***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

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Keshieshimmer said:
SweetNic_JA

Thank-you for sharing your story. CONGRATS! Love is a beautiful thing. I have never been in love before or had a long term relationship. So in a way I am kinda afraid of finding the 100% right guy for me because I feel like I will mess it up. But I am praying that when the guy for me comes along I will recognize it.

More and more I try to accept that it is not my season and to be happy with what I have (I have much!). Some days are worse than most. Last night night was one of those days. This online dating thing has been doing a number on my confidence.
Click to expand...

:yep:

It's a very hard thing to accept, especially once you get a certain age and it seems like EVERYONE around you is settling down. As happy as I am for them, I did get to a point where I didn't even want to go on FB anymore cuz every time I turned around, someone was getting married or having a baby.

My time may or may not come. But life doesn't stop either way, so I better figure out how to make the most of the journey.
 
I want to be with someone badly but I guess not bad enough as I don't do things conducive to being found.Like when you want a new job your always job hunting.Me when it comes to being found I don't go out,I go to work,the gym,then home.I don't dress up on the weekends much at all now since I go to the gym both days..I guess I'm scared of dating bc of all the pain it can cause and all the emotions.I also don't want to settle bc of size or lack of money so I wonder if these are contributors for me personally.I have tried online and never get anywhere.I wonder if it's God's way of saying you will be definitely single for life or for a long time.
 
first time in a long time I actually put an effort into my look and it really paid off.
I got a lot of approaches at the club which was refreshing...just when I thought I was going to throw in the towel on dating...

there's hope :)
 
Keeping Thank-you (and other) cards from friends and loved ones is one of the best things I've done over the past 2 years. Such sweet memories. Just found and am reading a little pile that warms my heart so much right now :)

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My mother encouraged me to go on a date, so I went out with a guy. He was a complete arse, but atleast I enjoyed my salad. :yep: He only treats woman like ladies who earn it...... Ummmm sorry buddy, but you will treat me like a lady just because. And anything less than is unacceptable.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier
 
Just a random observation at the gym..so I was there yesterday and there was a very large hispanic lady working out and who I thought was a friend his is pretty much in good shape..well they came again today and I saw him go his way and she got back on the bike again..this time I see him come over to her like he did yesterday and they were kissing I was like oh hell no now dang it if she got a nice hot boo so can I..I was surprised bc I always here big girls aren't allowed to have fine men..where are the fine dudes who will like me now Im already hitting the gym 4 times a week so I will be improving all the while..there is hope.
 
GoddessMaker said:
I want to be with someone badly but I guess not bad enough as I don't do things conducive to being found.Like when you want a new job your always job hunting.Me when it comes to being found I don't go out,I go to work,the gym,then home.I don't dress up on the weekends much at all now since I go to the gym both days..I guess I'm scared of dating bc of all the pain it can cause and all the emotions.I also don't want to settle bc of size or lack of money so I wonder if these are contributors for me personally.I have tried online and never get anywhere.I wonder if it's God's way of saying you will be definitely single for life or for a long time.
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GoddessMaker :kiss:, I don't think it is God's way of saying you will be single for a long time. What I am reading in your post is that you don't have the energy to step out right now, and that's okay.
I can totally relate about being nervous/scared to date:yep: I want to feel more grounded in what I want for myself before trying again.
I am methodical about things, so I drafted a list of standards and boundaries for dating, and started to think more constructively about how I want to find the person I want... especially about how to assess character strength, etc.
If you feel that right now you would be ready to welcome a relationship with someone who matches your desires, then start stepping out once in a while, just to be seen. Don't feel that you need to rush into it and start making it a 'hunt' per se.


GoddessMaker said:
... oh hell no now dang it if she got a nice hot boo so can I..I was surprised bc I always here big girls aren't allowed to have fine men..
Click to expand...

To the bolded: :nono: there is no such rule.
To the rest: Focusing on what others have will leave you (general you) feeling that your life is empty, when there is so much to be thankful for...
If we see something in others that we want for ourselves, it's more uplifting (for ourselves) to make positive observations... to bless them for what they have and decide that this is something we want in our own lives in the future.

I don't mean to reprimand you or anything, so forgive me if it comes off that way. I would say/think, in the case of the girl at your gym that "she looks happy... it's great to see a man appreciate a bigger woman, etc. I'm so glad I saw that. I want that for myself, too."

All this to say: Try not to put yourself AND the other person down if there's something in her life that you desire for yours.
 
CarLiTa I def didn't take it in a bad way.See I don't know you and I'm not sure if you ever have been a larger lady but its a different life.Not saying women in general don't have hard times but when all you here is lose weight then men will want you you have to rally even more for yourself.

With the lady at the gym I don't know if she is happy.She looked as though she was only at the gym bc the boo seemed to want here there.I was just stunned..I really wish I could articulate the feelings I get when I do see a larger woman booed up bc its like not the norm and I know Im pretty so that stifles me at times as well like not in a oh Im hotter than her way but dang ok I should be able to be found to kinda way.
 
