Married ladies - IF you were single how would you meet Mr. Right?

[hopeful]

I also think some people see being friendly/bubbly as fake/ cheerleader-like, attention-seeking, over the top, etc. I am pretty introverted but I am interested in people and hearing their story. So it's every bit as much about listening as talking. And as an introvert, I excel at one-on-one conversations, making eye contact with a human-being, vs. trying to get a group of people's attention if that makes sense. And I smile because most of the time I'm happy, not because I want to "appear" happy. Also, smiling and eye contact is a form of communication, as is the way you dress, wear your hair, etc. What do you want to say to the world, to the universe?

 

[LivingDoll]

@nysister NAILED IT here:

Whenever I asked my father for advice on finding Mr. Right, he always said "focus on yourself". As much as I , he was right. You could meet eligible men all day, everyday, but it won't do you a doggone bit of good if you aren't happy within yourself. From a relationship prospective, being "the best you that you can be" not only helps to draw in a potential Mr. Right, it will go a long way towards keeping him around.

I also think the posters who talk about pursuing interests and hobbies are right on the money. Now, I wouldn't suggest starting something that you have no intent on continuing (just like we wouldn't want a man to reel us in by doing 'xyz' only to stop when the "chase" is over), but spending time doing things you like (whether you're trying something new or doing something you've always enjoyed) will increase your exposure to people with shared interests, is a great stress reliever, and just makes you feel good.

I also have to thank @msdeevee a second time for this:
The other piece of advice that my father gave me is that things will happen when they happen "or when you least expect it". Again, as much as I , he was right. The way we live our lives will have an impact on the caliber of people we meet, but it won't guarantee that Mr. Right will be one of them. Since time and energy are finite resources, I would spend them wisely by enjoying life (traveling, pursuing interests and hobbies, investing in my health and appearance) instead of about being single (yes, we've all been there, you just can't stay there).

@MD_Lady and @msdeevee

I LOVE your post(s)...it's right on time and what I needed to hear today...especially the bolded. Thanks a million.

ETA: I hear you ladies...from now on, I'm going to go out of my way to be more friendly to the men I see in passing. It only takes a moment to make eye contact and say hello. It may not seem like a lot, but I'm shy and a bit introverted. I think it will make a big difference in my daily interactions with men.

 

[Maracujá]

Shameless bump

 

[cbanks67]

Nice thread. Good advice. My old roomate and I agreed we wanted to be married within a certain period of time. She stayed gone. At the mall, events, clubs whatever she could get her hands on. She met her Husband shopping at Victoria Secret. They married. Me I'm still single and don't go out as much as I used to. Although, I'm considering not marrying at all but would like a to meet someone else. The only thing is to not be so thirsty that you overlook obvious issues with possible mates. Even though my friend is married she had to deal with some serious issues because she didn't know some key details about his background.

 

[**SaSSy**]

1. Attend local 100 black men events, grad frat events, hbcu alumi events, any events where I thought I'd find the type if guys I like.

2. Join a gym and get hot.

3. Take some pole classes

4. Go to happy hour a couple times a week

5. Go hang out with my 2 single friends who I've never heard complain about the shortage of men.

6. Travel

7. Go back to school

8. Volunteer with my political party and on local campaigns

9. Go to tailgate parties and sporting events.

10. Put a profile on a dating site.

And I'd do this all at once. If I were to be single again I wouldn't want to be out there too long.

Those are the best ways to find a man who meets your criteria in both looks, education, and money.

I personally wouldn't met a man in a bar or club if I was looking for something serious.

 

[lana]

Shameless bump...

 

[southerncitygirl]

lana

i made my list a yr or 2 ago when i first became celibate. i included personality characteristics, financial status, penis size/girth, skills in the bedroom and physical appearance. when i come outta hibernation after having been a celibate recluse/nyc apt hermitt for almost 3yrs, i plan on being more social and pursuing more hobbies. i know in doing the things that interest me it will open doors to meet many ppl and even men that are hubby material.

 

[getoffmylawn]

I really dont know. Ive only dated one man in my life and we married when I was a teen. More than likely Id end up with another Asian guy since there are so many in my field. The ones I know love American women and revel in conversations with us lol. I dont care for sports or parties so those scouting grounds would be last on my list. Ive met so many cute techies where I currently live that causes me to fantasize about being single..sigh.

Sent from my SCH-I510 using LHCF

 

[UmSumayyah]

I have to be honest, looks, education and money were not on my list when hoping to meet Mr. Right.

My list started with "Dear God please send me a man that is loyal, honest and kind, send me a man that knows how to love me for me."

And that's what I got...he just happens to be soo much more.

So to explore this point further, if I was single I would reinspect my priorities to make certain they were the right priorities before considering a man for the role of husband.

Looks were on my list. Average and up. I don't need a GQ model but I have to be able to look at his face.

Money itself wasn't on the list, but financially responsible was.

I didn't think about education, but intelligence, yes. I need to be able to have stimulating conversation.

And all that other stuff, loyalty, kindness, etc.

I think really thinking about traits you want and writing it down really helps. We have to ask ourselves what do we really need/want and more importantly, why. It makes it all so much more clear.

