***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

[texasqt]

Well my Navy Baby has come and gone. He got in Thursday and invited me to dinner with his mom but I couldn't make it. I now regret missing that. I should've put forth the effort even if they would've been finished eating by the time I got there

We ended up spending all day Friday together - starting with a pancake breakfast I made, shopping (clothes for him and a car for me), and ending with dinner and live jazz. I wasn't expecting for us to spend that much time together since his family is celebrating his mom's bday this weekend. Luckily they hadn't planned anything for Friday. I enjoyed every moment of his visit and I'm still floating in the clouds. I can't explain this feeling but it is amazing and mutual. I <3 him and I think the wait is worth it. He's worth it.

1 year down + 2 more to go in FL + 2 years somewhere??? = his retirement

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[deltadreamland]

I have a brunch date with a guy that is completely not my type this morning. I told him that I don't like men right now, and he said its okay. He will just be my friend until I'm ready to give him a chance. Very nice guy. He refuses to give up on me, but he's not overbearing with his determination. And he is ten years younger than me. Why do younger guys always flock to me?

 

[Etherealsmile]

@Etherealsmile: What happened to make you realize this. Explain more! I want to know cuz I think I'm invisible too ...

rafikichick92 two things: So i've been overweight for a pretty darn long time and i lost a bunch of weight this year...i'm on the last leg of my weight loss journey.

However, i was still dressing like i was at 200+ pounds. By that i mean my wardrobe was really baggy, I had no style and still felt pretty much like a really big girl. Its a mental thing and i really need to work on that.

So yesterday I did a quick run to the wal-mart near my campus and decided to wear an outfit that truly flattered my new shape. I wasn't comfortable because i felt like what if is still looked as big as a house? I just decided to go with it even though my mind was screaming at me to wear one of my baggier outfits, stuff which i'm more comfortable in.

I'd just gotten a new hairstyle too, BSL straight black hair with some sexy honey highlights and did i ever receive compliments from guys. I suppose all this while i was doing myself a disservice by dressing so frumpily and not playing up my new attributes.

Duly noted gentlemen, duly noted

 

[LovelyRo]

So, we had our third date yesterday and I think I like this guy. I'm so glad I gave him a second chance. He's a great mixture of what I want in a man. He told me that he doesn't want me to go back on POF... It's actually cool with me because I'm over POF. I had planned on deleting my profile anyway.

 

[lushcoils]

^^
Were these compliments from random guys on your campus or men you already know?

 

[Etherealsmile]

^^
Were these compliments from random guys on your campus or men you already know?

@lushcoils, random men, the only men I "know" so far are the men in my program. These were random men/students i've never seen before. I was really shocked, still am in shock by my experience yesterday. I mean before i even stepped foot in Wal-mart i got my first compliment, it just compounded after that. As i was leaving i got two more to add to the others i'd received while in the store.

I'll test it out on Monday to see if the men in my program will respond the same

 

[tocktick]

Hmm...date was ok yesterday. Didn't really feel any attraction for him though and he did a feel few things that counted as strikes in my mind. For one, running late to meet me, meanwhile I'd got there well in time. Someone tried to hit on me whilst I was waiting around, which I found pretty funny. If I'd found dude attractive, I'd probably have swapped contact info .

 

[SUPER SWEET]

I just can't today!

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

We are going to meet for our first date next saturday. He is sooo sweet, I enjoy talking to him, and we have a lot in common but I am really worried about meeting him face to face. He doesnt have much relationship experience, as in no adult relationships-that also concerns me. He is not my typical type, he's more of a beta and that's a lot different from the men I have previously dated. I am really confused on the idea of settling vs being more open to the possiblities of meeting someone outside of what I imagined my guy to be. In terms of longterm goals, he seems comfortable with the plans and goals I have for my family, but oh well. On the other hand, I feel like something is kind of off about him. Maybe I am over analyzing things because of previous relationships, who knows? Sigh.... My thoughts are all over the place. One thing I do know, things will work out like they should, so I need to stop worrying about it. Oh well.........

