***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

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hopeful said:
tinkat Oh so now he can't live without you? Is this the guy that gave you a sex toy for a gift? What did you do when he showed up?
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Yes! This is the one that I was there for, who I gave too many benefits without commitment. I own up to where I messed up and he showed me himself too many times. When he made it clear that he could never be in a romantic relationship with me EVER, I knew I had to remove myself from the situation because I was emotionally drained. I thought that we were actually friends and that through time we could move past the issues but we cannot be friends because he cannot be who I want/need him to be.

I told him to not contact me ever again and I thought it worked but I received an email but did not reply. I went on about my day, picked up some Jason's Deli, and went home to watch a dvd. I was just chillin and I get a knock on the door. I look out the window bc I was not expecting guests, I did not see any familiar cars so I just opened the door (I come to realize that his car was out of my view). I did not look through my peep hole like I normally do, I was just oblivious (that was not safe on my part, it was still daylight, I thought it was the church people, they always knocking on the door). I open the door and was like WTF and he just walks in....YES walks in...like everything is cool. I was in shock and everything happened so d*** fast. That is what I have a problem with him about. He never acknowledges anything, he just acts like everything is ok, he does not respond well to emotions, he does not like emotions. And another thing I learned is that he obviously does not have boundaries to a degree. He avoids confrontation which is why I was shocked that he even showed up unannounced.

It would have been different if he would have been like I know this is inappropriate but....blah blah blah...but he just walked in like I just talked to him yesterday and as if nothing even happened. He was just like, yeah you were not expecting me...He really did not come to talk about ish, he just wanted to "see how I was doing" and to not be a "stranger". He was also making sarcastic jokes about how I cursed him out a couple of weeks ago. He asked if I still had the birthday gift and I told him that I destroyed it because I could not punch him. Then he had the audacity to try to kiss me, told me he was not leaving until I gave him one. He left with a bruised ego (bc that was not going down), he left mad and I did not feel bad at all. But it left me upset and confused when I have been doing ok. I realized that it was his energy that I have been picking up that leaves me drained.

Don't get me wrong, for some crazy reason I deeply care and love this guy, it was not always like this...but when he showed me that he could not be what I wanted him to be, I should have left. What I don't get is why he is coming around. I asked him why are you here and he of course did not have an answer. That kind of rattled my energy but I am going to do what I have been doing, no contact, and I WILL LOOK THROUGH MY PEEP HOLE!
 
tinkat said:
...he had the audacity to try to kiss me, told me he was not leaving until I gave him one. He left with a bruised ego (bc that was not going down), he left mad and I did not feel bad at all. But it left me upset and confused when I have been doing ok. I realized that it was his energy that I have been picking up that leaves me drained.

Don't get me wrong, for some crazy reason I deeply care and love this guy, it was not always like this...but when he showed me that he could not be what I wanted him to be, I should have left. What I don't get is why he is coming around. I asked him why are you here and he of course did not have an answer. That kind of rattled my energy but I am going to do what I have been doing, no contact, and I WILL LOOK THROUGH MY PEEP HOLE!
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He keeps coming around because he wants things back to where they used to be. He is selfish and wants to use you for his purposes. He is not thinking about you or your well-being-- just thinking about himself and his needs/wants.
 
Stand your ground! tinkat he is clearly one of those toxic people a previous poster was talking about if his mere presence drains you. Way to stick to your guns girlie.
 
-PYT said:
Stand your ground! tinkat he is clearly one of those toxic people a previous poster was talking about if his mere presence drains you. Way to stick to your guns girlie.
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Yes I saw that article and thought about him. Its Unfortunate how you can truly be there for someone and care for them when in reality they are toxic to you.
 
Sooo, Zdubs didn't text me last night like he said he was going to. I'm actually lightweight worried about him because he wasn't studying in the library like he usually is and I didn't see his car in the parking lot. Hope he's OK. :ohwell:
 
nappystorm said:
He kept calling me a "career student"

This is all before we got to the restaurant (Applebees :rolleyes:).

