Ladies Who Married Strictly(Or Even Mostly) For Love, Would You Do It Again?

[BeautifulFlower]

My boyfriend just said he's marrying me for my credit score....ain't that jacked up?

 

[anon123]

I think my natural inclination towards introversion makes me better suited for companionship, especially if we are not living together. Even just spending time with other people in large groups or … , I find draining sometimes. I need alone time to recharge, re group. That is just who I am. If I have been to a party, I need alone time the next day. So, imagine me in a partnership, especially if the person is “clingy” and not independent, as far as being able to entertain themselves.

I can be very loving, jovial and social, if I have a great deal of time alone. If I have that, I can be there for you. I love hanging out with people in small intimate groups/setting, as long as it does not last all day. However, I still prefer my space. I would probably do well with some kind of monastic lifestyle.

It might take real love, a spiritual partnership and … for me to feel differently. Even then, I would hope and pray that he would want separate bedrooms, and maybe even separate houses. Love doesn’t have to exist under the same roof to work; in fact, it might work better if it doesn’t.

I am an introvert as well. I don't know if I'm as introverted as you, but definitely an introvert. Diagnosed with social anxiety at one point. I have found that for a rare person, when I'm around him, it is nothing like socializing. Not to say that I still don't value alone time; I don't think there's anyone I want to be around 24/7. I welcome sleep as a break from myself, even! But I don't feel drained the way I normally do when socializing. I feel more comfortable and relaxed. Not as much when I'm alone, but not at all like being at a social event.

 

[aribell]

I have been reading through all the responses and alot of people talk about how friendship is more important than love for them.

Do you not love your best friends? People become your best friends partly because of the love you have for them and the confidence you feel with them.
I dont think I would make someone my best friend if I didnt first love that person. I like my 'friends' but I LOVE my best friends.

I'm curious about that too. I get the difference between that crazy, dizzying infatuation, which really does fade one way or the other, and a lasting friendship. But I feel like a great friendship itself carries a deep emotional attachment. When people say they married for friendship, do they mean something less?

 

[snillohsss]

definitely. I married for love 100%, but in order for to love a man, he couldn't be an idiot. He had to have goals and dreams.

 

[hopeful]

Thank all you ladies for contributing! This thread is going very well, I'm glad I started it.

I'm glad you started this thread too!

I am an introvert as well. I don't know if I'm as introverted as you, but definitely an introvert. Diagnosed with social anxiety at one point. I have found that for a rare person, when I'm around him, it is nothing like socializing. Not to say that I still don't value alone time; I don't think there's anyone I want to be around 24/7. I welcome sleep as a break from myself, even! But I don't feel drained the way I normally do when socializing. I feel more comfortable and relaxed. Not as much when I'm alone, but not at all like being at a social event.

ITA completely with the bolded. I'm somewhat introverted and socializing wears me out. I rarely ever get tired of being around my husband though. It is different.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

I am an introvert as well. I don't know if I'm as introverted as you, but definitely an introvert. Diagnosed with social anxiety at one point. I have found that for a rare person, when I'm around him, it is nothing like socializing. Not to say that I still don't value alone time; I don't think there's anyone I want to be around 24/7. I welcome sleep as a break from myself, even! But I don't feel drained the way I normally do when socializing. I feel more comfortable and relaxed. Not as much when I'm alone, but not at all like being at a social event.

I feel where you're coming from. I used to think about getting tired of being around the same person too - and I'm the 100% introvert too - till I met a guy and we were like peas in a pod. I mean, we spent most of our quality time together everyday and I never felt drained or tired being around him. That experience taught me that it definitely takes meeting the right person.

 

[biancaelyse]

I married for love but I've always been a practical person. I was never just the "lose your head over a dude" type of chick so I looked before I leaped. I know what type of person he was and beyond the fluttery feeling I had, he was a person of substance - intellectually, spiritually, financially, etc.

I still get fluttery when he smiles at me or reaches for my hand.

