Sense and Sensuality ("Loving" Spinny)

okange76 said:
For the first time in my life, one of my closest friends told me that I am such a girl and it felt good. I always thought I was so manly and standoffish. I found out that wearing bright colors that compliment my skin tone make me look and feel beautiful and radiant. I went out on a date last week and wore this pretty green top with matching green earrings. A woman on the street complimented me in front of my date on how the color looked beautiful on me. I was so calm, relaxed and carefree and he was torn between being enamored and a little awkward. Poor man was struggling and I was laughing on the inside enjoying every bit of it.

I am discovering a softer side of myself and I love it but at the same time I'm a little afraid of it because men are responding to it. I'm not used to this but at the same time my ego is through the roof because for the longest time, I have felt very unattractive. I'm still struggling with my weight but that doesn't seem to bother the fellas. If it doesn't bother them, then it shouldn't bother me except for health reasons only. Another plus is that my hair has almost all grown back after a major set back in 2012. I finally wore it down and all my friends were amazed because it is always in a tucked in pony tail or I'm wearing crochet braids. I almost back to my avatar and I plan on growing it even longer. Being girly is not so bad after all.
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I kind of understand what you mean. For the longest time I took pride in NOT being girly. I've since discovered that one of my motivations is to be different, so I foolishly embraced and nurtured my masculine tendencies because it was the opposite of what I perceived as the 'common' thing. I've been on a journey to be more feminine for about two years now and I can say it's been a learning curve, but I'm still enjoying the journey.

Dealing with the outside was easier - I gave away my pants and jeans save for one or two pairs, and started wearing dresses. Skirts are problematic so i don't own many, dresses now make up the bulk of my wardrobe and now that I know what cuts and lengths suit me and make me feel good, shopping has never been easier. I agree with you about bright colours - i wore a BRIGHT orange shift dress and I felt fabulous! After wearing mostly black and white for years I kept the dress in my closet for months before I felt I was able to carry it off. I thoroughly enjoyed it though I must confess the attention was a tad overwhelming. I received a number of warm compliments but the best part - two of the ladies I work with wore orange dresses the next day!

Shifting my idea of myself to embrace my femininity and express it without reservation was more difficult and it's something I'm still working on. One things I have found helpful is constantly reminding myself that I am free, forgiven, chosen and wanted by my heavenly Father. This keeps me from taking the hurtful things people say and do personally and also helps me be more conscious of my own words and actions towards others so that I don't cause hurt in turn. For me grace is the essence of femininity so I strive to be graceful not only in my external presentation but to show grace to those around me in speech and in action, and to maintain a grace-filled thought-life. That last is by far the hardest since I'm prone to depression but I'm slowly winning that battle as well.

I'm not there yet and I'm still working on many things but each day is better than the last.
I hope this thread revives and people share what they are doing and what has worked, as well as any resources suitable for black women who want to embrace and more fully express their femininity.

Is @Enyo still active on the board? I really enjoyed her posts and commentary.
@thatscuteright thanks for bumping!
 
miss cosmic said:
Dealing with the outside was easier

Shifting my idea of myself to embrace my femininity and express it without reservation was more difficult and it's something I'm still working on. One things I have found helpful is constantly reminding myself that I am free, forgiven, chosen and wanted by my heavenly Father. This keeps me from taking the hurtful things people say and do personally and also helps me be more conscious of my own words and actions towards others so that I don't cause hurt in turn. For me grace is the essence of femininity so I strive to be graceful not only in my external presentation but to show grace to those around me in speech and in action, and to maintain a grace-filled thought-life. That last is by far the hardest since I'm prone to depression but I'm slowly winning that battle as well.
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Dealing with the outside is much easier. I may need to give this thread (and the books recommended) a reread because I need a refresher course on being more feminine with the way that I act.
 
miss cosmic said:
I agree with you about bright colours - i wore a BRIGHT orange shift dress and I felt fabulous! After wearing mostly black and white for years I kept the dress in my closet for months before I felt I was able to carry it off. I thoroughly enjoyed it though I must confess the attention was a tad overwhelming. I received a number of warm compliments but the best part - two of the ladies I work with wore orange dresses the next day!
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My man catching dress is an bright orange maxi dress that's tight at the top. Whenever I wear it, at least one man will say something positive and lots more look. I love that dress. :look: It's even better with my cocoon curls and a panama hat.
 
claudzie said:
I normally hear 'dress for men' mentioned here. What does it actually mean, as in what types of clothing qualify as that?
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I think whatever makes you feel most feminine since masculine men are attracted to feminine women. It can be different things for different women but generally your clothes should fit well without being tight, and be in colours that suit you and your personality. In terms of what types of clothing - like I said it can be different for each women but generally dresses are your best bet for looking/feeling feminine. Find a cut that suits you (I don't wear anything with belts for example, and nothing mid-length, always knee, above knee or maxi) that looks and feels good so that you're confident in your attire. True femininity is confident and doesn't need to be half-naked or dressed in skin-tight clothing.
That could be just me though. I hope others weigh in as well.
 
