'marrying Down' Costs Educated Women $25k A Year

[GreenEyedJen]

I was reading an escort account on the other board that reinforces what I've heard from black gold diggers and assorted sex workers dealing with black men since I was a kid. It also relates to the comment I mentioned about black men believing their penii is currency.

At every financial level, Black men make you work harder for their coin because they feel like they are owed a "tricking discount" since they are rewarding you with a larger penis (whether real or imagined) than you will get elsewhere. As a matter of fact, at some point they feel women should show gratitude by not taking their money for all the extra penis they are bestowing upon someone's lucky vagina. Black women have bought into this to a degree which explains the f''ery that passes for relationship norms in the black community. Nonblack women with an iota of options will get out as soon as the entitlement becomes clear which I think explains the IR divorce rate with bm.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Somewhat of a tangent that was recently brought up elsewhere is that when a famous black woman dates/marries interracially the biggest online outrage from bm is the rejection of the superior black penis. "That (insert nationality/ethnicity here) boy don't know what to do with that" or "He ain't packing/ working with nothing." It's not the rejection of the black man as provider/protector/ producer that is a problem, but rejection of the black penis is unthinkable.

I'm not sure if I should be extrapolating sex worker experiences to my own, but guess I'll just be happy that is not my situation. I've had men pay my law school tuition, rent, groceries...of all colors. But let me take my lucky ass out of this thread.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I'm not sure if I should be extrapolating sex worker experiences to my own, but guess I'll just be happy that is not my situation. I've had men pay my law school tuition, rent, groceries...of all colors. But let me take my lucky ass out of this thread.

What I quoted just reminded me of something else I read. No offense meant.

 

[GreenEyedJen]

What I quoted just reminded me of something else I read. No offense meant.

No worries. I didn't think you did. I was just saying in general, my experiences seem to be out of the norm for this thread so I'm pretty much done commenting. Outliers rarely help situations.

 

[ilong]

Girl, you gotta learn how to dodge them e-tomatoes like this here

A theory as to why BW and WM work:

White fathers love their daughters and raise their sons. As a result white men carry the white community.
Black mothers love their sons and raise their daughters. As a result black women carry the black community.

Combine the feminine energy invested in a raised daughter with the masculine energy invested in a raised son and the result is a couple that not only knows how to get ***-t done, they will by default pick up each others slack because they've always been called upon and expected to pick up everyone's slack. The world views and expectations create a solid foundation to build upon.

Many BW/WM couples won't make it to marriage let alone divorce so it's not foolproof. There's a whole lot of other hurdles to be jumped before you can get to division of relationship labor.

@Crackers Phinn - this ^^^ is too funny. You had me scrolling through quickly, looking for your "I ain't scared" post. And I mean it in a fun (not moderating) way. But shame - shame on you for enticing @intellectualuva to pick an apple off that tree. <lol>

By the way, I agree with your theory.

 

[UmSumayyah]

How is "Operation Get Nieces Married" going @Crackers Phinn

 

[Crackers Phinn]

How is "Operation Get Nieces Married" going @Crackers Phinn

One is still engaged. Knock on wood. Two of them seem to be narrowing down some good candidates. The rest are bs'ing but I try to stay encouraging.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

This thread stepped on some toes but its good. The only thing I will add is that BW are getting higher education now than BM. However don't let that deter you from marrying up or your level. For every one BW that rejects an uneducated man, there are 10 Keishas willing to swoop him up. These men won't be missing us and there are women out there who just want a decent man regardless. So go ahead and up hold those standards ladies. Looking at the black women in my life, lots have married either on their same education level or down. I might be totally wrong on this but from what I see, BW actively marrying up are in the minority. Most of the ones I see are just looking for good men. This could be a class issue as well though.

 

[Covagirlm]

This thread stepped on some toes but its good. The only thing I will add is that BW are getting higher education now than BM. However don't let that deter you from marrying up or your level. For every one BW that rejects an uneducated man, there are 10 Keishas willing to swoop him up. These men won't be missing us and there are women out there who just want a decent man regardless. So go ahead and up hold those standards ladies. Looking at the black women in my life, lots have married either on their same education level or down. I might be totally wrong on this but from what I see, BW actively marrying up are in the minority. Most of the ones I see are just looking for good men. This could be a class issue as well though.

lawd @ Keisha.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

lawd @ Keisha.

Lol I just picked a random name. Not picking on actual keishas.

