Married ladies - IF you were single how would you meet Mr. Right?

There are a ton of them now. Back when I was dating I used match.com and I also met a few guys on Blackplanet.com (before they had the dating site).

sharifeh said:
for those of you that suggested putting up a profile on an online dating site, which ones do you recommend?
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I'd move from the Mississippi and frequent places where professional men are, specifically classy sport bars and events, golf courses and gyms. I'd only socialize with women who are not thirsty, desperate women can ruin your vibe! I'd also travel to different places with high populations of successful men. I'd also just have fun. Men love fun women.
I'd like to add it is so important to establish and maintain purely platonic relationships with professional men. They can put you up on game (for lack of a better way to say it)
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FemmeFatale said:
Getting the ring. There seems to be conflicting info in how to get on that track and it's confusing. I hear everything from be nonchalant to be sweet as a pie, to don't be thirsty, to be assertive. It's confusing, lol.
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True story, when dh and I dated we broke up a day after valentines day- odd huh- I read Catch him and Keep him and Have the Relationship You Want and he bought a house and proposed in May. Both authors have free newsletters you can sign up for. They offer good realistic information about relationships and being a women. Catch him and Keep him is by a man. The other is by a woman. I also read The Conversation by Hill Harper
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Whatever you do, don't sleep on being friendly and bubbly. I literally have to force myself to tone that ish down because men love it. Talk to everybody, learn the art of chit chat and small talk. Learn to love sports and go go go to as many sporting events (that attract the kind of man you like) as possible. Live, live, live, exude joy. If my job, neighborhood, whatever, was preventing me from finding a man, I would change something, plan to change something, be determined to change something.
 
I would be at the gym 5 days a week and would make sure I stayed in shape. There's competition out there and I'm 41 so I know I'd have to look good. I honestly don't know where I'd go to meet a guy. I haven't been single in a long time. I'm a busy lady so I'd look online first.

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Thanks for the tag! Most of mine have been covered, but:

*Get a library card in the rich part of town and hang out there weekly

*Travel

*Volunteer for a political campaign

*Go to Wine tasting class

*I'd have a super high-end luxury sporty car and take it to the dealership weekly for a free wash. Hang out in the waiting room and look approachable.

*Attend my college alumni events

*When I'm out on the weekend, I'd always wear sports gear with a ball cap. It's an automatic conversation-starter. I love the Dallas Cowboys and Mavericks and they have some cute team gear!

*Tell my friends and family to be on the lookout for some quality men I might like.

*Take Continuing Ed classes at one of the local uppity private colleges. I'd focus on financial stuff (stock market, etc.).

*Never use a drive-thru. I'd always park and go eat/get coffee.

If I think of more I'll be back. Great thread! :)
 
hopeful said:
Whatever you do, don't sleep on being friendly and bubbly. I literally have to force myself to tone that ish down because men love it. Talk to everybody, learn the art of chit chat and small talk.
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This really cannot be said enough. If I were being 100% honest, I would say THAT is the one area white/Asian women have over us. It's not looks, it's the bubbly exuberance they turn on (yes turn on, because nobody is that damn happy) around men. I've seen it up close and personal and it's magnetic for guys.:yep:

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Southernbella. said:
This really cannot be said enough. If I were being 100% honest, I would say THAT is the one area white/Asian women have over us. It's not looks, it's the bubbly exuberance they turn on (yes turn on, because nobody is that damn happy) around men. I've seen it up close and personal and it's magnetic for guys.:yep:

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
Click to expand...

Yea, I see it a lot. Type A intensity around women, sweet as molasses once a man comes around. Sometimes I'm like wth is happening here? Who is this chick?? I've never seen her before!
When I am extra bubbly, it is wonderful. I just don't think to do it for most men I encounter.
 
