Is He Stingy Or Broke?

[BrownEyez22]

Move on girlie and work on your elevating your self -care so this behavior will be unacceptable to you going forward.

He knows you will accept this and he is wasting your time. (hugs)

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

What they said. It’s time for you to skidaddle. If y’all mess around and get married, you wouldn’t know y’all was in thousand dollar debt until the debt collectors come knocking. Bye bye good credit.

 

[greenmetro99]

I'm sorry but this part made me laugh so hard!


But in all seriousness, there is nothing sweet about how he's treating the woman in his life. He should be trying to make you happy.
Sounds like a breakup is in order.

Girl your laughing at my pain. I has sensitive skin!!!!! That old, dollar tree lotion is no joke. That little drop was potent

 

[greenmetro99]

Others have made great points so all I’ll add here is that you deserve transparency. At this point he’s borderline gaslighting you about the money situation. I’m guessing you had better dates in high school when no one had any money and it’s crazy for him to act like this is normal without offering an explanation. Like you, I might work with him if I thought it was temporary and he knew better but without having an honest conversation you’ll never know if this is the case.

Also, it’s rude Af for him to not drop you off at the door especially in cold weather and heels. This is where the gaslighting behavior surfaces because he’s normalizing things that aren’t normal and making it seem like you’re out of order for wanting to discuss the real problem.

Girl, he deserved one of these;

So it's rude to want to know where this relationship is going? Uh-uh. I don't think he's paying his mother's bill either. He's trying to save money for sure, but either he had a setback that he's trying to bounce back from, and no exit plan on moving out is concerning in itself. Yall on Dead end street. You deserve better.​

Honestly!!!!!!!! He needs a few slaps! I do too for wasting 10 months.

 

[greenmetro99]

Is there anything that he does for you to make you feel special or appreciated?

Nope he doesn't do anything special! He seems to think that he is a great boyfriend though. He says " Im loyal to you and Im not in these streets cheating, and I pay you attention. What else do you want".

Once again , I told this fool that I love going out and having fun, and that I am no longer sitting on that sofa! He said " So you telling me that I only can spend quality time with you when Im spending money". I answered "Hell Yeah!" Im Not doing it anymore! I cant keep sitting on the sofa.

 

[greenmetro99]

You’re treating him to a nice time and probably exposing him to things he’s not use to. Stop. Let him hang out on the sofa and watch tv.

If you choose to keep dating him then date other men as well. Don’t use another free ticket or spend another penny on him. Don’t invite him to anything else (free or not). Don’t try to find anything else for him to do with you. He has the same resources as you do to find things for the two of you.

You're right! We go to really nice places, restaurants, and events. Of course its free , but he doesn't know how I get my tickets. He thinks I pay for a lot of this stuff. Except the groupons. I'll stop making the effort. Honestly, Ive never paid for anything for a man in my life or showed any effort. This is my first time....It's blown up in my face lol

Ive already opened up a dating profile tonight. I'll start dating multiple men.

 

[msbettyboop]

He's both and a time waster too. Friend zone him and start dating other men. He clearly doesn't feel like he still needs to impress you and that doesn't bode well in a new relationship.

 

[greenmetro99]

A month ago we had the stupidest argument ever! It was over a Black couple that we saw crossing the street. The lady was Beautiful, and she was wearing like huge high heels and was struggling walking.

I told my dude " Its a shame that her date didn't drop her off at the door since shes dressed all fancy and her heels are so tall. I said her date is rude.

He responded " Why is it his fault? She decided to wear those tall shoes so she has to take responsibility".

This reminded me of when I was walking 20 minutes in the cold with him. I wasn't dressed fancy, but I sholl was cold!

Little conversations like this help me see that is is just selfish and inconsiderate. Even though he thinks he's mr. wonderful .

 

[Theresamonet]

He couldn’t even be my friend, making me walk 20 minutes in the cold wearing heels. That is not how a man should treat ANY woman, let alone one he’s supposed to care about. Just throw the whole man away. He isn’t worthy.