GoddessMaker said:
CarLiTa I def didn't take it in a bad way.See I don't know you and I'm not sure if you ever have been a larger lady but its a different life.Not saying women in general don't have hard times but when all you here is lose weight then men will want you you have to rally even more for yourself.

With the lady at the gym I don't know if she is happy.She looked as though she was only at the gym bc the boo seemed to want here there.I was just stunned..I really wish I could articulate the feelings I get when I do see a larger woman booed up bc its like not the norm and I know Im pretty so that stifles me at times as well like not in a oh Im hotter than her way but dang ok I should be able to be found to kinda way.
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GoddessMaker, totally understand. I was just trying to steer you away from looking at the situation through a negative lens, either toward yourself or the woman. Maybe I'm just getting on some LOA stuff:lol:
 
GoddessMaker

GoddessMaker said:
CarLiTa I def didn't take it in a bad way.See I don't know you and I'm not sure if you ever have been a larger lady but its a different life.Not saying women in general don't have hard times but when all you here is lose weight then men will want you you have to rally even more for yourself.
Click to expand...

I have never or will never be a skinny lady and I refuse to believe that larger ladies life a different life. I think different people have different lives, but very little of it has to do with size IMO.

Please do not believe that if you lose weight men will want you, because you are setting yourself up for potential failure. If you want to lose weight do it for yourself, because if you lose weight and still are single, then what? There are plenty of skinny ladies who are single, so being larger doesn't mean you can't have a man. Don't fall for the hype.

GoddessMaker said:
With the lady at the gym I don't know if she is happy.She looked as though she was only at the gym bc the boo seemed to want here there.I was just stunned..I really wish I could articulate the feelings I get when I do see a larger woman booed up bc its like not the norm and I know Im pretty so that stifles me at times as well like not in a oh Im hotter than her way but dang ok I should be able to be found to kinda way.
Click to expand...

I think it is very normal for larger women to have boyfriends, husbands, etc. Maybe it is a location thing, but I see and know all different types of women that have boyfriends...big, small, skinny, tall, short, black, white, short hair, long hair, dark skin, light skin, put together, not put together, nice, mean....you get the idea.

If this is your norm, then I encourage you to try to shift your way of thinking. The longer you think it is not normal, the more it will not be.
 
RocStar oh you so hit it on the head to me.I believe this deep down that I know too many slim women that society would hail beauitful heck look through this thread and you will see them but they are single and struggling to get a boo that is not a kang.

I so don't see that here where I am the state of Texas.I guess this is why my sighting took me off guard.I remember when I was 19 this lady use to ride the bus to a very nice suburb for work everyday.She was larger but had a hubby who loved her and I would always watch him come get her after work.She seemed so well put together and happy.Im like ok I don't have to just date anything.I may never be a 2 but I know I deserve a king.
 
Oh gosh I hope this pastor dude at my church is not asking me out. Like he is kinda attractive, but he is at least 13 or 15 years older than me and has a son either in high school or freshman in college.

That won't be happening.
 
This weekend was so great. All the worries and weird feelings I felt during the week literally disappeared as soon as I saw him. Right when he put his arm around me I realized how silly I had been. I think I just missed him this week and instead of embracing that I started acting distant. Whenever I feel something real my first instinct is to run away from it. I'm changing that though.

His sister was nice. I met some of his friends and they were cool too. He finally got to meet another one of my friends and she thought he was great. Every one seems to really like him. They keep telling me "be nice to this one!" I'm trying, geez!
 
Reasons why I wish I were in a relationship:

It's 11pm, and I am using the level and hammer that my roommate borrowed from someone to re-put up my curtain rod which has fallen too many times because I initially used wall tape to put it up :look:
I struggled to hammer the nails into the wall, but it's up... hopefully for good, this time.

Then, I tried to put up this new frame for a poster that i love. This is the 2nd frame. I used wall tape for the first one... and after a long weekend away, I came home to find the frame off the wall and broken:wallbash:

I don't know why I'm so awful at this stuff:wallbash: I looked crazy in my fro, my thick pink socks, sweatshirt, hammering stuff in the wall at 11pm. My roommate reminded me that the girls downstairs are teachers and are probably asleep.

I just need a guy to come in and do it for me. I'm thinking about asking one of my former coworkers in exchange for... a home-cooked snack:lol:
 
Womp, womp....that negro hasn't said 2 words to me all day. But I am surprisingly not affected.

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Going to be seeing Zdubs bright and early tomorrow morning after he didn't text me this weekend like he said he was going to.

Not going to lie, I am kind of ticked that he didn't give me the courtesy of a reply when he told me he would. I mean, if he didn't want to go, then he should have just told me that straight up. We're both adults--he can say no and I can handle it. Nobody is going to get emotional or anything and I personally value brutal honesty over pussyfooting around and sugarcoating your opinions/intentions in the name being nice and not hurting other people's feelings. That's how mixed signals get sent, misunderstandings happen, and feelings get hurt in the long run. :nono:

It will be interesting to see what (if anything) he says about this weekend. I realize that it's probably not that serious in his mind, but my personality is such that I overthink things and take them way too seriously. It is what it is. *shrugs* But I will be using his response to the whole thing as a kind of sounding board for where his head is at with our 'friendship'.