This super bubbly woman turned on the charm for my hubby, as I watched in awe. She was simply being a good hostess at a work related event and he said that he had never had a woman focus so completely on him and just smile and listen. I agreed with him (because she did this for men AND women) and I learned from her example. She basically looked at him as if he hung the moon and everything that he said was Ah-mazing. (Oh-this was before we were marrried)

So now, when my dear hubby talks, I listen and give him my full attention. I'm a woman, it is EASY for me to multi-task - it is difficult for me to focus on one thing and one thing only.

Today my hubby told me: "Do you know why I love you?"
Guess what he said next: "Because you are sexy. You smile a lot, you have a great personality - that is why I love you."


Yup, that was just a random "goodbye honey talk to you later". But boy do I feel goooood.

So all I have to say is "Work it!"
 
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Southernbella. said:
This really cannot be said enough. If I were being 100% honest, I would say THAT is the one area white/Asian women have over us. It's not looks, it's the bubbly exuberance they turn on (yes turn on, because nobody is that damn happy) around men. I've seen it up close and personal and it's magnetic for guys.:yep:

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Click to expand...


:yep: it's also tiring to the point where it's like I'd rather get him 1st being low energy me THEN turn it on now and again instead of him expecting/wanting it all the time. Which is me naturally because I can be a chatterbox then suddenly turn off. I think that's the thing about women they do things to get a man and then once they get him they get comfortable. I'd rather meet somewhere in the middle by doing things I'm comfortable with doing all or most of the time. In fact, IME bubbly people turn me off because I'm like "are you always ON???" I need you to shut up AND get out my face at the same damn time:yep: They don't seem genuine from most of the people I meet and I am an excellent dead on judge of character. Guys don't care tho...I think women care more about sincerity.
 
msdeevee said:
My DH and I are the same religion and we met at a religious convention.

However, when I was single I was just out and about working and I just met men like that. I was always open and receptive to almost everyone.
I've been married since forever , since the last century though :drunk: and I think that it is harder now to meet quality men than it was back in the day.

I really don't know how I would meet someone now if I was single.

I agree with traveling and just being into myself. One thing I regret I didn't do when I was single was just cultivate my own career goals more instead of waiting until I got married . I would have saved and/or invested more money. I would have tried to buy a home, maybe build my own business etc. or to do anything else. I'm blessed that I have a good marriage but it could have easily gone the other way .

Single ladies don't put your life on hold waiting for marriage or a man . Enjoy your life now.
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Because thanks wasn't enough:yep:
 
Sorry about the double post but I've had this on my mind since yesterday: I agree about the being friendly part, but be genuine about it. I have a Congolese and a Brazilian co-worker that I get along great with, they're very bubbly and always smiling. Although both are married with children, men at work swoon over their persona. The thing is that I interact with them alot and know what they say about others behind their back, no one is perfect but if you're gonna put up this friendly vibe about you, be frank and real about it is all I'm saying.
 
snillohsss said:
oh...and like someone said technology groups/functions. I attended a technology awards dinner/social event with dh...and the place was CROWDED with early 20's single men with million dollar tech companies THAT THEY OWNED. There were quite a few black men there as well. I even said to dh, if I were single...I would have my behind right in here...snatching up all these available men with means. :lol: So many women sleep on the nerds.

There were two black women at this funcion..I was one of them. Outside of that...the WW and Asian women were in abundance...catching those men early.
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I understand and agree with this post but how am I to go to these events when I have no connection to it whatsoever? I'm really going to show up at a technology ball when my (to-be) career is in education?
 
