Open Relationships

Would you participate in an open relationship?

  • Yes...but only if it's mutual

    Votes: 7 7.4%

  • NO...over my dead body

    Votes: 69 73.4%

  • Maybe?

    Votes: 18 19.1%
  • Total voters
    94
Femmefatal1981 said:
lol, its not no...its I could only see myself doing it if I married for money. I think once you get past a certain net worth monogamy becomes highly unlikely.
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But my thread is for real life. Not something fictious or hypothetical. Lol

I've created a few "what if" type threads before. This isnt really one tho. Its not a big deal really tho. I was tryna get an idea about what people think for their everyday real life, past, present or future.
 
My take is I would never do it or agree to it. My only issue is do not bring OOW kids into this mess. After awhile people get comfortable and the next thing you know side chick is pregnant with your husband's baby or your wife is having her boyfriend's baby. Too much of a risk for me. Then the threat of herpes is too great because condoms cannot prevent them. People just need to chill and focus on one person at a time. I just don't see any benefit to these types of relationships especially if you are married.
 
Rocky91 said:
Lordt now if I start swinging with my man you gonna recognize my hair in public and judge me :cry: :lol:
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No worries, I won't. Plus, I dont plan to be at any of their parties anytime soon. It's funny, you went into it knowing, we had to piece **** together over several parties which made me more hesitant than if I'd had a preface.


CaraWalker said:
raining_david_tennant_nosedrip.gif
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It's okay, if you wanna come to the swingers party, girls are always invited. I thought you were one of those Northsiders that doesn't come south of Roosevelt though!
 
Supeervixen said:
No worries, I won't. Plus, I dont plan to be at any of their parties anytime soon. It's funny, you went into it knowing, we had to piece **** together over several parties which made me more hesitant than if I'd had a preface.




It's okay, if you wanna come to the swingers party, girls are always invited. I thought you were one of those Northsiders that doesn't come south of Roosevelt though!
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Rocky is further north than I am! :lol:
 
CaraWalker said:
Rocky is further north than I am! :lol:
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I dont know, how y'all do it. I lived in Roscoe Village for a year and I felt so out of touch with black people. I need to see at least sprinklings of bp and there weren't many at the time. Lmaoooo.

Anyway, her font doesn't give me the vibe she doesn't/won't come south though. Of course this is allllll my projections, I couldn't tell you what either of you wrote that has me with these thoughts.
 
Supeervixen said:
I dont know, how y'all do it. I lived in Roscoe Village for a year and I felt so out of touch with black people. I need to see at least sprinklings of bp and there weren't many at the time. Lmaoooo.

Anyway, her font doesn't give me the vibe she doesn't/won't come south though. Of course this is allllll my projections, I couldn't tell you what either of you wrote that has me with these thoughts.
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so basically you saying my font gives off north of roosevelt teas? :lachen: im from the southside, fool!

im in lakeview right now primarily because i work in lp, but im a logan square girl, just cant afford the rent for anything decent sized :sad: it has gotten gentrified as hell, more expensive there than where i am now surprisingly. im not super happy up here because there isnt a lot of diversity and all the black dudes i see around here are hanging out in boystown :look: so im not really around here much socially. i miss the diversity in logan. roscoe village is pretty white though for what/where it is.

i havent lived on the southside in a few years, my two sisters are still around there somewhere though.
 
Supeervixen said:
I dont know, how y'all do it. I lived in Roscoe Village for a year and I felt so out of touch with black people. I need to see at least sprinklings of bp and there weren't many at the time. Lmaoooo.

Anyway, her font doesn't give me the vibe she doesn't/won't come south though. Of course this is allllll my projections, I couldn't tell you what either of you wrote that has me with these thoughts.
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Lol im north as hell, but my SO bought a condo in Hyde park so my social life has become more south side focused.

Now I'm looking to purchase one this summer myself. Tired of living surrounded by wypipo. Plus I need to be closer to things like Harold's, the lady who does my weaves, and of course black educated couples who swing :lol:
 
i miss hp sometimes but after a couple of years i didnt feel like i wanted to move back anymore. the only thing i miss about the southside is all the junk food which it really aint like i need, so :lol: i have defected :ohwell: i like mixed areas best.

Rocky91 said:
Lol im north as hell, but my SO bought a condo in Hyde park so my social life has become more south side focused.

