***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

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So the man who tried to kiss me and disappeared is a very interesting person. I keep talking to different people who know him and they all have very different takes on him. I can't lie... I'm quite intrigued.

Then there is this other scrub who thought it would be okay to text me out of the blue @ 9:30pm and suggest I find my way over to his place. I laughed out loud in my room. There was no way I was going to leave my comfortable bed to take myself over to his place. Who does this dude think he is? I told him in no uncertain terms that while I appreciated the invite, it was too late for me to be going over to his place and either way, I had homework to do. Then he texted me back saying I could do my homework over there and sleep over. So bold! :blush: I told him it was sweet of him to think of me, but I simply can't. :nono:

Men really blow me. I barely know this dude, and I've barely heard from him all week, and he thinks I'm going to up and drive over to his place in the middle of the night??? He didn't even offer to do anything for my trouble!

Ugh... what's up with these men in out here? Have they lost their minds?
 
Love going on webcam and talk mad ish to my SO while he cracks up. He really thinks I'm joking though, great stress reliever.
 
This has been a sad week. I never should have allowed him to get close to me like this. Feels like we're breaking up and we aren't together.

He's called everyday this week so far. I just can't talk to him. We text and he has asked why he hasn't heard from me. I just told him our schedules haven't matched up (and they haven't). He seems concerned and he is doing part of his part but the minute I start talking about needing more I know it's all going to shut down.

My bday is next week. I'm guessing I won't get anything from him because that's his way of distinguishing between being in a relationship and not. (No valentines, etc. but i did get something last Christmas). I hope he proves me wrong but since I'm not trying to talk to him I'm not expecting anything. (How silly is this!?!)

I still want to be friends and keep in touch but not until I can get over him and control my feelings. I don't want to get hurt. That's the bottom line. I'm not waiting around with this hope anymore for the day to come when he decides to tell me he's met somebody else since the "distance" is what's keeping us a part.

He'll be in town for Thanksgiving and as much as I want to see him, I may need to leave the State.

:cry:

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It's really over.

I couldn't do it anymore. We went back and forth most of the day yesterday and eventually smoothed things over, yet I still had a major breakdown as soon I got home.

I woke up this morning feeling the same way I felt when I went to sleep. The only thing kept me from having another breakdown before I left for work was not wanting to have to redo my makeup. I sent him an email telling him that I couldn't keep being the one to make all the sacrifices, he had to meet me in the middle and if he couldn't, then I couldn't stay. He essentially told me he can't. He said he was going to take a nap before work and he'd hit me later. I responded that he didn't have to because I have nothing else to say right now, that I'm hurting and I need some time and some space.

My heart is not even broken, it's shattered. But I did it to myself. I had all the information I needed to make the right decision a year ago and as always, I allowed my heart to overrule my head. I knew this situation was messy but I thought I could handle it. I was a fool, plain and simple. A role that apparently I've gotten quite comfortable playing.
 
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My ex says he did a lot of things wrong, but he doesn't think that being generous was one of them... And that he was abundantly generous with his time and energy.

It's true... He was, and that's one of.the things I loved abt him (and what I want in a future mate).

But... I don't want abundant time and energy that's peppered with lies and deceit. Imagine how devastating it is to feel that so many of the deposits that someone made into your emotional bank account are faulty?
It's like these stupid credit default swaps (excuse my geekiness)... This false sense of security. Only to realize that the foundation has countless holes in it.

I don't feel emotionally safe with him, and I don't think I ever could, now.

I don't know why we even approached this topic :( It's barely 11am and I feel tired and drained. I felt like I wanted to make clear that the doors on us are shut. It seems like he didn't think so. Says his love for me was extremely strong and that he had a lot of big hopes for us :( I did, too:ohwell: but I just cannot imagine reinvesting my heart with him.

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texasqt said:
This has been a sad week. I never should have allowed him to get close to me like this. Feels like we're breaking up and we aren't together.

He's called everyday this week so far. I just can't talk to him. We text and he has asked why he hasn't heard from me. I just told him our schedules haven't matched up (and they haven't). He seems concerned and he is doing part of his part but the minute I start talking about needing more I know it's all going to shut down.

My bday is next week. I'm guessing I won't get anything from him because that's his way of distinguishing between being in a relationship and not. (No valentines, etc. but i did get something last Christmas). I hope he proves me wrong but since I'm not trying to talk to him I'm not expecting anything. (How silly is this!?!)

I still want to be friends and keep in touch but not until I can get over him and control my feelings. I don't want to get hurt. That's the bottom line. I'm not waiting around with this hope anymore for the day to come when he decides to tell me he's met somebody else since the "distance" is what's keeping us a part.

He'll be in town for Thanksgiving and as much as I want to see him, I may need to leave the State.

:cry:

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@texasqt,this is exactly how I feel right now.

How about I just realized I haven't eaten since lunch time yesterday?
 
texasqt and MzLady78 I know exactly what you all are going through. That is how I felt/feel too, like I was breaking up with someone that I was not in a relationship with. I realized that although I cared for him deeply, that my peace of mind and selfworth was way more. I have my days but I keep replaying what he said he could offer which is not enough.

I had to get like qtslim83 and say I was enough...I am enough. If you can't see that, then there's nothing I can do...

There is nothing that we can do. All we can do is let go. Trying to find solutions sometimes makes matters worse and you end up right back where you started.
 
tinkat said:
@texasqt and @MzLady78 I know exactly what you all are going through. That is how I felt/feel too, like I was breaking up with someone that I was not in a relationship with. I realized that although I cared for him deeply, that my peace of mind and selfworth was way more. I have my days but I keep replaying what he said he could offer which is not enough.