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[deltadreamland]

The brunch date turned out really great. He's already made plans for dates 2, 3, and 4. Our birthdays are 2 days apart but I'm actually 9 years older than him. He'll be 33 in January and I'll be 42. He doesn't seem concerned at all about the age difference and neither am I as long as he treats me like a queen and respects me.

Physically, he's not my type, but I guess that really doesn't matter anymore; especially since my "type" still has me in the single category. Guess it's time to step outside the box with this one. And he's not a bad looking dude at all...he was kinda handsome. He thinks I'm "gorgeous" (his word) and told me I was the hottest thing in the restaurant this morning...just what a girl needs to hear from a man so much younger than she is. He also told me that I don't look 41 at all and that I need to share my secrets with some of the 25 and 26 year old girls walking around here.

He's very funny and has a great sense of humor. I will see where this goes with him...slowly.

 

[hopeful]

deltadreamland
Sounds good to me. I'm happy you're having fun and are being treated well.

 

[CarLiTa]

Hi all! hope everyone had a lovely weekend.

I think I must have had the busiest weekend in a long time. I did a lot of activities (most of them alone, by choice), and I really had a nice time.

Thursday:
-salsa dancing
-saw ex as I was leaving. He was jokingly lamenting that I hate him because I ignored his call/text. As he left, grabbed my face and planted loud kiss on my cheeks.

Friday-
-used what I thought was an expired coupon to go see a movie alone. Didn't bother inviting anyone, bc I'm sick of flaky people.

Saturday-
-Had late brunch with friend.
-Checked out an art festival in an ethnic part of town. Went alone... don't even know the area at all (thank GOODNESS for smartphones). Chatted extensively with artists. Love black art.

Saturday Night
-Made the split decision to go see a show by the Haitian Choir of Cuba
. They were performing less than a mile from my apartment. SO GLAD I went (alone). I 'd it soooooo much! Their voices are so angelic. Best show I've been to in ages!

It was a very sentimental performance for me. I was especially teary eyed about a song asking the Haitian diaspora when the country will see us again... I haven't been back since I left

At the end, I shook hands with the performers (10 of them). Well, one of the men seemed immediately taken with me, and wanted to know when I'd travel to Cuba so he could see me Nevermind that he is old enough to be my father I was pretend-laughing along and thinking: Oh lawd, this is really embarrassing!
No matter. He gave me his email address...smh. And I promised to write and to travel to Cuba soon


Saturday over-night:
-Ex texts me: "You are so cute" um.. Good thing I was asleep. Turns out he called and sent more texts... but I'm a hard sleeper. He mentioned still being very attracted to me. He seemed embarrassed by his texts. I am glad I didn't pick up.

Sunday
-Activist festival in my quirky town. Got hit on by yet another old man (5th in one wknd).

 

[CarLiTa]

I don't know what it says about me that I get hit on more by old men than guys my age (sometimes).

Seems like the demographic of my "suitors" is usually a) OLD or b) PUERTO-RICAN. Some Latino or some old man is always spotting me in the crowd to come talk to me.

I realize what they often comment on is my hair (fro)... I wonder if my fro reminds the old men of some sweet thang from decades past I have no explanation for the Latinos.

 

[Theo]

Saturday Night
-Made the split decision to go see a show by the Haitian Choir of Cuba
. They were performing less than a mile from my apartment. SO GLAD I went (alone). I 'd it soooooo much! Their voices are so angelic. Best show I've been to in ages!

@CarLiTa

Thanks for the review

I saw an ad for them... but I wasn't sure.... you've convinced me though. I'm going to go see them next wknd. I need to get some culture in my life.

Good for you going on your own! You have to do that sometimes. There was a social event last night that was being hosted by one of the other graduate schools. I texted a few friends about going and got a really lukewarm response from them, one girl even told me she just "couldn't be bothered" erplexed

But I didn't let it faze me, I just told them to let me know if they change their mind, I'll be there

I love the company of girlfriends, but you can't be to reliant on that because if you wait for them, you'll never do anything, you'll never go anywhere, you'll never meet anyone. Sometimes you just gotta go out on your own, and tell people "come on if you're comin, if not.... bye!"