Now I'm looking to purchase one this summer myself. Tired of living surrounded by wypipo. Plus I need to be closer to things like Harold's, the lady who does my weaves, and of course black educated couples who swing :lol:
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One of my ex boyfriends is in an open relationship with a bisexual white woman. He says that they have three-somes with other women, etc. He loves it, and said that it was her idea. They will probably get married. I know all this because he tried me recently. :rolleyes:
He is horrible in bed, so I find it comical and ironic actually. We had sex once. The fact that I didn't come back speaks volumes. He was really intimidated and I was dominating the whole time. I tried yall. Lmao. We went for rounds, I even spent the night, and kept trying. He has a nice dack, so I was trying to help it live up to its full potential. No bueno. He sent me a sex tape with him and some white girl, trying to seduce me. I laughed and sent it to my girls. Lmao
Idk what he is trying to prove, but he can't even hang with one woman. Maybe that's where the attraction to that situation is for him. But yeah, his girl is bi-sexual.
 
JerriBlank said:
One of my ex boyfriends is in an open relationship with a bisexual white woman. He says that they have three-somes with other women, etc. He loves it, and said that it was her idea. They will probably get married. I know all this because he tried me recently. :rolleyes:
He is horrible in bed, so I find it comical and ironic actually. We had sex once. The fact that I didn't come back speaks volumes. He was really intimidated and I was dominating the whole time. I tried yall. Lmao. We went for rounds, I even spent the night, and kept trying. He has a nice dack, so I was trying to help it live up to its full potential. No bueno. He sent me a sex tape with him and some white girl, trying to seduce me. I laughed and sent it to my girls. Lmao
Idk what he is trying to prove, but he can't even hang with one woman. Maybe that's where the attraction to that situation is for him. But yeah, his girl is bi-sexual.
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Jerri, was he your legit legit bf? Why did you only have sex one time? And then you never went back? Lmao!!!!
You must not have shut it down that hard if you got a sex tape and a request. Did those two things happened at the same time? I'd be so pissed getting a sex tape from an ex!
 
Honestly the only people I know that were or in open relationships ended in divorce or they are separated(living separately) and don't plan on getting a divorce for one reason or another. I've never seen it pan out for the better. It's like a "what now?" Type of situation always. But I would never judge and I really don't care how others choose to live. It's just not for me.
 
JerriBlank said:
One of my ex boyfriends is in an open relationship with a bisexual white woman. He says that they have three-somes with other women, etc. He loves it, and said that it was her idea. They will probably get married. I know all this because he tried me recently. :rolleyes:
He is horrible in bed, so I find it comical and ironic actually. We had sex once. The fact that I didn't come back speaks volumes. He was really intimidated and I was dominating the whole time. I tried yall. Lmao. We went for rounds, I even spent the night, and kept trying. He has a nice dack, so I was trying to help it live up to its full potential. No bueno. He sent me a sex tape with him and some white girl, trying to seduce me. I laughed and sent it to my girls. Lmao
Idk what he is trying to prove, but he can't even hang with one woman. Maybe that's where the attraction to that situation is for him. But yeah, his girl is bi-sexual.
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I can see that.

The only reason I want to get married is for the threesomes.

I don't have a gender preference bUT I'm not happy unless I can have a woman to be mean to and a man to yell at and--and then everybody just loves me. :look:
 
Hmmm....I have some thoughts but I really only want to respond to these last few comments about being good in bed having a large part to do with it or not:

I do not think being good in bed is something that factors into this. IME, the men I've slept with that were horrible in bed were the first ones to want to get it in. The guys I've slept with that were great weren't pushy, and weren't shady about the sex either. My FWBs have been good in bed and I haven't ever really worried about the amount of people they were sleeping with while we had a situation. I don't know what it's like to sleep with a woman so I can't really rate myself, but everyone I've enjoyed sleeping with has said I'm great :D, and from MY perspective, it's hard to find someone really great in bed so when I do find that person, I'm good with sleeping with them and foregoing the boring peen. I'd imagine it's the same for guys that are good in bed as well. Like instead of wanting to spread their greatness, why not just make sure it's as enjoyable for me as it is for the person sleeping with me? :lachen: When you're good at something, you know you can be good at it whenever, wherever, at whatever time. So you don't need to keep searching because when it is time to search again, you won't be looking for long.
 
