Only dating people who are raised in a two-parent home

[Optimus_Prime]

Well, no one wants to marry into a "bad" family - that's just a traditional value. I want to marry into a nice family, even though I don't come from one myself. The thing is, most ppl take an easy path, and familiar is easy. So, unless you find someone exceptional, and exceptional is rare, ppl will behave in a way that reflects their own upbringing and background.
So if father beat mother, abandoned family, was a philanderer, never married mother, etc a son won't have much to draw upon, or high expectations to meet.

 

[shenitab]

People are just so closed these days. What happened to "I want a man that will love me and treat me right." "I want a man who will be a good father."

Now days its "I want a man who is 6 foot five, with a size 12 shoe, from the west coast, who makes $150,000 a year, never watches sports, and likes to vacation in New York every other year."

What happened to being "open". I think when you are only open to things that are so specific, YOU end up missing out.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I personally don't really care too much about it either way whether a guy was brought up in a single parent household or not.

I think there are good men regardless of what their backgrounds may be. However...I would probably prefer a man who was brought up by both parents. SIMPLY because I came from a family where MY own parents divorced when I was young, and although my mom eventually remarried and I have a stepfather, I see how hard it was and experienced some effects from that.

Plus, I feel like a guy who grows up with a stable father figure in the home (even if the father isn't perfect) will more than likely grow up with the proper view of women, know how to work hard, and will have a different "mentality". I don't like "mama's boys".

BUT!!! I don't discount any man who is respectful, genuine, nice, confident, and treats me well. So, whether he came from a two-parent family or a single-parent family doesn't really make too much of a difference to me.

 

[biancaelyse]

I don't have this as a qualification for who I date, but in my dating experience, it has been "different," I guess I'd say, dating someone who grew up without his father around versus someone from a two-parent family.

This is not at all to say that the guys from two-parent families were all sweet angelic types (ha!!), but we saw eye-to-eye on more things regarding marriage and family. Also, there was more of a comfort level dealing with families where there were two parents (even if the parents were divorced), than one parent and a usually deadbeat "baby daddy" with his other kids by other women... good lawd.

That being said, I would be open to a man who didn't come from a two-parent home, but as I would with anyone else, I would look to make sure that our values were in line in terms of believing in the importance of marriage, involved fathers, NOT expecting wife/mother to be superwoman, etc.

Mine has to come from a two-parent household. There's a huge difference in being raised by a single mom and being raised by a united mother and father.

I don't see anything wrong with wanting to marry someone with a similar upbringing. I was raised in a loving 2 parent home and it was very important to both my husband and to me to marry someone that grew up in a home with parents who stayed together and had a good marriage.

That is not to say that people that come from single parent homes cannot grow up to become great spouses and parents or that those that come from 2 parent homes won't get divorced.

 

[Detroit2Dallas]

wow, idk if I should be offended by some of the statements in this thread or what. I was raised in a single parent home with 2 siblings by a mother who is a high ranking police officer, and teaches at two well known universities. She was raised in a two parent home and married but divorced because my father was whippin her ***. When she got out of the hospital with me she left and never turned back so I've NEVER had a male influence in my life. I have two kids that I am raising singlehandedly. I am a military veteran, a licensed cosmetologist and I am putting myself through undergrad majoring in political science/public law, african studies and women studies as minors before going on to grad school. I am in a position to be trained to expand a branch and head a non profit AA org in another another city if everything goes as planned. I see myself as being the physical incarnate of the vision of Dubois's talented tenth, everything I do stems from a passion for my people in an effort to pull others up, even out the playing field and expose injustice while (etc).

I've done ALOT in my years an am no where near being done but from the sounds of it I still wouldnt be good enough to marry and neither would my daughters... Not because of what we accomplish (what they will accomplish), or because of our contributions to society but because we are all born OOW. wow. I hope this is not the way everybody thinks, because its sad....and sounds like a very narrow playing field if we pull out the numbers especially if we are talking about marrying a black male. I'm more concerned with what was installed in them and there relationship not only with the parent(s) but with God as well as their drive.

 

[TayMac]

wow, idk if I should be offended by some of the statements in this thread or what. I was raised in a single parent home with 2 siblings by a mother who is a high ranking police officer, and teaches at two well known universities. She was raised in a two parent home and married but divorced because my father was whippin her ***. When she got out of the hospital with me she left and never turned back so I've NEVER had a male influence in my life. I have two kids that I am raising singlehandedly. I am a military veteran, a licensed cosmetologist and I am putting myself through undergrad majoring in political science/public law, african studies and women studies as minors before going on to grad school. I am in a position to be trained to expand a branch and head a non profit AA org in another another city if everything goes as planned. I see myself as being the physical incarnate of the vision of Dubois's talented tenth, everything I do stems from a passion for my people in an effort to pull others up, even out the playing field and expose injustice while (etc).

