Should the man love you more?!?!

Should your husband/SO love you more than you love him?

  • Heck Yes

    Votes: 128 79.5%

  • No, it should be equal

    Votes: 28 17.4%

  • It depends (please explain)

    Votes: 5 3.1%
  • Total voters
    161
br0wney3z

br0wney3z

New Member
My dad, and a lot of other men in my family have always told me that when looking for a partner, especially a husband, you should always find a man who loves you more than you love him. Do you believe this ladies? I think I do, to a certain extent.

Sorry if this has been done before, my search function fails me again.
 
Yes, it's been discussed several times but always comes up :yep:.

IMO, I really want to love the man that'll be my husband as much as he loves me. :yep:

Now, I've seen women marry men that they love more than the man loves them and that is a disaster :nono:.
 
kia said:
Yes, it's been discussed several times but always comes up :yep:.

IMO, I really want to love the man that'll be my husband as much as he loves me. :yep:

Now, I've seen women marry men that they love more than the man loves them and that is a disaster :nono:.
Click to expand...
:love2:

Me too.
 
br0wney3z said:
My dad, and a lot of other men in my family have always told me that when looking for a partner, especially a husband, you should always find a man who loves you more than you love him. Do you believe this ladies? I think I do, to a certain extent.

Sorry if this has been done before, my search function fails me again.
Click to expand...


That is great advice, and I totally agree.
 
Yes, I agree that the man should love you more. My mom has preached this to me over and over again. Shucks, if a MAN says that the man should love you more, it's got to be true!
 
My grandfather passed those wise words of wisdom to me as a child. I agree, LOVE me more damit...lol. Then I'll grow to love you almost as much or just the same.
 
Find a man who loves a worthwhile cause that involves the both of you more than he loves you.

If you are religious - he should love God more than he loves you.

If you are conservative - he should love the institution of the family more than he loves you.

Basically he needs to have a goal higher than you and he that he is working on. Human beings are fickle, and you are not always going to love each other/like each other. If you both have a goal larger than you, chances are you will succeed.

Also, as one of my best friends said to me, "if a man can't humble himself before anyone, or think there is anything greater/more powerful/more important than himself, what makes you think he'll be humble enough to admit when he is wrong, apologize and work on his shortcomings?"
 
vivmaiko said:
Find a man who loves a worthwhile cause that involves the both of you more than he loves you.

If you are religious - he should love God more than he loves you.

If you are conservative - he should love the institution of the family more than he loves you.

Basically he needs to have a goal higher than you and he that he is working on. Human beings are fickle, and you are not always going to love each other/like each other. If you both have a goal larger than you, chances are you will succeed.

Also, as one of my best friends said to me, "if a man can't humble himself before anyone, or think there is anything greater/more powerful/more important than himself, what makes you think he'll be humble enough to admit when he is wrong, apologize and work on his shortcomings?"
Click to expand...

I totally agree with what you wrote!
 
I believe love is a verb. Men are by nature givers. I want a man that desires to give good things into my life. A husband needs to be willing to sacrifice his own comfort for his wife. A man that loves/treasures her the most in the relationship will do this naturally and won't feel cheated in the deal b/c she's giving him what he needs as well, and he's thankful to have her.

Thankfulness will make a man go above and beyond. So for me I would say that marriage is probably better if the man is the most thankful for the marriage.
 
SEMO said:
I believe love is a verb. Men are by nature givers. I want a man that desires to give good things into my life. A husband needs to be willing to sacrifice his own comfort for his wife. A man that loves/treasures her the most in the relationship will do this naturally and won't feel cheated in the deal b/c she's giving him what he needs as well, and he's thankful to have her.

Thankfulness will make a man go above and beyond. So for me I would say that marriage is probably better if the man is the most thankful for the marriage.
Click to expand...


You make a lot of sense. When my dad first told me this, I was appalled, and I told him no, I want a man who will love me as much as I love him. And to a certain extent I still believe that, I don't think it should be like a 80:20 thing, but 60:40, sure. And this became very apparent to me after my last relationship. In the beginning I fell so hard and so fast that he used it to his advantage, but once the tables were turned, it was like wow, this is what it could be like?!?!

Gotta love my dad, he knew what he was talking about God rest his soul.
 
I mean that sounds good and all, but how often do you find a man that loves the woman more than she loves him???

I'm not saying I have yet to see this, I'm just saying...I mean perhaps its the way women are portrayed but 8 times outta 10 she'll love him more.

Bumpidy Bump
 
br0wney3z said:
You make a lot of sense. When my dad first told me this, I was appalled, and I told him no, I want a man who will love me as much as I love him. And to a certain extent I still believe that, I don't think it should be like a 80:20 thing, but 60:40, sure. And this became very apparent to me after my last relationship. In the beginning I fell so hard and so fast that he used it to his advantage, but once the tables were turned, it was like wow, this is what it could be like?!?!