 

[jamaraa]

My personality and religious inclinations make marrying "just for love" unthinkable. Love is nice and all, but compatibility, value systems, attitudes about parenting, and intellectual considerations matter more to me. Love, in the Western romantic sense, is about being ....that's great and all but you don't spend all your life in bed or w/ each other. (Thanks goodness...I'd go madder than I already am )

 

[jamaraa]

I think my natural inclination towards introversion makes me better suited for companionship, especially if we are not living together. Even just spending time with other people in large groups or … , I find draining sometimes. I need alone time to recharge, re group. That is just who I am. If I have been to a party, I need alone time the next day. So, imagine me in a partnership, especially if the person is “clingy” and not independent, as far as being able to entertain themselves.

I can be very loving, jovial and social, if I have a great deal of time alone. If I have that, I can be there for you. I love hanging out with people in small intimate groups/setting, as long as it does not last all day. However, I still prefer my space. I would probably do well with some kind of monastic lifestyle.

It might take real love, a spiritual partnership and … for me to feel differently. Even then, I would hope and pray that he would want separate bedrooms, and maybe even separate houses. Love doesn’t have to exist under the same roof to work; in fact, it might work better if it doesn’t.

Helena Bonham-Carter...is that you? I feel the same way actually. The Victorians understood that separate bedrooms were the key to long lasting relationships. I'm KINDA kidding here (but not! )

These days, many people expect their partners to be all things to them for some reason. I just can't get wid dat. People need space, friends, family, etc and to be able to have this w/o the other person being so insecure about it.

LOL...sometimes I think I'm secretly French cuz this is very much how many French folks live. It's like "you do you, I do me, and we'll have a HUGE Sunday lunch together!" Too much togetherness is like

 

[michelle81]

I'm so sorry you endured this but I pray your hubby is doing much better and I pray you are doing well.

I think there are so many facets to making a clear decision to marry someone and I believe everyone has their own definition of love. For me 'love' is not #1 its actually #3 but my #2 is that my man must be my 'ace' 'bes tfriend' and if anything happened to him, I'd be there to support and do my part. My Pastor made some interesting points to the men in our congregation about ensuring their family is taken care of in the event of a life changing event, for example having adequate life and health insurance, long term care benefits, etc. It did sound strange to me at first but it continued to solidify my belief that marriage is a business first....and not in the cold sense of the word either, but proper management creates an atmosphere of harmony. I truly don't know many people as organized and family oriented as my pastor but he truly is a good example of a good man and father (from what I know of him). I know I'm all over the place but hopefully u c where I'm coming from.

He's doing much better, thank God.

While all of that was going on last year, we were financially covered, but there was more to it than just money. Never a worry about bills or finances, but I don't think one can ever be mentally prepared for it.

During most of that time, there certainly wasn't any passion to be had and of course income changed. I think the only thing that got me through it was my love for him. If I had married for money and the love hadn't "grown" yet, I would have left. That's waaaay too much to deal with if the person is just a business partner to me.

I don't think there's enough money around to have kept me there for all we went through together.

This is of course only my opinion based only on my life and the things I've seen working with patients at the hospital. I've seen so much despair, illness, and death that I certainly view things differently.

 

[tiara76]

He's doing much better, thank God.

While all of that was going on last year, we were financially covered, but there was more to it than just money. Never a worry about bills or finances, but I don't think one can ever be mentally prepared for it.

During most of that time, there certainly wasn't any passion to be had and of course income changed. I think the only thing that got me through it was my love for him. If I had married for money and the love hadn't "grown" yet, I would have left. That's waaaay too much to deal with if the person is just a business partner to me.

I don't think there's enough money around to have kept me there for all we went through together.

This is of course only my opinion based only on my life and the things I've seen working with patients at the hospital. I've seen so much despair, illness, and death that I certainly view things differently.

one of the reasons divorce rates are so high is because people think marriage's can "work" without it....

it takes work and effort to be in a relationship that doesn't have love, even when its "good"....it takes a lot of effort to show up daily emotionally and physically somewhere where you have no passion to be including marriages, so let it get "bad"......people are ready to bail out, there is no love to get them through it and people are still fearful of alot of things in life, but less fearful than in previous years that would of caused them to stay when things were bad not due to love but for fear or something worse than the situation they were in or negative stigmas attached to them if they left

 

[nychaelasymone]

He's doing much better, thank God.

While all of that was going on last year, we were financially covered, but there was more to it than just money. Never a worry about bills or finances, but I don't think one can ever be mentally prepared for it.