I've done ALOT in my years an am no where near being done but from the sounds of it I still wouldnt be good enough to marry and neither would my daughters... Not because of what we accomplish (what they will accomplish), or because of our contributions to society but because we are all born OOW. wow. I hope this is not the way everybody thinks, because its sad....and sounds like a very narrow playing field if we pull out the numbers especially if we are talking about marrying a black male. I'm more concerned with what was installed in them and there relationship not only with the parent(s) but with God as well as their drive.

Don't be offended at all. You must take yourself outside your situation to understand this viewpoint. It IS valid though we know there are no guarantees in anything. Furthermore, all people don't share the same views as those posted.

 

[Bachelorette]

depends. First choice will always be 2-parents. The inclusion of Dahmer is just odd

Most serial killers were also raised in devout Christian homes, so what does that mean?

There has to be a logical reason why its not a 2 parent home and how it affected the person in question

 

[Crackers Phinn]

depends. First choice will always be 2-parents. The inclusion of Dahmer is just odd

That really is what prompted my previous post in this thread.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

And people wonder why they are single???...I feel this is a quick way to miss your blessing or your one. Its like...saying someone is incapable of having healthy relationships because one parent raised them?...nu uh...folks doing way too much to me...

 

[Bachelorette]

Do people still get offended by the "this is why you're single" BS people throw at others for having standards/preferences for their relationship?

Ish is old. Hoepfully it stays in 2009.

 

[Choclatcotton]

Better to look for two parent functional home. Guess you cant really pigeon hole quality.

 

[sylver2]

depends. First choice will always be 2-parents. The inclusion of Dahmer is just odd

Most serial killers were also raised in devout Christian homes, so what does that mean?

There has to be a logical reason why its not a 2 parent home and how it affected the person in question

That really is what prompted my previous post in this thread.

i threw it out there because i wanted to. ..to each his own :shrugs:-not a kanye one

 

[biancaelyse]

And people wonder why they are single???...I feel this is a quick way to miss your blessing or your one. Its like...saying someone is incapable of having healthy relationships because one parent raised them?...nu uh...folks doing way too much to me...

Never thought or said that someone raised by a single parent is in capable of having healthy relationships.

I had a preference for someone that had a similar upbringing as my own when I dated. I don't see this as any different as someone who prefers to date someone of the same faith or same level of education/income, the same geography or whatever preference you have. Yes it does limit the pool, but as long as you continue to find people that meet your criteria (as I did prior to marriage) it is not a problem.

Do people still get offended by the "this is why you're single" BS people throw at others for having standards/preferences for their relationship?

Ish is old. Hoepfully it stays in 2009.

I agree. I'd rather be single with standards than married and miserable with the wrong person.

 

[locabouthair]

I dont know. I was raised in a single parent home. Yes everyone has preferences, maybe I'm being sensitive but when you hearing people say I would never date someone who was in a single parent home it's kinda like dag..erplexed

No want would want to grow up with just one parent. It's like you get punished just because a parent decided to leave or not be there for the family. Those are circumstances out of someone's control.

We always have threads about how BW will stay single. So I guess we'll stay single because some of our fathers didnt want to take care of the responsibility and other BM dont want a woman that lives in a single home. So it's just a cycle.

 

[biancaelyse]

I dont know. I was raised in a single parent home. Yes everyone has preferences, maybe I'm being sensitive but when you hearing people say I would never date someone who was in a single parent home it's kinda like dag..erplexed

No want would want to grow up with just one parent. It's like you get punished just because a parent decided to leave or not be there for the family. Those are circumstances out of someone's control.

We always have threads about how BW will stay single. So I guess we'll stay single because some of our fathers didnt want to take care of the responsibility and other BM dont want a woman that lives in a single home. So it's just a cycle.

I'd never say that you should or will stay single based upon how you (general you) were raised. I know many people that grew up in a single/divorced household that have gone on to be very happily married, great spouses and parents. We all have different criteria and increasingly, this is one that is not as important to a lot of people.

 

[locabouthair]

I'd never say that you should or will stay single based upon how you (general you) were raised. I know many people that grew up in a single/divorced household that have gone on to be very happily married, great spouses and parents. We all have different criteria and increasingly, this is one that is not as important to a lot of people.

I guess. I never had a man fault me for coming from a single parent home (at least they didn't say it) but now I know it's a possibility. Oh well...

 

[biancaelyse]

I guess. I never had a man fault me for coming from a single parent home (at least they didn't say it) but now I know it's a possibility. Oh well...

I'm very sure that this is true. I don't consider it a fault though. If a guy did, then maybe he has other issues.

