***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

[NYAmicas]

A friend of mine makes hilarious YT vids that I've been sharing on my FB so he makes one about women who say he's so great yet wont date him! He made some great points but got on this "women dont like nice men" rant and some guys were co-signing like crazy.

I hate that NIce guy rant becuse they blame it on their niceness when they're usually a) very unattracive b)bitter/desperate/greatly depressed c) Women see that other women dont want them d)have very obvious low self esteem. e)all of the above or a mixture.

It literally took me several times before I finally just asked him if he would consider that it's his weight (obese but he's always hitting on silicone filled models) or that people think he's gay. Ugh........he insisted he wanted the truth so we'll see how he responds. I'm just glad the other guys didnt ask what their problem may be with women.

 

[Incognitus]

^^I so want to hear his response...

 

[deltadreamland]

@deltadreamland
Girl don't make me hurt you! You cannot dump our, I mean "your" sweet boyfriend/assistant. You stop this foolishness. Sometimes my hubby of 24 years grosses me out. My daughter and I both look at each other and silently mouth eww lol. Men can just be gross sometimes. Don't let this run you off, not this. Now if you are afraid word will get out about you guys or there is something else more serious, but I'd hate you to throw everything away over this one gross out experience. All men, all people, can be gross sometimes. Nobody's perfect. But he seems to adore you and you two have so much in common. Remember what happened in Moonstruck? If I were your friend IRL I would smack you and say, "Snap out of it!" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x-fkSYDtUY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

hopeful
Thank you and I know that you are right. I've already warmed up to him a little bit since that happened-which was a few weeks ago. This weak stomach thing is something that I need to work through anyway, so this will be my chance to deal with it head on. And as I mentioned earlier, I really don't have a choice because he will not go away. But thanks for the e-slap up side my head.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

deltadreamland, I think you got a real whiff of his pheromones, and they weren't right for you.

 

[barbiesocialite]

So I was watching one of my fave movies, Love & Basketball, when I came across the scene with Monica & her mother discussing her mom being a housewife....

This topic hits a sore spot with me, it's one of those areas of life & relationships where I can lose my cool and easily feel offended and/or disrespected (part of the reason for my defensiveness with my "engaged" cousin and what she thinks of me). The way Monica talked to her mom is one of my greatest fears and one of the reasons I'm afraid to have daughters. I hate that so many women look down on housewives. It's hurtful; I feel nurturing/supporting/taking care of your family and marriage is the highest calling of womanhood....

It was weird, watching that scene made me instantaneously feel her mother's pain and made me briefly upset. I felt flushed in my cheeks watching it......

 

[*5+5]

^^^^

I think Monica was upset over what she considered doormat behavior her mom showed when she mentioned her mom cooking the big meal and her dad bringing home pizzas and mom said nothing.

Monica was a tough girl and she prolly felt like mom was a pushover and felt disgusted by that.

I agree that being a housewife is the highest calling of womanhood and Monica wasn’t the most feminine woman so maybe she couldn’t relate or respect that lifestyle, I dunno. But she was wrong to be talking back and putting her mom down like that…that was sad to watch but when she got:hardslap:I was like whoaaaa

 

[LovelyRo]

Dude calling someone 8 times within a 4 hour window isn't thoughtful, it's stalkerish!!!!

 

[NaeChail]

Our relationship is becoming unhealthy....I'm getting WAY too clingy, get irrationally upset when I don't hear from you for an extended period of time (i.e. a few hours). I need to fix this...and QUICK.

Sent from my Droid Incredible

 

[barbiesocialite]

^^^^

I think Monica was upset over what she considered doormat behavior her mom showed when she mentioned her mom cooking the big meal and her dad bringing home pizzas and mom said nothing.

Monica was a tough girl and she prolly felt like mom was a pushover and felt disgusted by that.

I agree that being a housewife is the highest calling of womanhood and Monica wasn’t the most feminine woman so maybe she couldn’t relate or respect that lifestyle, I dunno. But she was wrong to be talking back and putting her mom down like that…that was sad to watch but when she got:hardslap:I was like whoaaaa

I know exactly how Monica felt because I used to think that about my paternal grandmother when I was a teen--until my maternal grandmother (who was also a housewife but slightly less "perfect" and married a beta vs my other grandmother marrying an alpha) checked my arse and said "your grandmother is much smarter than you think she is. don't underestimate her."

Now as an adult I find myself living a similar belief system to that of my grandmother. What Monica, and I previously, saw as being doormat behavior, I now interpret those same behaviors as supportive & necessary.

I woulda clocked my DD too, that's why I don't want any girls

 

[rafikichick92]

So this guy I know just got back in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend after breaking up with his last girlfriend this summer. Sounds messy and weird, but everyone is friends, and honestly, he belongs with the previous ex, IMHO. I saw them getting together again coming 400 miles away. Seriously. I'm 400 miles away at school and even I could predict that they were going to end up back together. Hopefully they'll end up engaged this time.

Speaking of which, I know of 3 couples that got engaged this past week. *Sigh* When will it be my turn?

In other news, Zdubs's parents are down from Pennsylvania for alumni weekend at our school (his dad is an alumnus) so I met them in passing this morning.