I tried to ask for one, and got shut down real quick. He didn't want one and never has, he doesn't even want a threesome (with another woman). He's always been territorial :bat::stop:
I'm happy he said no, once the relationship was allowed to mature I ended up getting everything I wanted out of just one s/o anyway so we both win :sneakyhug:

To me an open relationship = an open wallet, which means no more fancy dates and gifts for me. Ain't no other woman getting this schmoney. *cardi b voice* :look:
 
in my experience, the men who were best at sex were simply passionate lovers. i dont mean the sex was good because it was passionate i mean they were passionate men who enjoyed sex as a pleasurable, connected act and not necessarily recreationally. they were likely to have been in love and/or had long term relationships (likely with a woman they were in love with). i guess im only going on a sample size of 2, but i have had guys who were good based on pure skill without that but it was like from practice... different thing.

the reason why i think a person who wants more partners is more likely to be bad in bed is because 1.) ime "poly" guys tend to be undesirable in some way or another and their sexual prowess is going to correlate to that. player type dudes and the types of dudes that women love arent likely to be poly because it would be multiple commitments when they want none. poly guys are committed to their partners. ipso facto desirable men are often self selected out of poly. 2.) sex is best with that type of connection, and i dont think men that are capable of connecting with their partners that way are drawn to poly relationships. i think poly relationships are inherently shallow and lacking in a certain emotional openness as in a monogamous one because the person who wants it isnt capable of doing it. they might think they're ~*deep*~ or enlightened or whatever because their relationship style is nontraditional but its flimsy and lacking depth. 3.) i also think being good at sex = sharing the love cause youre so good at it is an illogical conclusion that is the opposite of what i would say re: someone being good at sex. the better you are at sex the less you see the point in having it with more people because it's only super good in very specific circumstances, and thats not "with every old jane off the street."

these theories have borne out in my relationships, but i also dont have any sample of poly guys to compare it to so it is kind of one sided. from what i have READ from poly guys though, that faux deep im so enlightened and youre not crap is pretty standard though.
 
@Fine 4s
I am just a sexually adventurous person, it was something I hadn't tried before and while we were just talking, I was dating someone else who was open to it before my current was requesting we become exclusive. So I put it out there and he turned it down. I could've just told him "no, thank you" and went to be with the open relationship person, but valued him more than having a polygamous relationship (It helps that I didn't really know what I was missing). Also, I'm very particular about the people in my life getting checked, we both got checked before being intimate so I can see how someone would be turned off by you sleeping with other people. It's hard enough trusting just ONE person being safe and healthy, let alone 2 or more.

As far as threesomes, goes back to being adventurous. I would not want to be doing something like that all the time, but mixing it up sounds fun! I don't want a threesome with a guy though, that doesn't appeal to me at all :confused:

I will say this, when getting with him I was apprehensive because he was not as well off financially as the other prospective person was so in my mind I wanted to get the best of both worlds. However, it is much better to be cherished for who I truly am than to have all the funds in the world (all the funds in the world would be nice, though.)
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CaraWalker said:
in my experience, the men who were best at sex were simply passionate lovers. i dont mean the sex was good because it was passionate i mean they were passionate men who enjoyed sex as a pleasurable, connected act and not necessarily recreationally. they were likely to have been in love and/or had long term relationships (likely with a woman they were in love with). i guess im only going on a sample size of 2, but i have had guys who were good based on pure skill without that but it was like from practice... different thing.

the reason why i think a person who wants more partners is more likely to be bad in bed is because 1.) ime "poly" guys tend to be undesirable in some way or another and their sexual prowess is going to correlate to that. player type dudes and the types of dudes that women love arent likely to be poly because it would be multiple commitments when they want none. poly guys are committed to their partners. ipso facto desirable men are often self selected out of poly. 2.) sex is best with that type of connection, and i dont think men that are capable of connecting with their partners that way are drawn to poly relationships. i think poly relationships are inherently shallow and lacking in a certain emotional openness as in a monogamous one because the person who wants it isnt capable of doing it. they might think they're ~*deep*~ or enlightened or whatever because their relationship style is nontraditional but its flimsy and lacking depth. 3.) i also think being good at sex = sharing the love cause youre so good at it is an illogical conclusion that is the opposite of what i would say re: someone being good at sex. the better you are at sex the less you see the point in having it with more people because it's only super good in very specific circumstances, and thats not "with every old jane off the street."

these theories have borne out in my relationships, but i also dont have any sample of poly guys to compare it to so it is kind of one sided. from what i have READ from poly guys though, that faux deep im so enlightened and youre not crap is pretty standard though.
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This reminds me of my bro and alpha male sex theories. I think theyes are mostly like to suck. They have too many options to ever be any good.
 
