***Random Thoughts: RELATIONSHIP FORUM***

[Imani]

"every man for himself" has got to be the most accurate saying Ive come across.. I used to be selfish, and people told me it was a bad trait to have...but when i share, I get taken advantage of..this is not solely directed towards men, but they are 90% of the reason behind this post..Ive been looking/ feeling like a fool for too long..Im going back to being selfish..its time

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Girl, this is me to a tee. My ex used to tell me I was selfish (my family too, but I'm the baby of the family, so they are always going to say I'm spoiled and selfish, lol) and had me convinced I was this awful person. He was basically playing mind games to get me to bend over backwards for him while he disrespected me due to his own insecurities.

But I realized I was going through a rough period in my life (still am a little bit) and I need to be selfish right now if I want to make it. I own up to it now, "yep, I'm selfish, so and?". If I don't look out for myself who will?

Its a balance. I'm not mean or rude to people, I'm still kind and loving. But I'm just not going to let anyone use me. And I'm very cautious about who I let into my mental and physical space. Romantically, if I meet someone who DESERVES my attention, sure I'll give it my all, but in the meantime.. no more opening myself up to just any old body to get sh*tted on.

 

[Imani]

My ex really needs to disappear from my life. There, I've decided it.

Seriously... just disappear. Stop texting me out of the blue wanting to make chit-chat and then suddenly go cold. Why? because I'm forcing myself to be warm to you (which itself is incomprehensible WTF). I am really starting not to care anymore.

ETA: I don't know why I feel this need to be nice to him. I think it's because for so long he accused me of being cold and heartless, so for a long time, I went into overdrive to be thoughtful about my words with him. Turns out he was quite the emotional manipulator. That bastard These days, I still occasionally fall into the same patterns: he'll hit me up excitedly, I'll be lukewarm, and then when I realize he's being lukewarm back, I'll try to come off as more excited or participative... and it's just... not something I need to be doing anymore

Had a few conversations with my mother and a close friend and concluded that I don't need him in my life. He is adding no value whatsoever at the moment. Like, none. My friend questioned why I felt the need to be accommodating to him... allowing us to occasionally meet up when we're in each others' towns. My only answer was: well, that's been the norm forever

But that was then... and this is now. Why meet up? To catch up? I could learn all these "updates" on Facebook anyway... and really, they add NO value to my life, nor to my interaction with him.

My friend and mother asked me how fulfilling these catch-up sessions were. Frankly, they aren't at all. We sit in a restaurant or drive around and babble about nothing, and then he gives me some sentimental hug, and we part ways. And he doesn't even pay! ... Yeah, NO VALUE WHATSOEVER.

I am especially annoyed because recently last time he was in town, he requested and expressed excitement about hanging out, then casually mentioned he might not be able to make it. It's like uh, ok, I am blocking time out of my schedule at your request, which I didn't even want to do, and you cancel so casually (granted, I'd given many cues that I didn't want to meet)? OK.

Yes, there isn't really a place for him in my life... and I don't care to create one. I've held on to this dude and allowed him to hold on to me for so long, and I feel like he's trying to keep me around to either monitor my moving-on process, or try to potentially work his way back into my heart. NOT happening. I have decided, and it is FINAL, that I do not want to date nor marry him. My heart has (almost entirely) closed off to him, and I like it that way.

I really need to just be blunt and just say that I don't really care to meet up.

Cut him off. Just do it, F being called cold. If its for YOUR better good, why not? You gotta be cut throat these days.

Me and my ex live in the same metro area now and I have not met up with him not once (thankfully I haven't even ran into him by chance either). He talked about us doing "quarterly lunch/brunch" or something once I moved up here. GTFOOWTBS I declined.

Now, I don't communicate with him at all. Like, zero. No text messaging or anything. It was the best decision for me. Didn't have a discussion w/ him about it or anything, just stopped contacting and he got the hint.

 

[deltadreamland]

Cut him off. Just do it, F being called cold. If its for YOUR better good, why not? You gotta be cut throat these days.

Me and my ex live in the same metro area now and I have not met up with him not once (thankfully I haven't even ran into him by chance either). He talked about us doing "quarterly lunch/brunch" or something once I moved up here. GTFOOWTBS I declined.

