***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

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I had lunch 'date' for the first time since breaking up with the arsehole also known as my ex. It was nice....very nice. He was respectful, funny, and he wasn't trying to run any talk/game. It was refreshing. Hopefully we can do this again soon.
 
Awww, SO is really taking me not being there especially hard, during this season. He's really into Xmas (me, not so much) and I thought it'd be easier without me there so he can enjoy with his family, but he says it's the opposite :sad: I told him that we wouldn't be apart next year.
 
Why are guys so weird????

i just had this really weird interaction with this guy i used to talk to.... i'm so confused right now :lol:
 
This is what happened in my head:

You said I'll catch you, I said it's fine. You insisted "I'll catch you." I said I was scared. You said don't worry, I got you, I'll catch you. I asked are you sure? You said yep, I'll catch you.



Then I fell and you smooth dropped my a**. :perplexed:sad:
 
Relax. Let me breathe. I don't want to start feeling smothered but I'm gettin that itch.

Why are you worried about me disappearing or leaving you when we are barely even together. When I say I believe in single til married--this includes you. What you want I'm not sure I'll ever be able to deliver nor do I particularly want to. I keep telling you this; I'm a TRUE introvert, that why I like libraries & books. My sanity requires more space & solitude than I think you're ready for. Stop trying to convince me and LISTEN before you dig yourself into a hole you can't get out of then I look like the bad guy...
 
barbiesocialite said:
Relax. Let me breathe. I don't want to start feeling smothered but I'm gettin that itch.

Why are you worried about me disappearing or leaving you when we are barely even together. When I say I believe in single til married--this includes you. What you want I'm not sure I'll ever be able to deliver nor do I particularly want to. I keep telling you this; I'm a TRUE introvert, that why I like libraries & books. My sanity requires more space & solitude than I think you're ready for. Stop trying to convince me and LISTEN before you dig yourself into a hole you can't get out of then I look like the bad guy...
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:blush: I say the exact same thing :lachen:

So since I wanted to let go of him ...

he tried to pull the ''love'' card :rolleyes:

He must think I'm a becky who will roll over and die at the sound of ''I love you.'' I just simply told him to re-evaluate his emotions because there must be an error. Yes, he might ''like'' me a lot but we are definitely not at the ''I love you'' station. We've been through no hardship to earn that, nor have we known each other that long. Then he had the nerve to call me pessimistic, lol. I'm sorry for seeing through your bs, and what is called reality.

Smh
 
Lucille said:
:blush: I say the exact same thing :lachen:

So since I wanted to let go of him ...

he tried to pull the ''love'' card :rolleyes:

He must think I'm a becky who will roll over and die at the sound of ''I love you.'' I just simply told him to re-evaluate his emotions because there must be an error. Yes, he might ''like'' me a lot but we are definitely not at the ''I love you'' station. We've been through no hardship to earn that, nor have we known each other that long. Then he had the nerve to call me pessimistic, lol. I'm sorry for seeing through your bs, and what is called reality.

Smh
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We are in the same boat. I know exactly what you're dealing with.

I'm starting to find his "what if we get married" hypotheticals claustrophobic. Then he calls like everyday, most times twice a day to make me listen to this. I don't talk to anyone everyday, he should appreciate that I am willing to entertain this....

I'm like dude you need to relax. I'm *this* close to cancelling our date tonight. He wants to see me and be around all the time--well for me it's a lot. I just saw him on Sunday! I'm trying to cooperate so I agreed to go out today. It's honestly overwhelming and I'm starting to feel pressured & panicky. He's a good dude so I'm trying to work with him by compromising but he is so damn impatient. I'm working on it, but he needs to give me time. I like being around people & relationships but I really just like knowing they are in the house, I don't necessarily want to see or talk to them :lol:

I've known dude for years as a friend and have been trying to prep him by asking him how he feels if I leave in the middle of the night while he's asleep (with past exes I'd go back home and if we were at my place I'd go sleep on the couch after they were asleep bc it was hard to relax when every time I move over for space they grab to pull me back like they have tourette's) and how he feels about a wife that also has an additional room of her own (I'm a natural isomniac & moody--my ex called me a vampire lol I try to be considerate). :look:

I'm willing and trying to meet him half-way but I need time & space to do it....

btw, is this the same crazy (in a cute way lol) cat-n-mouse dude that you posted about before? :look:
 
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Mortons said:
Hmm you're not happy, and are denying that you are in a relationship. You even erased her nice messages from your page. Damn, you are sneaky. Feel kinda bad for chick. Feel bad for you not being able to be honest. Its actually disgusting and helped me move on.

I think I will give you your Xmas gift still, for my own reasons.
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If you dont mind me asking, Mortons why are still giving him the gift?
 
barbiesocialite said:
btw, is this the same crazy (in a cute way lol) cat-n-mouse dude that you posted about before? :look:
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Hahahaha it's so funny that you mentioned that. The other day he compared us to Tom and Jerry. He was like why am I always trying to catch you? ...

