SO/DH finds out he has a child AFTER your relationship started
- Thread starter envybeauty
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naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
This situation sounds like a crock to me given the garnishment......but it can happen.
A friend from high school was cheating on her man and had a baby. She never got a DNA test and her man thought the child was his & although she kind of thought it was the other man's child, she went along with it.
Fast forward 5 years when she joins the military and needs to have a medical issue resolved with her son. The "father" was tested and learned within the hour that his son was NOT his son. He was crushed and then she sought out the real father to collect child support.
It's a new relationship and the added drama of the child is not something you need or want. If I was totally against dating men with kids, I'd break it off since there is always the chance of the child coming to live with him despite the current long distance visitation.
A friend from high school was cheating on her man and had a baby. She never got a DNA test and her man thought the child was his & although she kind of thought it was the other man's child, she went along with it.
Fast forward 5 years when she joins the military and needs to have a medical issue resolved with her son. The "father" was tested and learned within the hour that his son was NOT his son. He was crushed and then she sought out the real father to collect child support.
It's a new relationship and the added drama of the child is not something you need or want. If I was totally against dating men with kids, I'd break it off since there is always the chance of the child coming to live with him despite the current long distance visitation.
Farida
Well-Known Member
Haha reminds me at one of my old jobs, there was a young lady working there, shackin with some guy. One day she came in and asked payroll what a levy was. Why? There was a $500 levy on her man's check every time for like the past 6 months.
Girl was like she asked her man about it he said he had no idea what it was about. Please. I tried to look it up and all I could find was that it meant that he owed the IRS or some other debtor and that's why his money was being taken away. I'm sure he knew what it was about. Nobody in his right mind, at least I know not me, would just accept deductions for $500 out of every check without getting to the bottom of it. No siree.
As to answer OP, if it was a DH I would stay. For better or for worse were our vows. As for an SO I may leave. Kids can be complicated.
Girl was like she asked her man about it he said he had no idea what it was about. Please. I tried to look it up and all I could find was that it meant that he owed the IRS or some other debtor and that's why his money was being taken away. I'm sure he knew what it was about. Nobody in his right mind, at least I know not me, would just accept deductions for $500 out of every check without getting to the bottom of it. No siree.
As to answer OP, if it was a DH I would stay. For better or for worse were our vows. As for an SO I may leave. Kids can be complicated.
princessnad
New Member
That scenario goes on a LOT. I wonder why the Mom never told him to begin with? I mean she even put his name on the birth certificate!
Maybe she didn't think he was a fit father and hoped to move away and find a better father-figure to marry (which she did)
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
well she was VERY wrong bc he is a GREAT father
Women can be just as sneaky, so I can see it happening if the chick REALLY wants to have a kid and doesn't tell him.
Cincysweetie
Well-Known Member
This situation sounds very similar to a situation a former co-worker of mine went through with CA child support. It gave me the impression that their ish out there is a mess.
If I recall correctly, he moved from CA to Ohio and the courts did not have his updated address. Apparently they were sending him stuff in the mail about establishing paternity for a child (submitting to a DNA test). According to my co-worker (who had no reason to lie to me), his failure to respond established paternity because the court assumed he was not contesting paternity. A court order for child support was issued and when he failed to pay (because he wasn't aware of the order), he said the child support (which was linked to his social) was placed as default on his credit report. He found out about all of this through his credit report. At that point he contacted family court and found out about all of this. He submitted a DNA sample (I want to say he submitted it here, but I'm not positive) and found out the child was actually NOT his. I am not sure if the money was ever refunded to him because during that time he was considered the child's parent.
If I recall correctly, he moved from CA to Ohio and the courts did not have his updated address. Apparently they were sending him stuff in the mail about establishing paternity for a child (submitting to a DNA test). According to my co-worker (who had no reason to lie to me), his failure to respond established paternity because the court assumed he was not contesting paternity. A court order for child support was issued and when he failed to pay (because he wasn't aware of the order), he said the child support (which was linked to his social) was placed as default on his credit report. He found out about all of this through his credit report. At that point he contacted family court and found out about all of this. He submitted a DNA sample (I want to say he submitted it here, but I'm not positive) and found out the child was actually NOT his. I am not sure if the money was ever refunded to him because during that time he was considered the child's parent.
