Only dating people who are raised in a two-parent home
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MrsAriannaAmbers
New Member
Thank You X 10.
People and their scare tactics. "slimmer pool" LOL for who?
..............................DEAD.................
lachen:
I wanna know who won't confess to the crime???SMDH
Latomian
New Member
I understand the logic that they are trying to reach, however, I was raised in a two parent household and I wouldn't even date myself. On the outside, my parents act like they love each other but behind closed doors, it's "I hate you" and "I am going to kill you in your sleep" or telling "Hate your mother/father," and that goes back as far as I can remember. While I understand the "assumption," IMO that's equivalent to a guy saying he doesn't date ANY black women b/c they ALL are loud. It's situational.
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
It don't work on me. I have all these "narrow, uptight, old-fashioned" views.
This is why I'm married (yes, happily) for 10+ years.
UmSumayyah
Well-Known Member
People can have and act on whatever preferences they like.
Even if you grew up in a single parent household, you can decide not to date a man who did. People can call it whatever they want.
I remember a thread a few years back in which a single mother said that she wouldn't date men with kids. She happened to have gotten married to a man with no kids. Let's just say ALOT of posters thought she had a alot of damned nerve to have
1) Had that as a non-negotiable in the first place and
2) to have actually gotten what she wanted.
One person even said she better hope she never got divorced because there's no way she'd be able to achieve such a thing twice.
Even if you grew up in a single parent household, you can decide not to date a man who did. People can call it whatever they want.
I remember a thread a few years back in which a single mother said that she wouldn't date men with kids. She happened to have gotten married to a man with no kids. Let's just say ALOT of posters thought she had a alot of damned nerve to have
1) Had that as a non-negotiable in the first place and
2) to have actually gotten what she wanted.
One person even said she better hope she never got divorced because there's no way she'd be able to achieve such a thing twice.
Bachelorette
New Member
that comparison doesnt make sense to me at all
why is race being placed in your comparison btw. Are you implying majority of black women are OOW babies/single parent raised kids?
MzRhonda
Well-Known Member
I didn't read this entire thread but I can see the point, being, that a man raised in a 2 parent household or at least with a strong male around would hopefully have seen how to treat his wife/woman as well as general things "men/husbands" should do in the relationship. I find some men raised by women only tend to feel their woman/wife needs to be a superwoman like their momma so their wife/woman washing the car, checking the oil, doing maintenance on the care, working 2-3 jobs, working weird hours etc etc would be the norm. Being a SAHM, no way!
HairBarbie
Well-Known Member
100% agree. They think women are supposed to be the wife and the husband rolled into one. Not to mention they tend not to value marriage as much and are usually coddled and babied by their mother and can't do anything for themselves.
Bachelorette
New Member
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
People can have and act on whatever preferences they like.
Even if you grew up in a single parent household, you can decide not to date a man who did. People can call it whatever they want.
I remember a thread a few years back in which a single mother said that she wouldn't date men with kids. She happened to have gotten married to a man with no kids. Let's just say ALOT of posters thought she had a alot of damned nerve to have
1) Had that as a non-negotiable in the first place and
2) to have actually gotten what she wanted.
One person even said she better hope she never got divorced because there's no way she'd be able to achieve such a thing twice.
True, but this issue really isn't being framed in terms of personal preference, but rather about standards. People are questioning whether you can make an assuption about a person's quality as a spouse based on family upbringing.
People can and should do what makes sense to them. Whether what the single mother said makes sense probably depends on her reasons and attitude for requiring that.
There's no reason anyone should judge someone's personal preferences, but I think it's perfectly fair to raise an eyebrow at something someone considers to be an issue of "high standards" that isn't really supported in reality. We do that with everything else...I'm not sure why this issue would be any different.
But if what people are thinking/really want to say is "Duh, of course people raised by 2 parents make better spouses than those who weren't," then that's a different issue/debate.
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MissJ
Well-Known Member
A freakin' men! They don't know how to "be a man." That's something I cannot deal with.
