Avaya, there's only one STD that you could be referring to and condoms may not do anything for you depending on the location of the "hide and seek". So, you may as well not have sex with your DH at all.
Married Ladies...Wrap it Up?
- Thread starter Ediese
- Start date
Avaya, there's only one STD that you could be referring to and condoms may not do anything for you depending on the location of the "hide and seek". So, you may as well not have sex with your DH at all.
LBoogie
Well-Known Member
Happy Anniversary!!
Our two year will be in May.
Now uhm, get off da innanets, we'll be here tomorrow!
Avaya
Well-Known Member
'cause that ship has sailed for me. I'm pushing 30 and the chances of me finding a virgin in my age group is slim to none
. I believe people can change but changing doesn't remove the consequences of past actions. I'm not playing Russian Roulette with my life. I know a woman who caught AIDS from her husband and died. He was not unfaithful to her. She paid for his past...
DarkHair
New Member
Thank youHappy Anniversary!!
Our two year will be in May.
Now uhm, get off da innanets, we'll be here tomorrow!
I'm going to put your anni in my phone.
DH is at work, we did go out of town for the weekend.....and no we didn't wrap the candy.
SleekandBouncy
Well-Known Member
Intellectually I can understand the value in wrapping it up even after marriage.
Personally I'm not going to. I would first of all never marry any person who I have any reason to believe I cannot trust or who doesn't fully and completely jive with me with regard to what boundaries are to be maintained after marriage with regard to the opposite sex, the nature of full disclosure within our relationship, etc.. None of that stuff stands as a guarantee, but the best I can/will do is to make the most responsible decision I can possible and the rest...well life is already a risk.
ETA: I would hope that any intelligent man, any man who cares about his health (which is the only kind I would marry) would wear protection if they cheated (god forbid). I believe in having that discussion.
Personally I'm not going to. I would first of all never marry any person who I have any reason to believe I cannot trust or who doesn't fully and completely jive with me with regard to what boundaries are to be maintained after marriage with regard to the opposite sex, the nature of full disclosure within our relationship, etc.. None of that stuff stands as a guarantee, but the best I can/will do is to make the most responsible decision I can possible and the rest...well life is already a risk.
ETA: I would hope that any intelligent man, any man who cares about his health (which is the only kind I would marry) would wear protection if they cheated (god forbid). I believe in having that discussion.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
We've had that discussion.
I told him point blank...my kids need me. If you did lose your mind and do some dirt, please have the decency to use protection so that I can stay alive and well for my babies. He was surprised, but he said he understood.
jamerichameleon
Member
I trust him, and he trusts me so raw doggin' it is. I was on BC (NuvaRing) until this past September since we're on the cusp of TTC anyway. If I get preggo so be it. Once we're done having kids, I'll probably go back on NuvaRing or get Mirena or something. At this point in our relationship, we're so used to being wrapper free that we'd probably *** up the mood trying to get the daggone thing on.
SleekandBouncy
Well-Known Member
We've had that discussion.
Make sense. People don't have those discussions and others like it too often because they either don't think it can ever happen (heck stranger things have happened) or they think the other person knows. That some how that person can read their mind, should know better, etc..
I believe things like that should be spoken about so dood can't say I didn't tell him one, that I will beat him with the handle of a machete for cheating, and two, I expect him to AT LEAST use protection if he decides to lose his dang mind.
GreenD
New Member
As posted in the other thread, we wrap and roll to prevent pregnancy.
OP, here are my answers to your questions....
1. How do you guys feel about this? I don't think wrappers are necessary if you're both in a fully committed monogamous marriage, where both parties are 100% sexually healthy, and both are on the same page with having/preventing pregnancies. I personally can't think of any other reason you would need to wrap (other than to prevent pregnancies) if all of the above were true.
2. If I can't trust my husband to be faithful, should I even get married to him? NO, especially if you can't trust him.
3. Is this a naive way of looking at it? No, if you can't trust him before getting married, you won't trust him after getting married.
4. Is this the reality? Of marrying a man you can't trust and having to wrap in your marriage? Yes, if you knowingly want to marry a man you can't trust and not go to the clinic every month. Trust is very a big deal in any relationship, particularly a marriage. I don't know what a marriage can be built on if there's no trust. If you can't trust someone with the little things, how could you trust them with your life by not using a wrapper?