At the restaurant, the waitress took our drink orders and I ordered sweet tea. He said, really:rolleyes:.
then asked if there were any strip clubs in Hattiesburg :eh: He told me he knew I was spoiled and that HE wasn't going to spoil me. Oh I let him HAVE IT.:angry2:

:orders:I told him yes I think highly of myself and I have every right to. I've been living on my own since 18 and I'm doing damn well for my age. I don't ask my parents for ish, I don't get on my back or knees for anything, I live below my means, and I'm smart enough to save and budget. I also told him that he has life fvcked up if he thinks I'm going to let him get away with acting like an @$$hole to "bring me down a notch." I'm a good woman and I deserve to be treated well and if he's not prepared to do that then he can "get the hell on, ni99@!" (I wish there was a neck rolling smilie)

Finally, I said, what are you doing a weave check or something :rolleyes: He said yes and proceeded to dig his fingers all up in my head :blush: r.
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The above contributed to me having my mouth wide open in shock reading most of this mess! *applause* on the bold. I'm glad you let him have it but I would have been ghost after the restaurant. :nono:
 
Went to boozy brunch with 2 girlfriends today. The front of the place is a bar. When I came in, I noticed a group of attractive guys who also noticed me. I was chatting with my friend while we waited for our table and one of the guys yelled over to us, "Hey ladies!!! Im sweating! See???! Just putting it out there...." and he showed us, from the other side of the bar, his massive pit stain. Size of his own head.

We actually laughed our asses off. And then they came over later to chat us up. And buy us drinks. I won't complain. But it was funny.
 
It took awhile but I've been able to detach significantly. No more romanticizing the situation or pondering the "what ifs". It is what it is, I can't change it so I'm letting it go.

I know that I'm at an age where I should be more proactive about finding Mr. Right, but I don't feel compelled in the least to do so. I just feel so.....defeated. But on the plus side, it's allowed me to spend more time thinking about the areas of my life that I do have some control over, like this possible career change to teaching and my goal of moving out by next summer. Maybe if I make these things happen, my failure to make any progress with my love life won't hurt as much anymore. At least I'll have accomplished something.
 
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MzLady78 said:
It took awhile but I've been able to detach significantly. No more romanticizing the situation or pondering the "what ifs". It is what it is, I can't change it so I'm letting it go.
Love it! You are showing real growth and maturity MzLady. I am so proud of you.

I know that I'm at an age where I should be more proactive about finding Mr. Right, but I don't feel compelled in the least to do. I just feel so.....defeated. More growth. You're being so honest about how you feel. Anyone would feel defeated, real sadness. And it's okay to be sad, it's healthy and normal. Avoiding those feelings is unhealthy. Sadness moves on, depression sits. But on the plus side, it's allowed me to spend more time thinking about the areas of my life that I do have some control over, like this possible career change to teaching and my goal of moving out by next summer. Maybe if I make these things happen, my failure to make any progress with my love life won't hurt as much anymore. Yes, yes, yes! Achieving these things will lift your spirits and make you feel better about yourself:yep:. I wish you the best:).At least I'll have accomplished something.
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Beautiful post!
 
hopeful said:
Beautiful post!
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Thanks. I don't wanna give the impression that I'm completely out of the situation, but I definitely don't feel the same about it after some brutally honest conversations about our future (or lack thereof). We still interact everyday, but I don't initiate any contact (I've actually taken his number out my phone) and I've pulled back a lot emotionally. I finally accepted that no matter how we feel about each other, there's nowhere for us to go from here. Eventually his "season" is going to come to an end, like all the others before him. And just like I got over them, I'll get over him too.

Right now, I just want to work on getting my life in order. Maybe when I do, I'll stop wasting time with these guys who can't/won't give me what I deserve. I wonder sometimes if my standards have been so low because I don't even meet them my damn self. Like maybe even though I've been saying I deserve better, deep down I didn't really feel that I did.
 