This is the guy I considered my Prince Charming LOL, until he just started to play dumb games with me. But now he's back to his charming ways :rolleyes:

We are together but we're not really ''together'' if that makes sense :lachen:

He's always asking for a title and I tell him he can have one but I don't really believe in titles until marriage.
 
You're coming home tomorrow...we have so much to do. Christmas will be spent with my family. Please God dont let my daughter say something nuts. My daughter is like, how do I say....Cary from King of Queens on a not so good day. She just speaks her mind no matter who it is...and she's hella funny with it. But I dunno sometimes...Pray for me y'all.
 
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So you've seen what Im capable of...now its up to you to make a decision..dont wait too long, someone else just might take your spot

Sent from my Sprint HTC Evo using Long Hair Care Forum App
 
This morning, on my hellish commute to work, I check my phone and see a message from this guy I met on OKC a few months ago.

I'd stopped responding to his emails bc I wasn't really feeling up to communicating. Today, I get an online holiday card from him that was actually really cute:lol:

It said that though it's random, I've been on his mind lately, and he figured that the holidays would be a great excuse to email and say hello, etc. etc.

That actually put a big smile as I froze my tail off this morning:) I may write back... but I'll wait a few more hours.
 
I'll be basking in the Floridian heat for the next week. SO.EXCITED. to see my parents, lay on the beach, eat Cuban and Haitian food, and just chiiiillll.
 
tinkat said:
If you dont mind me asking, Mortons why are still giving him the gift?
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tinkat

I bought the gifts because they were upset about not having people to spend Christmas with and not having anyone to get them anything. I bought them just to be kind, and I'm gonna go ahead and still help them have a good Christmas and hopefully get some good karma.

The fact that they have a guilty conscience and me being so nice will be like punching them in the gut had no bearings my decision :look:
 
CarLiTa said:
Pray tell, @RoseTintedCheeks, what's the "stick and carrot" method??
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CarLiTa lol, it's the "reward and punishment" method. When a guy does something I like, I reward him. (That's the carrot) When he does/says something I don't like or he oversteps my boundaries, I "punish" him by giving him the stick. I don't literally punish, I just get sassy as he calls it but in a very playful way.

Men have to be trained, lol!
 
I have a serious problem.

I tried to break-up with dude today and we technically aren't even together. I'm running from a relationship I'm not even in yet. And the only reason we aren't in one is bc I'm so in indecisive & paranoid that I refuse to agree or disagree, thus commit, with anything in general.:nono: We're not going out tonight bc at 10am, despite having an entirely free day, I couldn't commit to getting dressed on time (8pm) even though I agreed to this date days ago. :look: Then he tried to compromise and accommodate me even though I was clearly at fault by not being true to my word and I still wouldn't go. Instead I I got mad at him.:nono: The purpose of the date in the first place was for me--we were supposed to go shopping & on a date bc he wants to make me feel better since I've been kinda depressed :perplexed I don't really have a valid reason for my behavior either, I just did it. :look:

I've always been this kinda temperamental, unpredictable girl and have always chalked up my flaky behavior to me just being me. Today was an epiphany; I am a self-sabotaging masochist. hs-BFF was right when she said that I can be my own worst enemy.......

Don't get me wrong, I'm not taking sole blame for how things have been but lately he's been good at listening & compromising whereas I haven't budged. I'm also not a "normal" girl men are used to. Years ago he once said he supports marriage counseling, I wonder if he's open to relationship counseling as bf-gf bc I need to learn to have priorities other than myself and he needs help understanding me to avoid becoming a resentful captain save-a-hoe :ohwell:

back to therapy I go......
 
barbiesocialite said:
I have a serious problem.

back to therapy I go......
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I think that is a great idea and I agree it is not all your fault.

Just reading some of your posts, it seems like you always get these men that are SO SURE of what they want that they overwhelm you with kindness and affection instead of letting you breath. Kinda like the guy who tries to convince you 20-11 ways of why they are right for you. I would never want to be prodded and convinced that I like someone. Them being overwhelming almost makes these men seem...weak? desperate?

I could be wayyyyyy off, because I have never had a pseudo successful relationship. I always like guys more than they like me.
 
MzLady78 said:
That may not be a bad idea. And I say that in a completely non-judgmental way because finding a therapist is on my list of goals for 2012.:look:
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My family is passive-aggressive avoidant types that refuse to discuss anything in general. That said, I've had a shrink since I was 13. Which is why I have a love-hate relationship with them bc for much of my life I was forced to have shrinks as substitute parents. In many ways, I feel like I was raised by them given that they were my resource and sense of guidance influencing more than half of my life decisions :ohwell:

The good part is that this has helped me maintain relationships & friendships--I'm good at establishing boundaries, communicating & resolving conflict with loved ones without either party having to "give in." I think it's protecting me from a lot of heartache and disappointment. But it bothers me that I've become slightly reliant on them but it's honestly all I know.....
 