During most of that time, there certainly wasn't any passion to be had and of course income changed. I think the only thing that got me through it was my love for him. If I had married for money and the love hadn't "grown" yet, I would have left. That's waaaay too much to deal with if the person is just a business partner to me.

I don't think there's enough money around to have kept me there for all we went through together.

This is of course only my opinion based only on my life and the things I've seen working with patients at the hospital. I've seen so much despair, illness, and death that I certainly view things differently.

God Bless and I certainly respect everything you've communicated.

Off subject kinda.....this has been one of the most open, honest, candid, non-threatening threads I've seen around here in a while.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

On my way to the alter and love is first...always has and will be...

 

[SugarBaby]

He's doing much better, thank God.
While all of that was going on last year, we were financially covered, but there was more to it than just money. Never a worry about bills or finances, but I don't think one can ever be mentally prepared for it.

During most of that time, there certainly wasn't any passion to be had and of course income changed. I think the only thing that got me through it was my love for him. If I had married for money and the love hadn't "grown" yet, I would have left. That's waaaay too much to deal with if the person is just a business partner to me.

I don't think there's enough money around to have kept me there for all we went through together.

This is of course only my opinion based only on my life and the things I've seen working with patients at the hospital. I've seen so much despair, illness, and death that I certainly view things differently.

Your post made me pause.

I heard Marianne Willamson speak about the bitter and sweetness of life.

Sometimes life gives you "bitter" but you always know the "sweet" is right around the corner.

I feel you are getting ready for the "sweetness" of life to bless you.

Bless you Girl !

 

[DayStar]

are you a taurus?

I think my natural inclination towards introversion makes me better suited for companionship, especially if we are not living together. Even just spending time with other people in large groups or … , I find draining sometimes. I need alone time to recharge, re group. That is just who I am. If I have been to a party, I need alone time the next day. So, imagine me in a partnership, especially if the person is “clingy” and not independent, as far as being able to entertain themselves.

I can be very loving, jovial and social, if I have a great deal of time alone. If I have that, I can be there for you. I love hanging out with people in small intimate groups/setting, as long as it does not last all day. However, I still prefer my space. I would probably do well with some kind of monastic lifestyle.

It might take real love, a spiritual partnership and … for me to feel differently. Even then, I would hope and pray that he would want separate bedrooms, and maybe even separate houses. Love doesn’t have to exist under the same roof to work; in fact, it might work better if it doesn’t.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I just don't get it...if love isn't the priority than what is the point of getting married?...because you don't want to be alone? because you can be single and date all the men that you desire in regards to money and other things...IJA

 

[Browndilocks]

Wow.

While this thread is incredibly interesting and eye opening, I can't help but to feel a bit... traumatized.

I'm sorry but this doesn't look like anything to look forward to. If I keep reading these posts, I'm likely to stay single forever.

 

[SugarBaby]

Wow.

While this thread is incredibly interesting and eye opening, I can't help but to feel a bit... traumatized.

I'm sorry but this doesn't look like anything to look forward to. If I keep reading these posts, I'm likely to stay single forever.

Please don't feel that way..

As you get older and get wiser, everything changes...

Things you felt were important at 19yrs old are not so important at 30, 35, 40

Its just life and personal choices being revealed.

I love this thread.

 

[Renewed1]

Personally I believe marriage is a business and a emotional arrangement. During the courtship/dating (whatever) is the "business" aspect. You decide if this person has the requirements you desire to spend the rest of your life with. Does he make enough money? Is he responsible? etc.

The marriage is the emotional aspect where you decided to love this person and everything that comes with them the good and bad. Generally, the love part is decided before the marriage.

So yes, I marry for love. But that's after I already made the "business" decision to be with that person.

 

[Bunny77]

So yes, I marry for love. But that's after I already made the "business" decision to be with that person.

Pretty much sums up how I feel as well!

I will definitely love the man that I marry. But I wouldn't have fallen in love with him if he didn't fit my standards and bring to the table the pragmatic things I was looking for in a husband.

 

[SugarBaby]

So yes, I marry for love. But that's after I already made the "business" decision to be with that person.[/QUOTE]

Pretty much sums up how I feel as well!

I will definitely love the man that I marry. But I wouldn't have fallen in love with him if he didn't fit my standards and bring to the table the pragmatic things I was looking for in a husband.

