Sense and Sensuality ("Loving" Spinny)

Enyo

Enyo

Well-Known Member
As I promised, here is the spin off thread from the discussion about "Loving" and the Divine Feminine. Basically, this is a thread to come together as women and share how to be mistresses of our own sensuality and sexuality and teach it to our daughters. I was going to make two threads, but since our girls are often extensions of ourselves, I figure we can talk about both here. This is the original thread (http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=671293), but for the sake of time, here are the main highlights:

Enyo said:
Personally, I've always wanted to be an excellent lover. Even at 13/14 sexual interaction was natural for me. No one had to teach me to do certain things to a man - it was almost as if my body told me. While I have no desire to sell myself, I do wish I was able to learn techniques to further my natural inclinations. Even in the age of the internet, I feel that everything is so spread out and watered down. I'm always reading about older women who teach the younger ones (though I'm not young anymore), so where are they? I've been around the block, but I'm always up for a few lessons. Where are the teachers?
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LivingInPeace said:
We want people to believe that sex is dirty and that women's sexuality is offensive and dangerous. So in place of learning about sexuality in a healthy, positive way, we're left with porn which glorifies the mechanics of sex instead of the sensuality it should have.
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Enyo said:
After meeting her, I realize that training our daughters and helping other women isn't just about sex and sensuality. It's about the divine feminine power as a whole. Girls need to be aware of it and realize that it's broken up into different parts - social, physical, and spiritual. Some of us have mastered all three, but most of us are weak in one or two of those areas. I'm sad that we don't support each other in this matter.
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VioletWylde said:
I would definitely be taking notes from both topics. My mother raised my sisters and I to be afraid of our own sexuality. Growing into womanhood was such an unnecessarily terrible, shameful time. If I have daughters, I don't want to raise them the way that I was. I want them to be connected to their sexuality and womanhood. I believe it will make them stronger. So, I need to learn for myself and learn how/what to teach my future daughters.
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LaFaraona said:
My issue is that it seems that people seem interested in pleasing men and that is not what it is about. The point is not to excel at turning tricks which would be a denegration and vulgarizing of what the Divine Feminine stands for. We need to go for the Divine Feminine and not the Divine Hooker.
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LittleGoldenLamb said:
We do ourselves a great disservice as women not teaching the Feminine. Not just being an amazing lover, wife, mother, sister, friend, etc. but also, elevating those around us in a way that ONLY femininity can.
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Since I started the the topics I guess I'll start with a childhood experience. For me, classical African and European art that depicted nude women were the first exposure I had to the beauty of the female form. Now, a lot of West African carvings depict the breasts to be a bit unnatural looking, but I was taught by knowledgable people that often it was just to emphasize the role of the breast in reproduction. My mother and father never tried to cover my eyes and shoo me away when we went to museums or when I read her huge "History of Art" and happened upon a nude woman. Sometimes my mom would even comment at "how pretty" the painting or sculpture was. She also made a point in mentioning how healthy and strong the women looked.

My mom also tolerated my early fondness for burlesque. She really hated it, but there was no stopping me after I saw "Gypsy" on TV when I was about 7. I loved the fan dance and would imitate it with towels. Mom was pissed, but after a while, I think she realized that it'd be years before I understood the sexiness of it and just told me not to dance like that outside of the house. Something about the movement and the cheekiness (no pun intended) just attracted me like a moth to flame. To this day, I love me some burlesque. It's just so sensual and fun.
 
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Two activities I recommend for both young girls and adults are belly dancing and hula hoop. These two really make us aware of our bodies and how it moves and sway. It's fun, sensual, and feminine. I just ordered an adult hula hoop :grin:. Another thing I recommend is having a Girl's Day with your daughter. Go get your nails and hair done, pretty much a day of pampering.

