Married Ladies, Are you Happier Now than when you were Single?

[MD_Lady]

Ebonybee, you are hilarious and I am so glad you finally brought up sex. I was going to say something, but I was holding out hope one of you would first.

Sex to me would be the best part of marriage and you were the only married lady to mention it. And not just for those previous virgins/celibates, I would think that married sex would be even better than engaged/dating sex.

So give it 5 years, and then you can anticipate being comfortable in your marriage? That sounds good.

Not necessarily...

 

[Transformer]

Mmm I think married sex is better mentally..... in that you feel you are not getting played. You will not have demonstrated/wasted your best moves on someone that is temporary. You're monogamous so you're a bit freer and don't have to schedule trips to the drugstore for condoms! Don't have to spend as much time matching bras and panties, or figuring out how to tell him....you're having your period!

You no longer study the CDC chart about the rate of STD infections.

 

[JustKiya]

Mmm I think married sex is better mentally..... in that you feel you are not getting played. You will not have demonstrated/wasted your best moves on someone that is temporary. You're monogamous so you're a bit freer and don't have to schedule trips to the drugstore for condoms! Don't have to spend as much time matching bras and panties, or figuring out how to tell him....you're having your period!

You no longer study the CDC chart about the rate of STD infections.

Heh. I never thought about sex like that/dealt with those sort of issues when I was single. I actually find married sex to be - - a bit more boring than single sex, actually.

Yeah, we know each other really well, but we also know each other really well. You have to make effort to make & keep things 'new' and to not follow the same wellknown and successful paths.

 

[MD_Lady]

Great thread OP.

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not? I wouldn't say I'm more "complete", but I'm definitely happier. It always feels good to receive love from other people. The love DH has brought into my life has made it more enjoyable.

Secondary questions, how long have you been married? We just passed the the 3 year mark.

What is your age? 30

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)? I never thought about getting married until I graduated from college... and it seemed like everyone was doing it. I thought I'd never get married because, by my mid-20s, I'd NEVER been in love or had a relationship which lasted more than 3 months.

Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness? Nope, no kids yet.

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying? There's joy and pain in every circumstance. Enjoy the "joy" of being single because you will miss it when you get married (especially if your marriage brings a host of drastic life changes- in addition to the actual marriage). I'd also tell myself not to even THINK of getting into or pursuing a relationship until I got my internal/emotional self straight. I had a LOT of walls up without even realizing it. When those came down, I was in a position to pursue a relationship with DH (I had actually met him 2 years earlier, but passed-- it's a long story ).

Thanks so much My pleasure

 

[MD_Lady]

Heh. I never thought about sex like that/dealt with those sort of issues when I was single. I actually find married sex to be - - a bit more boring than single sex, actually.

Yeah, we know each other really well, but we also know each other really well. You have to make effort to make & keep things 'new' and to not follow the same wellknown and successful paths.

Tell the truth girl!!!

 

[MD_Lady]

Good thread - can't wait to hear more...especially from the ladies who were waiting a while and had it finally happen...wondering if it was everything they expected.

I am SO glad you asked that question. It was NOTHING like I expected. All the stories I'd heard about newlyweds involved adjustment periods and tension. DH's introduction into my life had always been fairly seamless: Our relationship began at a time when I wasn't dating/interested in anyone and my friends were getting caught up in their own daily routines (read: His coming into my life didn't result in me being taken "away" from anyone else). The seamlessness continued into our marriage. In spite of our never having lived together (we did date for 2 years prior to getting married) we fell into our own groove and immediately adjusted to each other's habits and idiosyncrasies. It was almost like he'd always been there. Even now (3 years later), the vast majority of our interactions are friction-free.

 

[Nay]

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not? I am happier as a married woman than I was when I was single, but it is because I became a Christian about the same time that I met my husband. Before marriage and my relationship with the Lord, I was someone who looked like she had it going on to the outside world as far as "stuff," but I was really kind of lonely, searching, sinning, and confused. My Lord makes me complete, and my husband is my best friend/partner who I get to enjoy this earthly life with

Secondary questions, how long have you been married? Almost 18 years.

What is your age? 43

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)? I wanted to get married, but I was not "looking" for it at the time. People who knew me back then were rather surprised to hear that I had gotten married. None of the guys I went out with before my husband were really people I could see myself marrying. I was justing killing time with those fellas. Then when I met my husband, it was like, BAM, I have found the one!!!


Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness? No, we do not have children. We are a happy island of two.