Gotta love my dad, he knew what he was talking about God rest his soul.
Click to expand...

I think it's more like she loves him 100% but he loves her 125%. It's not that she doesn't love him wholeheartedly, but his capacity of love for her is greater. Nobody is losing in this scenario. Men (I believe) deeply desire to find a woman whom they can give great things to, and who will appreciate those things and make him feel like he's the most generous, wonderful man in the world. And women desire to have a man who's moved by his love for her to share generously of himself and resources with her. To me it's a win-win.

In my opinion when a man loves a woman only 70-80% he looks at the relationship more like a business deal or investment. He wants to make sure he's getting good "returns" on the deal. And when he feels like his investment is sagging in value (maybe due to the current market--i.e. he meets someone younger, prettier, etc.) then he becomes discontent and wants to switch his assets to a new portfolio.

But the man who loves her 125% or more looks at his relationship with her like he's been made the steward of a rare and precious treasure. To him the treasure doesn't lose value over time but only appreciates and increases in value to him. He thanks God for his good fortune and does everything possible to keep the treasure safely in his possession.

To me, the man who loves his wife more than she loves him (though it can help to think of this as being the most thankful) and wants to go above and beyond for her is probably much happier than the man who feels like his love should only be equal to her love. It's all about the mindset.

Welp, this post was way longer than I planned it to be. Guess I got off on a tangent. Plus, if you all haven't noticed, I love to use analogies to help make sense of what I'm saying.
 
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I think the concept is short-sighted, petty and small-minded. Why put such constraints on something as beautiful as what God has brought together? How could one reduce it to mere, who loves who more (na na na na boo boo)? I mean really?

That is immature thinking and a woman gets what she deserves if that is how she is basing who she will spend the rest of her life with. Marriage, raising children and taking care of a household are TOO IMPORTANT to reduce it to rubbles (he must love you more than him). If you can't love someone unless they say they love you more than plan to get easily played and doomed for unhappiness.
 
SEMO said:
I believe love is a verb. Men are by nature givers. I want a man that desires to give good things into my life. A husband needs to be willing to sacrifice his own comfort for his wife. A man that loves/treasures her the most in the relationship will do this naturally and won't feel cheated in the deal b/c she's giving him what he needs as well, and he's thankful to have her.

Thankfulness will make a man go above and beyond. So for me I would say that marriage is probably better if the man is the most thankful for the marriage.
Click to expand...

I agree with the bolded 100%.
 
SEMO said:
I think it's more like she loves him 100% but he loves her 125%. It's not that she doesn't love him wholeheartedly, but his capacity of love for her is greater. Nobody is losing in this scenario. Men (I believe) deeply desire to find a woman whom they can give great things to, and who will appreciate those things and make him feel like he's the most generous, wonderful man in the world. And women desire to have a man who's moved by his love for her to share generously of himself and resources with her. To me it's a win-win.

In my opinion when a man loves a woman only 70-80% he looks at the relationship more like a business deal or investment. He wants to make sure he's getting good "returns" on the deal. And when he feels like his investment is sagging in value (maybe due to the current market--i.e. he meets someone younger, prettier, etc.) then he becomes discontent and wants to switch his assets to a new portfolio.

But the man who loves her 125% or more looks at his relationship with her like he's been made the steward of a rare and precious treasure. To him the treasure doesn't lose value over time but only appreciates and increases in value to him. He thanks God for his good fortune and does everything possible to keep the treasure safely in his possession.

To me, the man who loves his wife more than she loves him (though it can help to think of this as being the most thankful) and wants to go above and beyond for her is probably much happier than the man who feels like his love should only be equal to her love. It's all about the mindset.

Welp, this post was way longer than I planned it to be. Guess I got off on a tangent. Plus, if you all haven't noticed, I love to use analogies to help make sense of what I'm saying.
Click to expand...


:lol: Very interesting analogy; makes sense.
 
freshlikemoi said:
I mean that sounds good and all, but how often do you find a man that loves the woman more than she loves him???

I'm not saying I have yet to see this, I'm just saying...I mean perhaps its the way women are portrayed but 8 times outta 10 she'll love him more.

Bumpidy Bump
Click to expand...

Well, when i take a look at some of my friend's relationships - the one's that are not working out - where the man treats her badly (cheats, doesn't do much around the house, doesn't show her love etc) its because she loves him more, he just doesn't give a fig and she makes every excuse to still be with him. The man doesn't feel he has to 'chase' - she's a door mat and would anything for love.

The relationship's where men dote on their women are where that woman is independant and the man knows she can get on in life without him. Therefore he feels he better keep her interests - this can be shown in little everyday things or big gestures - ie they keep the flame burning.

I think it all goes back to the 'men love bitc*es' issue.
 