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prettypuff1
New Member
sounds like the good old OKE DOKE TO ME......
4everbeautifull1
Active Member
This happened to me more than 2 years ago. I was devistated. He was playin the role to a tee, acting like he was tricked and robbed of knowing he had a child on the way. I wanted to believe him and was determined to keep my cool about it. I could not rationalize how a man who was spending as much money as he was on me, (buying jewelry, first class tickets, met his family,etc) would do those things, knowing he has a financial obligation to a child.
All I did was say a prayer and I asked God to make things plain for me. I believe that God will never place me in a messy situation. 1 week later, I found out that not only did he know about the child, he knew when the girl was pregnant. A mutual friend of ours that I hadn't spoken to in years sent me a "hello" message on myspace. I looked on her page through our alma mater's homecoming pictures the previous year, and she had a picture of him and the girl standing next to each other with a big belly. Apparently, he and I met when the girl was already about 6 months pregnant. He basically igged her the whole time we dated and I found out about it when the baby was 6 months old. When he "told" me, he then proceeded to ask me if we were still straight to go to Barbados that month because he needed a break from all of this newfound drama with the baby's mama. WTF?
He immediately got cut. Instantly. That day. That hour. That. Second.
And men like this are a real trip because they are the ones who do the dirt. They are the ones who hook up with one woman and decides to dog her, and try to move on to another woman who "fits their bill" better. They throw all this drama on you and not only expect you to be accepting of the situation, but to be empathetic as well and merciful to the fact that your relationship with him was all good. Ni$$a please.
In my opinion, there is no way, especially in this day and age a man could have a child and not possibly have a fraction of a clue that he does. The guy in the OP's post is a straight up LIAR and I hope the woman he's with doesn't play the fool and fall for the okey doke, allowing this loser to get away with being trifling all around.
Hi, I am a newbie here but I just had to say something.....I have actually lived the situation only, I was the one with the baby. I was actually in a relationship with this guy and he even spoke about marriage and everything, well to make a long story short, not only was I pregnant, but he had another woman pregnant in another city that was due 2 months after me and he had other kids as well that he DID NOT CLAIM. I found this out because He had yet another woman that he was lying to and she came to visit him one day and got into his email and went through and emailed all of the addresses that seemed to be female. Well Lets just say he had a few of us (Thank God I he didn't give me a disease) and told her that he wanted a little girl and they were also engaged and trying to concieve. He had her coming to visit him in the house that I was later supposed to move into. (We lived in different cities and I was getting ready to relocate there)
I am leaving a lot out in the story because it's just too much to put here but hey it would be a good read, I may just write a book about it
Anyway, All of us women spoke on the phone and are even friends now and the woman that had his first child gave me his ssn and of course I already knew where he worked so I filed for child support when my baby was a week old. The other's didnt want to file because they didnt want him to have rights but I felt he needed to pay plus he is well into the 6 figure income so why let him off easy? He hurt me so I wanted to hurt him.
This is how it goes. We are in different states and nowadays you cant just put the fathers name on the birth cerificate he has to be there and show id in the hospital or whereever. So once you file they contact him if he denies or doesnt respond they keep trying. They go ahead and send you to do a DNA test locally and also subpeona him to take one in the state where he resides. If he doesnt show up they will continue for a while to give him a chance to respond and after so many attempts they send a proposed amount for support based on his income etc.... if he doesnt respond to that within 30 days then the judge signs off on it and the garnishment starts shortly after that. He can fight it after that but he still has to pay the whole time he is fighting. I am sorry for such a long response but I just want to tell you ladies that a man has more than enough notice on things like this.
So, needless to say, I would not stay because of obvious reasons and I would advise you all to run away from him and fast and thank God he spared you the wasted time and pain of such a situation.
**Glamourlicious**
Well-Known Member
Wouldn't he get a summons for the paternity test first before he got child support deducted? I think that is how it goes.
What would I do? **shurg**
Hard to say what you will do when you are not in those shoes...
What would I do? **shurg**
Hard to say what you will do when you are not in those shoes...
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