Now, I don't communicate with him at all. Like, zero. No text messaging or anything. It was the best decision for me. Didn't have a discussion w/ him about it or anything, just stopped contacting and he got the hint.

Totally agree! Especially the bolded. That's the best way to handle a shifty man-whether he's an ex or not. It's best to be cut throat before them, because they don't mind being cut throat on you-especially if someone "better" comes along. erplexed

 

[ChasingBliss]

Everything is coming along nicely. I have him so excited right now. Yes...this will be a really good birthday

 

[*SkolarStar*]

The one with the most potential is such an a-hole. That's sad. I need to get out more.

 

[SUPER SWEET]

Dreams for sale.... He sellin them dreams like we hoard hair products. Wouldn't you think in 2011 women had more sense than to get caught up.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I wanna know how the women took their butt holes being stretched out the point that this is even possible. That girl is gonna end up with something really bad (can it get worse?) happening to her.

This is what I didn't understand about it. I had just had to stop trying because I was getting visuals. *shudder* People just think of the most random nasty things.

 

[SuchMagnificent]

Why cant YOU look like HIM, or HE act like YOU?

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[Etherealsmile]

so I met one of my graduate neighbors the other day and to say he was a cutie is an understatement.

Its too bad this building is so quiet and everyone so secluded in their apartments. I don't even know half the people who live on my floor and i've been here over a month ah well

 

[VeryBecoming]

I wish I could break inside his head. Just crack it open and see what he's thinking.
No filters, no perfect responses.

 

[rafikichick92]

Interesting night. Sat next to a guy today who I KNOW is talking to a girl right now (in fact, she was sitting next to him) and he starts flirting with me! I was flabbergasted. Dude has never paid me any mind and all of a sudden he's up there smiling and nudging me and crap. Ugh. Immuno lab in the morning and hopefully lunch with Zdubs after then westward to home!

 

[CarLiTa]

Cut him off. Just do it, F being called cold. If its for YOUR better good, why not? You gotta be cut throat these days.

Me and my ex live in the same metro area now and I have not met up with him not once (thankfully I haven't even ran into him by chance either). He talked about us doing "quarterly lunch/brunch" or something once I moved up here. GTFOOWTBS I declined.

Now, I don't communicate with him at all. Like, zero. No text messaging or anything. It was the best decision for me. Didn't have a discussion w/ him about it or anything, just stopped contacting and he got the hint.

Thanks Imani
I completely agree. I am getting more headstrong and committed to my personal needs, and it feels great. I have to remind myself that just because I am at peace with the past does NOT mean that I need to allow people who have hurt me to be in my present or my future.

I have to remind myself that NO ONE has ever manipulated as much as he had... that I ended our relationship because I could not get myself to see the future he wanted us to have. I just don't want somebody like him. After so much manipulation, he cannot give me the kind of respect that I want and will need in my next relationship and in a future husband.

I have waivered over the past year, but an incident last June confirmed that he must have not understood or does not care about my need for respect. My emotional detachment is FINALLY accelerating!!!!

He texted and called me today about some information he could have definitely gotten (and eventually did get) online. I did not respond. Unfortunately, we are supposed to be at the same event tomorrow... I am really tempted not to show up, but I had told some friends that I would be there. Ugh.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

He has been on my mind a lot this week

 

[BGT]

I am so happy you came into my life. I am. Never thought I'd meet someone like you.

 

[babyu21]

I think this is gonna be harder than I anticipated.

 

[Imani]

Now that I finally see that I haven't been standin up for myself and letting folks get away with ish, I'm mad as hell. Before I didnt even used to allow myself to get angry, didn't think I deserved to be. I need to go to a martial arts class this wknd and kick and punch the s#it out of something to blow off steam.

From the "friend" in high school who violated me and I gave him a pass bc he was supposedly drunk and doesn't remember to my ex manipulating and threatening me. I can't believe I let folks get away w that ish and now I'm finally pissed.

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[hopeful]

Imani Sounds like your eyes are opening up and you are seeing the truth finally and healing. Yes, you deserve to be angry . Abolutely. Your sweet, beautiful self did not deserve that treatment from those men in your life, the men you should have been able to trust. I'm angry right along with you.

