***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

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This past Sunday, I was heading home from my friend's church in another part of town, as I was waiting on train platform, this man comes up to me... can I describe him as a thug without anyone getting antsy? Ok, thanks lol, cause that was the vibe he had going on.

He first starts by whistling:ohwell:, then he eventually came over to me talking about:
-Him: dang girl, where you going, looking all CUTE (thuggish emphasis on the last word)
-Me: :look: I'm going home...
-Him: Oh yeah? who you going home to?
-Me: ...my husband :look: (fidgeting with my purse to hide my bare ring finger)
-Him: Aw man, you got a husband? How long ya'll been married?
-Me: Mmhmm :yep: a couple of years..
-Him: Dang, he scooped you up before I could get to you, huh?
-Me: :lol: I guess he did
-Him: Well, lemme let you go then. You just made my day, girl :grin: looking so pretty.
-Me: Thanks! Have a nice day!
-Me: *thinking* Hm, now what would have happened if I'd been a jerk? thugs just want to feel good too:lol:

The past few years, I usually always politely entertain guys who approach me. The outcome is sooo much better than getting yelled and cursed at (high school days in Miami:nono:)... and it helps to view them as just people who just want to add a little brightness to their day:lol:... and conversation with a woman can be a nice pick-me-up.

I talk to strangers more often that I've ever had in the past. When I go places, I'm a lot more inquisitive with people, asking questions about what they seem to care about, and they seem to really appreciate it :) and I do too! Little bright spots for each other's days :)
 
I think I am gonna have to ask him to cut his beard. It hurts when we are kissing and when he kisses my neck and stuff. The best part of all this is having his head on my chest while he sleeps and the text/call at the end of the day. Its the little things that I am realizing I missed the most.
 
He says I shouldn't date a lot men at once... why? Because im not paying him enough attention.:giggle:
He has a point.. I've been sidelining him too much. He is nice.
 
Tonight, I walk into my kitchen, and my roommate has a guest... this guy whom I met my first year in college... he expressed interest, but he wanted to walk me to my dorm after he'd met me, and I declined. He later friended me on FB and invited me to a football game with him. I accepted, and then I declined :ohwell: bc I was more attracted to someone else and didn't want to lead him on :rolleyes:

We remained acquaintances on FB, but didn't communicate much after that. Well, he's done really for himself. Finishing a Master's in a hard science, considering a PhD, was telling us about buying land in his home country:eek: with his savings from college, and wanting to start a school back home:eek:
Pretty much a lot of the things I also want to do. He said he would call me once he starts his school, given my current work:lol:

Made me think about all the guys I passed up in college. Didn't take the time to get to know them bc I was focusing all my emotional energy on my ex, the womanizer who hid his wreckless and "colorful" past from me bc he knew that if I knew, I wouldn't date him, and then confessed that ish to me at (unknowingly) the worst possible time.

Not only have these guys done well for themselves, but they also seem to have much gentler spirits than did my ex... and I don't know if that's my outsider, imaginative perspective.

I also feel that I understand myself a lot better now, and having had those experiences with my last SO (some amazing, some heartbreaking) have taught me a lot about myself and the kind of character that I am looking for.

Sometimes I wonder what my relationship experience might have been like had I continued conversing with some of these guys... Logistically, there's no way to find out even now... as, alas, they're all mostly in my ex's friend/acquaintance group:ohwell:
 
What would I do without you? If you were always around, I wouldn't feel like I'm at Six Flags with the other clown. Why can't we...oh yeah, because you have a screwed up situation too lol.

Sent from my Droid Incredible
 
I felt so insecure & vulnerable.

no makeup, no weave, no glitz n glamour with blemishes on display... I felt so exposed with all my flaws on display and nothing to hide behind....

just me....just you.... just talking....

I couldn't look at your face bc my insecurities made me stare bashfully at the floor....then you made me stare in your eyes and you told me I was beautiful and perfect the way I am. You said all I needed to do to please you was give you my conversation.... Then you kissed me goodnight.....

You say you missed the mark last time, I hope WE don't miss the mark this time......

I'm scared.
 
barbiesocialite said:
I felt so insecure & vulnerable.

no makeup, no weave, no glitz n glamour with blemishes on display... I felt so exposed with all my flaws on display and nothing to hide behind....

just me....just you.... just talking....

I couldn't look at your face bc my insecurities made me stare bashfully at the floor....then you made me stare in your eyes and you told me I was beautiful and perfect the way I am. You said all I needed to do to please you was give you my conversation.... Then you kissed me goodnight.....

You say you missed the mark last time, I hope WE don't miss the mark this time......

I'm scared.
Click to expand...

I remember my first moment which was very similar to this. It makes you fall deeper in love. Yes I hope you guys dont miss the mark this time. That was beautiful.
 