CaraWalker said:
in my experience, the men who were best at sex were simply passionate lovers. i dont mean the sex was good because it was passionate i mean they were passionate men who enjoyed sex as a pleasurable, connected act and not necessarily recreationally. they were likely to have been in love and/or had long term relationships (likely with a woman they were in love with). i guess im only going on a sample size of 2, but i have had guys who were good based on pure skill without that but it was like from practice... different thing.

the reason why i think a person who wants more partners is more likely to be bad in bed is because 1.) ime "poly" guys tend to be undesirable in some way or another and their sexual prowess is going to correlate to that. player type dudes and the types of dudes that women love arent likely to be poly because it would be multiple commitments when they want none. poly guys are committed to their partners. ipso facto desirable men are often self selected out of poly. 2.) sex is best with that type of connection, and i dont think men that are capable of connecting with their partners that way are drawn to poly relationships. i think poly relationships are inherently shallow and lacking in a certain emotional openness as in a monogamous one because the person who wants it isnt capable of doing it. they might think they're ~*deep*~ or enlightened or whatever because their relationship style is nontraditional but its flimsy and lacking depth. 3.) i also think being good at sex = sharing the love cause youre so good at it is an illogical conclusion that is the opposite of what i would say re: someone being good at sex. the better you are at sex the less you see the point in having it with more people because it's only super good in very specific circumstances, and thats not "with every old jane off the street."

these theories have borne out in my relationships, but i also dont have any sample of poly guys to compare it to so it is kind of one sided. from what i have READ from poly guys though, that faux deep im so enlightened and youre not crap is pretty standard though.
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The bolded parts of your post are pretty much what I was getting at, especially that last point. I know I'm super passionate and "strongly emotioned" (I call myself hyperemo) and those things are true for me, so I figured they'd be true for the men as well.
 
Fine 4s said:
Jerri, was he your legit legit bf? Why did you only have sex one time? And then you never went back? Lmao!!!!
You must not have shut it down that hard if you got a sex tape and a request. Did those two things happened at the same time? I'd be so pissed getting a sex tape from an ex!
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Gworllll,lmao. To clarify, we dated as teens, and I was a virgin. I was on the receiving end of oral, but had never had sexual intercourse. :look:. We broke up while I was still a virgin. Kept in touch, which just means that he pestered me about getting back together. FOREVER! Even after I was married, and he was supposedly in a committed relationship he was still randomly popping up and asking me if we 2ould ever get back together. When I tell you that I feel like I couldn't be more blunt with this man. Idk what his deal is. Lol. He always had my number because he shamelessly asked his mom to ask my mom for my number whenever it changed. His mom always wanted us together. He called me one day after I was married, bs'ed with some small talk, then asked me how I feel about my happiness being at his expense. Wtf? I said that I wasn't hurting anyone, I was happy because I was in a good place with myself, so anyone hurt by that needs to work on themselves. Lol.
Anyways, I was looking to get my toes wet,well not just my toes (lmao, Waiting to Exhale)and I had sex with him after my ex husband and I broke up. He has always made it clear that be is an option, so I reached out one day.
I had my slut period when I was 18, and realized that sex was fun, then realized that I'm not the type that can handle being touched intimately by too many people within a short amount of time. Lol!

Huhhhh, so we had horrible sex. He bragged the whole time about how he slept around now. Lmao. And how he was gonna get it together and put me to sleep. :rofl:
It was so bad that I called my ex up the next day. :look:
I went back to having sex with my ex hubby on an as needed basis until I found someone new. Lol.
So my ex bf has been hell bent on redemotion, I guess? That was about 4 or 5 years ago. I'm good. Lmao.
The sex tape thing, he owns his own business. I needed a service that he provides. Granted, I try to stay away from him because he is so thirsty. Randomly slides in my DM'S pics and errything. I don't respond. When I needed to purchase a seevice, I let my SO know that I'd be calling him. He tried to keep it professional until the service was provided. Then he started talking about his open relationship.
You're right, I said stuff like "lol" and "omg"
That's enough for some people to keep going. Lmao. Next thing I know, he texts AND EMAILS secks clips. Asking if we can make one. I'm like, umm, no.im good where I am. I'm not interested in cheating right now. Lol. He just keeps sending them. I am laughing because they're so bad. I literally stop replying, but he keeps at it for a few weeks. He says that I'm in denial and that I really want him. Lmao. Since rejection doesn't work, I just stop replying. He quit recently, maybe because they had a kid. He should be leaving me alone until some time next year, if my estimates are correct. Lol
 
The guy across the street from us told my DH that he and his wife have an open relationship. About two weeks ago they got into a fight, the MP's were called, and her boyfriend picked her up. The husband hasn't seen her since and they ended up being kicked out of their house because that was the third or fourth time the MP's had been over there. I'm thinking it was her idea for the open relationship because her husband wanted mine to watch out for a certain car at their house.
 
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