 

[Imani]

Imani Sounds like your eyes are opening up and you are seeing the truth finally and healing. Yes, you deserve to be angry . Abolutely. Your sweet, beautiful self did not deserve that treatment from those men in your life, the men you should have been able to trust. I'm angry right along with you.

My so called friend sodomized me. I brushed it off for yrs as if it wasn't a big deal. But being violated that way was a big deal. And yrs later I suspect he knew what he was doing even tho he claimed he was drunk and doesn't remember any it. I screamed at the top of my lungs and even punched and scratched but was no match for a musclehead college football player. Now I know he was full of s#it and knew exactly what he was doing.

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[Softerlove]

^ I'm so very sorry.
You have every right to be mad.

It took me months to get mad after a girl I knew, condoned her male friend putting something in my drink.

Nothing happened, but I was sick for days.

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[Katherina]

Dayum. Man oh man... I must be a b!tch Because if this crap happened to me a ***** would've been permanently disfigured and jailed. Sorry this happened to you ladies. No woman deserves this . Kudos for seeing the light behind the lies though

My so called friend sodomized me. I brushed it off for yrs as if it wasn't a big deal. But being violated that way was a big deal. And yrs later I suspect he knew what he was doing even tho he claimed he was drunk and doesn't remember any it. I screamed at the top of my lungs and even punched and scratched but was no match for a musclehead college football player. Now I know he was full of s#it and knew exactly what he was doing.

Sent from my SGH-T839 using SGH-T839

^ I'm so very sorry.
You have every right to be mad.

It took me months to get mad after a girl I knew, condoned her male friend putting something in my drink.

Nothing happened, but I was sick for days.

Sent from my MyTouch 4G

 

[hopeful]

Imani Oh dear God, the things some men do. So happy you see the truth now. He is a monster. My heart goes out to you. That is horrible.

 

[crlsweetie912]

My so called friend sodomized me. I brushed it off for yrs as if it wasn't a big deal. But being violated that way was a big deal. And yrs later I suspect he knew what he was doing even tho he claimed he was drunk and doesn't remember any it. I screamed at the top of my lungs and even punched and scratched but was no match for a musclehead college football player. Now I know he was full of s#it and knew exactly what he was doing.

Sent from my SGH-T839 using SGH-T839

I am so sorry and pissed off that this happened to you.....

 

[lushcoils]

I think these are signs that God wants me to be single forever. It hurts, but I'm going to have to find a way to get over it. Everyone has their struggle in life, maybe this is one of mine.

 

[hopeful]

I think these are signs that God wants me to be single forever. It hurts, but I'm going to have to find a way to get over it. Everyone has their struggle in life, maybe this is one of mine.

Maybe a sign you'll be alone this year or next year, or throughout your 20's but forever? Like for the next 50-60 years? I highly doubt that. In fact I'd put money on it, like a lot of money. Time for you to get a life coach, a dating coach, and hire a dating service.

 

[HauteHippie]

Really don't know what you came here for/Round and round we go...

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[SuchMagnificent]

My cousin is getting ready to have her baby..she left me a message from the hospital, I cried a little when I listened because I know how important and significant it is to her..she told me she loved me and that she was nervous...I am so happy for her..her and her husband have been trying for 2 years to conceive and finally it happened..I am so ecstatic to meet the newest member of our family..I pray that one day, I get to experience that feeling..


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[rafikichick92]

Zdubs, your car is very messy. And now you owe me a favor. Ha!

 

[Evolving78]

He is so good to me! i get so overwhelmed just being in his presences.

 

[SUPER SWEET]

Love to share with yall. I heard 3 crazy things tonight... No white needed.
She just told me you can work through lil things.

1. His feet smell so bad, you can smell them through his shoes. Powder doesn't work.
2.When they first kissed he had a bad tooth so food would get caught in the holes and piece of steak transfered to her mouth. But he didn't have steak that day.
3.One time they were traveling and he,she and his mom had to share a bed.
3.

 

[Napp]

it turns out i have a bunch of admirers. Who knew?! certainly not me! but they are all older men i seem to attract a a certain type of man... i still havent met anyone in my age range who didnt act a fool it seems like guys my age want a girl who is more outgoing i guess....