Men Are Now ‘marrying Up’ More Than Women: Study

[FemmeFatale]

So I learned kinda differently, I had very strict parents so I wasn't allowed to date but I broke the rules and had my first boyfriend at 17..he had a job, was in tech school and had an Acura Legend Being around men wasn't hard or awkward to me because I had 2 older brothers and I also observed my mom with my dad.. I was into hair and makeup pretty early so I figured that I looked good and I'm fun, why wouldn't they want me?

 

[Crackers Phinn]

This is in response to the notion of "we have to teach our sons......" It's not just this thread

I know she's controversial but Kendall St. Charles nee Breukelen Blue did a series of videos on how the last few and current generations of black women keep swearing that they are going to create "A New Son" all by themselves. Every black mother is going to teach her new son how to love and be respectful of black women, to value the black family and be the man that his community needs and somehow each new generation of black men moves further and further from the intended mark. The problem with mothers teaching sons to be men without other male reinforcement of her values is when he leaves mama's front door and congregates with other black boys and men all feminine teaching goes right out the window. Mama is giving that Chrysler 300 male wisdom that don't quite jibe when her new son is surrounded by Bentley's that's telling him the opposite.

Of course there are exceptions like Jesse Williams who respected black women enough to go in front of the world and tell them how magical we are.....wait..... yes I got jokes but by the same token, consider what side Jesse who has a white mother and black father came down in favor of when it came to Nate Parker. Men, even the gay ones, will ultimately take their cues of how to navigate the world from other men. The only ones capable of building this new son that black women want are men.

In order to have black men who love and cherish black women, who don't bring home "other" women, who get married before they need a nurse, who just overall got some damn act right - they got to take those marching orders from their fathers, their uncles, their friends fathers and friends. BB/KSC has got some controversial answers to how to make that happen but as a woman who grew up surrounded by men, I watched dudes be told things a hundred times by they mama, their woman/wife, their daughters and it not sink in until it came from another man. It's not fair but it is a reality in a lot of cases.

 

[movingforward13]

We have to pour into our sons what men responsibilities are and make sure they are surrounded by similar thinking men. If they grow up seeing their mother working, paying the bills, going to school, taking care of the kids without a man's provision, that "seed" is planted. We can teach our girls, etc. however if there are no boys worthy of them, there will be a stalemate until someone breaks and chances are it will be us first because we have a biological clock and they don't. And sorry to say it but the casual sex doesn't help our cause multi-fold.

To add- we must push our sons to go to college or trade schools like how we push our daughters. My son already knows now what the order is- college, good job, marriage, babies. I surround him with men that push that agenda. My son is 7 and talks about marriage daily, I reign him back in talking about college first.

 

[DarkJoy]

Depending on where you live that might not be realistic either. Or you have to do a ton of compromising on major things like housing. Can you live in NYC on 70K a year? You can, but that will take more compromising than I want/will to do eg a really long commute.

right. $108,000 is literally considered poverty level in SF. You can apply for and receive sect 8 on a six figure salary here. so the dude has to have it going on for that paradigm to work.

 

[sweetvi]

Exactly. I arrange group dates, meet ups, keep my friends girls around my teenage son and we go on groupie dates. I want him to see black girls from families so he knows what to aspire to. Luckily, my boys have always been male led so it's not hard for them to know what is expected. The onus of learning to date albeit boys or girls should be led and taught by the parents. And EARLY. Opposite sex socialization is very important, I don't care what anyone says.We have grown women who've never had a boyfriend.

Yep my friend. She has one boyfriend and since she left him after cheating, she has never dated since. This was over 10 yrs ago. She is gawgeous yall. Healthy eater, beautiful body, petit and pretty features. She shoots guys down left and right and would rather spend her days off sleeping at home . It's as if she has given up in her mid 30's

Her mother doesn't mind eother because she supports the family with her income

 

[sweetvi]

one of my girlfriends is a doctor. she met and married a trump supporting tow truck driver. Everything about him screamed gold digger to me. while they were married he 'bought' a house, moved her in it but she paid the mortgage. and then had the nerve to tell me my problem is that I want a man with education. no...I want an equal partner. So for me, that means he has an education.