**As I posted in the other thread, if you have reason to believe that your marriage is no longer monogamous, or any of the things listed in my response to question #1 have changed (i.e., sexual health, contraceptives, etc.) with you and/or your partner, then yes, I think you should definitely be wrapping it up. (Personally I'd be discussing my issue FIRST before any need for wrapping or unwrapping anything, but that's just me). The moment things don't add up, your flag should go up and you should kick into "Protect Me" mode. It's better to be safe than sorry in these situations regardless if you're married, engaged, single or otherwise in my opinion, especially if there are issues with trust.
OP, here are my answers to your questions....
1. How do you guys feel about this? I don't think wrappers are necessary if you're both in a fully committed monogamous marriage, where both parties are 100% sexually healthy, and both are on the same page with having/preventing pregnancies. I personally can't think of any other reason you would need to wrap (other than to prevent pregnancies) if all of the above were true.
2. If I can't trust my husband to be faithful, should I even get married to him? NO, especially if you can't trust him.
3. Is this a naive way of looking at it? No, if you can't trust him before getting married, you won't trust him after getting married.
4. Is this the reality? Of marrying a man you can't trust and having to wrap in your marriage? Yes, if you knowingly want to marry a man you can't trust and not go to the clinic every month. Trust is very a big deal in any relationship, particularly a marriage. I don't know what a marriage can be built on if there's no trust. If you can't trust someone with the little things, how could you trust them with your life by not using a wrapper?
**As I posted in the other thread, if you have reason to believe that your marriage is no longer monogamous, or any of the things listed in my response to question #1 have changed (i.e., sexual health, contraceptives, etc.) with you and/or your partner, then yes, I think you should definitely be wrapping it up. (Personally I'd be discussing my issue FIRST before any need for wrapping or unwrapping anything, but that's just me). The moment things don't add up, your flag should go up and you should kick into "Protect Me" mode. It's better to be safe than sorry in these situations regardless if you're married, engaged, single or otherwise in my opinion, especially if there are issues with trust.
Glib Gurl
Well-Known Member
DH & I use them
I'll be 46 years old this year--I AM NOT trying to have a baby @ my age. I have nothing against a woman over 40 having kids--I just don't want anymore.
My oldest just turned 21 and my baby will be 13. In 5 years they will both be grown and I am not trying to start over again.
We don't use them all the time, esp. a few days before I know my cycle will come on/or a few days after. Those in between days we are extra careful--neither of us wants to have any more children.
He has also had a vasectomy.....but I don't trust that 100%
Before we made the decision to not have any more children, we didn't use them.
DANG - you ain't playin around. LOL!
I have a friend who is married and wrappers are their BC of choice . . . they like it because it avoids any mess.
*shrug*
firecracker
Well-Known Member
I voted for raw doggin..
I screamed out loud! I mean the premise is all good but the reality of the world we live in makes me wonderI'd go with your version but I ain't gon neva get married again so coochie cobwebs it is!
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
DANG - you ain't playin around. LOL!
I have a friend who is married and wrappers are their BC of choice . . . they like it because it avoids any mess.
No ma'am, the thought of getting pregnant at my age frightens me!!
Besides, I wouldn't want someone asking me 10 years from now "Is that your granddaughter/grandson"
I know a woman that was almost 60 with a 10 year old daughter and folks always thought she was the grandma 
.
Summer_Rain
Well-Known Member
'cause that ship has sailed for me. I'm pushing 30 and the chances of me finding a virgin in my age group is slim to none
I believe people can change but changing doesn't remove the consequences of past actions. I'm not playing Russian Roulette with my life. I know a woman who caught AIDS from her husband and died. He was not unfaithful to her. She paid for his past...
Avaya,
Do you think a HUSBAND would really agree to using a condom for the rest of his LIFE, for >>this<< reason?
I can understand your concerns, but how many HIV tests would it take for your mind to rest easy and trust that he doesn't have the disease?
HIV antibodies do not take years upon years to show up in tests,
Avaya
Well-Known Member
I don't want kids either and I am not going to be the only one responsible in the relationship for birth control. I want to marry someone who is as anti-reproduction as I am
. Maybe I'll keep the "I think you are diseased and contagious" viewpoint to myself and just focus on the "I don't want kids EVER" aspect. I don't know.I've been alone for too long. I think everybody is diseased and contagious at this point! There is a checkout woman at the grocery store with a "thing" on her lip. I REFUSE to get into her line
.
