ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
Thank you, everyone! 
Men are more likely to be single than women
- Thread starter larry3344
- Start date
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
Congratulations!
awhyley
Well-Known Member
MissNina
Libra Girl
The idea of marrying back when I was 25 or 26 gives me anxiety. I was having the time of my LIFE and cannot imagine being married at that point…although that’s what I thought I wanted until I actually hit that age. Im sure I would have felt differently if I was with a HS/college sweetheart or in something serious & long term. But Chile.
In fact, to someone’s point upthread, I don’t know if it is necessarily that important to get married at 20-something Vs 30s-40s unless you want a bunch of kids.
If you want your standard 1 or 2 or none, then truly what is the difference if you get married at 27, 37, or 42? Especially if you’re open to alternative methods of having kids if it comes to that, I don’t know what the issue would be. Idk, but it’s def not as concerning as I originally thought. I can see more positives than negatives.
In fact, to someone’s point upthread, I don’t know if it is necessarily that important to get married at 20-something Vs 30s-40s unless you want a bunch of kids.
If you want your standard 1 or 2 or none, then truly what is the difference if you get married at 27, 37, or 42? Especially if you’re open to alternative methods of having kids if it comes to that, I don’t know what the issue would be. Idk, but it’s def not as concerning as I originally thought. I can see more positives than negatives.
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
I got married when I was almost 38 and while things have been fantastic for me, the pool of men that is available to you when you are older vs. younger is much different.
Whether it’s good or bad will be subjective depending on what it is you are seeking but it will certainly be different.
MissNina
Libra Girl
I meant if you’re actively dating. I admittingly speak from an assumption that the avg BW has decent options when it comes to pickings of men Bc that’s what I largely see. My view may be tainted, it’s true…Many of the BM I went to college with* & know are unmarried - single, dating, or divorced.
Recent NYT Article by Charles Blow: “The married will soon be the minority”
Opinion | The Married Will Soon Be the Minority (Published 2021)
This is a development with enormous consequences for how we define family and adulthood in general, as well as how we structure taxation and benefits.
So, assuming BW’s dating pool declines normally up until about 45, I no longer see the big deal about us waiting a bit to get married. It may not be ideal based on societal or personal values, but it’s not this huge ordeal we’ve been conditioned to make it be.
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MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
I meant if you’re actively dating. I admittingly speak from an assumption that the avg BW has decent options when it comes to pickings of men Bc that’s what I largely see. My view may be tainted, it’s true…Many of the BM I went to college & know with are unmarried - single, dating, or divorced.
Recent NYT Article by Charles Blow: “The married will soon be the minority”
Opinion | The Married Will Soon Be the Minority (Published 2021)
This is a development with enormous consequences for how we define family and adulthood in general, as well as how we structure taxation and benefits.www.nytimes.com
So, assuming BW’s dating pool declines normally up until about 45, I no longer see the big deal about us waiting a bit to get married. It may not be ideal based on societal or personal values, but it’s not this huge ordeal we’ve been conditioned to make it be.
When I clicked on this it told me that I had reached my limit of free articles! Stop being mean to me NYT!
If this happens to anyone else, just google the author’s name and the title of the article and you can read it on other sites.
MissNina
Libra Girl
It did that to me when I was trying to post it!When I clicked on this it told me that I had reached my limit of free articles! Stop being mean to me NYT!
naturalgyrl5199
Well-Known Member
The later you wait (to have kids), its a gamble. I made my peace with possibly not having kids and moving on mentally when I was 31 and trying and not understanding why it wasn't happening when we were married 5-6 years by then. I think people should be mindful of the risks of starting too soon or too late and make peace with it at all points. Many people cannot and do not make peace and their emotions and relationships get stuck there. And then there are problems. I personally wanted to be able to move on as best I could mentally if we couldn't check that box. I personally wasn't interested in IVF. I have my personal reasons.
The idea of having kids right when we got married at 26/27 actually makes me cringe and I'm MOSTLY glad we waited. Most of it wasn't a choice. Baby #1 came when I was 33. #2 came when I was 37. I'm MOSTLY glad cause financially and work wise it was best. Energy wise--yikes. But hindsight is always 20/20.
I find your clear assessment of your situation refreshing. Not a lot of people are willing to admit it. But I think many people are making these decisions and assessments on what they should do or want on emotions and societal pressure. Not based on clear thoughts, rationality, or intentionality.
naturalgyrl5199
Well-Known Member
This is ultimately true in so many ways. One being that MOST women are waiting because we mostly transition to college and post grad. Plus we know that its perfectly okay to delay child bearing until 30-35+. Still slightly risky, but ultimately okay. Finally, we can be financially independent as young as 23-24 years old. For men, this has proven to be much later for them. Hence, my very first comment on this thread. Cause the only reason women NEEDED to get married young was stability. But we can get that on our own. So marriage for the modern women has (edited)--"mostly" been for love and children for the last 30-40 years...or a "love match."I meant if you’re actively dating. I admittingly speak from an assumption that the avg BW has decent options when it comes to pickings of men Bc that’s what I largely see. My view may be tainted, it’s true…Many of the BM I went to college with* & know are unmarried - single, dating, or divorced.
Recent NYT Article by Charles Blow: “The married will soon be the minority”
Opinion | The Married Will Soon Be the Minority (Published 2021)
This is a development with enormous consequences for how we define family and adulthood in general, as well as how we structure taxation and benefits.
So, assuming BW’s dating pool declines normally up until about 45, I no longer see the big deal about us waiting a bit to get married. It may not be ideal based on societal or personal values, but it’s not this huge ordeal we’ve been conditioned to make it be.
Now concerning married folk as the eventual minority...I don't see this as some kind of awesome thing. Especially if children are involved.....Its not a reality I like at all. Because for many children and many women, 2 incomes or the protection of marriage even with 1 good income....there is an improvement of their situation economically. Especially for black folk. But that's for another thread.
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OmbreLune
Well-Known Member
This is exactly how I feel. Ages 25 -30 were golden years for me, even more so when I moved out on to live on my own from 28 to 30 (I miss my little rinky dink apartment sometimes!) I just look back and wish that I had spent less time throwing pity parties for myself being single. I didn't date much due to being picky but at the same time would worry and wonder if I would ever meet anyone. So much wasted energy! Got married at 31 and baby at 33, maybe a little late (or that might be average now) but it worked for me. On the other hand, in a college sweetheart type situation like @naturalgyrl5199 mentioned where you both want to get married now, why wait? I just hate to see women fretting over men that are dragging their feet. If his timeline doesn't match up with yours, be brave and cut your loses
you'll be better off in the end. I would advise my own child to at least wait until finishing undergrad, and ideally wait until 25 to marry but those are arbitrary numbers that won't fit everybody's lives. It's just important to live a little and learn what YOU want in life and whyyyy YOU want it before you make major commitments. Marriage isn't the end all be all nor is it something that has to crush your sense of self like jaded people seem to think it is. It is what you make of it. The more that people feel free to be honest with themselves regarding their thoughts on marriage and child rearing the better it is for all 'cuz that ish is not for everyone. I'm all for marriage being less common IF it means that women are the ones choosing to be single.
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