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barbiesocialite said:
My family is passive-aggressive avoidant types that refuse to discuss anything in general. That said, I've had a shrink since I was 13. Which is why I have a love-hate relationship with them bc for much of my life I was forced to have shrinks as substitute parents. In many ways, I feel like I was raised by them given that they were my resource and sense of guidance influencing more than half of my life decisions :ohwell:

The good part is that this has helped me maintain relationships & friendships--I'm good at establishing boundaries, communicating & resolving conflict with loved ones without either party having to "give in." I think it's protecting me from a lot of heartache and disappointment. But it bothers me that I've become slightly reliant on them but it's honestly all I know.....
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Well you're obviously very self aware, which is a good thing. I'm the same way, I know what my patterns are, I just need help figuring out 1) where they stem from and 2) how to break them.
 
God help me! I just want to be happy...at least thats what I say. He was so intense...Im scared that he may be exactly what I want. Not sure if I'm ready for it. All the what if's? Im not trying to get hurt again, but I do want to be happy. :whyme: Sometimes we ask for things and when we get them we're not ready for them.
 
Keshieshimmer said:
I think that is a great idea and I agree it is not all your fault.

Just reading some of your posts, it seems like you always get these men that are SO SURE of what they want that they overwhelm you with kindness and affection instead of letting you breath. Kinda like the guy who tries to convince you 20-11 ways of why they are right for you. I would never want to be prodded and convinced that I like someone. Them being overwhelming almost makes these men seem...weak? desperate?

I could be wayyyyyy off, because I have never had a pseudo successful relationship. I always like guys more than they like me.
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I sorta agree with what you're saying but where I disagree is with the interpretation. I never view the people I date as being desperate. For me, they are being normal bc this is how I raised to understand gender dynamics. I was raised with the understanding that women choose men. Men prove themselves worthy. So men are supposed to initially be way more into a woman than she is into him which is why it's natural for them to court and chase a woman in attempt to whoo-her. If he's successful in his commitment & effort then and beats the competition (irl or figuratively) she falls in love with him, if not then she K.I.Ms. To me it's unnatural, unhealthy & the opposite of g*d's given plan for a woman to fall for someone that hasn't worked for her affections :look:

It's interesting bc I'm currently passing down these same values with my younger cousins. They should demand & expect men to treat them well as a rule/matter-of-fact. Anything less I'd tell them to have some dignity and get some self-esteem and self-respect :look:


The defining difference with me and most of my friends and relatives is my fear of commitment. I don't know many and havent experiences many divorced--even the difficult ones just took a break but eventually stayed together--except MY MOTHER (technically she isn't even divorced). But it's a fact that most women acquire a lot of their mother's traits & attract similar spouse. I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN TO ME. No one ever thought my parents would break-up. To this day, my dad is still smitten with and very much in love with my mom. Clearly she loves him still bc she still hasn't cut ties. But evidently she made the wrong choice--one that initially seemed very right--which is why they arent together. THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE. I feel intrinsic pressure to choose the right one so I'm hyper-observant and get scared off very quickly for fear of being blind-sided and realize 15 years later after 3 kids that I was wrong :ohwell:
 
Dude I can tell that you like me your voice changes when you here it's me on the other end.I'm sorry I'm a flirt but I know what your committed to so there wouldn't ever be a us or even a touch.I know you have a kid thats a deal breaker if you weren't married.Your not happily married I can tell bc you never mention her and if it weren't for someone telling me that you were I would have never known.You throw this comment of you should be with me on NYE and I said its never too late but don't you have to get your permission slip to play? If only things were different things could be different but there not I wish one day I could talk to a man that is free and uninhibited.Is this too much for me to have? Is there something about me that screams slut,hoe or homewrecker or is it dudes see something they wish they could obtain that is great and just being a man trying to test the waters?
 
GoddessMaker said:
Dude I can tell that you like me your voice changes when you here it's me on the other end.I'm sorry I'm a flirt but I know what your committed to so there wouldn't ever be a us or even a touch.I know you have a kid thats a deal breaker if you weren't married.Your not happily married I can tell bc you never mention her and if it weren't for someone telling me that you were I would have never known.You throw this comment of you should be with me on NYE and I said its never too late but don't you have to get your permission slip to play? If only things were different things could be different but there not I wish one day I could talk to a man that is free and uninhibited.Is this too much for me to have? Is there something about me that screams slut,hoe or homewrecker or is it dudes see something they wish they could obtain that is great and just being a man trying to test the waters?
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Why are you having to talk to him? Unless you work with him, I wouldn't even entertain him or allow him to entertain me on a personal level. And if the two of you work together, I would keep it professional.
 
He has info that I need for my clients.So kinda have to stay in the loop.I may have to start faking things to get off the phone bc he always seems to linger in convo.I really hope subconsciously I don't like any of it.Its just sad but funny to see a man feel as though he is obligated to someone.No one told you to marry her dude..But I will continue to keep it as professional as possible.
 
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