faithVA
Well-Known Member
The conversation was cute. So its open for now but when you two get together it won't be. Don't know you but I'm excited about the wedding already.
I don't understand open relationships....
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The conversation was cute. So its open for now but when you two get together it won't be. Don't know you but I'm excited about the wedding already.
likewtr4chklit
New Member
I was always very sexual, I liked experiencing different people. To be frank I cheated on every dude I had a relationship with eventually. So once I got with dh and was faithful for two years tension started to build between us. After a long deep convo we both realized that monogamy isn't the most important thing in our relationship but loyalty, honesty, and communicaton are. So if he meets a chick he wants to smash it's cool as long as he doesn't lie about it to me or her, the same goes with me.
It is lame, but I'm so used to it
Not to outside D, no
Often they catch feelings and get upset once they realize I was serious about not leaving my man for them. The outside stuff has calmed down a bit because we are leading very busy lives and there isn't much room for "others". But when the opportunity arises and it doesn't interfere with our time together he or I may have a little outside fun.
yardyspice
Well-Known Member
likewtr4chklit I definitely have questions for you.
How do you decide it's time to see what's out there? Where do you go? Do you tell them you are married? Do you have kids?
How do you decide it's time to see what's out there? Where do you go? Do you tell them you are married? Do you have kids?
likewtr4chklit
New Member
Just sex, when they start to get attatched I disappear and put them as "do not answer" in my phone. The women don't stick around long because they don't like being "just a piece of a$$"
There really isn't a time. Sometimes I meet a guy and we'll talk and nothing happens b/c I'm not vibing with him like that. Then there are other times where the energy is really strong and talking leads to other things. I tell them I'm married and have no intentions of leaving. I put that out there up front. Yes we have 1 ds.
yardyspice
Well-Known Member
Where do you go? Does your dh get jealous?
Just sex, when they start to get attatched I disappear and put them as "do not answer" in my phone. The women don't stick around long because they don't like being "just a piece of a$$"
There really isn't a time. Sometimes I meet a guy and we'll talk and nothing happens b/c I'm not vibing with him like that. Then there are other times where the energy is really strong and talking leads to other things. I tell them I'm married and have no intentions of leaving. I put that out there up front. Yes we have 1 ds.
faithVA
Well-Known Member
When I was younger it was just sex. We may have had multiple dates but it never evolved for me. As I got older, it was more of a relationship/friendship with someone who I enjoyed but we weren't quite a match to date. So we weren't into each other enough to date. The intimacy faded the relationship remains over time.
I no longer talk to people who seem like they will get attach. We can have lunch or coffee and if things don't seem right, it just stays at that distance.
somewhereinbtwn
Well-Known Member
likewtr4chklit @faithVA @sj10460
Thank you for your honesty. I'm really liking the way this conversation is going so far, this is all so interesting. While we are sorta of on the subject does anyone here practice polyandry, or no someone who does. Those types of relationships have always been fascinating to me, and kinda awesome sounding lol.
Thank you for your honesty. I'm really liking the way this conversation is going so far, this is all so interesting. While we are sorta of on the subject does anyone here practice polyandry, or no someone who does. Those types of relationships have always been fascinating to me, and kinda awesome sounding lol.
faithVA
Well-Known Member
[USER=260348 said:
oh no
You have to be a special type of woman to deal with two husbands. I had to look it up and when I saw the definition, I was Have two men that won't take out the trash, stay up playing video games all night, don't come when I call them.
And as soon as I start talking to a guy, I'm trying to make sure he has a busy schedule so he isn't around all the time. No and I don' know anyone that does. I know there is a group in India where the woman has multiple husbands because I think there aren't a lot of women. I saw 1 woman that had I think 20 husbands? uh no thank you.
kblc06
Well-Known Member
This is a really interesting convo. I personally don't like the idea of marriage due to the commitment of being with only one person and lack of autonomy- I get bored easily and I don't think I could remain faithful for the long haul. I would always be curious about others. It's nice to see people define their marriage according to their own rules, even if those rules aren't traditional, lol.
somewhereinbtwn
Well-Known Member
oh no
Have two men that won't take out the trash, stay up playing video games all night, don't come when I call them.
No and I don' know anyone that does. I know there is a group in India where the woman has multiple husbands because I think there aren't a lot of women. I saw 1 woman that had I think 20 husbands? uh no thank you.
Well when you put it like that it sounds like no fun. In my head it's one of them is cooking you dinner, while the other one is painting your toes lol. Like you are queen bee and these men just exist to make you happy lol.
sj10460
Don't Come for me unless I send for you!
Heck no to polyandry! But I might consider being swingers. I've read a lot of books on marriage and relationships and the two highest reasons couples divorce monetary and fidelity difference. Besides, when you get married you don't turn a blind eye to someone else and there's a lot of things that I'm just not into doing sexually.
somewhereinbtwn
Well-Known Member
LOL I wasn't speaking for myself, it just seems like a fascinating way to live. I ain't really the queen bee type anyway. Just like open relationships seem cool, but personally I'm just too insecure, possessive, and jealous to be in one.If you can work it out like that girl, work it. I will be cheering you on.