 

[lana]

I would love to know if any of the single ladies have tried any of the things listed in this thread and met with success.

 

[Zaynab]

I would love to know if any of the single ladies have tried any of the things listed in this thread and met with success.

lana I want to know too. I was just out of town and again, saw lots of single men eating/drinking in the city center. RIGHT after work/happy hour. They were chatting up women who were alone.

 

[Live.Laugh.Love]

Thanks for bumping the thread!! All this talk about being bubbly got me thinking I have been watching the Bachelor all season, and the two girls left are the two most bubbly women out of the bunch!! You ladies are on it! The bubbly women are probably not Seans best choice but you can tell that bubbly spirit has pulled him in and he can't think straight!! Being bubbly will get you the man, they eat it up!!

 

[faithVA]

Thanks for bumping the thread!! All this talk about being bubbly got me thinking I have been watching the Bachelor all season, and the two girls left are the two most bubbly women out of the bunch!! You ladies are on it! The bubbly women are probably not Seans best choice but you can tell that bubbly spirit has pulled him in and he can't think straight!! Being bubbly will get you the man, they eat it up!!

I'm not a married lady and I have not read this thread, just responding to your post.

I went to my company's Christmas party 2 years ago and a guy caught my eye. I was sitting there listening to him tell a story. I thought, hmm I'm going to try this "Becky" thing, which is what I call it. So I turned my body towards him, and focused on him and started nodding and expressing interest.

At the end of the night, he suggested we have lunch the following week. We have been dating every since. I was like dang! this Becky stuff does work.

After we started dating he did mention that he spoke to me at the previous years Christmas party and I did not seem interested. hmm!

Bubbly is not my natural behavior I think people do respond to it. And I do make sure that I continue to work on my skills.

 

[thatscuteright]

From personal experience the bubbly, carefree, girly girl things works. Its gets annoying to do when you are not in the mood though
I have been hibernating for awhile, but when I was "out there" I was asked out the most by men from all races, when I was just cheezing, and acting carefree.

 

[The Girl]

This super bubbly woman turned on the charm for my hubby, as I watched in awe. She was simply being a good hostess at a work related event and he said that he had never had a woman focus so completely on him and just smile and listen. I agreed with him (because she did this for men AND women) and I learned from her example. She basically looked at him as if he hung the moon and everything that he said was Ah-mazing. (Oh-this was before we were marrried)

So now, when my dear hubby talks, I listen and give him my full attention. I'm a woman, it is EASY for me to multi-task - it is difficult for me to focus on one thing and one thing only.

Today my hubby told me: "Do you know why I love you?"
Guess what he said next: "Because you are sexy. You smile a lot, you have a great personality - that is why I love you."


Yup, that was just a random "goodbye honey talk to you later". But boy do I feel goooood.

So all I have to say is "Work it!"

...Introverts stay losing!

 

[sapphire74]

1. Attend local 100 black men events, grad frat events, hbcu alumi events, any events where I thought I'd find the type if guys I like.

2. Join a gym and get hot.

3. Take some pole classes

4. Go to happy hour a couple times a week

5. Go hang out with my 2 single friends who I've never heard complain about the shortage of men.

6. Travel

7. Go back to school

8. Volunteer with my political party and on local campaigns

9. Go to tailgate parties and sporting events.

10. Put a profile on a dating site.

And I'd do this all at once. If I were to be single again I wouldn't want to be out there too long.

EverythingOldIsNew what a great starting list! I will be using it! I just relocated so this is a great time to start!

 

[FlyyBohemian]

From personal experience the bubbly, carefree, girly girl things works. Its gets annoying to do when you are not in the mood though
I have been hibernating for awhile, but when I was "out there" I was asked out the most by men from all races, when I was just cheezing, and acting carefree.

I did it this last weekend. You'll be surprised what a smile, an outgoing personality, and a tight solid colored dress or jeans can do.

 

[Live.Laugh.Love]

EverythingOldIsNew what a great starting list! I will be using it! I just relocated so this is a great time to start!

Did you relocate for work??

 

[sapphire74]

Did you relocate for work??

Live.Laugh.Love No, I work from home so I could bring my job where ever I move. I moved because I wanted new surroundings. There wasn't much to do in my opinion in the city I was in once you've graduated college.

 

[HeChangedMyName]

Knowing what I know now, I would have my own stuff together so right that mr perfect would have his stuff together and would seek me out. I would not settle for anything less than being treated like the apple of his eye

Sent from somewhere over the rainbow

 

[Maracujá]

Knowing what I know now, I would have my own stuff together so right that mr perfect would have his stuff together and would seek me out. I would not settle for anything less than being treated like the apple of his eye

Sent from somewhere over the rainbow

That's what I'm working on right now and loving it! My Brazilian co-worker/friend also raised the same issue that's being discussed here, she said it's very important to smile. She has a very friendly candor and people eat it up. She even smiles while walking on the street, she said she just thinks of pleasant past events and that automatically puts a smile on her face.

 

[Incognitus]

Add 1, 4 and 7. Aren't you in the H too? Girl it's practically raining men here.

