Open Relationships
- Thread starter barbiesocialite
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barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Part.of this.is a separate discussion in itself.
Loyalty and fidelity are not necessarily linked.
Even loyalty and trustworthiness aren't the same thing.
I think it depends.on the person.
That said, loyalty is everything to me.
JustifiablyMe
Well-Known Member
I agree so I'm trying not to get too carried away lol but it does play a part. I'm sure if you truly had to depend on someone for your livelihood you would turn a blind eye to a lot.
ETA: fidelity is defined as faithfulness to a person, cause, or belief, demonstrated by continuing loyalty and support. Sounds pretty linked to me lol. I do agree that loyalty and trustworthiness aren't the same thing but then again I wouldn't deem someone trustworthy if they weren't loyal to me.
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SmileyNY
Well-Known Member
One of the Poly groups on the show is a trio. It's a man and wife who have a live-in girlfriend.
It seemed cool at first, because the wife is bi and they are all monogamous.
However, the girlfriend started to get a little too competitive. The wife owns her own business and works a lot of hours, so the other 2 have a lot of sex without her. Also, the girlfriend always tags along with the husband to his job at a gym. She could just as easily hang out with the wife, who owns a poll dancing school.
She also gets jealous when the husband and wife kiss longer than a peck in front of her.
Just tew much.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
SmileyNY
Well-Known Member
Agreed. Also, if you needed someone to keep the lifestyle to which you've grown accustomed. Just ask this chick...
And this one too... since rumor has it she's not "allowed" to date.
JustifiablyMe
Well-Known Member
^^^Yup! Lifestyle for sure. Add Karreuche to that list. Participating in threesomes and what not. 
SmileyNY
Well-Known Member
^^^Yup! Lifestyle for sure. Add Karreuche to that list. Participating in threesomes and what not.
Yep. However Ketchup is in reform school. Hopefully she graduates with flying colors like Ciara and doesn't flunk & drop out like Cassey.
Femmefatal1981
Well-Known Member
no...isnt the old saying 1st time for love, 2nd for money?there is definitely a less practical/"materialistic" vibe about relationships in this thread which is weird... aint we getting older now?
becoming more romantic instead of less as you age is the wave now?
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
There is nothing wrong with threesomes.
Also, I don't see anything with Kim Porter's relationship. That's her choice. I personally like her public personal.
Also, I don't see anything with Kim Porter's relationship. That's her choice. I personally like her public personal.
SmileyNY
Well-Known Member
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
there is definitely a less practical/"materialistic" vibe about relationships in this thread which is weird... aint we getting older now?
becoming more romantic instead of less as you age is the wave now?
This is another issue I'd have with open relationships. Even if I could be cool with my husband being romantic w/ another chick, the thought of our (my
) money going towards it would have me seeing red.JustifiablyMe
Well-Known Member
I agree but I mentioned it in the context of Chris and Karreuche bc he used it to shame her which probably means it's not something she would have engaged in under normal circumstances. Like if he tried to shame Rihanna about having threesomes, no one would find that surprising and it wouldn't work.
ladysaraii
Well-Known Member
Interestingly enough, I'd love to have one, but I need to do it before I get married.
Usually I'm in the camp of 'you should be freakier with your spouse' but this is the exception for me.
Oooo, maybe I should go date a married couple for a while and then date men for myself on the side until I find one I want to be with. Hmm...
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
i was invited to a threesome last week. sort of.
was checking out this couple and the register froze. they were talking amongst themselves and i wasnt paying much attention until the guy said something like no im not going to ask her to come to your orgy. it was clearly said in order for me to hear it
the guy was good looking and the girl looked like a derp, so that seemed about right.
it turns out im somewhat more attractive than i actively acknowledge, i have had some strange reactions working in retail. i also hilariously intimidated a black man that was out with his white partner, he was so embarrassed and i felt so bad for her.
*well. not "bad" per se embarrassed for her as well, i suppose.
was checking out this couple and the register froze. they were talking amongst themselves and i wasnt paying much attention until the guy said something like no im not going to ask her to come to your orgy. it was clearly said in order for me to hear it
the guy was good looking and the girl looked like a derp, so that seemed about right.
it turns out im somewhat more attractive than i actively acknowledge, i have had some strange reactions working in retail. i also hilariously intimidated a black man that was out with his white partner, he was so embarrassed and i felt so bad for her.
*well. not "bad" per se
embarrassed for her as well, i suppose.
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
Do you really think her relationship is her choice or does she take what she can get?