In the final analysis, though, I really am not sweating this whole thing. Number one, everyone gets two strikes before they get put in the "just not that into me" category, so he has one more strike. Number two, I feel like I was too low key about the whole thing when I mentioned it to him, and I realize after talking to my best friend, her dad, my dad, and my mom that I should just go after what I really want which is to spend some one on one time with him so that we can get to know each other better as people. Next time I will make that very clear, otherwise I'm doing myself a disservice by introducing grey areas from the get go. Number three, there is another guy (we'll call him Costco, lol) who I think is into me, and I need to spend some time encouraging his interest.
 
An eventful month indeed. Thus far:

3 Good conversations
1 Steady date
1 love confession
1 marriage proposal

Now if only any of these were from the same person :rolleyes:
 
Keshieshimmer said:
Last night I met this guy that my friend is dating. It was clear that he likes her. She has never questioned his intentions. He does what he says he will do. She met him online (after I encouraged her that she would have success (she is white), she didn't believe me). She was on the site for two weeks, he was one of the first dudes to message her. They mutually decided to delete their profiles.

Not gonna lie I felt a bit of...something. Not jealously because I love this girl and I want her to be happy and find companionship. At this party I only knew my friend and when her date would come around he would be very affectionate, outside of kissing her in front of people. Like I would be having a conversation with my friend and one of the guests at the party. Then her date would come up and like nuzzle her neck as she is talking, or whispering.I felt like I was intruding maybe? Like I was only at the party for moral support (this was her first time meeting his friends). His friends aren't the type of people I would be really good friends with because we have different interests.

I had wanted to leave at 11 or midnight. But she was having so much fun with him, I encouraged her to stay longer. I didn't want to be a joykill. We didn't leave until 1:30 am.

At least I can be a good friend.
Click to expand...

Keshieshimmer you are a good friend and she will always remember that. Plus your turn is coming, trust me.



Keshieshimmer said:
@SweetNic_JA

Thank-you for sharing your story. CONGRATS! Love is a beautiful thing. I have never been in love before or had a long term relationship. So in a way I am kinda afraid of finding the 100% right guy for me because I feel like I will mess it up. But I am praying that when the guy for me comes along I will recognize it.

More and more I try to accept that it is not my season and to be happy with what I have (I have much!). Some days are worse than most. Last night night was one of those days. This online dating thing has been doing a number on my confidence.
Click to expand...

We are <here> but I gave up the online dating; it's not working for me. Although I know quite a few people with tons of success from it. :spinning:


RocStar said:
@GoddessMaker I have never or will never be a skinny lady and I refuse to believe that larger ladies life a different life. I think different people have different lives, but very little of it has to do with size IMO.

Please do not believe that if you lose weight men will want you, because you are setting yourself up for potential failure. If you want to lose weight do it for yourself, because if you lose weight and still are single, then what? There are plenty of skinny ladies who are single, so being larger doesn't mean you can't have a man. Don't fall for the hype.
Click to expand...

RocStar and GoddessMaker At the first bold my skinny friend told me I had to lose weight to attract the type of guy I wanted. I went to the store the other day and a GAWEGOUS, TALL, PHYSICALLY FIT, GAWEGOUS MAN -- told me I was beautiful. That was God's way of telling me that I CAN have the type of guy I desire.

At the second bold my "skinny friend" is still single; while she advising me on "how to attract a man." :ohwell:
 
8 years of marriage your driving still gets under my skin....You must have took driving lessons from your great great great granny. And for the umptenth time, if we need to turn left, start getting over sooner rather than later. Don't wait until you realize that you are in the far right lane and now need to change lanes. That lady wasn't flipping "us" off because we were black, she was flipping YOU off because you cut her off and four other cars. And is it fair to snap at me because I said something? I was just stating the obvious and trying to help YOU out.

I used to think that we would do great if we had a change at Amazing Race, but your driving has proved me wrong. Jeopardy? Yes. Amazing Race? No.

But I still love your old arse though and you looked good in your boat shoes.

And yeeessssss dangit, I'm coming to bed now. Quit yelling so loud, you gonna wake up these kids.

Next time, leave the driving to us younger folk.
 
rafikichick92
I would let it go. If I recall correctly you invited him to join you and some other friends. He decided not to go, no big deal. Yes it would have been nice for him to let you know but at this point he is not your bf or even a friend, he is just your classmate and lab partner. He doesn't really owe you anything. If I were you I'd focus on being a good lab partner, looking pretty, and being a nice and friendly person. If he likes you like that he will pursue. I would not ask him to go places and to text over the weekend, etc. It's a bit much IMO.
 
He went through my email, found something he didn't like (from when we were broken up) and confronted me about it. Ninja....you went through my ish?!!
He's done and I don't even miss him.:nono:
 
Sometimes I read stuff on here and I'm like "I really might be better off by myself".

People are trifling as hell, and I'm too cute to go to jail. :look: :lol:
 
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