:yep:.
 
As for you, Ms Tiny Topics Smiley79 :lachen: I'll try to tackle finances. Which, in my case, is never tackled! I've been learning to budget. Thing is, every month, I seem to have to re-budget and then budget again! :nono: Finances is rough. With no fall back, support or anything I get really frightened about our future. Not today. I make plenty today for day-to-day living. But what about retirement? Or her college education? Man, that stuff can keep me up at night.

So for now, it's all about the Dave Ramsey FInancial Challenge to pay off student debt, cc's and a mess the exH made with our finances. If I can get these gone, life will be so much better...

As far as friends bailing, what happened to me had nothing to do with money. We were all in our 30s when I got pregnant so it's not like they were trying to be young and wild and trippin off my new life restrictions. It was plum jealousy! But that's a whole other thread...
 
Awesome thread. I have 2 kiddies. My SO is father of #2 but has been "daddy" for my 7yo for...well long enough that mama is patiently impatiently waiting for us to take the final step.

It was hard and still is because I definitely have that independent I can do it all without you attitude at times.
 
DarkJoy LOL @ my so called tiny topics, Shame!!!! (You know my goal for 2014 on this board is to type shorter posts, lol, I stay writing novels on here!) I'm gonna try harder. Okay,off to go read the rest of the thread.
 
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Back..:)

OK my stats:

42
divorced for 5 years
7 year old daughter
Gainfully employed


At this point, I am doing pretty good balancing being a mom and having a social life, but it took some time to get to this point. I am an attentive, doting mother, yet cherish my adult time b/c it keeps me from feeling like a robot. I think the main area I struggle with is actually wanting to be in a relationship. I've created this little world for my daughter and I and sometimes I don't feel that I want anyone else in it on a permanent basis.
I struggle with feelings of ambivalence and indifference towards men/relationships for that reason.

I want someone around on the rare times I feel lonely (or horny) but that's it. I don't believe that is a realistic expectation, particularly since I tend to meet men who are 40+, never married, no children, who have "clocks" that are just now starting to tick. I've been married before..at 42, I have no desire to birth another child. I have no clock, I just want a mature man who too has a busy life and is looking for a friend to spend time with maybe a couple times a month. Regardless of popular opinion, indifferent, non-committal women are not attractive to most men, so I am looking for a needle in a haystack.

Dunno, just musing.. I can't tell if its that I truly don't want a relationship or I just haven't met anyone that I like enough to want to take things to a deeper level.

Anyway..thanks for starting this thread!!!!
 
One tip I can give that helped me with limited finances is I kind of tricked my kids at Christmastime each year where they'd get the things they "needed" as gifts LOL. They wanted the latest Timberlands, coats, sneakers, etc. so for Christmas or birthdays they got those as "gifts". They got toys and games also but trust me, they got stuff that's considered the bare necessities and they had no idea it wasn't a treat LOL.

And I can understand those who have only one child with feeling guilty about having "me time". I had two boys so they entertained each other most of the time. Having only one child you'd have to entertain them more because they don't have a sibling/playmate. So I totally understand how hard that is.
 
Yup, that guilt feeling is real, lol. I feel bad sometimes going to go do a Me day...shopping, or hair and nails or whatever; I think is there something else I should be doing with the money or should I get something for her. I've gotten much better with this though and just keep things balanced.
 
^^^

Those pangs of guilt never go away. I still get them when I do anything at all away from my daughter, even when I know she is safe, having fun and in capable hands. I just think that is part of being a mother.:)
 
The guilt is real indeed. Not even only for "me time" but I feel guilty even with the time I have to spend outside the house while working. Really wish I could just stay at home with my prince and spend as much time as I can with him but us single mommies have to eat and chase that paper so they don't struggle.
 
As having been both a married mom and now a single mom, I can say the guilt pangs are the same on either side.

I remember the absolute emotional torture when I had to return to work. I had been a SAHM from her birth to age 2.5 years and was still married. Man, it took months not to feel like it was some sort of child abuse. Got over it eventually. Then more pangs when we separated and she has her days with her dad still and it's been years.

Hell even when she has a sleepover with her BFF directly across the street from my house--200ft away I feel like hell! :lachen:

Mother's curse, I suppose...
 
Smiley79 said:
Yup, that guilt feeling is real, lol. I feel bad sometimes going to go do a Me day...shopping, or hair and nails or whatever; I think is there something else I should be doing with the money or should I get something for her. I've gotten much better with this though and just keep things balanced.
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I feel you, I have a gc for a spa and I have yet to use it :nono::nono:

My girls go get their nails done but I feel bad spending the money but I learned it is part of self love/self care.
 
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