 

[Theresamonet]

A month ago we had the stupidest argument ever! It was over a Black couple that we saw crossing the street. The lady was Beautiful, and she was wearing like huge high heels and was struggling walking.

I told my dude " Its a shame that her date didn't drop her off at the door since shes dressed all fancy and her heels are so tall. I said her date is rude.

He responded " Why is it his fault? She decided to wear those tall shoes so she has to take responsibility".

This reminded me of when I was walking 20 minutes in the cold with him. I wasn't dressed fancy, but I sholl was cold!

Little conversations like this help me see that is is just selfish and inconsiderate. Even though he thinks he's mr. wonderful .

That’s exactly what he was thinking about you when he made you walk, “I ain’t tell her to wear those heels. That’s on her”. He’s an ass.

 

[greenmetro99]

That’s exactly what he was thinking about you when he made you walk, “I ain’t tell her to wear those heels. That’s on her”. He’s an ass.

Yes, That's exactly what he was thinking!!!!! I think he is a ass..... I just fell for him because he comes off so soft spoken and sweet. But he truly is an ass.

also, I can add that I have no love for him after all these months. I feel nothing. I just hate I wasted 10 months. I was liking him until month 3 or 4, then the stinginess began . I thought maybe its was temporary.

 

[FoxxyLocs]

Let him go girl. Not to the friend zone either. He's not a good friend or a good partner. Just cut him loose. And pay no mind when he tries to convince you that he hasn't done anything wrong. You are not compatible and that's all that matters. If he goes on to treat the next one like a queen, good for her! But he hasn't and will not treat you like one, so it's time to go. Rest assured he will be telling the next woman he dates how his ex was a gold digger, lol.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Nope he doesn't do anything special! He seems to think that he is a great boyfriend though. He says " Im loyal to you and Im not in these streets cheating, and I pay you attention. What else do you want".

Once again , I told this fool that I love going out and having fun, and that I am no longer sitting on that sofa! He said " So you telling me that I only can spend quality time with you when Im spending money". I answered "Hell Yeah!" Im Not doing it anymore! I cant keep sitting on the sofa.

In that case there’s nothing to salvage. You’re getting nothing besides the bragging rights to say you have a bf and there’s no value to that. Cut your losses before that wasted 10 months turns into a wasted 2/5/10 years.

 

[GraceJones]

Yes, That's exactly what he was thinking!!!!! I think he is a ass..... I just fell for him because he comes off so soft spoken and sweet. But he truly is an ass.

also, I can add that I have no love for him after all these months. I feel nothing. I just hate I wasted 10 months. I was liking him until month 3 or 4, then the stinginess began . I thought maybe its was temporary.

These are the worst ones!!

 

[LushLox]

As the saying goes, "I can do bad all by myself."

It's so much easier to dump those who have zero to offer.

 

[LivingInPeace]

You already know you should walk away. He’s not going to change. And broke or stingy are both bad options.

 

[Miss_C]

A month ago we had the stupidest argument ever! It was over a Black couple that we saw crossing the street. The lady was Beautiful, and she was wearing like huge high heels and was struggling walking.

I told my dude " Its a shame that her date didn't drop her off at the door since shes dressed all fancy and her heels are so tall. I said her date is rude.

He responded " Why is it his fault? She decided to wear those tall shoes so she has to take responsibility".

This reminded me of when I was walking 20 minutes in the cold with him. I wasn't dressed fancy, but I sholl was cold!

Little conversations like this help me see that is is just selfish and inconsiderate. Even though he thinks he's mr. wonderful .

OP, this guy sucks. It sounds like he resents women and wants to make them suffer. Is he a feminist in addition to being a cheap brokie?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

These are the worst ones!!

Word. My mama warned me about this years ago. It's how she initially fell for my dad. The little Negro is so mean. He's just passive aggressive with his dirt. Covert.

 

[intellectualuva]

Yeah those so called nice/sweet ones are hiding something awful.

I follow nice guy reddit, I bet alot of the women felt those guys were initially nicrd too until he wasnt.