The desperation is real. My friends black female doctor married down and had to divorce and file a restraining order after 3 months

 

[mrselle]

[

The desperation is real. My friends black female doctor married down and had to divorce and file a restraining order after 3 months

A good friend of mine married down not once, but twice. The first guy was in his mid 20's, living with his grandmother and working a temp job. When they became "serious" he quit his job, moved to her city and moved in with her. He did find a job working nights. I remember her being so proud that he would drive her to work (in her car), drop her off so he could have the car for the day and then pick her up.

The second guy was in his late 40's with a criminal record and unstable living arrangement. Sometimes he had his own place, but he lived with his mom the most. She dated this guy for a couple years and eventually married him. Needless to say, when he left her he drove off in the car she bought for him.

 

[qchelle]

[


A good friend of mine married down not once, but twice. The first guy was in his mid 20's, living with his grandmother and working a temp job. When they became "serious" he quit his job, moved to her city and moved in with her. He did find a job working nights. I remember her being so proud that he would drive her to work (in her car), drop her off so he could have the car for the day and then pick her up.

The second guy was in his late 40's with a criminal record and unstable living arrangement. Sometimes he had his own place, but he lived with his mom the most. She dated this guy for a couple years and eventually married him. Needless to say, when he left her he drove off in the car she bought for him.

lol

 

[qchelle]

ALL of my friends are dating or have married 'down'. The Dean with the file clerk, the IT specialist with the 35yr old student (not med/law), the IT manager with the sales guy (not a good one who makes money). All married. Two friends are with guys who have actual jobs with real life salaries (they make the same amount as the women, not more tho), but they live with roommates and don't have cars. Which I wouldn't consider marrying down...if the women (my friends) didn't have their own places and cars. But they do, of course.

 

[SurferBabe]

ALL of my friends are dating or have married 'down'. The Dean with the file clerk, the IT specialist with the 35yr old student (not med/law), the IT manager with the sales guy (not a good one who makes money). All married. Two friends are with guys who have actual jobs with real life salaries (they make the same amount as the women, not more tho), but they live with roommates and don't have cars. Which I wouldn't consider marrying down...if the women (my friends) didn't have their own places and cars. But they do, of course.

Most of the younger women I work with married down, and these are non-BW. As for my friends who are SAHW/M or are married to men who outearn them-- I probably earn close to what their husbands earn. So my marrying up is different from their marrying up-- and it isn't always easy. For example, this city is buzzing with single male teachers (Teach for America and related programs). Many of them are great guys and, well... they have a career right? But my earning potential is 2x their average pay. I have to ask myself if it makes sense for me to exclude a good 75% of the single male population here because they will likely always earn less than me, even though their single income is above the median household income for this city and over 2x the per capita income. This is why I have opened up my search to outside of my city.

 

[Honey Bee]

I know she's controversial but Kendall St. Charles nee Breukelen Blue did a series of videos on how the last few and current generations of black women keep swearing that they are going to create "A New Son" all by themselves. .

I'd be curious enough to watch but isn't this the person who takes all her videos down real quick?

 

[Evolving78]

Yep my friend. She has one boyfriend and since she left him after cheating, she has never dated since. This was over 10 yrs ago. She is gawgeous yall. Healthy eater, beautiful body, petit and pretty features. She shoots guys down left and right and would rather spend her days off sleeping at home . It's as if she has given up in her mid 30's

Her mother doesn't mind eother because she supports the family with her income

Did she give up, or she just doesn't want to be bothered?

 

[Zaynab]

Yep my friend. She has one boyfriend and since she left him after cheating, she has never dated since. This was over 10 yrs ago. She is gawgeous yall. Healthy eater, beautiful body, petit and pretty features. She shoots guys down left and right and would rather spend her days off sleeping at home . It's as if she has given up in her mid 30's

Her mother doesn't mind eother because she supports the family with her income

This is so sad. But I've heard this over and over.

 

[sweetvi]

Did she give up, or she just doesn't want to be bothered?

Could be both.... she fears heartbreak so she has a negative outlook in men period.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

..............................

 

[Bun Mistress]

I was talking about this thread with my sister yesterday.

There is a problem with dating men that are not at your level. You may be fine with it but they will likely not be. While they like the benefits of you not needing them you should be on alert of sideways comments with an undertone of jealousy or "putting you in your place".

Examples I know you all like examples.

The last man my sister dated lived in the middle of no where in small house that was unkempt. She went there and was like why would anyone bring anyone here voluntarily. Per her there was a toilet in the front yard. With a lot of other junk. He visits her house in a nice suburb and his comment walking in the door "Hump, Do you think this house is big enough for the both of us" He lives in a two bedroom she has a 5 bedroom home. This was their second date. Whatever.