Rina88
Well-Known Member
I'm not sure if I understand the question- do you mean dating or people that are married? Well my answer is for those that are dating. Maybe they figure why put all my eggs in one basket. I know I've considered something like this before. I can only marry one person (no polyandry for me), meaning 99% of my relationships won't last, so why should I put all my focus on one person at a time? I'm not getting any younger. Isn't that what women use to do back in the day? They had multiple suitors and until someone 'put a ring on it' she was single. But if sex is involved then it has to be monogamous.
likewtr4chklit
New Member
LOL, no I can't do polyandry. The idea sounds really interesting but I'm not living with two dudes
butter_pecan
Well-Known Member
I think women tend to forget that for men, sex isn't about emotion. And there happen to be a few women in the world who are actually built like this.
Windsy
New Member
I can detach emotions from sex although I'm not sure I could function in an open relationship because of my expectations of what comes with a commitment.EmeRaldPrinXess
Well-Known Member
This thread is enlightening! 
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
I think part of the misunderstanding of open relationships is the assumption that pair bonding is the only way to go. You can't mix biology (being attracted to someone other than your SO) with social standards (marriage). This is why people are confused and many end up cheating 
. If your feelings don't fit into the box then maybe the standards are wrong? Maybe?
Also, people tend to go into relationships with assumptions that end up causing discord. For example: my friend is looking for a wife. He's extremely happy with his current gf but there's no sexual chemistry. Now he has to ask himself if he can do this long term. His mistake was creating a box and trying to make his relationship fit into it, as opposed to letting it grow naturally. Natural = what you and your partner decide together. Unnatural = letting society decide your personal life.
Like with anything else, whatever 2 adults decide to do it is going to be best for them.
. If your feelings don't fit into the box then maybe the standards are wrong? Maybe?Also, people tend to go into relationships with assumptions that end up causing discord. For example: my friend is looking for a wife. He's extremely happy with his current gf but there's no sexual chemistry. Now he has to ask himself if he can do this long term. His mistake was creating a box and trying to make his relationship fit into it, as opposed to letting it grow naturally. Natural = what you and your partner decide together. Unnatural = letting society decide your personal life.
Like with anything else, whatever 2 adults decide to do it is going to be best for them.
likewtr4chklit
New Member
If he gets jealous he doesn't show it. If I'm in a bad mood I might cock block just cuz I can
likewtr4chklit
New Member
I think part of the misunderstanding of open relationships is the assumption that pair bonding is the only way to go. You can't mix biology (being attracted to someone other than your SO) with social standards (marriage). This is why people are confused and many end up cheating
Also, people tend to go into relationships with assumptions that end up causing discord. For example: my friend is looking for a wife. He's extremely happy with his current gf but there's no sexual chemistry. Now he has to ask himself if he can do this long term. His mistake was creating a box and trying to make his relationship fit into it, as opposed to letting it grow naturally. Natural = what you and your partner decide together. Unnatural = letting society decide your personal life.
Like with anything else, whatever 2 adults decide to do it is going to be best for them.
Exactly!!! I'm on my phone and this app has no thanx button. Your post is on point.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Yup and I'm not ashamed to say that I am one of those women NOT built like that. I love monogamy... and sex, emotions and love all go hand in hand for me...
For the women who can do this, I do envy one thing...their ability to detach especially when very necessary.
shortycocoa
Hair Weave Killer
I was always very sexual, I liked experiencing different people. To be frank I cheated on every dude I had a relationship with eventually. So once I got with dh and was faithful for two years tension started to build between us. After a long deep convo we both realized that monogamy isn't the most important thing in our relationship but loyalty, honesty, and communicaton are. So if he meets a chick he wants to smash it's cool as long as he doesn't lie about it to me or her, the same goes with me.
It is lame, but I'm so used to it
Not to outside D, no
Great thread!!!!
I have been having several deep conversations about this topic to a few of my friends and acquaintances. They have also said it is enlightening.
@the bolded....I think along the same lines and was pretty much the same way. Almost every mate I had either got cheated on, or the seed was firmly planted for me to do so.
Eventually the relationships didn't last because nobody can accept my sexuality or my views about open relationships.
This also contributed to part of the reason why my husband and I are divorced now. He came from a very sheltered background and had different ideas about what marriage should be. (He strongly believes that a marriage should be between one man and one woman, as well as sex. Me on the other hand, not so much....
)We finally had a long, brutally honest talk about it back in May. I told him that I didn't think we should be married anymore after he came home and found me chatting online with someone that I used to have an intimate relationship with. (we're still friends btw)
He asked me why, and I told him that I felt like my sexuality was being stifled and I had developed a lot of resentment being married to him as a result. He was still trying to get it to fit into his life and he couldn't. I didn't want him to, either, and that's the part he couldn't (or maybe didn't want to) understand.
