I really do not have any advice on this. I have honestly decided that dating for some women really is just hard. I really and truly believe dating and socializing should be taught early by mothers and grandmothers. Education, career/marriage and family should be goals that happen concurrently not on in sequential steps. That's been a real issue for women also.
Men Are Now ‘marrying Up’ More Than Women: Study
- Thread starter brownb83
- Start date
AnjelLuvs
Well-Known Member
Yup they always tell Black girls to focus on education THEN family!
Last edited:
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
No, I think she's saying the opposite. You should be shopping for a man and test driving while you work on the education.
fula97
Well-Known Member
Yeah no that will keep most women single. I've learned over the years social skills are an art and to @Zaynab point like any art should constantly be practiced, reinforced and learned. Waiting until you are in your 30's to learn how to date leaves you behind the eight ball in things you should have been practicing by your late teens at the latest.
Eta: at the same time yes
Last edited:
Exactly. I arrange group dates, meet ups, keep my friends girls around my teenage son and we go on groupie dates. I want him to see black girls from families so he knows what to aspire to. Luckily, my boys have always been male led so it's not hard for them to know what is expected. The onus of learning to date albeit boys or girls should be led and taught by the parents. And EARLY. Opposite sex socialization is very important, I don't care what anyone says.We have grown women who've never had a boyfriend.
fula97
Well-Known Member
And it carries over into all aspects of your life. It helps your career, it helps make connections if you can engage someone in a social setting and build relationships. Almost everyone has a use at some point in time.
As for being an adult who has never had a boyfriend. *sigh* You need to be able to multi-task you can go to school, study and still find time to date.
AnjelLuvs
Well-Known Member
I know, I wrote a comment from head like yes they tell black girls not to worry about boys but to focus on education and career...
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
My first date was a gospel brunch at the Cotton Club in sixth grade. 
His name was Brendan and he was caramel complected, tall (for our age 
), and smart. My mother and her 'friend' chaperoned so it was a double date. KimPossibli
Supergirl
Considering all thebenefits that I bring to my husband simply by marrrying him... longer life.. increased salaries etc... and the fat they in fact shorten our lives... there is no way I'm going to be the come up for some one by wifing.. him
not nearly...
I'd rather be single and enjoy the field...
not nearly...
I'd rather be single and enjoy the field...
You can post in that threadOh
Eta: wrong thread
Plus I started it so I'm saying you can 
sunnydaze
Well-Known Member
Seems the more money a woman makes, the more likely she is to attract a low income/no income man and the more money a man makes, the more likely he will seek a woman where he can clearly be the financial provider. I understand this from an alpha/beta personality standpoint, but it does put us women of a certain income bracket, who still hold traditional courting/marriage views in a pickle. We make money, yet want the man to be the provider.
It is rare, but every blue moon you see two high earning people find each other, marry and become a super couple (only talking from a financial standpoint). I wonder how that happens....
It is rare, but every blue moon you see two high earning people find each other, marry and become a super couple (only talking from a financial standpoint). I wonder how that happens....
movingforward13
I do what I want...
This is what my bio-mom taught me... schools first... so I got tons of degrees. Adopted mom taught me how to be a wife and mother by emulating that in front of me. I am teaching my son school first (which is something I don't think many women do- we press school on our daughter's, not our sons).
BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
Make fathers take care of us longer
I do this work because I don't have my parents to fall back on. I would gladly give it up. 
DarkJoy
Bent. Not Broken.
right. at this point its just gotta be making friends and as time permits, weasel my way into circles where there are potentials who out earn me.
BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
After a certain age, aren't you just waiting for dudes to get divorced?
Does that make you/us a scammer? LOL.
DarkJoy
Bent. Not Broken.
After a certain age, aren't you just waiting for dudes to get divorced?
straight scamming!why I need to hang out at the fancy places and catch one while he's "vulnerable"
Bun Mistress
Well-Known Member
That Beyoncé song upgrade always bothered me.
A problem I found was that professional men that are doing even ok know they are a catch. I wish we as women would wise up and stop dating these men. The men I knew that where going to be something some day always had women around them.
Personally, I know I will probably end up with someone that makes less. But don't forget that how someone spends money is important. If you make 500,000 a year and spend 500,001 you will be broke.
Now marrying or dating way below my status, um no.
What would you talk about to some one with an 8th grade education and you have a doctorates. And I know I am generalizing and someone is going to tell me know they know some one that is a doctor that married a 5th grade drop out who is a garbage man and they are deeply in love. Save it for the romance novels. A doctor I dated and dropped hehe later started dating a nail tech and asked her to marry him. He called it off a few months later.
A problem I found was that professional men that are doing even ok know they are a catch. I wish we as women would wise up and stop dating these men. The men I knew that where going to be something some day always had women around them.
Personally, I know I will probably end up with someone that makes less. But don't forget that how someone spends money is important. If you make 500,000 a year and spend 500,001 you will be broke.
Now marrying or dating way below my status, um no.
What would you talk about to some one with an 8th grade education and you have a doctorates. And I know I am generalizing and someone is going to tell me know they know some one that is a doctor that married a 5th grade drop out who is a garbage man and they are deeply in love. Save it for the romance novels. A doctor I dated and dropped hehe later started dating a nail tech and asked her to marry him. He called it off a few months later.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
Agreed. That was the point of my earlier post on this thread, that we need to advise our daughters accordingly. Gone are the days when marriage was a foregone conclusion. I'm putting dd up on game and have been since she was like 10 or 11. I want her fully indoctrinated by the time she starts going skating and to the movies with boys at 16. She can't afford for me to wait until college graduation to start talking about men.