Second example me: I was briefly talking to this boy. He didn't know what I did or what I made and we jut met for a lunch met and greet. We finished eating and he walked me to my car. Well we were talking next to me car and he starts rubbing/kicking his dirty shoes on my BMW convertible. Who does that?

 

[NinaShamone]

@Bun Mistress

Da heck? Rubbing his dirty shoes on your car? What a passive agressive dirty thing to do!

 

[DarkJoy]

wow @Bun Mistress . Lame bum arse men. I've had similar

 

[ambergirl]

I would say at least half if not more of the married women I know make more than their husbands. Way more. And a fair number of them are not black.

Starts out as Dream financing next thing you know they are half way chasing that dream but still on the wifey rolls.

Now I see men passing up amazing women to chase medical doctors, lawyers, IT types because $$$.

Truly but for a good pipe laying session why bother with men these days? (Kind of joking)

 

[DarkJoy]

I would say at least half if not more of the married women I know make more than their husbands. Way more. And a fair number of them are not black.

Starts out as Dream financing next thing you know they are half way chasing that dream but still on the wifey rolls.

Now I see men passing up amazing women to chase medical doctors, lawyers, IT types because $$$.

Truly but for a good pipe laying session why bother with men these days? (Kind of joking)

It ain't a joke to me. Seems rather futile sometimes.

My ww boss is a VP. Easily earns $275k. Bonuses and stock easily put her over $300k. Her DH of 20 years is a construction worker. He ain't making near that kind of scratch.

My former ww VP same thing except her husband hardly did anything at all. Flipped a house or 2 a year using her money to fund the rehabs.

Also had a traditional Chinese director about $200k (she told me) she complain to me all the time that she csnt make her Chinese husband keep a job or work for ****. She ended up buyimg an investment property, got renters, and made him handyman and super to give him something to do during the day.

Truth be told, I had the same issues with my exH.

These are bw, ww, as all boomers (these two here are now 70 and 65 yo) and me a GenX. it's not new!

It's everywhere!

 

[ambergirl]

It ain't a joke to me. Seems rather futile sometimes.

My ww boss is a VP. Easily earns $275k. Bonuses and stock easily put her over $300k. Her DH of 20 years is a construction worker. He ain't making near that kind of scratch.

My former ww VP same thing except her husband hardly did anything at all. Flipped a house or 2 a year using her money to fund the rehabs.

Also had a traditional Chinese director about $200k (she told me) she complain to me all the time that she csnt make her Chinese husband keep a job or work for ****. She ended up buyimg an investment property, got renters, and made him handyman and super to give him something to do during the day.

Truth be told, I had the same issues with my exH.

These are bw, ww, as all boomers (these two here are now 70 and 65 yo) and me a GenX. it's not new!

It's everywhere!

I can think of 8 WW making bank right now and carrying their white husbands...if I include BW it's easily double that if not more. And some of these women have been doing it for decades.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I can think of 8 WW making bank right now and carrying their white husbands...if I include BW it's easily double that if not more. And some of these women have been doing it for decades.

Ugh. Gross.

If that's what it takes....

 

[intellectualuva]

This thread is depressing.

 

[hopeful]

Very enlightening and informative thread.

 

[DarkJoy]

I can think of 8 WW making bank right now and carrying their white husbands...if I include BW it's easily double that if not more. And some of these women have been doing it for decades.

I think it's been going on like you say, for decades. just previously the women kept quiet and pretended like husband was head of household. Now not so much...

 

[chocolat79]

Yes, my BFF who is in an industry where she sees individual's salaries on a regular basis, said that there are soooo many women making more than their husbands, like significantly more. And lots of WW are included. Sadly, no group is exempt

 

[DarkJoy]

so where does this leave women who earn well? find a man who is salaried at a rate that is tolerable even though less? stay single? keep an SO but never marry and certainly not cohabit?

 

[qchelle]

More horror stories: my former ww college roomies: they're both pharmacists. 1 is married to a white truck driver. The other is dating a black bartender.

 

[FemmeFatale]

The only thing that I can conclude is that these women are ok with being the breadwinner.

I'm not ok with that and my SO makes way more than me and he's black.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Another thing, folks here are more conservative/traditional than most women IRL. What many here think is absurd, a lot are fine with IRL.