When you said "let me share my world with you" you were not playing. Who would have thought that unspoken words in this capacity could be so sexy...

By the way, thanks for listening to me yesterday about being cold. You play as my sound board and respond with some meaningless words like "oh yeah", yet later I learn you weren't inactively listening (as I expected), you were listening and figuring ways to resolve it. I can't say it does bothers me, it kind of does, yet this is one of the many things I love about you. Anyway...

I said I was ready for the ride, but here we are and I feel unprepared. What I see brings out all kinds of emotions, happiness, fear, worry, arousal and it keeps things interesting. But at the end of the day, the only thing I can do is wait for you to come home so I ask you how your day was, so you can give me that look and say "great baby, how was yours?"....and then I look forward to making love to both of you.
 
lushcoils said:
Etherealsmile
Just the usual cycle of letting the lack of attention from men online and in real life get to me. But, I'll get over it soon. I'm working on accepting it, but every now and then I break down since changing my mindset (from trying to solve the issue to acceptance of my reality) will be a bit of challenge. I just need some more time and prayer. :yep:
Click to expand...

lushcoils where do you live??? I'm in Charlotte and you need a going out buddy or something girl b/c I just cannot believe you're getting no love!


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
All4Tris said:
I'm reminding myself that I'm not the same person I used to be period! I view relationships and dating in general differently than I used too... I'm not dating just to date! That's how I ended up in not so great relationships in the past. I would rather be alone... I know this because I've been just that in the past two years! It doesn't matter that some of my friends think I'm the same way when it comes to men because they're only basing this on my past relationships.
Click to expand...

I definitely can relate to this. I hate entertaining guys that I have no interest in. My mother told me I should have multiple guy friends but I don't like entertaing guys just because unless they are truly friends (but my guy"friends" always wanted something). I have come to the realization that I want to be courted bc I want a husband. The last situation that I was in made me realize that I have to set boundaries and be clear with what the intentions are on both ends.
 
Just can't get up the courage to ask Zdubs if he wants to come to the haunted house. I'm really starting to like him just as a friend, but as a friend I would go out with. Definitely a good place to be, because rejection is easier to take this way.

Another thing. I am getting his number today by hook or by crook. I don't care what my little brother says. It is inconvenient to not have his number from a purely practical perspective--as in, how am I supposed to give you a copy of the quiz when I don't have your number and all I know is that you're in the library?! Grr.

Also, doesn't look like we're going to lunch today. He said he didn't know when he wanted to go and I have a meeting in an hour so if he decides to go during it, there's no way I'd know that.

Also, also, (lol) I need to learn to make small talk with more than one person at a time. I'm beginning to realize that I do fine in one on one convos, but if you add another person to the mix, I clam up. So much to work on.
 
No more confusion. No more questions.
He's finally admitted that he has feelings for me, and I vice versa.

We spent the whole day together yesterday, we both had a day off from work. It was really nice. Initially he planned to surprise me by having picnic in a park but...Mother Nature wasn't haven't it. Que High winds and showers on and off. So we hung out in Guitar Center and then went to the bookstore at our church to see some familiar faces. Finally, we were going to go to our church's recreational center because well...it was wet outside! But the doors were locked so we just kinda waited there for a good half hour.

We sat in the lobby and he told me a little bit about his family, and his personal testimony. I thank God for that quiet time we had together and I feel like we bonded a lot. Then finally a security guy came and opened the door for us.

We went downstairs and giiiiirl, can this boy play! I sat there watching him go at those drums and recorded it. I have this...thing for musicians. :infatuated:

Then he showed me how to play a simple beat, I picked up the sticks and went at it. He was like "Wow, you learn fast!" I'm cheesing all smug, thinking 'Heheh, I got this!' Then I tried to get creative, and it was like WOMP, WOMP. Then he asked if I wanted a mic to sing, and I said sure. so I sang a few songs for him. We spent the rest of the evening just singing and listening to music on the surround sound of the basement/meeting area.

When we finally managed to leave, it was STILL raining outside. He came out of nowhere and was like "You're beautiful, you know that?" :blush: I just kinda turned away and said thank you, then I guess he thought I didn't receive his compliment well cause he was like "Sorry, that was kinda random, huh?" and we just laughed about it and talked more.

When we got on the train together, he sat next to me and put his arm around me. You do not know how tingly I felt just then. In my head I'm going 'Oh my gosh, is this really happening?' I automatically put my head on his shoulder and just kind of laid there and hummed softly. Then I managed to work up the courage to hold his hand. :Blush2:

We talked about it later last night, after he walked me home (still holding my hand) and went on his merry way. His feelings were just like mine, he didn't want to just come out and say he liked me because he tries to get God's confirmation on everything. We've decided to take it slow and just keep seeking God on what He wants us to do.
 