Frankly his comments and how dismissive he was are his true nature. He's not nice. He uses niceness as a tool.

 

[NinaShamone]

He sounds heinous and manipulative...
Got you thinking you are giving the sweet, overlooked guy a chance.

Who cares if he ain’t running the streets? He can’t afford to run the streets.

You sound like a forgiving, patient gentle lady. Use that energy on yourself.

 

[hopeful]

This is why women must learn to trust themselves and put their needs first always. From the first date all the way thru years of marriage. People change, including us, situations change, etc. I forget the exact quote but it’s something like the most constant thing in life is change. And as humans many of us crave consistency and for things to stay the same.

So when something changes we hold on for dear life to what was in hopes of things going back to the way they were. But they never will. At least not for long. We become hungry for what was. As women we cannot tolerate that in our lives.

Also, too much of anything is toxic. You can be too patient and too understanding. If someone is not your young child they do not deserve your extreme patience or understanding. You deserve what you want: love, kindness, transparency, consistency, fun, dates, etc. And if you have to explain that out loud to someone who WAS providing that at first then you are over functioning in the relationship, doing too much, almost begging them to give you what you want. A man who loves you will want to take you out, see you smiling, and happy.

He did what he needed to get you and now you are seeing his true nature. You start treating yourself how you want to be treated. Take yourself out. Make sure you are having fun in your life. He is depriving you of joy. Don’t let him or anyone do that to you. Be hard to get and easy to lose.

And as everyone has said whether he is cheap or broke doesn’t matter one bit. Why waste your precious time trying to figure that out? Dump him quickly and move on. When you do he may act as though he doesn’t care which would be best. But he may also all of the sudden want to take you out and start sharing more financial info with you. Don’t fall for it. It’s all a game for him. He is a manipulator and an abuser and you are caught in his web. Get out and move on quickly. No lengthy conversations or explanations, just this isn’t working, good bye. Save yourself.

 

[greenmetro99]

OP, this guy sucks. It sounds like he resents women and wants to make them suffer. Is he a feminist in addition to being a cheap brokie?

The thing is that he comes off as a very positive person that says encouraging things. He doesnt say many bad things about women in general, and that's why its confusing. He seems like a nice guy, but also seems like a selfish bastard.

If he is a feminist he keeps quiet on it. But he might be! He likes to say " Why should men do all the work. Women should hold their men down too".

 

[greenmetro99]

He sounds heinous and manipulative...
Got you thinking you are giving the sweet, overlooked guy a chance.

Who cares if he ain’t running the streets? He can’t afford to run the streets.

You sound like a forgiving, patient gentle lady. Use that energy on yourself.

Thank you! I see its time to move on because he is a time waster.

 

[awhyley]

He's not nice. He uses niceness as a tool.

Highlighted for emphasis.

Who cares if he ain’t running the streets? He can’t afford to run the streets.

The thing is that he comes off as a very positive person that says encouraging things. He doesn't say many bad things about women in general, and that's why its confusing. He seems like a nice guy, but also seems like a selfish bastard.

All apart of the act. Even worse if he actually believes that he's a nice guy. If he cared, he would quell your concerns instead of dodging them.

 

[greenmetro99]

This is why women must learn to trust themselves and put their needs first always. From the first date all the way thru years of marriage. People change, including us, situations change, etc. I forget the exact quote but it’s something like the most constant thing in life is change. And as humans many of us crave consistency and for things to stay the same.

So when something changes we hold on for dear life to what was in hopes of things going back to the way they were. But they never will. At least not for long. We become hungry for what was. As women we cannot tolerate that in our lives.

Also, too much of anything is toxic. You can be too patient and too understanding. If someone is not your young child they do not deserve your extreme patience or understanding. You deserve what you want: love, kindness, transparency, consistency, fun, dates, etc. And if you have to explain that out loud to someone who WAS providing that at first then you are over functioning in the relationship, doing too much, almost begging them to give you what you want. A man who loves you will want to take you out, see you smiling, and happy.