Thats the beauty of making a choice from wisdom and wholeness...Some ladies that marry early don't have wisdom, maturity, insight and wholeness.

I personally would not recommend to anyone to marry before 30yrs. for soooo many reasons.

 

[thatscuteright]

So yes, I marry for love. But that's after I already made the "business" decision to be with that person.[/QUOTE]

[/B]


Thats the beauty of making a choice from wisdom and wholeness...Some ladies that marry early don't have wisdom, maturity, insight and wholeness.

I personally would not recommend to anyone to marry before 30yrs. for soooo many reasons.

My dad said the same thing, and I listened, but sometimes I regret it as I was engaged at 22 and wonder very much if I made the right decision now that I am approaching 30.

 

[SugarBaby]

regret is never good...it never leaves.

Be careful.

 

[thatscuteright]

So Are you saying you have been engaged from 22 to almost 30 ?

no,
I broke it off due to some issues, that were really quite minor but I was hesitant to get married before 30 due to my dad's advice and now I wonder if it was a wise decision or a niave one.

 

[SugarBaby]

no,
I broke it off due to some issues, that were really quite minor but I was hesitant to get married before 30 due to my dad's advice and now I wonder if it was a wise decision or a niave one.

oh ok..

Is this due to the fear of approaching 30 and being unmarried?

 

[SW2011]

I didn't read through all of the responses (and I'm not married - I'm engaged), but in our pre-marital course, we talked about how there is nowhere in the Bible that mentions that a wife should love her husband. The Bible mentions that a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church, but the woman doesn't have that same command. My pastor says that we as woman are created to be responsive...a man who provides, cares for, and loves his wife will have a wife who loves him back.

I'm marrying for love.

 

[Browndilocks]

Please don't feel that way..

As you get older and get wiser, everything changes...

Things you felt were important at 19yrs old are not so important at 30, 35, 40

Its just life and personal choices being revealed.

I love this thread.

I completely understand the nature of what you're saying. It's not that I hate this thread because like I've said its very eye opening. Yet I wish I could really articulate my frame of thought when reading these posts.

I am a grown woman myself. And while the scope of my desires and aspirations have defiinitely evolved over the years, I just don't want to feel that after all of the achievements and accomplishments I've been blessed to have, I'll have to "settle" for a relationship with someone I'm not attracted to or have passionate feelings for.

Perhaps I look at some things as a given, because men who lack certain educational and financial qualities arent even given a chance to come near me. Therefore, I'm picking from a certain pool regardless. So when the basic quaifications are out of the way, I want to have that passion for a person. I dont want to learn to adapt to his ugly looks or grow into loving him, KWIM? At this stage, that's what going to make me want to get to know them more. Knowing that the emotional aspect of love comes and goes, it at least has to be on and crackin from the jump. I can't knock anyone else's personal choices on what works for them but for me, that passionate love and attraction just has to be there if I'm considering marrying him. It just has to.

 

[saved06]

So I don't get it, what is really gained from getting married? What is the value?

Is the value basically more money?

 

[Country gal]

Ladies thanks so much for sharing your stories. Great thread

 

[Nay]

So does anyone know anyone that has the love, passion, wealth and friendship in marriage?

My husband and I will soon be celebrating 19 years of being married and 20 years of being together. I can honestly say that we have the 4 things that you listed above.

I believe that I got married out of love -- I fell in love with my husband because we connected on so many levels. He was not a wealthy man by any means. He was a struggling student with iffy credit living with his mom. But I saw how intelligent he was (he was working on his bachelor's in electrical engineering at the time), and I knew that he had serious potential and that he was not just some confused good-looking bum. And he has often told me that meeting me back then made him want to be the best that he could be and, yes, he did go on to become successful in his chosen profession.

Anyway, through the years our friendship, love, passion, and wealth have continued to grow and thrive, and I believe the reason our relationship is successful is because we truly are friends who want the best for each other and for our life together. Also, we are on the same page financially, meaning we have goals that we happily have worked on together. And another big point is that we both strive to be a man and a woman after God's own heart.

Marriage can be and should be a beautiful thing. I'm not exactly sure why so many unions turn out so poorly. I definitely would marry my husband over, and I'm glad that I gave that brother a chance ;-)