 

[Theo]

i don't think that being a housewife/wife/mom is the highest calling in womanhood.... there are many different things that womanhood encompasses, going across centuries, cultures, etc. there's nothing wrong with being a housewife, if you love it, i'm all for it. but IMO there is no "one" calling in womanhood... like what if a woman chooses not to parent, are you somehow less a woman than the next? Not really.

But in other news... I woke up this AM to see that my crush texted me last night to ask me if I was going to be in town this wknd. It was really late tho, so I didn't see the text until this AM. I wonder why he was wondering.... I hope he asks me out. I already have plans set for this wknd so we wouldn't be able to hang out anyway... but still, I want him to ask me out!

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Why am I so awkward!?!?!?

I was downstairs in my building getting a drink, when my crush--who does not work here but will be one of my superiors in about 3 months--randomly appeared. I've lost about 20 pounds since I last saw him (and, while I'm tickled pink about it, the black men at work have been looking at me like I'm crazy) and it's casual Friday and I haven't bought new clothes, so I'm wearing really loose (saggy in the butt ) jeans with my hair all tied back into a bun and really small, boring earrings. Of course he comes up from behind, where the saggage is readily apparent, and says "Hey, skinny"

*mixed feelings* Glad that he noticed, but sideeye at the greeting. Because I wasn't sure if he was about to go in on me like the guys in my department, but he's really into fitness so...I wouldn't think so...

But I immediately clammed up and got self conscious and blurted out:

"Did [*name of student worker who comments on my weightloss with a scowl on his face*] tell you to say that?"

and he looked at me like " ok......what [the ***] are you talking about? "

I always say awkward things around him Always!

And then, so I didn't look stupid with the blurt out, I tried to explain what I was talking about and he said, "you're still cute, though. As long as weightloss was the goal and you aren't sick or anything." AREN'T SICK!?!? I'm working my a** off here and the crush thinks I still look cute, THOUGH!? As long as I AREN'T SICK!?!?

*insert Lawd baby*

I need to go shopping This heaux just randomly shows up at my job


On another note, maybe I need advice about him anyway. I have posted about this guy earlier--I doubt anybody remembers but it's the "I want you" text guy. I never followed up on that....because I'm awkward....and he never did anything else either. I chalked it up to the fact that he has been involved in major, major, major pursuit of a career goal (running for elected office) and didn't sweat that he didn't follow up because I hear yall say that a guy will be ready once he reaches his career goals. So I just was going to see if he pursued me after that. Um....so now I'm wondering if I should let it go and move on (I mean, I date. I'm not sitting at home knitting, waiting for him. But he's the one that I want ) and chalk it up to the fact that if nothing has happened he's not interested? Or is this one of those "chasing him until he catches you" type things, where he was pursuing the promotion but now he's at a stable place and NOW if he STILL doesn't act THEN I should move on?

Am I being clear? I'm going to tag @hopeful, she'll know what to do ....

ETA: Or maybe I'm just overthinking things and I need to sit the hell down like my friend just said...

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Oh, and let me just get it all out. My ex had been sniffing around and acting all reminiscent and lovely and sweet and what not. I'm all thinking about this dude and beginning to doubt myself for letting him go. CUT TO: him being tagged in a FB location with the girl that he started dating immediately after we broke up. He doesn't really do FB so I'm sure he doesn't know it's even on his wall. WOOOOOOOOOOOOW. So, he's still with this girl, meaning they've been dating for about 2 years. Since immediately after we broke (and my spirit has always wondered if there was an overlap, although I never had confirmation of that because I broke up with him for reasons unrelated to anything about cheating...and then she appeared a month later.... But either way he got over my a** quick, fast, and in a hurry....which is fine...but why come around now and try to *** up my emotions?) And I was really beating myself up for not re-falling for him. He's a jerk. Men are jerks

I'm ramotional today

 

[NYAmicas]

^^I so want to hear his response...

http://www.youtube.com/user/JBLACKJACKJ#p/u/0/DUrF1Tl6ppg

That was the video and his other videos are quite funny but this one got a LOT of views compared to his other many vids.
I just really hate when these "Nice" guys go on and on and they're prob not that
nice anyway.

Incognitus-His response was that I didnt really tell him what he wanted to know and that he has considered it was his weight so I dropped it......no comment on the bi part. I dont think he's gay but several other friends have questioned it and I'm like maybe I'm biased but I really dont think he's gay.

 

[hopeful]

InchHighPrivateEye

Okay wow, thanks for the compliment. Here's what I think I would do. First get some new clothes that fit your new body. It's okay if you're still losing, buy some cute new inexpensive items that fit! That will bring up your confidence. And work on maintaining your cuteness. Then I would text him back and ask two questions:
Are you single?
If he says yes then ask:
Were you serious when you said you wanted me?
Then I would leave the ball in his court. And try to stop being awkward around him, pull yourself together girl!

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Thanks, @hopeful!

You're right, I do need to pull myself together. And the new clothes will happen this weekend! I had been putting it off, but um...no maam.