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MzLady78 Both of your previous posts are my exact thoughts!!! I have small goals that I haven't accomplished so I'm definitely going to focus more on them and less on him. A reason, a season, and a lifetime...I'm going to start staying available for my lifetime.
 
texasqt said:
MzLady78 Both of your previous posts are my exact thoughts!!! I have small goals that I haven't accomplished so I'm definitely going to focus more on them and less on him. A reason, a season, and a lifetime...I'm going to start staying available for my lifetime.
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Exactly.

If I'd spend HALF the amount of time and energy on getting my ish order as I did trying to make this thing work or crying and being depressed over it, wondering how I let it happen and what do I do from here, I'd have been well on my way by now. But that's the past and I can't change it. All I can do is go forward and make better choices next time around.
 
So. This week was actually really dull in terms of relationship stuff. The guy I went out with last Saturday (the one who's kiss I dodged) NEVER called. I sent him a text Thurs evening asking him how his week was going and he didn't respond.... which I find weird. Yeah our date ended awkwardly, but it wasn't that bad. :kanyeshrug:

I was a little bent out of shape for a couple of days, but I'm over it now. The whole thing kind of reminds me of this other guy I inadvertently offended when I semi-abruptly pushed him off me in the middle of makeout session and told him I needed to get some sleep. Honestly, I was really tipsy at the time, and I think I was bored. The next morning he was acting all butt hurt and refused to speak to me about it, even though I tried to tell him I was status post several all-nighters that week. He ignored my texts/phone calls for the next few days, and I eventually gave up. We didn't speak for two yrs.

I think he became a little more understanding after he had a couple more years of med school under his belt (we're the same age, but he's a yr behind me in school) cuz he popped back up eventually, but we were never single at the same time. I'm kinda mad at myself for messing that one up though, cuz he was really cute.

Anyway, I feel like this dude from last week will pop up again too. I think he may be a little embarrassed. I definitely got the sense he was feeling me during our date, and I don't think I was way off about that. I did sorta get the sense that he's more confident in his ability to get women because of his accomplishments rather his personality/game, and I kinda gave off the impression that I was unaware/unimpressed with all his accolades (even though I was). I could be wrong though, I just know a lot of guys who are like that and he kinda fits the profile.

In the meantime, I'm excited cuz my birthday is coming up next wknd and I think its going to be hecka hecka fun. I plan on having dinner at this Senegalese restaurant I discovered, which ended up being really convenient because my favorite club is literally down the street. I think its going to be a really good time.... I have a lot of friends up here, and I'll be happy to get them all in one place. There are a couple of friends of mine who I'm really hoping will meet and hit it off and end up dating or getting married or something.
 
I got tired of hearing SO talk bad about himself so I wrote him a list of 51 things I love about him. He loved it. :grin:
 
freelove said:
So. This week was actually really dull in terms of relationship stuff. The guy I went out with last Saturday (the one who's kiss I dodged) NEVER called. I sent him a text Thurs evening asking him how his week was going and he didn't respond.... which I find weird. Yeah our date ended awkwardly, but it wasn't that bad. :kanyeshrug:

[clipped]

Anyway, I feel like this dude from last week will pop up again too. I think he may be a little embarrassed. I definitely got the sense he was feeling me during our date, and I don't think I was way off about that. I did sorta get the sense that he's more confident in his ability to get women because of his accomplishments rather his personality/game, and I kinda gave off the impression that I was unaware/unimpressed with all his accolades (even though I was). I could be wrong though, I just know a lot of guys who are like that and he kinda fits the profile.

[clipped]
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^^Guys like that annoy me. I've met more of that "type" than I could have ever imagine existed.
 
Things fell apart with him yesterday and he said some things that really hurt my feelings.

For an hour, I was depressed...I thought I might sit around and feel sorry for myself the entire day.