Eventually after I had to explain it to him a few times, he said that was just something he couldn't get down with. He said somewhere down the line he would feel like he was compromising himself, his morals and his values.
He also said he thought he could get with the idea of me being with another woman but he couldn't get down with another dude blowing my back out. After I explained to him that he wouldn't be involved in any of the scenarios, he definitely conceded.
I am a lot happier and more liberated now.
I'm seeing someone and talking to a few other people as well. We don't specifically discuss the other people that we meet, but I can tell that he is trying not to get too attached to me and vice versa.
He also feels like he doesn't want what we do to end, but in the event that I found someone else that I wanted to be sexually intimate with and vice versa he feels like we shouldn't have sex anymore. I feel like that doesn't necessarily have to stop.
There are 2 other men in my life that I would have an open relationship with, and we've discussed it a lot. (one of them is the guy my husband saw me chatting with online, and the other one is someone who knows that I would give it all up for him but he wouldnt ask me to because he would want to do his thing independently of me and that is fine with me)
I know this post is all over the place, so if any of it is confusing or you guys want more insight, then let me know.
Glad to know I'm not the only woman who thinks this way! I love LHCF.
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ambergirl
Well-Known Member
Great thread!!!!
I have been having several deep conversations about this topic to a few of my friends and acquaintances. They have also said it is enlightening.
@the bolded....I think along the same lines and was pretty much the same way. Almost every mate I had either got cheated on, or the seed was firmly planted for me to do so.
Eventually the relationships didn't last because nobody can accept my sexuality or my views about open relationships.
This also contributed to part of the reason why my husband and I are divorced now. He came from a very sheltered background and had different ideas about what marriage should be. (He strongly believes that a marriage should be between one man and one woman, as well as sex. Me on the other hand, not so much....
We finally had a long, brutally honest talk about it back in May. I told him that I didn't think we should be married anymore after he came home and found me chatting online with someone that I used to have an intimate relationship with. (we're still friends btw)
He asked me why, and I told him that I felt like my sexuality was being stifled and I had developed a lot of resentment being married to him as a result. He was still trying to get it to fit into his life and he couldn't. I didn't want him to, either, and that's the part he couldn't (or maybe didn't want to) understand.
Eventually after I had to explain it to him a few times, he said that was just something he couldn't get down with. He said somewhere down the line he would feel like he was compromising himself, his morals and his values.
He also said he thought he could get with the idea of me being with another woman but he couldn't get down with another dude blowing my back out. After I explained to him that he wouldn't be involved in any of the scenarios, he definitely conceded.
I am a lot happier and more liberated now.
I'm seeing someone and talking to a few other people as well. We don't specifically discuss the other people that we meet, but I can tell that he is trying not to get too attached to me and vice versa.
He also feels like he doesn't want what we do to end, but in the event that I found someone else that I wanted to be sexually intimate with and vice versa he feels like we shouldn't have sex anymore. I feel like that doesn't necessarily have to stop.
There are 2 other men in my life that I would have an open relationship with, and we've discussed it a lot. (one of them is the guy my husband saw me chatting with online, and the other one is someone who knows that I would give it all up for him but he wouldnt ask me to because he would want to do his thing independently of me and that is fine with me)
I know this post is all over the place, so if any of it is confusing or you guys want more insight, then let me know.
Glad to know I'm not the only woman who thinks this way! I love LHCF.
The bolded is why I don't believe open relationships are about sexuality. I've known a few people who've tried open relationships and to a person they all met someone they were willing to give it all up for and left their primary relationships.
What it seems like is that they wanted the security of a regular partner while they continued to look for someone else.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
I believe sometimes this is the case. But it's sometimes hard to pin down what a person wants or needs simply because
1. We'd have to identify our feelings first and then
2. We'd have to be honest with them.
People don't always know what they truly want (realizing you're gay 10 years into marriage?). It's only recently that we're allowed to express ourselves somewhat openly.
butter_pecan
Well-Known Member
I'll put it out there: After years of engagement and LTRs, I'd be willing to do an open relationship (safely). I know that we practice monogamy for a very logical reason. But I would actually consider straying from this, as long as my partner and I had a very clear understanding of things and did regular testing.
ambergirl
Well-Known Member
I agree with you. But what I find interesting is that when we talk about open marriages/relationships we focus on wanting sex outside of the relationship rather than why people would want to be in a committed relationship if they want outside partners in the first place.
To me, it's not just about figuring out who you are. It's about wanting to do that within the security of a partnership. If you're not clear what you want you don't have to get married to find that out. Trust, most people who find out their gay 10 years into a marriage had a pretty good idea who they were before they got married.
likewtr4chklit
New Member
My connection with my husband goes beyond sex. I don't form bonds like that with outside partners. That's why we are in a committed relationship.