You know what @Enyo this is gonna be a heavy discussion. It's so much that we need to start back teaching our daughters but it's also alot of things we have to reteach ourselves. Alot of women are broken. Just think about the trauma most women go through. Rape, molestation, bad relationships, Mommy/Daddy issues, this sexist society; I mean there is ALOT of healing that needs to be done. Honestly it's easier to teach our daughters about the Divine Feminine and sensuality; they are still innocent to the evils of the world, we can groom them early. But how do we tell the woman who was raped by her boyfriend that sex can be enjoyable, or the woman who was raised in a strict religious home that their bodies and sex are not evil or the woman who was always told she was "fast" because she developed early that her body is nothing to be ashamed of. These beliefs are ingrained in our minds now. It's gonna be a difficult road for most women to change their whole mindset and be willing to seek help for their trauma.

I know this is long; I have alot of feelings about this topic :lol:
 
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I think it can be more challenging to change when you are older due to life experiences but not impossible. It requires an open mind and diligent study. I am currently going through a stack of books on the subjects of womanhood and femininity with the end goal of becoming a more sensuous, feminine woman. It's been slow going, but I firmly believe it is possible if the desire and commitment are there.
 
TracyNicole said:
I think it can be more challenging to change when you are older due to life experiences but not impossible. It requires an open mind and diligent study. I am currently going through a stack of books on the subjects of womanhood and femininity with the end goal of becoming a more sensuous, feminine woman. It's been slow going, but I firmly believe it is possible if the desire and commitment are there.
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TracyNicole what books are you reading?
 
Great topic again OP. I am going to Barnes & Noble today to pick up the book you discussed in the other thread.
 
@FemmeFatale list is long and growing. I became very interested in the topic around the end of last year when we had a thread about it and started compiling a list of "textbooks" for a self study course. I have read the first three and am currently on the fourth. So far, all very useful.
Of course not everything will be the gospel or true for every woman but I am getting a very good sense of areas where I can improve and be less masculine and more feminine. And some things will be common sense for some women and revelations for others. I bought through Amazon and got used copies so I didn't spend a ton of money on this stuff...but as you can see it's become a bit of a hobby.

If I had to pick one so far it would be Sex Secrets. She packed that book with tips I would never have thought about. For example, she talks about time management as being a necessary skill for women seeking to be more attractive and how to find you G-spot. The "geisha" terminology and how hard she tries to sell you on her "exoticness" via her Asian heritage is a bit annoying but it's still a great book.

Fascinating Womanhood
The S Factor
The Power of Femininity
Sex Secrets of an American Geisha
Why Men Love *****es
The Book of Courtesans
Seductress: Women Who Ravished the World and their Lost Art of Love
Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts
Temptress:From the Original Bad Girls to Women on Top
Simply Irresistible
How to Make Love to a Man
The Modern Kama Sutra
Burlesque
The Official Booty Parlor Mojo Makeover
The Power of the Pussy
How to be Lovely: The Audry Hepburn Way of Life
A Touch of Grace: How to be a Princess, the Grace Kelly Way
* and I pre-ordered Dangerous Women: The Perils of Muses and Femme Fatales

These I added because I keep coming across the theme of your home being a reflection of your womanhood. In Sex Secrets she details the importance of your home being a warm and inviting space and after some assessment, I redid my bedroom and DH can't stop talking about it. So I thought it would be helpful to include these too.

Martha Stewart's Homekeeping Handbook
Sabrina Soto Home Design
The Things that Matter

And lastly books that are peripherally related:
Get Yours!
The Words that Matter: A Little Book of Life Lessons
*and subscriptions to pretty much all the women's interest magazines

ETA: I forgot Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man. I learned a ton about how not to turn men off.
 
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TracyNicole we think just alike on this topic, I find it totally fascinating and amazing and if I ever have a daughter she'll be a BAD MAMA JAMA OK! I've actually been studying this for a few years now too but your reading list is SUPERB! See you're married so I want to know how implementing all of this great knowledge has improved your marriage and your day to day life.

And yes, you are spot on about a woman's home being a reflection of her womanhood. I have purchased more accent pieces, candles and duvets.

Anyway, here's my short list of books that I have gotten from Amazon (I do the same thing as you, get my used copies, lol). I'm also subscribed to a few blogs and YT channels.

