Husband Should Love Wife More than She Loves Him?!?!?

[JinaRicci]

so its either a man loves the woman more, or the woman loves the man more or its nothing at all......

how does one measure how much "more" somebody loves another.......and everybody who has loved somebody more than another loved them and were "abused" "devastated" "hurt" "walked over" have way more internal issues of self love and that other person isn't the cause of all these feelings nor will a person who loves you more "solve" those issues...

Exactly! And how do you stop yourself from loving the other person more? Do you decide ahead of time how much you're going to love your husband or do you decide based on how much he loves you?

Or is this more about how much you make him believe that you love him OR is this about choosing to be with someone that you don't love as much?

 

[JustKiya]

Exactly! And how do you stop yourself from loving the other person more? Do you decide ahead of time how much you're going to love your husband or do you decide based on how much he loves you?

Or is this more about how much you make him believe that you love him OR is this about choosing to be with someone that you don't love as much?

I think that's the right answer, cuz I can't imagine saying - Okay, I can only love you THIS much. No more, or I'm filing for divorce!

Though, it seems to be some overlap about who pursues who, and who loves who more. A man can pursue you, and you can still love him more than he loves you - and it can go the other way around, too.

 

[JinaRicci]

^^ LOL!! Agreed. And then if you by chance fall more in love with him with time or after you're married then what do you do?

 

[JustKiya]

^^ LOL!! Agreed. And then if you by chance fall more in love with him with time or after you're married then what do you do?

You've gotta focus on his many flaws, anytime you feel extra love swelling up in your heart, in order to reduce your feelings of love and replace them with - neutrality, I guess?

I don't know. I guess you just hope that as y'all love grows, it grows equally.

 

[aribell]

To me...that means men take our love for granted EXCEPT for when they are the ones smitten...

I might tend to agree with this, but I don't think it gets to the issue of equality of love. If he's smitten and you're smitten, all's good, right?

Or is this more about how much you make him believe that you love him OR is this about choosing to be with someone that you don't love as much?

I've done the bolded, and in the end it made me feel very selfish. If you're actually in love, then there's no controlling the degree. So it seems like either you'll be with someone because you're in love with them (to whatever extent), or following this advice, will choose to be with someone you might care about but aren't crazy about in the romantic sense purely so that you can enjoy the benefits of feeling loved and doted on. I know that's not what people are saying, but that's what it seems to have to come down to.

IDK, my sister seems to do this, and it works well for her; but I always look and feel that I would want to have deep feelings for the person I'm with. It just depends on what you want.

Women are more willing to nurture to make things work and go against themselves. While, men are not always. When a man is deeply, truly head over heels in love with you. It takes a lot, like a whole 360 to turn the relationship south.

I very much believe this, though. I think that what a man is feeling is probably more important for where the relationship is going to end up than what the woman is feeling, esp. if there's any imbalance of feeling, as there sometimes is. Just seems to work that way. So maybe it has more to do with the different ways men and women respond to their individual feelings of love for the other.

 

[jerseygurl]

I don't think it's about not loving him or caring for him as much as he does or settling for someone cos I think that's selfish. I'm not normally a demonstrative person but he brings out the best in me and I tend to be more openly affectionate with him than I would normally be. And for me, it takes someone with a lot of love for me to do that

I don't know if I'm explaining this right. But I know that if I get out of pocket with him, he lets me know right away so there's no walking over anybody.

 

[1QTPie]

I'd rather just love equally. Been on both sides and it doesn't work. Mutual love and a respect is all I need and want.

 

[inspiration150]

I agree completely with all those who say its all about loving equally. Great responses by the way ! I think the writer of the article doesn't put it into correct terms though. I think the way men and women love makes it equal. But more over as we are so used to ourselves going the extra mile that when a man loves us the way he is suppose to, its like we feel he loves us over and above the norm. I think that its hard to judge the correct measurement of love. Its something more over seen. The fact is men love differently than woman do and don't usually wear their heart on their sleeves. This is why there could be this feeling. Women may be so surprised by men feeling that way that they are automatically thrown off. No one should enter in a relationship to have the upper hand. Most women don't do that anyways. And if we want to get to generalities, most women unconsciously look for men to take care of them in some way. That is how we are mostly programmed. While men aren't really taught to look for that. Since men and women think and act differently this balances one another out. Men and woman are together to balance each other out. He brings something to the table you might not have and vice versa. So a woman and man might love each other, but maybe he is more affectionate than her. It just depends. But never get into a relationship where there is unequality. Plus, it is too late to worry about men taking on the negative of this rationale. As it has already happen, thats why we see some many relationships where women are doing all to keep it going and men take advantage.