Granted taking what you can get is a choice but it seems like a choice of last resort when there's little to no other option.
sj10460
Don't Come for me unless I send for you!
kim has choices, she receives enough money in cs (presumably) to not need more from Diddy. Also, she can choose to get an education and actually work or use her connections in the industry to become a stylist like all the other chicks that don't have a legitimate talent or skill. One thing I admired about Evelyn Lozada was that she had her own business (shoe store) to generate income. That's a chick with a plan. But I guess the P.Diddy's baby mama plan is better.
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
I was referencing choice in regards to 'wants' as opposed to 'needs'. Kim chooses to fall in line to get her money out of necessity but I'm sure that she would not have chose to be pregnant by Diddy at the same time another chick was carrying his baby. I know for damn sure she wouldn't have chose for him to run off with JLo. The choice to walk away from Diddy without some form of compensation for the sheer amount of public humiliation she's endured from him is counterproductive and thereby not really a choice.
Contrast this to somebody like Kimora who I really believe is living out choices that she consciously made and would do over again without hesitation.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Yes. I do believe it's her choice.
If my goals in life generally ranked money, love, motherhood, indivuality.... common sense would naturally mean that I would be less concerned about fidelity and commitment than I am about funds.
Kim Porter is no worse than Padma Lakshmi. They both love money. Men with money have ish with them and there are certain things a woman needs to become comfortable with if they are truly about the Benjamins. Men can only do what their funds allow. If broke ninjas running round begging for open relationships, a rich ninja can demand it--he can afford it.
This is also how I learn to identify women accustomed to men with a certain bank account: their tolerance for putting up with ish and flexible morals. Unicorns exist but if money is truly the goal. There will be a norm on the hunt that many women won't be able to deal with which is why the average women has never dated a truly rich or powerful man, let alone married or procreated with one.
I can always identify a woman bout da money hunt. And none of them have posted in this thread as of yet lol.
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I've met some couples that don't have this dynamic and I admit its kinda fascinating lol. But yes, it's rare for it to be equal.
I met a London couple that I posted about recently. They are married and each have 3, or so other lovers to see during the week. All lovers are introduced to the husband/wife at some point.
When they celebrated their 10 year anniversary abroad in a lavish ceremony, they invited their current and some ex lovers to celebrate with them. That is a couple that truly are cool with an open relationship
. Another girl I know was swinging and open, but I can tell she loved the extra attention and freaky sex.As for women that put up with cheating on a regular to the point it's really an open relationship... I don't have many people around me like that. The majority of my close friends are with men that strive to be faithful/no drama.
One of my old bffs hangs around in circles where this stuff is everyday. Most of her friends and family date these dudes, so in her opinion all men are like this. Because I don't have this experience it hasn't crossed my mind to consider an open relationship when its not my preference, but I can understand why she's given up on the idea of a man with monogamous intentions. When people look around them and see that what they want is unlikely, thats when they give up and allow things to be more flexible. ALTHOUGH its not an "open relationship" IMO if its only the man thats allowed this.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
Kimora's only requirement after Russell Simmons, verbatim, was fidelity.
I remember catching the interview when she said that. I also read her book about her early methods to snagging Russell. All of that let me know this ninja was trifling and cheating for a long time. She hated it. She regretted being "homies" with Rusell which is why she has been on the hunt for a husband ever since. She didn't get that from Russell. The only way she could catch him was by playing the chill homie. That's why he had biddies and she had a flings, including that side gf. I think shes a romantic at heart and was hoping Russell would turn from homie to husband but what Kimora learned was that she got exactly what she signed up for.
Eta: I also think this is why none of her SOs have been AA since Russell. Kimora is a woman of strategy. There's a reason why AA men are my least ideal.
Supervixen
Well-Known Member
Ive seen lots of marriages where the wife has a gf and/or their bed is open to women, but I guess that's a threesome more than an open relationship, right? In one particular case, the husband is well aware and fine with it. The wife travels for work and it seems like the wife's gf steps in and performs all wifely duties while she's away--hostessing parties, cooking, cleaning, Ive seen with my own eyes. I dont know how far it goes while the wife is away.
Since we're sharing, DH and I, from hanging out with that couple, met a few women that I just thought were friendly, but when it came down to it were interested in similar husband-wife-her gf situations. (I had just moved back home and he's not a Chi native, so we were intent on mtg new people--we both can be Black Barbie & Black Ken ditzy at times). After a few times of us hanging out, the woman would fix our plates, try to cater to us in everyway, constantly wanted to hold my hand or touch me (wtf), comment positively on our looks as a couple and ask me if I thought she was pretty over and over, it dawned on us what this "friendship" was really about.