The Art of Seduction
48 Laws of Power
The Rules
Powerful and Feminine
Simply Irresistible
Healing Love Through Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy
Seven Days to Sex Appeal
Backwards in High Heels
For Woman Only: What You Need To Know About the Inner Lives of Men

Who is the author of Sex Secrets? And where do you store/hide your books (these are clearly not coffee table books :lol:)?
 
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More free books:

The Art of Seduction
48 Laws of Power
The Rules
Fascinating Womanhood
Healing Love Through Tao: Cultivating Female Sexual Energy
Sex Secrets Of An American Geisha

Anyway, this thread is right on time! I'm going through some kind of weird transformation. Since I became a mother 8 years ago I've become invisible to men...intentionally and gotten quite comfortable with it.

However in the past couple of months I've developed a renewed interest in my physical appearance. It's a lot of fun! But one of the side effects is attention from men. It's freaking me out! So yeah...I want to develop a certain level of comfort with my feminine power.
 
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@FemmeFatale

And yes, you are spot on about a woman's home being a reflection of her womanhood. I have purchased more accent pieces, candles and duvets.

Yes! I did everything over in faux silk, faux fur and velvet in tan, cream, silver and gold. I also booted the tv. The room says oasis now. You know you are coming in here to unwind and enjoy.

Anyway, here's my short list of books that I have gotten from Amazon (I do the same thing as you, get my used copies, lol). I'm also subscribed to a few blogs and YT channels.

I love your list and am off to search the ones with no free pdf on Amazon. Thanks for the info! Maybe we can also swap some blogs and youtube channels. My favorite blog right now is Melina's over at www.theartofbeingfeminine.com but her paid blog the seductive woman is pretty good too. I started out there and then branched out when I wanted to learn more.


Who is the author of Sex Secrets? And where do you store/hide your books (these are clearly not coffee table books :lol:)

Py Kim Conant

ETA I keep them in my office on my desk.
 
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FemmeFatale said:
@TracyNicole we think just alike on this topic, I find it totally fascinating and amazing and if I ever have a daughter she'll be a BAD MAMA JAMA OK! I've actually been studying this for a few years now too but your reading list is SUPERB! See you're married so I want to know how implementing all of this great knowledge has improved your marriage and your day to day life.
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1) I started treating myself better. DH noticed and the quality of our relationship began to improve. We started talking more and yelling less.

2) I started to care for my home more. DH started coming home earlier. He makes comments about enjoying being at home and relaxing.

3) I started preparing meals again. DH told me that he felt neglected and punished when I stopped cooking. There may be something to that saying the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

4) I stopped pestering DH about chores. STOP. I know some women are automatically going to say if we both work we both clean but let me tell you this. I started doing it all by myself without complaining. Within a few months, I had the help I spent 3 long years screaming for. DH also came home one evening with suggestions for how to lighten the burden of housework.

5) I started reading the off topic forum more and came across a thread on the book Fascinating Womanhood. That book changed my life tremendously in the last 14 months. It spurred me to start participating in similar threads on here and to start reading more on the topic of femininity, seductiveness and the art of love.

DH actually came out and told me he respects and appreciates my efforts. He admitted that he didn't realize how much I had on my plate. Then he took actions and made adjustments that allowed us to have the kind of marriage we both want. I will not tell a lie- my marriage is not perfect and I can admit that. It takes work but I can tell you it feels worthwhile. But, I am so much happier.

I wish my mother had taught me the things I know now. I come from a long line of women who did it all on their own and didn't know how to teach me that women can rule their homes with a fist of iron...if it's encased in a velvet glove. You can try to force a man to bend to your will, but in my experience it has been much easier to treat myself well. It's less about games and manipulation and more about getting men to see you as a woman with high value. That's what motivates men (yes I know not all but the one's I would want) to treat women well.

I listen to my husband talking to our new friends and realize that as our lives have changed in the last 2 years, we have new friends who have many of the same values. Some of the women work full time, part time or not all but one thing in common is that they are all well kept up and feminine. I hope this helps someone today. I'll leave this edited version up. Let's play nice!
 
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Wow, that is wonderful, thanks for being so candid and sharing! It's a shame that we can't share much here so I completely understand you wanting to delete this.

