***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

[texasqt]

This message from the trust issue website really helped me let go this week-

"...its a good idea to work on trusting yourself to survive a break-up. If you decide how you will survive the worst that might happen, you won't have so much underlying anxiety -- as compared to saying over and over to yourself that you won't be able to handle it if there is a breakup. If you remind yourself that you've survived all of life's crappier moments so far, you won't feel so panicked about the idea of a breakup."

" ...trust that there is a Plan that a Higher Power has going and you're part of it whether you know it or not, or trust that there's no plan, no higher power, and in a hundred years whatever pain you get into will be over and out of mind. "


Reminding myself that I have survived breakups before, that life goes on, and that I was happy before I met him, really gave me the strength to stand firm in my decision to not allow him to explain what happened, ask politely for my key back (and change the locks just in case), block his phone number, and removed him as a friend on FB. It doesn't matter what he has to say, in MY EYES that's not how you treat a friend, let alone a "girlfriend," and WHAT I THINK IS ALL THAT MATTERS!!!

 

[cbanks67]

Why do I always feel like playas are always trying to bum rush me into going out with them or dropping everything for them?

 

[bumblb87]

I want to push his a** down the stairs right about now.

 

[chelseatiara]

In the words of Renee Graziano "Why can't we just be in love and get it over with and figure out..."

 

[sky_blu]

I wonder why he didn't invite me to his game...again. I wish he would have. I wonder if he thought I had no interest in it since I didn't go to the game he originally invited me to.Now I'm back home...bored. I need to do better. I do want to get to know him better.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier

 

[Oasis]

i have been so happy and positive and upbeat and i'm NOT going to let him ruin this for me.

i feel like i have to start over. AGAIN.

 

[Taleah2009]

I just started an unnecessary argument...smh at my own self

 

[tropical-punch]

I over heard my bf say "she's a good girl. I like her alot"
<3

Sent from my SPH-D710 using SPH-D710

 

[ChasingBliss]

It took your best friend to make you see you were handling this thing all wrong? Well thank God for true best friends.

The fact that you started off your talk by apologizing to me blew me away. I felt the need to pinch myself. This is the FIRST time you've ever apologized on this matter. I pray that you make a serious effort behind it.

 

[Lucie]

I looked amazing tonight @ dinner. I think it's clear that things are over. Now I am just listening to some relaxing Cappadonna, hahaha. Slang Editorial was sick song!

I have a date next year that I am looking forward to. Yes, next year. He lives in NC and won't be coming to NY until the beginning of the year. We had a great date the last time he was here. We held hands. Kissed at a park in Battery Park. He lifted me up from the pier when the cockroaches were running rampant at South Street Seaport. Damn buggers are bold now, taking over the damn port, running straight for people!

Nonetheless, he took off his THOMAS PINK (my favorite) shirt so I wouldn't sit on the bench without sometihng to protect my $12 H&M tank dress, hahahaha. I really like him. Figures he'd be the .0001% black men with blonde hair and blue eyes. Oh well, if we get together, we'll have a really sweet story to tell. I love when he tells me he feels he is out of my league. Mind you, he is the super accomplished one traveling the world, and doing exciting things at the drop of a hat.

 

[mallysmommy]

I wish i could read his mind. I want to know his true intentions and motives...

 

[CarLiTa]

I'm excited for the new year. I'm excited to get out of my shell and enjoy many new experiences. I even want to make a list I want to include God more into my life, especially in my dating life: build strong and consistent values and praying DAILY.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Sent from my HTC Evo

 

[B_Phlyy]

In my head I say stick with family. But in my heart, I can't see another beautiful black woman becoming bitter due to mistreatment.

I hope she heeds my advice.

 

[CarLiTa]

Hm, maybe I need to rethink some things... Lighten up a bit...

 

[LivingDol1]

Just got home from a house party. I gave my number to a guy that I've seen around via my friend. He's not stereotypically my "type" as far as looks go but I've had my eye on him for a while in a very informal way. His family is rooted in New Orleans like mine is.... So I like that. And he reminds me of my first crush, physically. My friend said that while she hates to admit it(they have a sibling sort of friendship), he would make a good boyfriend.

So go me! I gave my number out to 2 men this weekend!

 

[Theo]

My ex is in town for residency interviews and I had a bunch of social functions to organize/attend so he ended up meeting a bunch of my friends out here. Everybody talks about how great he is, and I know that they think I'm an idiot for breaking up with him.

Its true... he is a nice guy, but a girl needed her space!

Oh well.

 

[HollyGolightly]

Tonight I went to dinner at my boss' condo, and I realized that everyone around me was in an interracial relationship. All the guys were white and all the girls were Black or Asian.

I've talked about it with my fiance and his friends before and they all refuse to date white American girls. Is that self-hatred on their part?

 

[lushcoils]

I've talked about it with my fiance and his friends before and they all refuse to date white American girls. Is that self-hatred on their part?

A wm who only dates BW or AW told me he refused to date ww because they're usually entitled, spoiled, sorority girl types that never had to struggle or experience humbling moments and think the world revolves around them.

Now, whether this is equal to BM that don't BW because bw ___________, I don't know....

 

[MzLady78]

*sigh* Yesterday was a bad day. A really bad day. I got nothing done because I was too busy wallowing.

I woke up this morning in time to catch some of Joel Osteen on tv and as is always the case when I tune in to his sermons, it was exactly what I needed to hear. It's a new day, which means another opportunity to start over and try to get it right.