Then I thought about everything I've been through in this life, like watching my Dad die of cancer. I realized I'm stronger than I give myself credit for. I dried my eyes and went on with my day.
 
Last night I met this guy that my friend is dating. It was clear that he likes her. She has never questioned his intentions. He does what he says he will do. She met him online (after I encouraged her that she would have success (she is white), she didn't believe me). She was on the site for two weeks, he was one of the first dudes to message her. They mutually decided to delete their profiles.

Not gonna lie I felt a bit of...something. Not jealously because I love this girl and I want her to be happy and find companionship. At this party I only knew my friend and when her date would come around he would be very affectionate, outside of kissing her in front of people. Like I would be having a conversation with my friend and one of the guests at the party. Then her date would come up and like nuzzle her neck as she is talking, or whispering.I felt like I was intruding maybe? Like I was only at the party for moral support (this was her first time meeting his friends). His friends aren't the type of people I would be really good friends with because we have different interests.

I had wanted to leave at 11 or midnight. But she was having so much fun with him, I encouraged her to stay longer. I didn't want to be a joykill. We didn't leave until 1:30 am.

At least I can be a good friend.
 
Keshieshimmer you'll find your guy too. I find that a situation can change for the better in what seems like a day.

Last year this time, I was engaged and convinced I would be with my FH forever. I was even going to move overseas to be together. I was so convinced - until I woke up and saw that this guy wasn't for me. I never thought I would want or find anyone else. That relationship was built up over many years.

I fasted and prayed (not for relationship reasons) and during the 1st week of my fast, is when I met my SO. It's so uncanny that we have so much in common. He is not perfect (neither am I), but he is a really really good match - and most importantly a friend.

It took 3 months after ending my LDR relationship and 1 week into my fast to meet this guy who I know will be a permanent fixture in my life - in some capacity.
 
Had a great night last night. It didn't go the way we wanted, but I enjoyed it and can't wait until we're together again....

Sent from my Droid Incredible
 
Woke up to a text from my ex saying that they are still in love with me. I know, but the light switch is in the off position permanently.
 
MzLady78 said:
Exactly.

If I'd spend HALF the amount of time and energy on getting my ish order as I did trying to make this thing work or crying and being depressed over it, wondering how I let it happen and what do I do from here, I'd have been well on my way by now. But that's the past and I can't change it. All I can do is go forward and make better choices next time around.
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Preach sista, preach.
 
SweetNic_JA

Thank-you for sharing your story. CONGRATS! Love is a beautiful thing. I have never been in love before or had a long term relationship. So in a way I am kinda afraid of finding the 100% right guy for me because I feel like I will mess it up. But I am praying that when the guy for me comes along I will recognize it.

More and more I try to accept that it is not my season and to be happy with what I have (I have much!). Some days are worse than most. Last night night was one of those days. This online dating thing has been doing a number on my confidence.
 
So this fool told me to call him today, because he already called me too much. He's only called me once, and once is too much?!? Umm, yeah.... I can show you better than can tell you.

*sits on couch, turns phone on silent, and pulls up netflix* :look:

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier
 
Keshieshimmer said:
SweetNic_JA

Thank-you for sharing your story. CONGRATS! Love is a beautiful thing. I have never been in love before or had a long term relationship. So in a way I am kinda afraid of finding the 100% right guy for me because I feel like I will mess it up. But I am praying that when the guy for me comes along I will recognize it.

More and more I try to accept that it is not my season and to be happy with what I have (I have much!). Some days are worse than most. Last night night was one of those days. This online dating thing has been doing a number on my confidence.
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This is hard for a lot of women. The thing that helps most, which is hard to do, is to be positive and KNOW that you will be blessed with a good relationship. Open yourself up to be accepting of a blessing, and you will make room for that blessing to come into your life.

It sounds cliche, but it has proven true in my short life time and time again.
 
He always makes plans in his head that he expects me to know, but he doesn't tell me about them. It has really been annoying me lately.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
 
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