It's been a few weeks/maybe a couple months since the "I want you" thing happened and neither of us brought it up again. Do you still think I should ask? I have wanted to, but I wasn't sure if I waited too long. Now I realize that I guess it seems like I ignored, but really I was just gushing about it to myself....like a teenaged girl, which I am not

ETA: Okay, no. You already know it's been a while since that happened, so I am just going to take your advice. Thanks!

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

http://www.youtube.com/user/JBLACKJACKJ#p/u/0/DUrF1Tl6ppg

That was the video and his other videos are quite funny but this one got a LOT of views compared to his other many vids.
I just really hate when these "Nice" guys go on and on and they're prob not that
nice anyway.

@Incognitus-His response was that I didnt really tell him what he wanted to know and that he has considered it was his weight so I dropped it......no comment on the bi part. I dont think he's gay but several other friends have questioned it and I'm like maybe I'm biased but I really dont think he's gay.

Girl, you got me watching this video. *mixed feelings* I'm confused about the bi part. He's bi or people assume he's gay?

Oh, and you said he hits on silicone filled models? Well, that's the male equivalent to the nice guy thing. OH uh uh.

*goes back to watching video*

ETA: He's talking about the size of his crayon :crazy:

 

[barbiesocialite]

He shaved off his goatee.... *swoons*.... I haven't seen him with the baby face in years...

I'm territorial by nature. But only one other person has ever made my jealousy streak come out the way it does sometimes with him. He's sorta prettier than I am--meaning he stays fresh ta death just like granddaddy Football has his body looking rightttt, cheaaaa..... I feel some kinda way when women comment on how attractive he is....

I don't know how long our abstinence spell is going to last....I need to keep my emotions in check. Think it's time for me to fall back a bit.... It's hard for me not to run again....

 

[anon123]

I like @InchHighPrivateEye Not to weird you out, but you are so inexplicably endearing with your posts

 

[hopeful]

Oh and InchHighPrivateEye I meant to say inexpensive clothes, not expensive lol. Good luck and keep us updated. If nothing works out with this guy at least you can say well I threw the ball back, that way no regrets for you. It's up to him to catch it. I think it's cute that he called you skinny, shows he's paying attention. If he plays dumb about the "I want you" text you play dumb too and let it go. You can be like oops I guess it came from another guy.

 

[RarityFluttershy]

Can't Wait To Find My Sweetest.

 

[Curly Lee]

deleted...

 

[NaeChail]

Our relationship is becoming unhealthy....I'm getting WAY too clingy, get irrationally upset when I don't hear from you for an extended period of time (i.e. a few hours). I need to fix this...and QUICK.

Sent from my Droid Incredible

And now you're mad at me...ugh.....

Sent from my Droid Incredible

 

[NYAmicas]

Girl, you got me watching this video. *mixed feelings* I'm confused about the bi part. He's bi or people assume he's gay?

Oh, and you said he hits on silicone filled models? Well, that's the male equivalent to the nice guy thing. OH uh uh.

*goes back to watching video*

ETA: He's talking about the size of his crayon :crazy:

InchHighPrivateEye

What do you think? He says he's 100% straight and talks about his penis size and women he likes a lot. I said bi to him instead of coming out and telling him that people ask me if he's gay so he wouldnt get upset. I'm sure he's heard it all before as he makes jokes on himself in his vids but after sharing and people questioning me.

 

[Theo]

Okay so my crush tends to send these very succinct, short and to te point text messages. Also he does so at the most random times. I used to think it was cute, now I find it odd and somewhat erratic. erplexed

I thought he was just stoic and a man of few words, but now I just think he's weird lol

 

[BGT]

I really don't know what to think about this or how to react.

 

[deltadreamland]

I can't stand when men go fishing for invitations. If I wanted to invite you over, you'd be here! No need to say to me that you wish you were here with me.

#1 My son lives with me 96% of the time and I'm done having love interests around him until I'm damn near down the wedding aisle.

#2 It's 11:00 at night. What is wrong with you? I've only talked to you on the internet. We've yet to meet in person and you want to come to my house. erplexed Get real fool. *rolls eyes*

#3 You're 44 years old. Your conversation should be a little bit more advanced than "wishing I was there with you" when we've never even met.

But on the plus side, I do appreciate you quickly ending the conversation when you realized that you would NOT be coming up in this house tonight or any time soon.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

@mwedzi, aww, that's so nice! :Blush2: Not weirded out at all

@hopeful, I knew you'd know what to do! When I went back and read the part about "expensive" clothes I was like, "now, wait a minute, nah."

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

@InchHighPrivateEye

What do you think? He says he's 100% straight and talks about his penis size and women he likes a lot. I said bi to him instead of coming out and telling him that people ask me if he's gay so he wouldnt get upset. I'm sure he's heard it all before as he makes jokes on himself in his vids but after sharing and people questioning me.

All I'm saying is that I see why you would ask him that He seemed very convincing about wanting a woman, and yet I was picking up something else, so I'm going to say he gives me bi.

 

[NaeChail]

You told me you'd text me tomorrow. But you won't. You'll be with them. And it hurts. But it shouldn't. So I will pretend to be happy all day tomorrow, while glancing at my phone every ten minutes for a message that won't come.

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