barbiesocialite This is so open and honest. Thanks for sharing. I share mz lady's sentiments in that I wish I could close some parts of me off, but it always seems like you're proud to be able to brush guys off so easily and almost cynical about if they can deal with you. You're just like my bff so I understand
. I make strong connections with other people, but unforunately it's easy for me to change my mind, detach and leave them. My feelings are very surface in what I am able to display to others, regardless how I feel deep down
The bolded...that is all me as well. But having that trait helps me to emotionally dismiss myself quickly, painlessly, and easily without being hurt. I don't have to exercise it much, but when I do, it definitely comes in handy when dealing with jerks.
"How are you able to move on so easily?" I've been asked this question a million times by friends. I always tell them that when you've dealt with bs for so long and certain negative life experiences, you (at least I did) become desensitized to a point. I'm not desensitized to those that REALLY matter in my life-such as family members and close friends, but to those "fly by the night" people...yes, I am.
The bolded...that is all me as well. But having that trait helps me to emotionally dismiss myself quickly, painlessly, and easily without being hurt. I don't have to exercise it much, but when I do, it definitely comes in handy when dealing with jerks.
"How are you able to move on so easily?" I've been asked this question a million times by friends. I always tell them that when you've dealt with bs for so long and certain negative life experiences, you (at least I did) become desensitized to a point. I'm not desensitized to those that REALLY matter in my life-such as family members and close friends, but to those "fly by the night" people...yes, I am.
@Theo What do you mean by the bolded, esp that there are interesting dating dynamics out here?
LOL just that with some of these guys, you have to set your self-esteem to the side (as well as your emotional and sexual health) if you want to date them. I'm just not cut out for that.
I mean, if we didn't go out last wk, its cuz you didn't ask me. If we didn't speak last wk, its cuz you didn't call me. Next thing you know, you'll be asking me to carry you up the wedding aisle
I just see women putting themselves through a lot, and to that I say, more power to them. If that's what you want, go get it. But its just not worth it to me. Like I said. I have options.
I mean, I had one girl tell me that she felt that this one dude was "worth herpes", when I told her I wasn't open to pursuing anything with one particular gentleman after I found out (from a VERY reliable source) that he'd burned an acquaintance of mine. Admittedly the dude was in a very lucrative profession, but we're talking about my health at this point.
Granted not all guys are like that, but it takes a long time to find the good ones. Sometimes I'm not sure if its even worth the effort.
Also, I know we put white women and their marriage rates on a pedestal up here, but I'm seeing my white friends put high amounts of effort and take on considerably high levels of personal risk to maintain their relationships. Come age 26, these girls start putting in work.
Thankfully I haven't reached that period of my life yet, but I'm taking notes.
sooo I just had that 2nd round interview a few minutes ago and I believe it went great. I sure hope the hiring manager feels the same. If I'm chosen, I'll be headed to a beautiful, sunny state this summer! I'll update when I hear back from them
Guess you told them! Take that you unmarried single mama trollops!!
Ive become tired of not dating, being sexless, and without prospects. I went out...alone...to a bar tonite...and enjoyed myself. Now I have my own met-a-guy-story
I just happened to sit next a dude and after a while I started conversing with him. (too much alcohol in me to remember all the nitty-gritty details right now, lol)...So then he's like "did you like that mango drink" i'm like "yeah, now i'm ready for desert from the menu"....so we chatted some more and then he was like "Oh, umm, i wasn't tryna be nosy about your drink. I'm getting another beer and thought I could buy you another mango whatever" lol.
tee hee hee.
I declined because I have a limit. Anyways.
after awhile he started getting ready to leave so I said "maybe I'll see you around here sometime?"
And he was like "sure, you never know"
I felt rejected.
then he was like "here, take my number. maybe we can go out for drinks, or I can get you another mango whatever" lol
Score!
It was nice just chatting with someone of the opposite sex
Ive become tired of not dating, being sexless, and without prospects. I went out...alone...to a bar tonite...and enjoyed myself. Now I have my own met-a-guy-story
I just happened to sit next a dude and after a while I started conversing with him. (too much alcohol in me to remember all the nitty-gritty details right now, lol)...So then he's like "did you like that mango drink" i'm like "yeah, now i'm ready for desert from the menu"....so we chatted some more and then he was like "Oh, umm, i wasn't tryna be nosy about your drink. I'm getting another beer and thought I could buy you another mango whatever" lol.
tee hee hee.
I declined because I have a limit. Anyways.
after awhile he started getting ready to leave so I said "maybe I'll see you around here sometime?"
And he was like "sure, you never know"
I felt rejected.
then he was like "here, take my number. maybe we can go out for drinks, or I can get you another mango whatever" lol
Score!
It was nice just chatting with someone of the opposite sex
He didn't ask for your number? So you have his number? So you can be the dude and call him and he has the power over answering you?
I'm really happy for you, you seem to happy lately from ur posts
@chocolat79
naw girl, I'm a borderline all day errday (after researching the therapy methods of my past shrinks I realized that's what they were diagnosing ), it's a legacy thing; femme fatale or *****. thats why the women in my family have such a low divoce rate and high infidelity rate bc we put ninjas through guilt trips and emotional chokeholds it is what it is, but if I'm ever going to have a meaningful relationship I need to get a grip on this ****.....
this makes me feel bad about my horrible idea (where my homegirl told me to 'take a seat') of marrying my new guy friend as a starter husband.....
barbiesocialite I am really happy and learning to embrace everything that I've wanted just not at the same time It's very overwhelming to realize you're getting exactly what you asked for, but ALL at one time.
My mom really thought I was gonna be runaway bride because I was flipping out and he was calm as a cucumber... I don't handle major changes well... in the last 6 months I've become a human incubator, become engaged, moved in w/ a man for the first time, and gotten married all while teaching 5 classes and finishing PhD coursework...
It's so funny you said this because I learned in school (clinical sw) that this is one of the things a borderline personality is likely to do, and then confront the therapist with it
I dont care what you are girl, I do admire you. But I know that you struggle with things as you said here. We all do. If we could all give each other little peaces of the other (the perceived good pieces ) to complete our perfect ways, we'd all be happy eh?
barbiesocialite I am really happy and learning to embrace everything that I've wanted just not at the same time It's very overwhelming to realize you're getting exactly what you asked for, but ALL at one time.
My mom really thought I was gonna be runaway bride because I was flipping out and he was calm as a cucumber... I don't handle major changes well... in the last 6 months I've become a human incubator, become engaged, moved in w/ a man for the first time, and gotten married all while teaching 5 classes and finishing PhD coursework...
Girl you have been busy!!!! Isn't it amazing how life happens sometimes?
frostydoll
It's amazing how life works out sometimes. Esp when you least expect it!
btw, you and ur DH make the cutest couple and you looks so purrty in your pics. just glowing all over the place which ya big ole belly .....