Anyway I went (none of the girls I texted decided to come out), I had an awesome time, met some old friends, made some new ones. I'm sooo happy I went! Also, I met this guy..... *giggle*. He might end up having a lot of potential.... He's tall, chocolatey, handsome and a little nerdy, just how I like them lol. We even share some mutual friends, which was kinda random.

Its weird because my female friends were the main people who said they were trying to make it a point to find a man this year, and there were actually a good amount of guys at the event! Finding a mate is not that high on my priority list this year, I moreso want to enjoy myself, mature a little bit, and accomplish some career goals before I seriously go about finding a partner. But if you want to meet people, you have to get out there! You're not going to meet people in your apt!

 

[Keshieshimmer]

I really and starting to believe that it is just not my season to meet a man. I am sick of these flaky dudes. I need some lovin', some hugs, some back rubs...

Humans aren't meant to be alone right?

 

[CarLiTa]

Once you see it, freelove, let me know what you think!

 

[babyu21]

He has never been single since he started dating. WOW, that must be nice since I am just the opposite, I have been single the majority of my dating life. It concerns me a little that he is the type of man that always has someone. Hmmm...

 

[Napp]

its october and i am still dateless. i feel like i will be

I keep pulling old ugly men now the guy with the googly eyes at work keeps hitting on me i didnt know who he was talking to at first

why cant i find a decent guy my age?

 

[AryaStarr258]

So, I'm not really sure how to feel about the cute guy in my group for class. I know I'm crazy attracted to him (it's like he walked out of some modeling book for hunks), but for the first time ever, I'm really comfortable being around him. Usually I clam up around the guys I'm seriously into. Since I'm so at ease, I can't really decide what the deal is.

And I don't really know how to read him either. He's a complete gentleman, kind, doesn't smoke, a bit nerdy, and is willing to open doors for me -- all things being a major plus. Our eye contract is crazy long, and we joke around a bit, but there hasn't been anything from him that says 'Yes, I'm attracted to you. Come get lunch with me.'

Maybe the waiting-and-see game is best. Hmm.

 

[-PYT]

Anyone ever date a guy who was spoiled by his mother? I haven't been affected by it, but I'd be damned if he wanted to raise kids the way he was

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Ok, so my mom thinks he could be dl, and thats why he has never had a gf. I think he's a late bloomer and it seems like I would have to take the leadership role in the relationship. Oh well, I guess I need to cut my loses now, because I dont want to carry the relationship at all.
I think he may be a momma's boy, and I dont think thats going to work for me at all.

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[Katherina]

What have I been thinking? My trust is not freely given. It is earned. I've somehow been blind. It's going to be really awkward cutting these people off, but it will be infinitely more beneficial than keeping them around.

Anyone ever date a guy who was spoiled by his mother? I haven't been affected by it, but I'd be damned if he wanted to raise kids the way he was

Yep. He told me that if he found a woman just like his mother, he'd marry her. His next relationship was with a chick who looked just like her. Creepy

 

[-PYT]

Katherina Yeah weird...he talks to his mom like he's the parent and doesn't even Do simple stuff around the house to help her out. I realize it's because she never made him do anything and now it's biting her in the a$$. she told him what she wanted done and he told her to check her attitude and she apologized. I was like

 

[Katherina]

PYT

That's another level erplexed He sounds like an a-hole. My ex treated his mom very well.

 

[Theo]

I have never met so many conceited BLACK men in one night... Who are we raising? I mean like we should be grateful....

This one dude pulls up an email with comments from his ex's about him being a good man.

Another dude shows his car keys and 360 view video of what his condo looks like :


Is what I wanted to do him. Lastly, the worse was the one that said "if you don't move quicker (points to 3 women, blk,latina and wht) I will let her snatch me up"

Imma just wait till NYE now....