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying? I wish I would have valued and cherished my body back then. I spent too many years giving my "honour" to others and my years to the cruel, meaning I regret laying up with guys who were not my husband. Back then I did not see sexual relations as something that is beautiful and special. Lonliness and worldliness had me doing things that I wish I could erase from my past. I would have told my single self to not share that intimacy with those knuckleheads

Thanks so much [/quote]
You are welcome!

P.S. And for me, married sex is MUCH better than anything I ever experienced before. It's been 18 years, and the fire is still there!!! And there are no regrets, no fumblings, just two people who are meshing beautifully ;-)

 

[hopeful]

Hi, based on the responses from single members in a previous thread, I thought it would be best to let the married women drop some knowledge.

So, please divulge everything that some single girls want to know.

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not?

Happier? Not really. I've always been a pretty happy person and very confident. I have always been very optimistic as well. I never felt incomplete either, like I needed someone to make me whole. What I feel I think is more satisfied. I enjoy sharing my life with my husband. I love how he looks at me and kisses me good bye every morning before he goes to work. I love how it feels when he holds me in his arms at night. I also feel safer. I enjoy being in love and being loved.

Secondary questions, how long have you been married?

22 years this summer.

What is your age?

44.

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)?

I always thought I'd marry in my late 20's, I thought I'd focus on my career and travelling in my early 20's, but I fell in love in college and got married soon after graduating. I never had time to pine for a husband, I was only 18 when I met my husband. When he first asked me I was like, I'm too young, I got things to do on my own. He was like but I love you and we can do things together. Then I imagined living the next few years without him and I could not bare it, so I said yes. I also was not sure I even wanted children but if I did, I knew I wanted to be a sahm. He always knew he wanted children.

Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness?

I love being a mother. It is funny because it is the most fulfilling job in the world and in many ways the most stressful. Some days it is rewarding, other days not so much. But I cannot imagine my life without my daughters. Carrying them for those 9 months was so fascinating and exciting, giving birth was just, I don't know I think the closest thing I've felt to heaven. Looking into your babies eyes for the first time and playing with those tiny feet. It's just a lot of fun and joy and a lot of stress and money and time. But I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything else, there is nothing else on this earth that I'd rather do more.

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying?

Take better care of yourself. To put myself first more often.

Thanks so much

You're welcome.

Also I wanted to add that I never felt like I gave up a lot of things. I never enjoyed partying or hanging out a lot with girlfriends often. Buying a home alone was not a priority either. I enjoyed growing and learning together, travelling together, etc. I am also pretty independent and a bit of a loner too so I often did things alone like going to the movies or out to eat. If I'm not with my hubby and kids I tend to enjoy my own company. I enjoyed working too but I never had grand plans that were thwarted, no desire to be a VP or a Partner in a law firm. Basically I'm living the life I want to live.

 

[1Aleeesha]

Hi, based on the responses from single members in a previous thread, I thought it would be best to let the married women drop some knowledge.

So, please divulge everything that some single girls want to know.

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not? I was really young when I got married and I knew I was ready to be married and just share my life with someone and I knew marriage was the most serious commitment that I was going to get... So when I met Prospects, I let them know from the beginning what I was wanting to do... The ones who didn't want to get married, I let them go. I have always felt complete with myself, I've always known what I wanted and as I get older, what I want increases and I go get it! I feel complete as far as having a husband is concerned.

Secondary questions, how long have you been married? 7.5 Years

What is your age? 25

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)?
See above.

Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness? Kids are great to have with your husband. I can't imagine not having them. It strengthened our bond I can honestly say that with each child it has strengthened us in more ways than I knew possible. I love my family and I'm glad and grateful that I started mine when I did. It's a beautiful thing.

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying? What I would recommend for any person is to make sure that they are a happy camper by themselves first. Don't look for happiness within a man, or anything else... Anything else is superficial... Make sure you have it within yourself, you WILL need that when things aren't going as smooth as you would like them to be. If you wait for a man or anything else to make you happy, it's not going to happen... And if you can't make yourself happy you can't make anyone else happy.


Thanks so much

You're welcome so much! :blowkiss:

 

[healthynhappy]

Remember the environment.....all the kids are away. no kids..! She better watch it, the Gremlins have been known to boomerang...especially right out of college!

Don't scare me like that! Those suckers better keep it moving!

 

[Xerxes]

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not?

I don't feel more complete, but I am definitely happy! I really like being married.

Secondary questions, how long have you been married?

Just a little over a year.

What is your age?

I'm 29. DH is 31.

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)?

We met when I was in law school. I wouldn't commit becasue I was planning to move away after graduation. I had been single for about 6 months from a long term relationship and previous engagement. I used to tell him that he was the righ guy at the wrong time. He gave me some time, I moved away, he lured me back, and it has all worked out.

Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness?

No kids yet. He's ready to start trying, but I'm not ready just yet.

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying?

Not really, but I will tell the other single girls this...

One thing that someone told me before I got married that is very true is to look at him just as he is. If he never changes- at all (attitude, hanging out, money, job, friends, family, cleanliness, priorities, etc)- could you still be happy with him? If not, you should probably rethink it. He probably won't change a whole lot. He may, but if he doesn't...then what?

I love being married. So far, we're still on our honeymoon. It's not all sex, sex, sex, but we are like a traditional tv series or movie. I am spoiled, and I love it! Keep your expectations high ladies!

Oh, that sounds so sweet ClassicBeauty. I just love that you two met while you were in law school and he gave you time to move away and to decide on your own to come back to him. I wish you two the best!

 

[Xerxes]

Not necessarily...

LOL And I thought being married would allow you to get wilder and enjoy each other more.

 

[Xerxes]

Mmm I think married sex is better mentally..... in that you feel you are not getting played. You will not have demonstrated/wasted your best moves on someone that is temporary. You're monogamous so you're a bit freer and don't have to schedule trips to the drugstore for condoms! Don't have to spend as much time matching bras and panties, or figuring out how to tell him....you're having your period!

You no longer study the CDC chart about the rate of STD infections.

A-to-the-freaking-men! That's what I always thought!

 

[Xerxes]

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not? I am happier as a married woman than I was when I was single, but it is because I became a Christian about the same time that I met my husband. Before marriage and my relationship with the Lord, I was someone who looked like she had it going on to the outside world as far as "stuff," but I was really kind of lonely, searching, sinning, and confused. My Lord makes me complete, and my husband is my best friend/partner who I get to enjoy this earthly life with

Secondary questions, how long have you been married? Almost 18 years.

What is your age? 43

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)? I wanted to get married, but I was not "looking" for it at the time. People who knew me back then were rather surprised to hear that I had gotten married. None of the guys I went out with before my husband were really people I could see myself marrying. I was justing killing time with those fellas. Then when I met my husband, it was like, BAM, I have found the one!!!


Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness? No, we do not have children. We are a happy island of two.

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying? I wish I would have valued and cherished my body back then. I spent too many years giving my "honour" to others and my years to the cruel, meaning I regret laying up with guys who were not my husband. Back then I did not see sexual relations as something that is beautiful and special. Lonliness and worldliness had me doing things that I wish I could erase from my past. I would have told my single self to not share that intimacy with those knuckleheads

Thanks so much

You are welcome!

P.S. And for me, married sex is MUCH better than anything I ever experienced before. It's been 18 years, and the fire is still there!!! And there are no regrets, no fumblings, just two people who are meshing beautifully ;-)[/QUOTE]

Aw, I have never heard anyone say "a happy island of two" before. I might have to steal that phrase and use it if it ever applies to me. lol

 

[Xerxes]

You're welcome.

Also I wanted to add that I never felt like I gave up a lot of things. I never enjoyed partying or hanging out a lot with girlfriends often. Buying a home alone was not a priority either. I enjoyed growing and learning together, travelling together, etc. I am also pretty independent and a bit of a loner too so I often did things alone like going to the movies or out to eat. If I'm not with my hubby and kids I tend to enjoy my own company. I enjoyed working too but I never had grand plans that were thwarted, no desire to be a VP or a Partner in a law firm. Basically I'm living the life I want to live.

Hopeful, that was almost too sweet what you wrote, but I have to stop and ask you were you serious when you said you enjoyed giving birth???

I would like to have kids one day, but I am petrified at the idea of having to give birth. I can only imagine the pain. Please tell me what childbirth was like for you.

 

[Xerxes]

You're welcome so much! :blowkiss:

Aw, thank you so much 1Aleesha, now I will work even harder on being a happier camp on my own first.

 

[hopeful]

LOL And I thought being married would allow you to get wilder and enjoy each other more.

I think that is how it should be. I guess it depends on how you view sex, your religious views, etc. But to me there is no better sex than that with your husband. There is so much more trust, history and intimacy, imo.

Hopeful, that was almost too sweet what you wrote, but I have to stop and ask you were you serious when you said you enjoyed giving birth???

I would like to have kids one day, but I am petrified at the idea of having to give birth. I can only imagine the pain. Please tell me what childbirth was like for you.

Yes I am serious. I was like you for years, I was scared to death to give birth, I thought the pain would be awful. But when I turned 26 or 27 I started to have the desire to have a child so the fear faded some. Being pregnant (even with the awful morning sickness and all) was the most wonderful experience, having this little baby growing in you is just so amazing.