*SkolarStar* said:
I understand and agree with this post but how am I to go to these events when I have no connection to it whatsoever? I'm really going to show up at a technology ball when my (to-be) career is in education?
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*SkolarStar*,

Just say, you are there to learn more about how to integrate technology into the classroom to help your students stay competitive in the job market. You need to think outside the box when it comes to these things. :lol:
 
@nysister NAILED IT here:

nysister said:
Most of all, in my opinion focusing on being the best you that you can be, will attract the right people in your life both men and women. HTH :)
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Whenever I asked my father for advice on finding Mr. Right, he always said "focus on yourself". As much as I :rolleyes:, he was right. You could meet eligible men all day, everyday, but it won't do you a doggone bit of good if you aren't happy within yourself. From a relationship prospective, being "the best you that you can be" not only helps to draw in a potential Mr. Right, it will go a long way towards keeping him around. :yep:

I also think the posters who talk about pursuing interests and hobbies are right on the money. Now, I wouldn't suggest starting something that you have no intent on continuing (just like we wouldn't want a man to reel us in by doing 'xyz' only to stop when the "chase" is over), but spending time doing things you like (whether you're trying something new or doing something you've always enjoyed) will increase your exposure to people with shared interests, is a great stress reliever, and just makes you feel good.

I also have to thank msdeevee a second time for this:
msdeevee said:
Single ladies don't put your life on hold waiting for marriage or a man . Enjoy your life now.
Click to expand...
The other piece of advice that my father gave me is that things will happen when they happen "or when you least expect it". Again, as much as I :rolleyes:, he was right. The way we live our lives will have an impact on the caliber of people we meet, but it won't guarantee that Mr. Right will be one of them. Since time and energy are finite resources, I would spend them wisely by enjoying life (traveling, pursuing interests and hobbies, investing in my health and appearance) instead of :pullhair: about being single (yes, we've all been there, you just can't stay there).
 
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lana said:
This super bubbly woman turned on the charm for my hubby, as I watched in awe. She was simply being a good hostess at a work related event and he said that he had never had a woman focus so completely on him and just smile and listen. I agreed with him (because she did this for men AND women) and I learned from her example. She basically looked at him as if he hung the moon and everything that he said was Ah-mazing. (Oh-this was before we were marrried)

So now, when my dear hubby talks, I listen and give him my full attention. I'm a woman, it is EASY for me to multi-task - it is difficult for me to focus on one thing and one thing only.

Today my hubby told me: "Do you know why I love you?"
Guess what he said next: "Because you are sexy. You smile a lot, you have a great personality - that is why I love you."


Yup, that was just a random "goodbye honey talk to you later". But boy do I feel goooood.

So all I have to say is "Work it!"
Click to expand...

CarLiTa said:
Yea, I see it a lot. Type A intensity around women, sweet as molasses once a man comes around. Sometimes I'm like wth is happening here? Who is this chick?? I've never seen her before!
When I am extra bubbly, it is wonderful. I just don't think to do it for most men I encounter.
Click to expand...

Southernbella. said:
This really cannot be said enough. If I were being 100% honest, I would say THAT is the one area white/Asian women have over us. It's not looks, it's the bubbly exuberance they turn on (yes turn on, because nobody is that damn happy) around men. I've seen it up close and personal and it's magnetic for guys.:yep:

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
Click to expand...

Very good advice. You can be the best dressed, hair coiffed person, but a smile goes a lonnnnggggg way :yep: I've noticed that one thing about me is that I smile and am more bubbly nowadays.
 
naturalmanenyc said:
Thanks for the tag. Good topic.

I would do exactly as I did before meeting DH (well, before noticing DH since I met him a few times before it stuck). lol

Put up a dating profile or two or three on different websites & accept lunch dates near work.

Go to legal networking events or networking events for fields of interest (Black Engineers).

Go to happy hour in the Wall St area (Tuesdays and Thursday are big in NYC).

.
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I work on wall street and have gone out to not many men around. Any recommendations on places to go?

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*SkolarStar* said:
I understand and agree with this post but how am I to go to these events when I have no connection to it whatsoever? I'm really going to show up at a technology ball when my (to-be) career is in education?
Click to expand...

Short answer...yes. Technology is everywhere...and it doesn't need to be your career for one to be interested. I remember being at the bar...one woman (white of course) was telling someone she was a nurse.