Crackers Phinn
Either A Blessing Or A Lesson.
Exactly
"well my mama could juggle all that<without me having to do anything>, why cant you" LOL
We are ====>HERE<======
I added what's being implied if you read between the lines in red.
Maaaannnnnn. I'm so glad I made it pages 2 and 3 before quitting this thread.
It never fails to play out like this.
This is EXACTLY what was running through my mind. Positive attributes almost always get turned into mournful extremes, especially when convos like these are had amongst black women.
It never fails to play out like this.
The question then is "whose reality" are you referring to? I've said this on the board before but- a vast majority of my friends come from 2 parent households. Basically all of my closest friends in college, my best friends from way back when, and the friends I have now in med school. I never once held an interview with anyone to determine parental marital status before I allowed them to be my friend.
It just happend that way, and that's the reality I have. But that's my reality, and it doesn't make it unrealistic because others do not share it.The issue with the argument being made is that ppl have a tendency to project their personality realities, and opinions about what they deem "possible" on other people. Which is inherently biased. They don't have the same life experiences which form the context for the standards and expectations that others have created for themselves.
Not to mention that other ppl have a serious hit dog complex when certain experiences/traits/backgrounds etc. that *they do not have* are held up as the superior standard. It's like a knee-jerk survival reflex that makes ppl villify said "standard" in an effort to put themselves back in a favorable position. (Not saying you're doing this, but like CP said- I see it every single time there is a discussion on education, wealth, certain jobs, etc.).
Bene
New Member
Two parent household as a criteria? That seems really really arbitrary. Never would've even thought to consider putting that on the potential partner checklist
Well, not going to criticize someone else for their idea of standards. If they want to discriminate against people from one parent homes, that's cool. Leaves more options for everyone else
The perfect guy from the one family home won't get snatched up quite so quickly if other people are writing him off over something he can't control. So he's available to the ladies who have different priorities. 
Incidentally, John Wayne Gacy, Richard Ramirez, Ted Kaczynski and Albert Fish all came from 2 parent households. Not saying having 2 parents made them nuts, but just proves that 2 parents doesn't necessarily ensure sane and balanced individuals.
Well, not going to criticize someone else for their idea of standards. If they want to discriminate against people from one parent homes, that's cool. Leaves more options for everyone else
The perfect guy from the one family home won't get snatched up quite so quickly if other people are writing him off over something he can't control. So he's available to the ladies who have different priorities. Incidentally, John Wayne Gacy, Richard Ramirez, Ted Kaczynski and Albert Fish all came from 2 parent households. Not saying having 2 parents made them nuts, but just proves that 2 parents doesn't necessarily ensure sane and balanced individuals.
TayMac
Well-Known Member
I guess I'm a hit dog and I forever will be because I will definitely speak up for my own group when it's being discussed since I come from a single parent home.
Alot of people have good experiences with things/people that are different from the generalizations and I don't believe that should be ignored.
I didn't see a great consensus that said that growing up with 2 good parents was bad and not preferred. Most stated the obvious which is that it's not a guarantee for anything (and nothing is). Is it a "best bet" as a preference if you want certain things from a man..yes.
Alot of people have good experiences with things/people that are different from the generalizations and I don't believe that should be ignored.
I didn't see a great consensus that said that growing up with 2 good parents was bad and not preferred. Most stated the obvious which is that it's not a guarantee for anything (and nothing is). Is it a "best bet" as a preference if you want certain things from a man..yes.
Bachelorette
New Member
Amara, you spoke well
The only thing I see that they had in common is the devout Christian upbringing.
The only thing I see that they had in common is the devout Christian upbringing.
gabulldawg
Well-Known Member
I'm really not understanding the point about naming off serial killers who were brought up in two-parent households... When someone brings up the single-parent stats people will get their feelings hurt...
locabouthair
Well-Known Member
I dont know why people are thinking that it's bad thing to grow up with two parents. Or that growing up in a single parent home is ideal because it's NOT. Thats my point. Who would want to grow up with just one parent? But it DOES happen a lot in the black community which is shame.