I had to get like @qtslim83 and say I was enough...I am enough. If you can't see that, then there's nothing I can do...

There is nothing that we can do. All we can do is let go. Trying to find solutions sometimes makes matters worse and you end up right back where you started.
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I think the bolded is the realization I finally came to. I did not expect to wake up this morning and send that email, and I sure as hell know he didn't expect to receive it. During our back and forth yesterday, I said some not so nice things to him and I had to apologize. I jokingly said it's wonder he hasn't kicked me to the curb first (it's not the first time I've gone overboard). He said "I love you and I want you in my life, so there will be no kicking to any curbs". Yet, here we are, less that 24 hours later.

I really do love him, probably more than I've ever loved anybody. But I can't live like this anymore. The situation isn't fair to me, and it's not fair to him for me to be one foot out the door every other week.
 
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MzLady78 said:
I think the bolded is the realization I finally came to. I did not expect to wake up this morning and send that email, and I sure as hell know he didn't expect to receive it. During our back and forth yesterday, I said some not so nice things to him and I had to apologize. I jokingly said it's wonder he hasn't kicked me to the curb first (it's not the first time I've gone overboard). He said "I love you and I want you in my life, so there will be no kicking to any curbs". Yet, here we are, less that 24 hours later.

I really do love him, probably more than I've ever loved anybody. But I can't live like this anymore. The situation isn't fair to me, and it's not fair to him for me to be one foot out the door every other week.
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I know what you mean bc I have said alot of mean things but the guy deserved it and it was the truth and I did not apologize bc he does not even acknowledge the issues that we have had. Its like he is numb to emotions, I have concluded that emails are pointless, expressing how I feel is pointless bc although he comprehends and even remembers what I have said, he has a hard to feeling them. There is alot I can say about this guy, he is truly damaged goods and I can't change it. If he really wanted to be back in my life just as a friend, I would require counseling on his end.

And what gets me is that they say I want you in my life. My mother says that a guy will squeeze anywhere that you allow them.

But I have learned that when you let them in a little bit, you still end up disappointed bc still they can not be what you need them to be. They have already shown it countless times. Not even a good friend. And in my case, he still wants the benefits without commitment just by the mess he pulled last week when he showed up at my front door unannounced.
 
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GoddessMaker said:
I wonder how it feels to hug and kiss intimately.I haven't done that in 6 years..
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The same way it felt the last time (not trying to be funny).You will have it again, it might just take a little time but you must believe you will find what you are looking for, please do not focus on what you don't have right now because that will not help but make you more sad and depress. Try to enjoy being young, single and free to follow your dreams. HTH
 
MzLady78 said:
It's really over.

I couldn't do it anymore. We went back and forth most of the day yesterday and eventually smoothed things over, yet I still had a major breakdown as soon I got home.

I woke up this morning feeling the same way I felt when I went to sleep. The only thing kept me from having another breakdown before I left for work was not wanting to have to redo my makeup. I sent him an email telling him that I couldn't keep being the one to make all the sacrifices, he had to meet me in the middle and if he couldn't, then I couldn't stay. He essentially told me he can't. He said he was going to take a nap before work and he'd hit me later. I responded that he didn't have to because I have nothing else to say right now, that I'm hurting and I need some time and some space.

My heart is not even broken, it's shattered. But I did it to myself. I had all the information I needed to make the right decision a year ago and as always, I allowed my heart to overrule my head. I knew this situation was messy but I thought I could handle it. I was a fool, plain and simple. A role that apparently I've gotten quite comfortable playing.
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:bighug::bighug::bighug:

so sorry that you are hurting....
 
Jackdonkey... u r still in love with your ex! :evil:

ETA: I'm not the one to to call when u r bored. I'm no one's "time-filler."
 
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You don't like being ignored??? Take the hint. And yes my life is THAT busy. I'm ready to meet a guy on the same page as me. Beyond tired of meeting guys I'm a mile apart from.:nono:
 
My ex texted me today telling me his uncle died. My response: I'm sorry to hear that? Then he said: ok


ummmm should there have been more? I said all I had to say. I didn't want to say "if you need me for anything please don't hesitate to ask" mostly b/c I dont wanna do anything :look:


I have so much going on in my personal life I don't have the energy to even try with his a$$. Shoot Im cutting dead weight left and right... my mama didn't even make it
 
smwrigh3 said:
My ex texted me today telling me his uncle died. My response: I'm sorry to hear that? Then he said: ok


ummmm should there have been more? I said all I had to say. I didn't want to say "if you need me for anything please don't hesitate to ask" mostly b/c I dont wanna do anything :look:


I have so much going on in my personal life I don't have the energy to even try with his a$$. Shoot Im cutting dead weight left and right... my mama didn't even make it
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Naw, you handled it right.:lol: lmao @ the bolded tho.
 
No more desiring dating nor anymore online dating sites.Just closed POF and will never try again.It's not for everyone esp me.Now if I'm meant to date a dude will have to approach or if not I will be dateless and never experience love and intimacy.
 
GoddessMaker said:
No more desiring dating nor anymore online dating sites.Just closed POF and will never try again.It's not for everyone esp me.Now if I'm meant to date a dude will have to approach or if not I will be dateless and never experience love and intimacy.
Click to expand...

Just remember that the guy just won't fall on your doorstep. =)
 
I already knew his mom loved me; meeting his closest friends was great, I feel like I'm part of some bizarre-awesome family!

And I'm pretty sure I fell in love at that concert!
 
I wasn't acting different, I was uncomfortable! We were in the hall and I don't like my neighbors in my business... It wasn't personal at all!
 
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