 

[Covagirlm]

Lol I just picked a random name. Not picking on actual keishas.

I know

 

[Crackers Phinn]

This thread stepped on some toes but its good. The only thing I will add is that BW are getting higher education now than BM. However don't let that deter you from marrying up or your level. For every one BW that rejects an uneducated man, there are 10 Keishas willing to swoop him up. These men won't be missing us and there are women out there who just want a decent man regardless. So go ahead and up hold those standards ladies. Looking at the black women in my life, lots have married either on their same education level or down. I might be totally wrong on this but from what I see, BW actively marrying up are in the minority. Most of the ones I see are just looking for good men. This could be a class issue as well though.

I do not encourage IR for all black women but for the ones who are higher up on the educational spectrum that didn't manage to lock down an engagement or understanding or some way to secure a black husband right outta college need to consider looking outside the black man pool. The competition for single black male college grads is ruthless and those dudes know it and play the market against itself.

I've talked about brain drain before but the video I watched of the Indians taking over Uganda thread re-iterated how perilous for the knowledge, and skillset of the highest achieving black women to die out in one generation because there's no counterpart to build with and create a family to pass it down to.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

I'm starting to believe that some women just don't WANT to get it. That's that Tyler Perry foolishness.
Edited for typo

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

Exactly, what in the world? If my life doesn't IMPROVE after marriage, why even bother getting married? I live well as a single lady, no way I'm downgrading just so I can say I'm married

You. Have. Spoken. To. Me. With. This. Post.

 

[larry3344]

I need to read through this again,but what happens if you married a baller and you outpaced him in earnings?

My friend is a UX designer for a really hot startup here and is 24. He makes more money than most people and I think he even makes more than me who is 4 years older. Now he is the guy who pays for travel and all the bills etc but what if he dates a woman who goes on to work at a hedge fund in a few years and out earns him? What then?

how did he get in ux

 

[Shiks]

how did he get in ux

Self taught, did some projects and built a name for himself.

 

[MsSanz92]

I do not encourage IR for all black women but for the ones who are higher up on the educational spectrum that didn't manage to lock down an engagement or understanding or some way to secure a black husband right outta college need to consider looking outside the black man pool. The competition for single black male college grads is ruthless and those dudes know it and play the market against itself.

I've talked about brain drain before but the video I watched of the Indians taking over Uganda thread re-iterated how perilous for the knowledge, and skillset of the highest achieving black women to die out in one generation because there's no counterpart to build with and create a family to pass it down to.

THIS. This is also why I think it's a major disservice to tell young Black women (particularly in their late teens - early 20s) to not worry about dating and understanding men. I know too many of my peers as I approach my mid-late 20s who have never had a boyfriend, are virgins, some haven't even been kissed by a man. Idc this is not normal to me if you are a cishetero woman who desires to be in a relationship with a man. Young Black women should be using their late teens and 20s to date and explore relationships with men (even if they're platonic or not serious) to figure out what they do and don't want out of a partner. Since dating is more difficult for us, we have to be more strategic and waste less time. Waiting until our late 20s when our careers are now getting set to date is not smart. It often leaves many of us scrambling marrying someone who we're not that compatible with or single and alone.

 

[MizAvalon]

THIS. This is also why I think it's a major disservice to tell young Black women (particularly in the late teens - early 20s) to not worry about dating and understanding men. I know too many of my peers as I approach my mid-late 20s who have never had a boyfriend, are virgins, some haven't even been kissed by a man. Idc this is not normal to me if you are a cishetero woman who desires to be in a relationship with a man. Young Black women should be using their late teens and 20s to date and explore relationships with men (even if they're platonic or not serious) to figure out what they do and don't want out of a partner. Since dating is more difficult for us, we have to be more strategic and waste less time. Waiting until our late 20s when our careers are now getting set to date is not smart. It often leaves many of us scrambling marrying someone who we're not that compatible with or single and alone.

Totally agree. My highest achieving black friends are all either single or married very late in life, making children a slim possibility or flat out impossible. A couple of them just went on and had a baby with whoever was around at the moment so they didn't completely miss out on motherhood. All they were ever taught was to focus on education and then career. Then once all of that was in place and they were looking to marry, it was too late. The men were already taken or had so much baggage that they weren't good candidates.

Meanwhile, their white counterparts have been married for years and had their kids a long time ago. Some of them are on their second and third husbands but you know what I'm trying to say...