 

[deltadreamland]

I hate some of my exes. Why the heck you call me three times at two this morning? I saw it was him and went back to sleep....all three times. And he's married now.....to a non-black woman. Shouldn't you be calling your wife? Didn't even know his number was still in my phone but he is officially blocked now, until he figures out I've blocked him and calls from another number. Ugh! Go away!

 

[Oasis]

i am about to let this ***** have it. i am about to break it down so it will forever and consistently be broken. i want to rip this mother****er to shreds.

 

[BreeNique]

<3 i like listening to old heads when it comes to relationship, and remembering to take it all with a grain of salt. even so, some lessons are better learned through experience. workin' on it! in a 20-month old relationship right now (i'm almost 21 years old), and loving every minute of it.

 

[BGT]

This trickster here The first week we started dating, we went to the mall and I took him to Sephora and showed him my favorite perfume, Miss Dior Cherie (which he loved). So Friday, he calls me and asks me what the name of it was because he and his friend were in Sephora and was going to get it for his friend's girlfriend. Surprise surprise, he shows up at my apartment Saturday with a Sephora bag with a Miss Dior Cherie gift set. It's lovely.

Went to his parents' house to watch the LSU/GA game and met his dad who greeted me with a big hug and called me gorgeous. Grilled some steaks (best steak I ever had in my life!), giant double baked potatoes, stuffed jumbo shells with ground turkey, spinach and mozzarella. Had a great time. Wants me to spend Christmas Eve with him and his family, but I'll opt out of that.

 

[CarLiTa]

Aaaargh. I wish I still had access to a therapist.
I need to get rid of these fears that plague me sometimes
Thinking about the future can make me so anxious, fill me with doubts, and make my stomach turn to knots.

I need inner peace. To stop thinking so much and to just DO. This is with everything: love, career, whatever. Just do.

I need to figure out what I want to do with my life in the next few years. I know my long-term goals, but I'm having trouble mapping out what to do right now... And in cases when I know what to do, I'm not acting

I need a workplan... Some hard deadlines.

I also want to leave Boston because I know I want to come back for grad school, potentially. So, I need to get away bc I've been here too long!
I want to take more concrete steps for the future. Maybe I'll work on that workplan tonight.

I also want to leave this city to meet more people. Funny that I turned down the job offer in NY. These days, when I visit, NY feels so crowded and I'm eager to go back north, but...life here feels too monotone sometimes.

I don't even know what I'm looking for socially anymore, but I just feel like my time here is starting to run its course. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for one of my best friends to leave Boston next summer, and I'm like, my goodness, what will happen afterwards??? She's one of my anchors here. Our relationship with our other best friend is deteriorating. We keep trying to fix it, with little progress. What will happen?

I don't know if relocating next year is the answer. I'm especially worried about looking like a job hopper (2 positions in 2 different fields in 2 years), and I would stay another year bc I do really like the work that I do... But, personally, these bouts of anxiety make me wanna get up and go.

 

[Charz]

A wm who only dates BW or AW told me he refused to date ww because they're usually entitled, spoiled, sorority girl types that never had to struggle or experience humbling moments and think the world revolves around them.

He sounds broke.

I dont think a person should feel like they should talk down aboiut the women of their race to seem attractive to others.

 

[lushcoils]

He sounds broke.

I dont think a person should feel like they should talk down aboiut the women of their race to seem attractive to others.

He isn't broke at all. He just likes that BW and AW seem more down to earth and hard working.

 

[B_Phlyy]

I know my main Achilles heel in relationships is lack of communication due to me being passive aggressive. I don't expect people to be mind readers, but I also don't think I need to constantly repeat myself.

I'll work on me though.

 

[LivingDol1]

Call me crazy but I am currently reading Patti Stanger's "How to Become Your Own Matchmaker". I am kind of loving this book and trying to follow her suggestions. Some things in it did surprise me (like, not contacting a guy after the date to say you had a nice time?) but there's pretty sound advice. I recommend it.

 

[MzLady78]

Aaaargh. I wish I still had access to a therapist.
I need to get rid of these fears that plague me sometimes
Thinking about the future can make me so anxious, fill me with doubts, and make my stomach turn to knots.

I need inner peace. To stop thinking so much and to just DO. This is with everything: love, career, whatever. Just do.

I need to figure out what I want to do with my life in the next few years. I know my long-term goals, but I'm having trouble mapping out what to do right now... And in cases when I know what to do, I'm not acting

I need a workplan... Some hard deadlines.

I also want to leave Boston because I know I want to come back for grad school, potentially. So, I need to get away bc I've been here too long!
I want to take more concrete steps for the future. Maybe I'll work on that workplan tonight.

I also want to leave this city to meet more people. Funny that I turned down the job offer in NY. These days, when I visit, NY feels so crowded and I'm eager to go back north, but...life here feels too monotone sometimes.

I don't even know what I'm looking for socially anymore, but I just feel like my time here is starting to run its course. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for one of my best friends to leave Boston next summer, and I'm like, my goodness, what will happen afterwards??? She's one of my anchors here. Our relationship with our other best friend is deteriorating. We keep trying to fix it, with little progress. What will happen?

I don't know if relocating next year is the answer. I'm especially worried about looking like a job hopper (2 positions in 2 different fields in 2 years), and I would stay another year bc I do really like the work that I do... But, personally, these bouts of anxiety make me wanna get up and go.

Ugh, I could have written so much of this post. The bolded is something I've really been feeling lately. I've found myself using the phrase "going through the motions" a lot over the past few weeks.