This thread has a lot of potential, I was browsing through the Powerful and Feminine workbook (pdf that was posted here) and I feel like we should include it in the challenge, provide weekly assignments and discuss our results on Sunday.
 
I would love to join a challenge. It is not easy to learn new habits. I really struggled until I started to make new friends that had or were working towards a similar outlook on the importance of feminine power. I would love to have some virtual buddies to support me through it too. It's honestly the little things that seeing someone else put into action helps it sink in.
 
There are other books I have in my queue but didn't take a chance on yet...didn't want to bite off more than I can chew. Has anyone read any or have pdf's?

Resurrecting Venus: Embrace Your Feminine Power
The Essence of Womanhood
 
TracyNicole said:
Please don't quote. I'll be taking this down because women on here can get quite nasty.
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That brings me to another point. As I implied in the last thread, allowing angry women to scare us into withholding helpful information is something that we need to stop doing. I urge you and everyone else here to find your inner Neo.

81757491.jpg


We can't truly empower ourselves and our daughters when we're wasting energy in the form of fearing people who, in the end, are nothing.

ETA: Whoops, I forgot to respond to your lovely post. I especially like the end because women letting go of their femininity and mystery is one reason why men sometimes seek outside entertainment in the form of a mistress. I know it's a lot harder to keep the allure alive when you see someone everyday. That's one reason why I personally have issues with long-term relationships and dread marriage. Not seeing someone everyday builds up tension, so when you see them, you feel hungry for all thing things you missed when you're alone. I find that married women really do have to work more than an unmarried woman who does not live with her partner.
 
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Enyo said:
That brings me to another point. As I implied in the last thread, allowing angry women to scare us into withholding helpful information is something that we need to stop doing. I urge you and everyone else here to find your inner Neo.

We can't truly empower ourselves and our daughters when we're wasting energy in the form of fearing people who, in the end, are nothing.
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That's why we have to work on building strong personal circles filled with genuine women. In fact it was my research into the very idea of feminine graciousness that convinced me to stop trying to save angry women. They don't want to be saved. They want you to be miserable and bitter too. That is why you see women giving their "girlfriends" advice they would never ever follow through with. I'm open to sharing with others but not to squandering my energy on those with poor intentions. I am sorry if that comes off as fear to you...for me it's the wisdom to know which battles are worth fighting. I will leave up an edited version to contribute but there is still plenty of great, positive information in this thread:)
 
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TracyNicole said:
That's why we have to work on building strong personal circles filled with genuine women. In fact it was my research into the very idea of feminine graciousness that convinced me to stop trying to save angry women. They don't want to be saved. They want you to be miserable and bitter too. That is why you see women giving their "girlfriends" advice they would never ever follow through with. I'm open to sharing with others but not to squandering my energy on those with poor intentions. I am sorry if that comes off as fear to you...for me it's the wisdom to know which battles are worth fighting. There is still plenty of great, positive information in this thread:)
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First, thanks for sharing your story!

I didn't read Enyo's statement that way. I interpreted it this way: there's sometimes a tendency on this board to use people's personal stories against them in other threads. It's created a climate of mistrust where people are withholding information that could be useful to other women for fear of being judged later. I've seen it in many of these types of threads where, IMO, someone comes in with the sole purpose of making women seeking help/advice feel inadequate by saying that these things can't be taught, etc.

ITA agree with you about not squandering my energy on people with poor intentions or negative attitudes. Ever since I've adopted that policy, I'm a lot happier.
 
This is already a favorite thread of mine. Thanks all. I'll say more later, but for now I will get started on reading these books!
 
BK Bombshell said:
I didn't read Enyo's statement that way. I interpreted it this way: there's sometimes a tendency on this board to use people's personal stories against them in other threads. It's created a climate of mistrust where people are withholding information that could be useful to other women for fear of being judged later. I've seen it in many of these types of threads where, IMO, someone comes in with the sole purpose of making women seeking help/advice feel inadequate by saying that these things can't be taught, etc.