Since we're sharing, DH and I, from hanging out with that couple, met a few women that I just thought were friendly, but when it came down to it were interested in similar husband-wife-her gf situations. (I had just moved back home and he's not a Chi native, so we were intent on mtg new people--we both can be Black Barbie & Black Ken ditzy at times). After a few times of us hanging out, the woman would fix our plates, try to cater to us in everyway, constantly wanted to hold my hand or touch me (wtf), comment positively on our looks as a couple and ask me if I thought she was pretty over and over, it dawned on us what this "friendship" was really about.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
the thing is in the scenario im talking about the low self esteem manifests in the woman convincing herself shes ok with it knowing shes really not.I've met some couples that don't have this dynamic and I admit its kinda fascinating lol. But yes, it's rare for it to be equal.
I met a London couple that I posted about recently. They are married and each have 3, or so other lovers to see during the week. All lovers are introduced to the husband/wife at some point.
When they celebrated their 10 year anniversary abroad in a lavish ceremony, they invited their current and some ex lovers to celebrate with them. That is a couple that truly are cool with an open relationship
As for women that put up with cheating on a regular to the point it's really an open relationship... I don't have many people around me like that. The majority of my close friends are with men that strive to be faithful/no drama.
One of my old bffs hangs around in circles where this stuff is everyday. Most of her friends and family date these dudes, so in her opinion all men are like this. Because I don't have this experience it hasn't crossed my mind to consider an open relationship when its not my preference, but I can understand why she's given up on the idea of a man with monogamous intentions. When people look around them and see that what they want is unlikely, thats when they give up and allow things to be more flexible. ALTHOUGH its not an "open relationship" IMO if its only the man thats allowed this.
i know this married couple who desperately needs to divorce. the husband proposes the open relationship and she agrees with it, knowing they are heading for divorce anyway and maybe shell find someone to rebound with on the way out. the husband is a little younger than her and cant keep a job (another trait amongst these men is that they are incompetent, omega men who are socially incompatible with "normal" ideas of being which often manifests in things like being unable to keep a job and sexual deviancy) and both begin dating other people. theyre in their 40s and the women he dates are primarily very early 20s (because he is undesirable to any adult woman with common sense, who would see through his ******** immediately). the woman has herpes which he has veiled guilted her over despite the fact that he is probably the one who gave it to her and nobody asks whether or not he has it too despite his wife of 10 years having it. thats the kind of dynamic of their marriage
ive seen him in action and he actively goads her about her insecurity over the openness. like being out with another woman and teasing her about what may or may not happen despite the fact that she obviously has a lot of anxiety over it. meanwhile shes trying to date too but is clearly not really interested in it, just doing it because otherwise shed be even more of a loser while married to a man that is dating other women. she spends more effort into being passive aggressive over him bringing new women home to meet her and asking him questions only for him to lie about it, like him telling her he was thinking of meeting up with a woman at their timeshare, only for her to find out via facebook he'd already proposed and confirmed said plan. even within the context of an open relationship he's a liar, doing things behind her back that they agreed to discuss, and not coming clean with things until she has already caught him.
hes still unemployed and shes still going on "dates," only now he's depressed and the open relationship hasnt fixed it, which of course it wasnt because he was already a ****ed up individual regardless of the circumstances of their marriage. id say theres hope for a happy ending ie her leaving him in the dust and getting her life together but at this point shes invested so much into this marriage including compromising herself in ways she clearly did not want that i cant see her ever having a come to jesus moment and deciding its worth so little she could walk away from it.
Fine 4s
Well-Known Member
the thing is in the scenario im talking about the low self esteem manifests in the woman convincing herself shes ok with it knowing shes really not.
i know this married couple who desperately needs to divorce. the husband proposes the open relationship and she agrees with it, knowing they are heading for divorce anyway and maybe shell find someone to rebound with on the way out. the husband is a little younger than her and cant keep a job (another trait amongst these men is that they are incompetent, omega men who are socially incompatible with "normal" ideas of being which often manifests in things like being unable to keep a job and sexual deviancy) and both begin dating other people. theyre in their 40s and the women he dates are primarily very early 20s (because he is undesirable to any adult woman with common sense, who would see through his ******** immediately). the woman has herpes which he has veiled guilted her over despite the fact that he is probably the one who gave it to her and nobody asks whether or not he has it too despite his wife of 10 years having it. thats the kind of dynamic of their marriage
ive seen him in action and he actively goads her about her insecurity over the openness. like being out with another woman and teasing her about what may or may not happen despite the fact that she obviously has a lot of anxiety over it. meanwhile shes trying to date too but is clearly not really interested in it, just doing it because otherwise shed be even more of a loser while married to a man that is dating other women. she spends more effort into being passive aggressive over him bringing new women home to meet her and asking him questions only for him to lie about it, like him telling her he was thinking of meeting up with a woman at their timeshare, only for her to find out via facebook he'd already proposed and confirmed said plan. even within the context of an open relationship he's a liar, doing things behind her back that they agreed to discuss, and not coming clean with things until she has already caught him.
hes still unemployed and shes still going on "dates," only now he's depressed and the open relationship hasnt fixed it, which of course it wasnt because he was already a ****** up individual regardless of the circumstances of their marriage. id say theres hope for a happy ending ie her leaving him in the dust and getting her life together but at this point shes invested so much into this marriage including compromising herself in ways she clearly did not want that i cant see her ever having a come to jesus moment and deciding its worth so little she could walk away from it.