Anyway when I had my first daughter I was actually at a baby shower when I started having contractions so I had to meet my husband at the hospital. It felt like menstrual cramps. By the time I got to the hospital the cramps were so bad I could hardly walk, but then I got the epidural, so you know that dang needle hurt but once the medicine took effect it was smooth sailing...well until she came out oooh chil' it hurt, but for only like a minute, then I heard her crying and my husband held her and she stopped, then they put her in my arms and the tears fell and my heart just lifted, the love I felt for her was so intense, for me anyway, the pain was momentary and small compared to the joy.

With my second I had a c-section and this time I didn't feel any pain from the needle (thank goodness), all of the pain was afterwards, healing from the c-section. I just looked up and there she was, she looked almost exactly like her sister at birth, it is just the sweetest experience in the world.

 

[~*Tigget*~]

Hi, based on the responses from single members in a previous thread, I thought it would be best to let the married women drop some knowledge.

So, please divulge everything that some single girls want to know.

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not? Yes I am happier. My DH is someone I can share my most best, or horrible situations to. He never refers to me as fine, but beautiful. Even w/ knowing my flaws he still loves me.

Secondary questions, how long have you been married? 10

What is your age? 34

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)?
I never thought about marriage w/ anyone til I met my DH.

Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness? Yes

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying? See Below

Thanks so much

Understand in the beginning you are building "your" bond w/ your mate. If it is built on grounded foundation then shaky storms won't weather it away. We have definitely had our share of problems or storms but we knew it was only temporary. I made some mistakes, he made some mistakes. If your union is 'WORTH' it you learn from it and build on from that.

Always talk/communicate w/ one another. Forsake all those that are not of good in your union. I know sometimes outside influences can bring unwanted feelings. But w/ always knowing where you stand w/ ur mate you should be able to work above any negativity.

The words separate or divorce should never come into play. If you or spouse need to leave to clear the air, then do so. Because life is too precious to waste on bad feelings.

HTH, this is what I have used to help me to grow in my marriage.

 

[MizAvalon]

I have enjoyed this thread.

 

[cltsassy]

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not? I felt complete when I was single and was happy. I am happy now also, but in a different way. I won't say that my husband completes me; he compliments me.

Secondary questions, how long have you been married? 19 months

What is your age? 44

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)? I loved being single and was not looking to get married. My philosophy was, "if it's in God's plan for me to marry, then I will, but if not, then I won't." I wasn't one of these women out "looking for a husband" around every corner.

Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness? We do not have children, but are trying to have at least one.

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying? Continue to grow as an individual while you and your husband grow as a couple.

Thanks so much [/quote]

 

[Mystic]

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not?
Yes. I used to have a feeling of deep loneliness when I was single - especially since I was here in the US away from family.

Secondary questions, how long have you been married? We have been together for 9 years and married for almost 2 yrs.

What is your age? 34

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)?
I didn't want to get married because I was more into the career thing and school was the #1 priority. I changed my mind about marriage after a while because I suddenly got the maternal urge.

Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness?
No kids yet but I will TTC in a few months.

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying?
I wish I didn't settle with one or two scumbags along the way when I was single. I didn't have the courage to wait for my Mr. Right. Sometimes we compromise on our standards which usually result in headache and unhappiness. I wish could have told my young self to hang in there and chill because the ideal man was out there waiting for me. I know that now but I didn't then.

 

[Stormy]

Hi, based on the responses from single members in a previous thread, I thought it would be best to let the married women drop some knowledge.

So, please divulge everything that some single girls want to know.

Namely, are you happier and feeling complete now that you are married and why or why not?

Yes I am happier, but I was feeling complete and happy before. Finding Mr. Right For Me just makes me happier.

Secondary questions, how long have you been married? 8 years in Sept.

What is your age? 41

What was your mindset prior to marriage (i.e. were you always waiting to get married, ambivalent about getting married, were you career-oriented, etc)? Yep! I always wanted to BE married, but I wasn't looking for marriage at the time, I was looking for companionship only. I didn't expect to find love so soon.


Do you now have kids and are they adding to your happiness? Yes, two kids, and yes they have always "added" to my happiness. My kids are my life, my pride and joy.

And is there any advice you wish you could have told your single self prior to marrying? Hmmm... I go back and forth with this one because the things that I think I should have done, well if I had I may not be enjoying the good things that I've experienced throughout this marriage. So, I'ma have ta get back to you on that one.

Thanks so much

Anytime! I think I'm becoming a pro now!