ITA agree with you about not squandering my energy on people with poor intentions or negative attitudes. Ever since I've adopted that policy, I'm a lot happier.
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That is exactly what my post meant, and I'm glad you understood it. I'm just not a fan of posting information and then asking people to essentially withhold it by making it unavailable to others in the form of quoting. I'm not trying to put you on the spot TracyNicole. You're not the first or last person to request no one quote you so that you can remove the information if you so desire. It just made me sad because this is a thread about sharing all we know and passing it on.
 
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I know that this thread is not about relationships, but two books that I have found very valuable are:

Real Love in Dating by Greg Baer
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

Both books are about really observing your partner and learning what makes them tick. The Five Love Languages, in particular, focuses on that. To me, Real Love is about having a generous spirit, but with practical boundaries.

Many of the strategies in these books can be used outside of romantic relationships.

I like that these books are written by men and don't tow the traditional men=giver/woman=receiver paradigm that's so popular these days. I think people sometimes err, esp. if they feel that they have been taken advantage of in the past, in thinking that it's not feminine to give. I think women are givers as much as men, but the giving generally comes in a different form.

Ultimately though, I think a book can only do so much. I think girls and women should trust their intuition and follow as many of your urges as possible; provided that the urges (1) are in alignment with your hearts highest desires and (2) cause no harm.

I think that is really what helps you become secure, confident and authentic. Once a woman feels secure, confident and authentic I think a lot naturally falls into place. For example, you're less likely to engage in the power struggles and make the assumptions that undermine you and your relationships when you feel secure.

Similarly, confidence keeps us out of situations that are not good for us, and enables us to take the right risks for our well-being.

I think authenticity flows from the first two, and when you are being authentic you are more likely to attract the right people and opportunities FOR YOU, and when the wrong opportunity is presented, you are better able to recognize it.

In a way, it all boils down to loving yourself. I think women are so trained to people please that we lose self-love in the process and seek so much external validation. If I am blessed with a daughter, I will do my best to show her that who she is, without any bells and whistles is not only enough, but is also valuable, valued and divine.
 
Great topic.

I have always been interested in this subject (feminine energy/power) coupled with spirituality, LOA, etc. I've read lightly on these topics but never really focused or practiced with deliberate intent.

I've had issues in my past that blocked me. A few yrs back, I worked on some of these issues, but I think there are still some areas when it comes to male-female dynamics and individual power I need to resolve.

I'm about to start reading and working through the book "Calling in The One" which I learned about on this forum. I'm definitely going to look for and save some of the free books from the lists suggested.
 
On the topic of feminine energy/sexuality/power, I think one of the reasons knowledge is so fractured and piece-meal is because society in general are somewhat afraid of it's full power.

Many societies intentionally or unintentionally create groups/segments off women to splinter off the feminine energy in ways (via spoken or unspoken rules) that is easily manageable for that society in whatever time period or place.

Anyway, I hope I'm making sense. My thought on this topic are not fully formed as I've much I'd like to read and learn.
 
NijaG said:
On the topic of feminine energy/sexuality/power, I think one of the reasons knowledge is so fractured and piece-meal is because society in general are somewhat afraid of it's full power.

Many societies intentionally or unintentionally create groups/segments off women to splinter off the feminine energy in ways (via spoken or unspoken rules) that is easily manageable for that society in whatever time period or place.
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Yes, you're making perfect sense. Feminine power is scary to both sexes, but especially men. I think that's where the concept of a witch comes from in western culture. I think people didn't consider the fact that casting spells and bewitching people wasn't just a feminine thing until Harry Potter and Voldemort came on the scene.

This is a huge reason I dislike religion. It seems to always put rules on females that the men don't have to follow. Like hijab. Being a former muslim, I know all the reasons why muslim women are supposed to wear it, but in the end, how covered they have to be is decided by what kind of men they are around. There is a constant comparison to nuns, but nuns wear their habits during everything except sleep and bathing. And a nun decides that she wants to "take the veil" when she's an adult. Muslim parents are instructed to veil their girls around the time of puberty regardless of how the children actually feel about it. Of course, the fact that nuns had to wear a veil while monks and priests didn't shows that there is an element of sexism against the female form, but at least they decided to go into a life that required it.

Interestingly enough, while I could NEVER be an orthodox Jew, the men are just as covered as the women. I have to admire that.
 
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