Enyo said:
My man catching dress is an bright orange maxi dress that's tight at the top. Whenever I wear it, at least one man will say something positive and lots more look. I love that dress. :look: It's even better with my cocoon curls and a panama hat.
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*off to google cocoon curls
 
Enyo said:
I love the way they frame my face.
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I meant to ask...how are they different from a twist-out? I googled and the styles i saw on black girls - whitney and them - look like ordinary twistouts or braidouts to me.

I love them, go-to style cos i'm style challenged, just didnt know they were called that.
 
miss cosmic said:
I meant to ask...how are they different from a twist-out? I googled and the styles i saw on black girls - whitney and them - look like ordinary twistouts or braidouts to me.

I love them, go-to style cos i'm style challenged, just didnt know they were called that.
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My twist out are never fully curly. They are just kind of wavy. The cocoon curls put them in perfect spirals.
 
Welp, I'm back to square one. I went through a long period of unemployment last year and it has really affected my self esteem. I'm back to being withdrawn and even more standoffish. My light has really dimmed and I really need to figure out how to get out of this slump.

I've also realized that the state of my pockets affects my whole persona. I'm too controlled by my financial status. When things are good, I'm carefree. A small bump in the road always sets me all the way back and I struggle with seeing myself as worthy when my pockets take a hit.

I get embarassed and don't want anyone to get close to me because they'll figure out my situation so I dip and clam up completely. One of my BFFs has been fighting with me because she's annoyed with my stance. She's says that I am way too hard on myself to the point of being mean to myself.

I need to find a way to dig out of this slump. It is also affecting the way I interact with a man that I really like. I'm afraid I may be pushing him away instead of bring him closer. I never told him when I was laid off. He found out after the fact through the grapevine after I had started my new job. He was super annoyed with me for keeping something like that away from him despite us spending a lot of time together.

I've been working since the beginning of the year but I still don't feel attractive and feminine anymore. I don't know what to do.
 
@okange76

I find that meditation, prayer and exercising help during those tough times. Do you wear makeup? Jewelry? Maybe taking the time to do one of the above might help in making you feel a little more confident about your appearance.

Not having a job can be tough. My confidence plummeted and I was very depressed when I went a few months without a job. It was so hard! But you were able to get another one. Good for you!

That man probably feels bad because he wanted to help you. It makes men feel good when they can solve a woman's problems. Just as long as you are aware of certain character traits and know he won't exploit the situation, you should be good to go.
 
I'm going to start over and reread this thread since I only skimmed through it the first time, and also read the recommended books. I found a free pdf copy of Sex Secrets of the American Geisha and I got through part one tonight. Her overuse of the word exotic is kind of chafing my nerves, but so far I'm really enjoying this book.
 
okange76 said:
Welp, I'm back to square one. I went through a long period of unemployment last year and it has really affected my self esteem. I'm back to being withdrawn and even more standoffish. My light has really dimmed and I really need to figure out how to get out of this slump.

I've also realized that the state of my pockets affects my whole persona. I'm too controlled by my financial status. When things are good, I'm carefree. A small bump in the road always sets me all the way back and I struggle with seeing myself as worthy when my pockets take a hit.

I get embarassed and don't want anyone to get close to me because they'll figure out my situation so I dip and clam up completely. One of my BFFs has been fighting with me because she's annoyed with my stance. She's says that I am way too hard on myself to the point of being mean to myself.

I need to find a way to dig out of this slump. It is also affecting the way I interact with a man that I really like. I'm afraid I may be pushing him away instead of bring him closer. I never told him when I was laid off. He found out after the fact through the grapevine after I had started my new job. He was super annoyed with me for keeping something like that away from him despite us spending a lot of time together.

I've been working since the beginning of the year but I still don't feel attractive and feminine anymore. I don't know what to do.
Click to expand...
Girl, I am exactly the same way! I once pushed a quality man away for the same exact reasons. This is a good opportunity to express your vulnerability to him and tell him how you feel, without placing any expectations on him to "fix" it (even though he probably will try to help you somehow, then you can let him and show your appreciation).

I hope things have gotten a bit better for you by now. What helped me during those times were meditation, as @phynestone said; watching, listening to, and reading lots and lots of positive motivation and Law of Attraction stuff (a whole lot of Abraham-Hicks); and finding any and every opportunity to do something that I absolutely love and allows me to shine (for me, it's mainly salsa/latin dancing, which is how I met the guy I'm with now). It wasn't long until things started to improve.
 
sarumoki said:
I'm going to start over and reread this thread since I only skimmed through it the first time, and also read the recommended books. I found a free pdf copy of Sex Secrets of the American Geisha and I got through part one tonight. Her overuse of the word exotic is kind of chafing my nerves, but so far I'm really enjoying this book.
Click to expand...

Do you still have the link or this copy?
 
Every so often I am drawn to this thread. I don't have much to add at the moment, but like to come back and read a few random pages at a time.

I just downloaded a few of the free pdf books mentioned earlier in the thread. Amazon recently gave me a $5 book credit, so I just purchased The Geisha Secret: Ancient Dating Rituals Proven to Win a Modern Man's Heart.