This kind of reminds me of a guy I met Thursday, he sent me text Saturday, he ended up attending the same event I did. I didn't know he was there, until I read his texts when the night was over, he told me "meet me over by the Porsche."

Seems innocuous enough, but he strikes me as trying to floss too much. Since I've met him he's done this whole name dropping thing, it just comes across as pretentious to me.

Either way, I dunno who's Porsche it was, his friend was driving it. Probably belonged to Enterprise, I didn't care enough to check the keys. He was trying to come home with me, I had to put him in his place. I told him, "I see what you're tryna do, its not gonna work." He said no one had ever told him that before.

Haven't heard from him since then, and I don't really care.

 

[LovelyRo]

I like the guy from POF and we definitely have a connection! I have a comfort level with him that I've only had with very few people!

BUT... He's a firm believer in FWB type situations but more like relationships without commitments because he wants to get to really get to know the person before he commits... I can tell that he'll put work in, in terms of getting to know a woman, spending time, etc. But, I can't invest my time in the possibility! Plus... I'm celibate! This is messed up because I like him!!! This isn't going to work. I can't even go with the flow because going with the flow is probably how other women he's dated have ended up in that category!

ETA... We have both spoken on where we stand regarding the FWB's thing but not how it affects us dating. Obviously it's cool to not be exclusive now because we are just getting to know each other. But the more time we spend together, the more feelings will get involved and I just can't....

 

[babyu21]

He said he wants to meet up so we can talk face to face. I don't like the sounds of this. Why can't you say what you want to over the phone. We were on the phone for at least an hour last night and it was all good, but now we have to meet to talk. Hmmm....part of me wants to know what this is about and the other part of me really doesn't.

 

[Incognitus]

I like the guy from POF and we definitely have a connection! I have a comfort level with him that I've only had with very few people!

BUT... He's a firm believer in FWB type situations but more like relationships without commitments because he wants to get to really get to know the person before he commits... I can tell that he'll put work in, in terms of getting to know a woman, spending time, etc. But, I can't invest my time in the possibility! Plus... I'm celibate! This is messed up because I like him!!! This isn't going to work. I can't even go with the flow because going with the flow is probably how other women he's dated have ended up in that category!

ETA... We have both spoken on where we stand regarding the FWB's thing but not how it affects us dating. Obviously it's cool to not be exclusive now because we are just getting to know each other. But the more time we spend together, the more feelings will get involved and I just can't....

Please don't get offended, as I am not going to sugar coat this. His stance sounds like a load of bs. So he has to get to know the "insides" of a person before he commits? Basically, he wants a F*** buddy. End of story. He's masking it in colorful language, but it all boils down to the same conclusion. If you don't want a strictly physical relationship, then you should keep it moving. He pretty much told you who he was, lol.

Anyhow, I'm glad you see that this is not a good fit for you. I just wanted to share my 2 cents, as an outsider.

 

[LovelyRo]

Please don't get offended, as I am not going to sugar coat this. His stance sounds like a load of bs. So he has to get to know the "insides" of a person before he commits? Basically, he wants a F*** buddy. End of story. He's masking it in colorful language, but it all boils down to the same conclusion. If you don't want a strictly physical relationship, then you should keep it moving. He pretty much told you who he was, lol.

Anyhow, I'm glad you see that this is not a good fit for you. I just wanted to share my 2 cents, as an outsider.

Lol... No offense taken at all! I agree to an extent that what he basically wants is a F buddy BUT I think he wants the benefits of having a woman without being committed to anyone. I definitely called him on his stuff when it was first brought up. He said that women get upset when you get to that year mark and you all aren't exclusive. I told him that it doesn't take that long to decide whether or not you want to be with a person and that I wish I would "date" someone for a year with no commitment. I told him that he probably hasn't met anyone that he wants to be with! I'm not pressed to have someone so yeah this ain't gone work...lol!

 

[KPH]

I really, really enjoy our conversations and hope fear doesn't ruin it for me.