DarkJoy
Bent. Not Broken.
I've done same.
BEAUTYU2U
Well-Known Member
My mom did this for me but all her experiences with men were negative so while she did a good job of explaining what NOT to fall for, I didn't get the how to actually 'court' part. The romance and fun part.
Well please refer her to me should she need any Auntie advice
Bun Mistress
Well-Known Member
I agree with he above, we need to give women better advice about life. I got horrid advice about life. A mixture of you can do it all have it all but you need a man to be happy....
No one taught me how to date, find a good guy, what not to tolerate. I figured it out on my own but I could have been saved many a headache. I hope to do better with my kids.
No one taught me how to date, find a good guy, what not to tolerate. I figured it out on my own but I could have been saved many a headache. I hope to do better with my kids.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
I agree that young women need better advice about life but for grown women that time has passed . All hope is not lost if you didn't get it right in your younger years. Don't attach yourself to a deadline because desperation is why many of these professional women are buying their own engagement rings and taking on a lifetime of being the sole breadwinner. They feel like they have something to prove, and they've given up. You're not a loser because it hasn't happened for you yet. Everyone's timeline isn't your timeline. It's never too late for you to learn discipline, boundaries, and confidence. But you still have a life to live, and your life is just as valuable and full with or without a man. The less you fret over it, the more likely you are to not settle for anything.
. All hope is not lost if you didn't get it right in your younger years. Don't attach yourself to a deadline because desperation is why many of these professional women are buying their own engagement rings and taking on a lifetime of being the sole breadwinner. They feel like they have something to prove, and they've given up. You're not a loser because it hasn't happened for you yet. Everyone's timeline isn't your timeline. It's never too late for you to learn discipline, boundaries, and confidence. But you still have a life to live, and your life is just as valuable and full with or without a man. The less you fret over it, the more likely you are to not settle for anything.
movingforward13
I do what I want...
I don't think this thought is going to go away- on BSO, men in the groups are saying flat out that women need to pay their share because the 1950s are done. Women have jobs now and work, etc. These "men" don't see any point in raising themselves up to be the breadwinners, especially if the woman can pay her share or even take care of it all. One guy even said "Times have changed, she can go to work and I will take care of the kids." Another man pointed out that men with single mothers/absent fathers believe this way (I am not sure if I agree but maybe he is right).
We have to pour into our sons what men responsibilities are and make sure they are surrounded by similar thinking men. If they grow up seeing their mother working, paying the bills, going to school, taking care of the kids without a man's provision, that "seed" is planted. We can teach our girls, etc. however if there are no boys worthy of them, there will be a stalemate until someone breaks and chances are it will be us first because we have a biological clock and they don't. And sorry to say it but the casual sex doesn't help our cause multi-fold.
I wish I could say men should be this and men should be that but the XY chromosome pair is innately selfish and destructive. XX balances them out somewhat so if women all banded together and flat out refused, they would change (or start sleeping with each other).
We have to pour into our sons what men responsibilities are and make sure they are surrounded by similar thinking men. If they grow up seeing their mother working, paying the bills, going to school, taking care of the kids without a man's provision, that "seed" is planted. We can teach our girls, etc. however if there are no boys worthy of them, there will be a stalemate until someone breaks and chances are it will be us first because we have a biological clock and they don't. And sorry to say it but the casual sex doesn't help our cause multi-fold.
I wish I could say men should be this and men should be that but the XY chromosome pair is innately selfish and destructive. XX balances them out somewhat so if women all banded together and flat out refused, they would change (or start sleeping with each other).
werenumber2
Well-Known Member
I didn't date until I was a full grown adult, but strangely I never had any issues navigating boys and men. I was always around boys (growing up with siblings or close cousins of the opposite sex helps in this regard), so I never considered the male species to be this great mystery. It does bear mentioning that I had not one, but TWO fathers who doted on me as the only girl so the example was set very early. My mom gave me ZERO dating advice, you hear me? None! 
But I grew up observing a father and a stepfather (both Capricorns!) who would walk on water for that woman and it's almost like just existing in that environment taught me everything I needed to know. Y'all, I was the girl who people came to for dating advice in high school, college and beyond when I didn't even have a boyfriend until my mid 20s. 
It's ridiculous.
But I grew up observing a father and a stepfather (both Capricorns!) who would walk on water for that woman and it's almost like just existing in that environment taught me everything I needed to know. Y'all, I was the girl who people came to for dating advice in high school, college and beyond when I didn't even have a boyfriend until my mid 20s. It's ridiculous.
fula97
Well-Known Member
Depending on where you live that might not be realistic either. Or you have to do a ton of compromising on major things like housing. Can you live in NYC on 70K a year? You can, but that will take more compromising than I want/will to do eg a really long commute.
meka72
Well-Known Member
My parents gave me no life advice except "pay your bills on time." I had/have no relationship role models in my family. I have tried to steer my daughter in the right way, especially now that she's in her 20s, in a "do as I say, no as I do" kind of way.
Similar threads