I know this thread isn't about dating, but this line in the book description stood out to me-"women have lost the art of desirability." I'm curious about that line of thinking.
 
lushlady said:
Every so often I am drawn to this thread. I don't have much to add at the moment, but like to come back and read a few random pages at a time.

I just downloaded a few of the free pdf books mentioned earlier in the thread. Amazon recently gave me a $5 book credit, so I just purchased The Geisha Secret: Ancient Dating Rituals Proven to Win a Modern Man's Heart.

I know this thread isn't about dating, but this line in the book description stood out to me-"women have lost the art of desirability." I'm curious about that line of thinking.
Click to expand...

I’m actually reading that book currently:) I actually completely agree with that statement. Everything is so out there these days that I think we have forgotten our feminine mystique. I think that as a society we have become way to frank. Now the expectation seems to be that if you are successful and well adorned men will want you.
You can go on YouTube and figure out how to make yourself look as physically attractive as possible but there used to be a time when girls learned the arts of charm and attraction. There has been a loss of knowledge in general on how to dress, walk, talk, etc for men. We are, as a society, more interested in what appeals to other women rather than men...
 
TracyNicole said:
1) I started treating myself better. DH noticed and the quality of our relationship began to improve. We started talking more and yelling less.

2) I started to care for my home more. DH started coming home earlier. He makes comments about enjoying being at home and relaxing.

3) I started preparing meals again. DH told me that he felt neglected and punished when I stopped cooking. There may be something to that saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

4) I stopped pestering DH about chores. STOP. I know some women are automatically going to say if we both work we both clean but let me tell you this. I started doing it all by myself without complaining. Within a few months, I had the help I spent 3 long years screaming for. DH also came home one evening with suggestions for how to lighten the burden of housework.

5) I started reading the off topic forum more and came across a thread on the book Fascinating Womanhood. That book changed my life tremendously in the last 14 months. It spurred me to start participating in similar threads on here and to start reading more on the topic of femininity, seductiveness and the art of love.

DH actually came out and told me he respects and appreciates my efforts. He admitted that he didn't realize how much I had on my plate. Then he took actions and made adjustments that allowed us to have the kind of marriage we both want. I will not tell a lie- my marriage is not perfect and I can admit that. It takes work but I can tell you it feels worthwhile. But, I am so much happier.

I wish my mother had taught me the things I know now. I come from a long line of women who did it all on their own and didn't know how to teach me that women can rule their homes with a fist of iron...if it's encased in a velvet glove. You can try to force a man to bend to your will, but in my experience it has been much easier to treat myself well. It's less about games and manipulation and more about getting men to see you as a woman with high value. That's what motivates men (yes I know not all but the one's I would want) to treat women well.

I listen to my husband talking to our new friends and realize that as our lives have changed in the last 2 years, we have new friends who have many of the same values. Some of the women work full time, part time or not all but one thing in common is that they are all well kept up and feminine. I hope this helps someone today. I'll leave this edited version up. Let's play nice!
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I remember reading this years ago but I don’t think I fully comprehended the message. I’ve found that although I tried to be feminine at home, it wasn’t authentic because I was still masculine at work and I unknowingly brought that energy back home with me. For me, I’ve found that I have to be feminine in all aspects of my life to see a transformation in my relationship with my husband and my relationship with myself.

This is now especially important to me now that I have my daughter. I’m going to re-read this thread.
 
Nefertiti0906 said:
I remember reading this years ago but I don’t think I fully comprehended the message. I’ve found that although I tried to be feminine at home, it wasn’t authentic because I was still masculine at work and I unknowingly brought that energy back home with me. For me, I’ve found that I have to be feminine in all aspects of my life to see a transformation in my relationship with my husband and my relationship with myself.

This is now especially important to me now that I have my daughter. I’m going to re-read this thread.
Click to expand...

I think it is very difficult to code switch. Many of us think we are better at it than we really are. I gave up on trying to approach my job as one of the guys and although some people- mostly women- judge me, I find work to be less stressful. For me that is very important because if I am stressed at work I find it almost impossible not to bring it home.
 
I'm on page 1.. I can tell I am going to love it here.

Hopeful to get through all 57 pages before the end of the month. :)
 
I need to get- Powerful and Feminine

I have the book- For women only: what you need to know about the inner lives of men.. The book has just sitting in my book shelf for at least 7 yrs... I'll finally start reading that this week.

I'll pickup on page 10/57 of this thread during the week.
 
Last edited:
OK so I'm on page 30/57 of this thread. I'm pretty in touch with my femininity / sensuality.

I'm excited to keep learning :)

I have the 4 books below & I'm going to start reading the 1st one today while I'm getting a pedicure.

4 books-
Mama Genas School of Womanly Arts
Simply Irresistible
Powerful and Feminine
For Women Only
 
On pg 49 of 57.. Im sitting at the dealership while my car is getting serviced so I'm breezing through this thread. So many great conversations.

I took The Art Of Seduction Quiz & results came back as The Star.

You got: The Star

You are the star seducer. You are the one who believes in presenting yourself in a glamorous and dramatic way to your partners. You appeal to your partner's subconscious mind by offering yourself as a fascinating object. Once they are into your beauty, you can approach them for the next step.
 
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