LBoogie
Well-Known Member
I don't want kids either and I am not going to be the only one responsible in the relationship for birth control. I want to marry someone who is as anti-reproduction as I am
I've been alone for too long. I think everybody is diseased and contagious at this point! There is a checkout woman at the grocery store with a "thing" on her lip. I REFUSE to get into her line
Do you think it's going to jump off her lip and crawl in your veins?
Summer_Rain
Well-Known Member
I don't want kids either and I am not going to be the only one responsible in the relationship for birth control. I want to marry someone who is as anti-reproduction as I am
I've been alone for too long. I think everybody is diseased and contagious at this point! There is a checkout woman at the grocery store with a "thing" on her lip. I REFUSE to get into her line
I hear you Avaya, but I'm wondering how realistic it is. Even the most anti-kids husband will still look at it like, ok - I'll get snipped, you get snipped and lets raw dog it till the cows come home.
I'm just wondering how a HUSBAND will feel about a piece of latex covering his member every time he wants to get intimate with his WIFE after you both have been "fixed"?
Bint Yusef
New Member
If she finds a man to agree to that, I am willing to pay for the wedding.
Ediese
Well-Known Member
Ediese
Well-Known Member
We've had that discussion.
I've never even considered having that discussion because like you guys mentioned, I would never think he would do such a thing. However, I truly believe it's a mature and realistic conversation to have. We all know that the risks involved with just one slip up is too high. Thanks!!
Ediese
Well-Known Member
Damn!!
I'm so sorry for her. I hate men that don't think twice about endangering their life or someone elses.We've had that discussion.
Yes he understood but will man who cheats actually honor a request to use protection.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
How can anyone know that for sure? If there's even a 1% chance that a cheating husband would think twice about having unprotected sex, isn't it worth a short conversation?
Married people shouldn't be afraid to have those kinds of conversations, IMO.
Its definitely worth the conversation. I don't have any problems with that at all.
I just don't think a man who will dishonor a marriage by cheating will actually honor the request to use protection.
Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
I see where you're coming from with that, but I don't entirely agree. I don't think it's totally black and white, as in "if a man will cheat, he has no respect for you at all". I think men compartmentalize, which is why some cheating men show "respect" to their wives by never bringing the mistress into their home or taking her out in public (hence that 400 page long Steve Mcnair thread where people talked about men being less respectful with their cheating nowadays).
I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think there are men who would have enough decency to wrap it up so as not to bring home an STD/impregnate another woman.
Point well taken.
I agree that men do in fact "compartmentalize" their cheating as a form respect.
(not at you, but at the men)
Summer_Rain
Well-Known Member
Point well taken.
I agree that men do in fact "compartmentalize" their cheating as a form respect.
Ain't that the truth. We all probably know (or know of) SOMEONE who's man came at them talkin about "But baby...at least I respected you and used a condom! I ain't bring nothin home to you!"
And to the stories of women who caught the HIV from their husbands...the moral there isn't necessarily to use condoms with your husband, but to keep your eyes open, heed certain warnings, pay attention to behavior, etc.
Jhuidah
Well-Known Member
I voted "raw dog" 
, but we used to use condoms as BC before we got the snip.
I feel some kind of way about this "if you cheat, use a condom" conversation. On the one hand, if you think there is a chance he'll cheat, that's heavy--and by all means you should at least mention his wearing a condom as a form of respect. On the other hand, it almost feels like you're being permissive toward the cheating by saying "wrap it up if you do."
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't feel like me personally, that's a conversation I need to have with hubby--I trust him to not cheat, because he's not that kind of person. But at the same time, I almost feel like it's something that should go without saying.
I'm typing aloud, so excuse me if this doesn't make sense.
, but we used to use condoms as BC before we got the snip.I feel some kind of way about this "if you cheat, use a condom" conversation. On the one hand, if you think there is a chance he'll cheat, that's heavy--and by all means you should at least mention his wearing a condom as a form of respect. On the other hand, it almost feels like you're being permissive toward the cheating by saying "wrap it up if you do."
I guess what I'm saying is, I don't feel like me personally, that's a conversation I need to have with hubby--I trust him to not cheat, because he's not that kind of person. But at the same time, I almost feel like it's something that should go without saying.
I'm typing aloud, so excuse me if this doesn't make sense.
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