 

[inspiration150]

I also wanted add for example, you might have a great relationship where the man is attentive and loving and does everything he is suppose to. He plans special things for you and everything. You are the same way, but it would be perceived that he loves you more, since it is common for women to show more emotion and energy into a relationship. This is how I take the statement. I get this all the time. People are like "Oh, you got your man whipped...blah blah blah" yet he just does what he is suppose to as my man. I love him just as much. He isn't overly needy at all, but people aren't use to this proper mentality that a man should have.

 

[urbanchic]

Do you mind sharing the scripture? I can't seem to find it.

Ephesians 5:33

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Crystal, I just wanted to thank you twice. I agree with everything you posted. I experienced the same thing . . .

No problem. Yeah I've been there and done that before, and I told myself: NEVER AGAIN!

I see what you are saying Crystal, but I think there is a big difference between one person loving the other person a lot more, and two people loving each other equally.

Anytime there is an imbalance, it invites abuse, and men aren't the only ones who can be abusers.

Thanks for your input. I'm open to looking at things from both sides of the spectrum. I agree with you to an extent. And I also agree that men aren't the only ones who can be "abusers". I've seen some relationships where the women didn't seem like they were ever really into the man they married, and as a result ended up treating him like dirt. That's not right either.

As far as loving "equally" is concerned however: Of course it would be nice if two people loved each other 100% "equally", but that rarely ever happens. How do you measure the "equality" of love? I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is: There is nothing wrong with two people loving each other "equally" (whatever that means), and I see nothing wrong with the man loving the woman a little more than she loves him. BUT...I have very RARELY (if ever) seen things go well when the woman loves the man more.

I totally agree with crystal. I have seen many a relationship work, where both people loved each other, but the man more so. And it worked out great. I also seen many a realtionship where the woman worshiped the ground he walked on, and him, mmmm, not so much. And those relationships didn't work.

Exactly. Same here. This has been not only MY experience, but also the experience of other friends of mine. In fact, when I look at couples who are married, and I ask them how they got together, usually the MAN was the one to pursue, and actually pursued the woman for a while before she finally "gave in". It's not that the women weren't interested in the guys (afterall, I don't think most women would just make a commitment like that if they weren't in love with the guy at all), but they just weren't desperate for him.

And ANYTIME I saw relationships where the woman liked the man soo much more, or the woman pursued him, or SHE was the one sure, and he was "unsure" about the relationship or whether or not he wanted to be with her, it usually ALWAYS resulted in problems, drama, and heartache.

A lot of married women have told me this too. The women who are married now to husbands that they know love them more always tell me that their husbands always treat them like a queen (even when times are bad), and that I want to be with someone who feels this way about me. I believe them!

Exactly! And how do you stop yourself from loving the other person more? Do you decide ahead of time how much you're going to love your husband or do you decide based on how much he loves you?

Or is this more about how much you make him believe that you love him OR is this about choosing to be with someone that you don't love as much?

Good question! In my opinion I don't think the woman has to "stop herself" from loving the man "so much", or that the woman has to choose a man that she doesn't love that much. No way...

Think of it more so as the woman making sure that she chooses to enter into a relationship with a man who has MORE than proven that he is genuinely head over heels INTO her. This is about choosing men who honestly LOVE YOU a lot. Not necessarily about choosing a guy that YOU don't love that much. That's all I'm saying.

Again, I'm not advocating that women should just settle for any old guy that gives them the time of day, or pursues them hard. But if you do happen to come across a man that you KNOW loves you to death, and you find him to be a good person as well, this is about perhaps being receptive to him instead of holding out for the guy that makes your heart beat 200x a minute but yet seems only somewhat into you.

Women need to feel wanted and loved. So, when the woman isn't sure how the guy feels about her, or if she senses that he's not really "in love" with her, then it just creates all kinds of problems because we women are more emotional than men. That's just how we were made.

But when you know that a man is crazy about you, things run soo much smoother. He'll move heaven and earth for you, and you feel secure. His love and respect for the woman will usually encourage her to love him even more than before. Things just seem more "in balance" that way.

You want a man to feel about you like Adam felt about Eve in the bible when he first saw her! lol* (Genesis 2:23) Notice Eve didn't go declaring her love/expressions for Adam lol.

 

[Nightingale]

My great grandmother told all of her grandchildren this. But she said that eventually you will love him too. If you're looking for security, I guess that makes sense... maybe.

 

[DarkHair]

My MIL has said this before, and at her bridal shower. I felt uneasy about that comment. Yes I love my husband, and we've had arguments about who loves who more. To hear it coming from a woman who openly admits to marrying for money.

 

[Coffee]

I tend to believe that men need "respect" and without it won't matter how much she loves him. Women need to fill "loved". We are both made by God to have different needs hence the scripture from bible, men need respect and women need love.