 

[Maracujá]

Mine has to come from a two-parent household. There's a huge difference in being raised by a single mom and being raised by a united mother and father.

Could you cite some differences?

 

[aribell]

^^^^Now that would be an interesting conversation.

In general, I think that people trust what they know. If I ran into someone who had been raised in divorce who only wanted to consider people who came from two-parent homes, I'd think they were reaching. But I think that stuff like that comes from what you've grown to know and trust. If two parents brought love and stability and goodness to a person's life and they see how beneficial it was to them, then it only makes sense that they would look for someone else that had experienced the same.

Personally, as someone who didn't have both parents in the home, I don't have that frame of reference regarding how it impacts a person's character. I'm sure that a loving two-parent home would be a wonderful experience. But I couldn't say how that translates to someone being a better person, better potential spouse, etc. Not that I'm questioning it, just saying that that is not my frame of reference. From being around my friends' families, I know that growing up in a two-parent home would have been better for me and my siblings, but I can't say that it would have made us better people or that my friends raised in 2-parent homes have a better/easier time with their own relationships...they don't. So, I don't necessarily see the connection between 2-parent home and great spouse, or even the correlation, esp. given how it seems that nearly all the parents of my peers are divorcing and the vast majority of them were raised by married parents. idk.

I can say, however, that I've had some really great conversations with young men whose fathers left early and that has deeply impacted who they understand themselves to be and created in them a determination to be the best husband and fathers that they can be. Given that we had that shared experience, we could relate to one another and could trust the development of character that that experience wrought in us. To me if someone has really dealt with their family issues, it tells me that they know how to handle adversity, know the consequences of divorce, and are likely going to be more determined to refuse to allow it to play out again in their life. I know this is how I am, and it's also the perspective of other people who have experienced the same.

A person who was raised in a 2-parent home might not be able to understand that or be able to trust it. That's fine, everyone goes by what they know and trust.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

Grown folks are going to do just that...be grown...I hope...and if you don't have your own mind or know how to make one's own decisions then I'm gonna need them to start a thread and title it accordingly...so you can be gathered up right together and shown... Really you can go that way--> or that way <--...see what happens when you don't have your own mind...

You can have all the preferences/standards that you like...I just like to put in a different point of view...in case you are open to another side of it/think it through ...cause some sh*t just don't make sense...at least to me...

and in case the forum didn't let you know...IMO

I just think that when you are dating and "IF" this is one of the preferences that you have...your pool of "datable" folks got very slim....because half of them will be from a dysfunctional 2-parent home...so your pool of "datable" folk just got that much slimer if your looking for a "happy-healthy 2-parent home"...well, lets discuss the definition of happy healthy 2-parent homes...what is that??? Cause I know folks who parents been married 40+years and the parents been sleeping in separate bedrooms for the last 20+years, would they say they are happy?...I've also come to find out several friends had parents who stayed together through abuse...children never knew...some friends knew they're parents were cheating on each other...I mean the list goes on...at this point you should be HOPPING in a circle of datable folk...per this standard...and this is via the facts of where marriage is at today...

That's why I'm saying I wish my gurls would come to me with such b.s. in regards to dating men and she 32, single, no kids, and complaining all the time about no man...we'll see...how long she last with my clique, but that's just my crew. JMO...I mean this isn't something new...the wealthy does this, usually celebrities and the list can go on...I am just saying that you can miss out on someone who is great for you while waiting for someone to come from a 2-parent happy loving home...a needle in a haystack...but good luck and godspeed none the less...

 

[Bachelorette]

You can have all the preferences/standards that you like...I just like to put in a different point of view...in case you are open to another side of it/think it through ...cause some sh*t just don't make sense...at least to me...

It doesnt have to make sense to you. Im not a lesbian.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

Interesting thread.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

It doesnt have to make sense to you. Im not a lesbian.

Well, in order for me to embrace an idea, standard, preference and/or belief...IT WILL HAVE TO MAKE SENSE TO ME...I don't care for your opinions on whether you think it should or not...I don't go along with ones thinking to appease someone as if what doesn't make sense to me...makes sense...so that they can be justified in what they believe and compromise mine in the process. That's foolery...I am not in anyones social, friend or BFF club on this forum...

I call it like I see it and that's why I joined a forum...to have medium that allows for open discussion on opinons, ideas and beliefs...if you have problems with said discussion...please see definition of forum that way---> no wait...that way <---

There are gonna be times when I agree, disagree and be enlightned...I mean I'm not a lesbian or a bachelorette either...its all JMO

 

[HairBarbie]

Its sad to see people acting like growing up in a two parent household is bad and growing up in a single parent household is the right way to go.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a woman that wants a man that grew up in a stable two parents household. More power to her, perhaps if more people had such standards the majority of black children wouldn't be born out of wedlock.