So, I'm just reading along listening to my reggae music and had to pause.
This sounds sad. Yeah, bad example of an open relationship. Poor gyal.
Are you cool with her? She needs help, a little nudge....awww give her a hug for me.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I was in an open relationship. At first the dude was the only open one. When I started being open per se he got upset. Used to ask dumb questions like who was the other guy, was he any good (lawd knows both of them were) so his ego was hurt. Both of them were endowed too.
bruhhh College days gave me life. But of course as I matured I wanted a real relationship. He wasn't willing to let the "open" relationship go. So I left and never looked back to the dyck. I prayed over it that last time though because it was soooo good. I was fearful I would be dyckmatized forever.
I see he just got divorced from his wife for cheating on her with multiple women....figures.
bruhhh College days gave me life. But of course as I matured I wanted a real relationship. He wasn't willing to let the "open" relationship go. So I left and never looked back to the dyck. I prayed over it that last time though because it was soooo good. I was fearful I would be dyckmatized forever.
I see he just got divorced from his wife for cheating on her with multiple women....figures.
SmileyNY
Well-Known Member
Meanwhile, Monique is still yapping about her 0pen marriage. This article was published in the New York Times a couple weeks ago. An excerpt is below and the full article is here.
The Secrets to an Open Marriage According to Mo’Nique
“Sidney had this one thing he had to teach me, and that was reciprocity,” she said. “He said, ‘If you can have that, it’s only fair that I can have that, too.’” The arrangement, which they agreed to before their twin sons were born (they are now 10), was her idea.
“I wanted to continue to see the gentlemen that I was seeing, and I felt comfortable telling my best friend,” she said, meaning Mr. Hicks. “I’m grateful he taught me I had to play fair.”
The couple met as high school sophomores in Baltimore, and they stayed friends through Mo’Nique’s first two marriages, as well as relationships that Mr. Hicks was involved in. (When they were married in 2006, Mo’Nique already had a son from a previous marriage and Mr. Hicks had a son from an earlier relationship, and they had the twins together.)
Mr. Hicks said that his long friendship with Mo’Nique gave them “a level of flexibility” in their relationship.
“Before she was my wife, she was my sister
” he said. “And there have been moments when she was like my little girl 
. When you go through all these dynamics with someone, you understand them.”
“We got into this knowing that we both wanted to be with someone who’s going to allow you to be who you are,” he said. “I think one of the most romantic things you can do as a couple is be honest with each other. And we are.
The Secrets to an Open Marriage According to Mo’Nique
“Sidney had this one thing he had to teach me, and that was reciprocity,” she said. “He said, ‘If you can have that, it’s only fair that I can have that, too.’” The arrangement, which they agreed to before their twin sons were born (they are now 10), was her idea.
“I wanted to continue to see the gentlemen that I was seeing, and I felt comfortable telling my best friend,” she said, meaning Mr. Hicks. “I’m grateful he taught me I had to play fair.”
The couple met as high school sophomores in Baltimore, and they stayed friends through Mo’Nique’s first two marriages, as well as relationships that Mr. Hicks was involved in. (When they were married in 2006, Mo’Nique already had a son from a previous marriage and Mr. Hicks had a son from an earlier relationship, and they had the twins together.)
Mr. Hicks said that his long friendship with Mo’Nique gave them “a level of flexibility” in their relationship.
“Before she was my wife, she was my sister
” he said. “And there have been moments when she was like my little girl . When you go through all these dynamics with someone, you understand them.”“We got into this knowing that we both wanted to be with someone who’s going to allow you to be who you are,” he said. “I think one of the most romantic things you can do as a couple is be honest with each other. And we are.
CaraWalker
Well-Known Member
we cool. they are ypipo so *shrug*
silverbuttons
Not Impressed
No.
Open relationship: "let's have sex with each other and other people."
Cheating: I'm going to have sex with other people, even if you don't like it.
If it's open, there has to be an actual agreement. The fact that some women are cheated on and know about it doesn't mean they agreed to it.
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