Lots of these guys have companies that create apps...and some of the very things you use in your daily lives. Groupon...Foursquare...etc. these guys like to hear about how things can make your lives easier because it is a biz idea to them. The conversation starters are endless!
 
I live in Boston. My brief observations about meetup groups are that:

1. The social ones for young people are not well-attended. There's an average of, like, 7 reservations on most of the ones I've looked into (unless I'm looking at the wrong groups)
2. Tech ones are very active and fiiilled with men. I'm subscribed to a few, because of my job function (analytics) and I'm frequently encouraged to join many more similar ones. Their events tend to have wait-lists, even... especially when the men are doing skill share sessions or just hacking random stuff. Nerd galore.
3. Sports/activity ones are also fairly well attended, it seems... but no direct experience.

There a few social apps operating in various cities, and for whatever reason they are having a hard time growing in Boston. Single (and otherwise) ladies, look into www.grubwithus.com... It's a website where strangers can book dinner together (with various themes) and just meet, dine, and chat. I think it's a great idea. What do you know. It has had an abysmal start in Boston. I would love to sign up for one in whatever city I visit. Think it would be a fun way to meet folks. The New York section is seriously popping:yep:
 
My post sent me searching on Meetups. Have come across a few groups that never popped on in my searches before. Realizing there's maybe a strategy...
-Don't join groups that don't have regular scheduled Meetups... as in, a few a month.
-Recurring Meetups are worthless. Few attendees (if we go by the RSVP count).
-Look for meetup events that are cross-group. For example, a Paint Nite keeps coming up in various groups, for the same date and with a high enough RSVP count. Looks promising. I love Paint Nite.
-Skill-related groups are the most well-attended, at least in my city. So many men are learning to code, talking about data and entrepreneurship, etc. might be worth going, of interested. I imagine women are few and far in between at those events (I've been to a handful of small ones as PD for work, and that is the case... though I've never been with an eye to meet anyone.)
 
Southernbella. said:
This really cannot be said enough. If I were being 100% honest, I would say THAT is the one area white/Asian women have over us. It's not looks, it's the bubbly exuberance they turn on (yes turn on, because nobody is that damn happy) around men. I've seen it up close and personal and it's magnetic for guys.:yep:

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
Click to expand...

yep. .Yep. Yep. I always stress, being upbeat, positive fun and sweet all the time. :yep::yep:
 
Southernbella. said:
This really cannot be said enough. If I were being 100% honest, I would say THAT is the one area white/Asian women have over us. It's not looks, it's the bubbly exuberance they turn on (yes turn on, because nobody is that damn happy) around men. I've seen it up close and personal and it's magnetic for guys.:yep:

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
Click to expand...


YES....:yep: You hit the nail on the head with this one. :yep:

I have ALWAYS thought that THIS was the "secret" that most of us as BW are forgetting. :look: It's not that women of other races are prettier, or "better" than BW, it's that I think that a lot of times SOME women of other races (esp. white, hispanic, and asian) know how to "turn on the charm" and be "outgoing and bubbly" around guys (you should see how they act when a guy comes into the group around a bunch of girls...OMG! :lachen:) and the guys in turn just eat it up! :lachen:

I have to admit even myself, when I'm more bubbly or everything is going my way on a particular day, I am my most MAGNETIC self. :yep: All of a sudden, men are smiling at me more, they're holding doors open for me, I'm getting hit on more frequently, and I'm just exuding such a HAPPY positive vibe that men (and even people in GENERAL) are picking up on it! I LOVE it! :lol:

I think that is something that we as BW in general could take a page out of the book of some women. Not saying that we're not like this also, but I think that we've been conditioned to believe that we shouldn't be happy 24/7, or that men are a source of contention, and men pick up on this. :look: I think we can at times come off as more guarded than even we realize, and although you can still of course be coupled up being an interovert, I think your chances are higher if you're more open/bubbly so-to-speak.

I had to stop a "smiling experiment" one day because I was getting hit on too much!! :lachen: I swear! lol! :lol:
 
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