For those acting like two parent households are evil, kids that grow up in two parent household out perform those that grew up in a single parent household. As for the Jeffry Dahmer comparison, I'd be willing to be that the overwhelming majority of people in prison are from single parent households.

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING STANDARDS!!! That woman should not be made to feel less than because she does and there's nothing good that comes out of settling.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I didn't think the topic was that people though that 2-parent household was bad or evil...but that only good relationships can come from those who have a 2-parent household...

IMO...I feel its like me saying I can only date someone who has lost both parents like me because they can understand me better? Maybe so...maybe not...maybe some agree...maybe some won't...Its just a discussion and a good one at that because after asking several girlfriends about their opinion on this preference 3 of them stated that the 2-parent home ninja's were the worst guys that they dated to 1 stating that she used to think that way from h.s. to more recently but now at 29, being single, no kids and wanting to get married and start a family...it's something that she's relaxing on...(while all the BFF's on the phone like what?!? Since it was a topic never brought up)

So its a definitely an eye-opening conversational topic...

 

[chicacanella]

depends. First choice will always be 2-parents. The inclusion of Dahmer is just odd

Most serial killers were also raised in devout Christian homes, so what does that mean?

There has to be a logical reason why its not a 2 parent home and how it affected the person in question

I didn't see where anyone spoke about Dahmer as in the serial killer but when someone says that he was raised in a devout Christian home that strikes me as odd. For any serial killer it really strikes me odd because there is one thing to have the label Christian and then, another to be truly a devout follower of Jesus Christ.

If I had a daughter and she was of marrying age, I would prefer that he is of course God-sent; truly sent from God. So in that fact, it probably wouldn't be more of what I want but what God sees to fit for her. And truly, this conversation wouldn't be going on if everyone's mate was sent from God...like my future husband.

And people wonder why they are single???...I feel this is a quick way to miss your blessing or your one. Its like...saying someone is incapable of having healthy relationships because one parent raised them?...nu uh...folks doing way too much to me...

People are single for a lot of reasons. One of the things I learned this year as God begin to show me in dreams regarding my future husband is not to overlook him...and I kind of was. It wasn't because he wasn't good-looking but sometimes, we don't know unless God says, "Hey, this is the one."

Now, so many things God has been telling me are coming to past and I'm just waiting for this man to actualize as my husband. But do I understand, why most people are wanting a two-parent loving stable household? Of course, and it's no slight to those raised in one-parent households but even with the wonderful testimonies of single-parent, gun-toting police officer and university professor moms the reality is that many situations aren't like this in single-parent homes. It's hard on single-mothers out here and I feel like most of us are just so used to seeing oow children that we kind of believe it's not hard to be a single-mother but it is more difficult.

I'd rather use two legs to walk.

 

[Jade Feria]

This is just another PREFERENCE issue. If that's what some people prefer, why should it offend other people? Just like one can PREFER a man who has no kids, she can also PREFER a man who was raised with both parents. If someone PREFERS an attractive, handsome man, should we feel bad for the ugly guys? No, there's someone for everyone.

 

[Rastafarai]

This is just another PREFERENCE issue. If that's what some people prefer, why should it offend other people? Just like one can PREFER a man who has no kids, she can also PREFER a man who was raised with both parents. If someone PREFERS an attractive, handsome man, should we feel bad for the ugly guys? No, there's someone for everyone.

It's not necessarily offensive, but myopic to think that being raised in a two-parent household makes a man a better husband, father, person, etc.

Two-parent, one-parent, foster child or orphan, you make the decision on how you want to live your life and treat your mate and children.

I just think its silly to narrow down potential choices on a preference (two parent household benchmark) that gives no indication whatsoever of the type of man he will be.

 

[Jade Feria]

It's not necessarily offensive, but myopic to think that being raised in a two-parent household makes a man a better husband, father, person, etc.

Two-parent, one-parent, foster child or orphan, you make the decision on how you want to live your life and treat your mate and children.

I just think its silly to narrow down potential choices on a preference (two parent household benchmark) that gives no indication whatsoever of the type of man he will be.

Neither do alot of preferences that women have for men, or men for women, but that's what they want, so they have them.

 

[Bachelorette]

Its sad to see people acting like growing up in a two parent household is bad and growing up in a single parent household is the right way to go.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a woman that wants a man that grew up in a stable two parents household. More power to her, perhaps if more people had such standards the majority of black children wouldn't be born out of wedlock.

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING STANDARDS!!! That woman should not be made to feel less than because she does and there's nothing good that comes out of settling.

Thank You X 10.

People and their scare tactics. "slimmer pool" LOL for who?