CurleeDST said:
I think the concept is short-sighted, petty and small-minded. Why put such constraints on something as beautiful as what God has brought together? How could one reduce it to mere, who loves who more (na na na na boo boo)? I mean really?

That is immature thinking and a woman gets what she deserves if that is how she is basing who she will spend the rest of her life with. Marriage, raising children and taking care of a household are TOO IMPORTANT to reduce it to rubbles (he must love you more than him). If you can't love someone unless they say they love you more than plan to get easily played and doomed for unhappiness.
Click to expand...

Thank you :yep:

ETA: I dont think that I could be fulfilled by me being less into a man
 
I don't think that he should necessarily love you more but maybe he is more expressive of his love for you. It has been said that men are naturally more romantic than women.

http://www.sandstorming.com/2006/02/men-are-more-romantic-than-women/

Anyway that's what I'm dealing with in my relationship. I feel like MisterMan is much more expressive of his love for me. Not to say that I am not a loving and devoted gf but with him I seriously get annoyed sometimes by his advances and how he expresses his love for me. I don't want you to kiss me 5-7 times at dinner with your sister and her friends or in front of your friends- I think it's rude after the first 3 times. I don't know how to respond after I say something and you respond more than 15 times a day AT LEAST "Is that cos' you're sweet?" "You're my lovey-dovey...My sweetest most loving..." :barf: It's like DUDE you are smothering me!!!!!! :help2:

Then I step back and remind myself that I need to cherish his love 'cos there are a lot of love lorn love starved ladies out there and I am truly blessed to know that he thinks the world of me and that he's not afraid to show it. :yawn:
 
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My mom has always taught me that...My SO usually tells me he loves me atleast 2X more than I love him. I don't know where he gets that equation from :rolleyes:
 
SEMO said:
I think it's more like she loves him 100% but he loves her 125%. It's not that she doesn't love him wholeheartedly, but his capacity of love for her is greater. Nobody is losing in this scenario. Men (I believe) deeply desire to find a woman whom they can give great things to, and who will appreciate those things and make him feel like he's the most generous, wonderful man in the world. And women desire to have a man who's moved by his love for her to share generously of himself and resources with her. To me it's a win-win.

In my opinion when a man loves a woman only 70-80% he looks at the relationship more like a business deal or investment. He wants to make sure he's getting good "returns" on the deal. And when he feels like his investment is sagging in value (maybe due to the current market--i.e. he meets someone younger, prettier, etc.) then he becomes discontent and wants to switch his assets to a new portfolio.

But the man who loves her 125% or more looks at his relationship with her like he's been made the steward of a rare and precious treasure. To him the treasure doesn't lose value over time but only appreciates and increases in value to him. He thanks God for his good fortune and does everything possible to keep the treasure safely in his possession.

To me, the man who loves his wife more than she loves him (though it can help to think of this as being the most thankful) and wants to go above and beyond for her is probably much happier than the man who feels like his love should only be equal to her love. It's all about the mindset.

Welp, this post was way longer than I planned it to be. Guess I got off on a tangent. Plus, if you all haven't noticed, I love to use analogies to help make sense of what I'm saying.
Click to expand...


I have to agree with this entire post. To say that the man "loves the woman more" may not be fair.

I DO agree with the ideal situation being one in which the man is more appreciative/thankful of the situation which lead to the marriage. I have yet to see a succesful relationship, where the woman is more "into the man" than the reverse. Yes they may be together, but the relationships where the woman is treasured carry a clear difference between the ones where both partners look at every aspect of the marriage/partnertship 50/50.

And regardless if what we all say, in ALL relationships, one is more into the other, even if the percentage is 51%-49%. The man needs to be that 51%.
 
this concept makes no sense

how do you measure love?

how would you or anyone know if a man, women or child loved you more than you love them?

is there a love meter or etc in which you are able to measure how much someoen loves you?

this concept seems bizarre because you cant measure love
 
perfect28 said:
this concept makes no sense

how do you measure love?

how would you or anyone know if a man, women or child loved you more than you love them?

is there a love meter or etc in which you are able to measure how much someoen loves you?

this concept seems bizarre because you cant measure love
Click to expand...

I think that love can be measured through actions. ALthough my dad loves me something serious, I have NO DOUBT that my mother loves me more. I can tell by how she treats me.

Same with my husband. He has said that he loves me more than I love him and at first I thought that he was just saying it, but lately I realize that he does. I truly love him, but the way that he treats me even when I'm mean is beyond words. I do think that it has A LOT to do with him loving God more than he loves me.
 
I'm guessing it's not so much a matter of who loves whom more, but how it is shown. I think that the man should cherish/treasure the woman more

I would want the love to be equal, but I would want my husband to treat me like a prize.

I have had a man tell me that when in love the man loves harder than the woman because it takes him longer to fall. IDK, though.
 
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