EverythingOldIsNew So H has it THAT good? Hmm...I've been torn between Dallas and Houston and am still undecided. Per your statements I have added an extra + in the Houston column.

lana

i made my list a yr or 2 ago when i first became celibate. i included personality characteristics, financial status, penis size/girth, skills in the bedroom and physical appearance. when i come outta hibernation after having been a celibate recluse/nyc apt hermitt for almost 3yrs, i plan on being more social and pursuing more hobbies. i know in doing the things that interest me it will open doors to meet many ppl and even men that are hubby material.

southerncitygirl
Dang girl...lol. This had me laughing out loud.

 

[Raspberry]

EverythingOldIsNew So H has it THAT good? Hmm...I've been torn between Dallas and Houston and am still undecided. Per your statements I have added an extra + in the Houston column.

Dang girl...lol. This had me laughing out loud.

Incognitus I relocated to Dallas and think Houston may have a slight edge in the black men department, however my prospects have still improved exponentially since moving. Both areas have tons of educated career oriented men around and more are continually moving here for jobs. I'm still blown away by all the friendly good looking men I meet on the regular...women who grow up in these areas don't know what they have and should be grateful, it's really not like that everywhere.. far from it lol.

 

[Incognitus]

Raspberry So Houston has a slight edge. So then how did your prospects improve exponentially since moving?

 

[ambergirl]

I also think some people see being friendly/bubbly as fake/ cheerleader-like, attention-seeking, over the top, etc. I am pretty introverted but I am interested in people and hearing their story. So it's every bit as much about listening as talking. And as an introvert, I excel at one-on-one conversations, making eye contact with a human-being, vs. trying to get a group of people's attention if that makes sense. And I smile because most of the time I'm happy, not because I want to "appear" happy. Also, smiling and eye contact is a form of communication, as is the way you dress, wear your hair, etc. What do you want to say to the world, to the universe?

Yep. I am a naturally bubbly, upbeat, smiley, talkative person and it gets me nowhere with most black men because they assume i'm faking it. White dudes on the other hand eat it up. End of the day, you have to just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[Raspberry]

@Raspberry So Houston has a slight edge. So then how did your prospects improve exponentially since moving?

@Incognitus Well Dallas is a big city with tons of single professional black men, and lots of places and events to rub shoulders with them and black professionals in general. As compared to where I lived before the difference has been night and day and I'm having fun meeting new people and men, thus my exponential comment. Houston may have an advantage because its larger with a different demographic landscape. For example, African immigrant communities are much more prominent in Houston than in Dallas, so if that's important to you, go with Houston. Both cities are better than most in the US for single black women.

Of course there are other things that figure into whether you'll like a city besides stats about men - neighborhoods, cultural norms, entertainment preferences, scenery, employment prospects, etc.

 

[VelvetRain]

That's good to hear. Although statistics or numbers don't matter when you trust fully in God to be matchmaker but it's certainly to help to position yourself well. Iv'e been in TX since last June working and think I may make this my permanent home. I didn't care for Houston as it reminded me of Atlanta. I have yet to visit Dallas but may go this weekend or next as I am only 1.5 hours.

I'm surprised Charlotte in on that list. That place is all about ready made families. I didn't consider it some great spot to be if you were single but then again my outlook is d different now than it was 7 years ago when I moved there.

 

[Raspberry]

That's good to hear. Although statistics or numbers don't matter when you trust fully in God to be matchmaker but it's certainly to help to position yourself well. Iv'e been in TX since last June working and think I may make this my permanent home. I didn't care for Houston as it reminded me of Atlanta. I have yet to visit Dallas but may go this weekend or next as I am only 1.5 hours.

I'm surprised Charlotte in on that list. That place is all about ready made families. I didn't consider it some great spot to be if you were single but then again my outlook is d different now than it was 7 years ago when I moved there.

You bring a good perspective because I agree that stats don't tell the whole story (unless you were to break down this list by gender and marital status). If you do a search for good places for black professionals, most will say that Atlanta is the place to be. However, I have known many black women who didn't like their prospects in Atlanta as a single. But if you love Atlanta and are moving to TX, than Houston is probably the best place for you. I've known countless black families to move to the Charlotte area.

There are also many personal variables that make a certain city a good match that can't be accounted for in someone else's opinion.

 

[SuchMagnificent]

Incognitus I relocated to Dallas and think Houston may have a slight edge in the black men department, however my prospects have still improved exponentially since moving. Both areas have tons of educated career oriented men around and more are continually moving here for jobs. I'm still blown away by all the friendly good looking men I meet on the regular...women who grow up in these areas don't know what they have and should be grateful, it's really not like that everywhere.. far from it lol.

I've been in Houston all my life...it's not as easy as it looks..there are plenty of single women looking for love out here, including myself.

 

[Raspberry]

I've been in Houston all my life...it's not as easy as it looks..there are plenty of single women looking for love out here, including myself.

SuchMagnificance I hear you. In my experience some areas are better than others for black women, but three's definitely no guarantees in the love and dating arenas no matter how you shake it.