It just seemed that people who getting "punished" for something that was simply out of their control.
My ex treated me like ish, and was the most selfish person I've ever met, grew up with two married parents. On the contrast, my male friend grew up in a one parent home and is one of the sweetest, most sensitive men I've ever know.
Everyone has their preferences. I just know not to be surprised if a dude doesnt want me because I was raised a single parent household. It is what it is.
It just seemed that people who getting "punished" for something that was simply out of their control.
My ex treated me like ish, and was the most selfish person I've ever met, grew up with two married parents. On the contrast, my male friend grew up in a one parent home and is one of the sweetest, most sensitive men I've ever know.
Everyone has their preferences. I just know not to be surprised if a dude doesnt want me because I was raised a single parent household. It is what it is.
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Bint Yusef
New Member
Thank you. I will never understand how people put all their chips on something that promises the least likely outcome. In all of our life ventures most people bet on the idea that experience begets better results. But some how when we get here everything is opposite world.
And these are the same people that claim to want to be married so bad, yet they see NO benefit to it? Why are we having all these discussion on marriage when there is obviously no benefit to marriage or having a 2 parent household?
mnemosyne
Well-Known Member
Just because others ended up in a situation that didn't include a healthy, two-parent household does not mean mean that people should give up looking for that ideal in their own relationships.
It doesn't discount any of the accomplishments made by anyone who didn't grow up that way or raise their children that way.
It doesn't discount any of the accomplishments made by anyone who didn't grow up that way or raise their children that way.
A side note: Research and statistics also prove that children with two parents married in the home fair better than those without,which means yes even a bad marriage is statistically better for children to see.
The two parent system while for everyone maybe not always the best, still provides a child with the opprotunity to see a marriage, what they will and will not take from that example in their own marriages and future relationships. That throws out the theory that "well yea they were married but they had a bad marriage".
As for marriage anecdotes, I married someone from a single parent home which was against my better judgement and IMO it was one of the reasons for our early marital issues/struggles. I don't know if I'd go back and do it again and that's just being 100. Luckily we prevailed but I still don't advise women to marry men without father figures in the lives. THere is something to be said about "what they see they will be"
The two parent system while for everyone maybe not always the best, still provides a child with the opprotunity to see a marriage, what they will and will not take from that example in their own marriages and future relationships. That throws out the theory that "well yea they were married but they had a bad marriage".
As for marriage anecdotes, I married someone from a single parent home which was against my better judgement and IMO it was one of the reasons for our early marital issues/struggles. I don't know if I'd go back and do it again and that's just being 100. Luckily we prevailed but I still don't advise women to marry men without father figures in the lives. THere is something to be said about "what they see they will be"
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Summer_Rain
Well-Known Member
Have we talked honestly yet? (about the projection going on here?)
You're right. The whole contradiction in that is so baffling to me. BUt let's discuss OWW/BM in the same context with marriage, everyone wants to level the playing field.Why? That's one reason I got married.
TCatt86
Well-Known Member
As a woman raised in a single parent home, even I can admit that there is a benefit to coming from a two parent household. I see nothing wrong with wanting a man that comes from a 2 parent home, it ups the chances of having a successful marriage. I just don't understand the upset that this woman feels this way.
locabouthair
Well-Known Member
I've heard someone imply that men who were raised in a single parent home have it "worse" than women who were raised the same? Do you ladies feel like that?
And once again, I dont see anyone here putting down marriage. I wish I grew up to see an example of positive marriage (I do believe it's way more than just a piece of paper) and I do want to be married one day. But I guess because my mother raised me, that might not happen.
And once again, I dont see anyone here putting down marriage. I wish I grew up to see an example of positive marriage (I do believe it's way more than just a piece of paper) and I do want to be married one day. But I guess because my mother raised me, that might not happen.
It always becomes the silent guest at discussions like these. Without fail.
MissJ
Well-Known Member
Who wants to be married to someone who cannot and will not be a party to the kind of marriage you want?
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