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tinkat said:
I definitely can relate to this. I hate entertaining guys that I have no interest in. My mother told me I should have multiple guy friends but I don't like entertaing guys just because unless they are truly friends (but my guy"friends" always wanted something). I have come to the realization that I want to be courted bc I want a husband. The last situation that I was in made me realize that I have to set boundaries and be clear with what the intentions are on both ends.
Click to expand...


This is exactly how I was prior to meeting my FI, I always made this clear if only to weed out all the potential time wasters. My former best friend would laugh at me and ask me why I always gotta be so serious about stuff like this. I should be having fun until the right one comes along. But I have never lived my life like that. It does not feel right to me. And in my observation, women who did that just wound up with a bunch of sex partners and bad feelings....if that works for them fine....BUT, I am a one man, monogamous, relationship type of woman. Sex and emotions go hand and hand with me and I am proud to admit that so I dont give it up all willy nilly hoping "he's the one" *smh*. In other words, I know me, what works for me and I was not afraid to let that be known when I was dealing with potentials.

Glad you know what you want Tinkat :yep:
 
ChasingBliss said:
This is exactly how I was prior to meeting my FI, I always made this clear if only to weed out all the potential time wasters. My former best friend would laugh at me and ask me why I always gotta be so serious about stuff like this. I should be having fun until the right one comes along. But I have never lived my life like that. It does not feel right to me. And in my observation, women who did that just wound up with a bunch of sex partners and bad feelings....if that works for them fine....BUT, I am a one man, monogamous, relationship type of woman. Sex and emotions go hand and hand with me and I am proud to admit that so I dont give it up all willy nilly hoping "he's the one" *smh*. In other words, I know me, what works for me and I was not afraid to let that be known when I was dealing with potentials.

Glad you know what you want Tinkat :yep:
Click to expand...

^^This sounds like me, especially the bolded.
 
ChasingBliss said:
This is exactly how I was prior to meeting my FI, I always made this clear if only to weed out all the potential time wasters. My former best friend would laugh at me and ask me why I always gotta be so serious about stuff like this. I should be having fun until the right one comes along. But I have never lived my life like that. It does not feel right to me. And in my observation, women who did that just wound up with a bunch of sex partners and bad feelings....if that works for them fine....BUT, I am a one man, monogamous, relationship type of woman. Sex and emotions go hand and hand with me and I am proud to admit that so I dont give it up all willy nilly hoping "he's the one" *smh*. In other words, I know me, what works for me and I was not afraid to let that be known when I was dealing with potentials.

Glad you know what you want Tinkat :yep:
Click to expand...

YES to all of this!!!!

I don't play, I've never been one to entertain bs. That includes any kind of dating. Although I believe in old-fashioned "single-til-married," I ain't kickin it witchu just bc or adding to my friend repertoire--I have enough friends. I expect all or nothing. If you're not ready, don't even waste your time bc I most certainly won't allow you to waste mine. period. not up for negotiation or discussion.....
 
ChasingBliss said:
This is exactly how I was prior to meeting my FI, I always made this clear if only to weed out all the potential time wasters. My former best friend would laugh at me and ask me why I always gotta be so serious about stuff like this. I should be having fun until the right one comes along. But I have never lived my life like that. It does not feel right to me. And in my observation, women who did that just wound up with a bunch of sex partners and bad feelings....if that works for them fine....BUT, I am a one man, monogamous, relationship type of woman. Sex and emotions go hand and hand with me and I am proud to admit that so I dont give it up all willy nilly hoping "he's the one" *smh*. In other words, I know me, what works for me and I was not afraid to let that be known when I was dealing with potentials.

Glad you know what you want Tinkat :yep:
Click to expand...

It actually took some time for me to actually put my foot down to myself. After dealing with the last guy I knew that a change had to come. I was raised with good standards and I felt that I compromised. It took a couple of weeks but I had to listen to my mother and not be angry at him or myself. I know just chalk it up as a lesson learned that I will not need another one in! Like you, sex and emotions go hand in hand, I cannot seperate the two and normally when I open myself up to someone in that way, its bc I really do like them. At this point anybody I encounter has to be on the same page as me.
 
I agree with all the previous posters and I strayed from that thinking because I got a lil lonely and I'm paying for it now. I need to go back to waiting patiently for someone.

Sent from my PG86100 using PG86100
 
You're not here...for a VALID reason. But I wish I was there. I miss you. I wonder if you know. Wish I could tell you, but alas its against the rules.

And to the other, today was fairly pleasant. Despite my job's interference, lol. But I won't get too excited because that never ends well.

Sent from my Droid Incredible
 
Well folks, I saw Delagatti in the hallway earlier, and he informed me that he's decided to not to go home this weekend even though he really wants to.

In other news, I am a wimp. :look:
 
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