He did what he needed to get you and now you are seeing his true nature. You start treating yourself how you want to be treated. Take yourself out. Make sure you are having fun in your life. He is depriving you of joy. Don’t let him or anyone do that to you. Be hard to get and easy to lose.

And as everyone has said whether he is cheap or broke doesn’t matter one bit. Why waste your precious time trying to figure that out? Dump him quickly and move on. When you do he may act as though he doesn’t care which would be best. But he may also all of the sudden want to take you out and start sharing more financial info with you. Don’t fall for it. It’s all a game for him. He is a manipulator and an abuser and you are caught in his web. Get out and move on quickly. No lengthy conversations or explanations, just this isn’t working, good bye. Save yourself.

Thank you for this! I'm definitely going to break it off. I will just tell him we are incompatible. At first he seemed perfect for me, but I guess it was a facade just to catch me. I had to write to you all to make sure I was doing the right thing. Im thankful for the replies.

But fortunate for me, I never really became attached to him and I dont have love for him. At 10 months, it should have been something by now. I knew this earlier, but do to work demands, school, family issues, etc, I really didn't focus much of my energy on him until now. I only saw him once or twice a week, but talked to him on the phone 2 times a day for about 1 hour. We live about 30 miles away from each other.


This week, I have been giving him the cold shoulder. I haven't spoke to him much, and I definitely have been trying to distance myself. He still send text and keeps trying to invite me out on some free dates! Last night, he invited me to his house to watch tv.... No! After I said no, he invited me to a free comedy show. I declined that too.

I do still go out and have fun alone , and will continue to do so. Sometimes when I see him, I take myself out to the bar afterwards and have a drink all by myself lol. I have no problems treating myself. And I am use to a man that treats me too. I messed up this time ladies. I was seeking a nice guy instead of the typical arrogant successful men that I usually attract. UGH!!!!

 

[LdyKamz]

If he is a feminist he keeps quiet on it. But he might be! He likes to say " Why should men do all the work. Women should hold their men down too".

This is not the definition of a feminist. He's a f* boy disguised as a nice guy. Nothing more nothing less. And these ones are the worst kind. Will have you sitting there spinning with stars around your head wondering if you are making things up. I have been fooled by so many nice guys.

One in particular reminds me of you guy. He was what I called a geek. He liked me and I gave him a chance under that "women don't like nice guys" propaganda. Dude never wanted to take me anywhere, complained when I asked to go on a date. For the love of all things holy I had to ASK! Smh. He lived in a nice house with a roommate making 6 figures (says him) and owned rental property (again says him). The things he did and said did not match up with my perception of him and I felt confused and reluctant to end things because I wanted a "nice guy" until one day I was like this dude is really just a f* boy disguising himself as a geek to seem harmless. He had to go. And guess what, he hasn't changed.

Move on from this one. We always like to say pay attention to his words and actions and see if they match up. In this case, they absolutely do! He doesn't take you out anymore and his words say women can treat men too and that is the only time you 2 hit the town. He's not pretending anymore.

 

[qchelle]

Good luck OP. I hope the dumping goes smoothly! Don't be too hard on yourself. We all mess up once in a while

 

[Brwnbeauti]

I wouldn’t date anyone who couldn’t and wouldn’t treat me as well or better than I treat myself.
Not just financially but dang, not dropping you at the door, taking you to Applebee’s- which is overpriced, extremely cheap gifts, thoughtlessness.

He’s both. Broke and stingy

 

[greenmetro99]

This is not the definition of a feminist. He's a f* boy disguised as a nice guy. Nothing more nothing less. And these ones are the worst kind. Will have you sitting there spinning with stars around your head wondering if you are making things up. I have been fooled by so many nice guys.

One in particular reminds me of you guy. He was what I called a geek. He liked me and I gave him a chance under that "women don't like nice guys" propaganda. Dude never wanted to take me anywhere, complained when I asked to go on a date. For the love of all things holy I had to ASK! Smh. He lived in a nice house with a roommate making 6 figures (says him) and owned rental property (again says him). The things he did and said did not match up with my perception of him and I felt confused and reluctant to end things because I wanted a "nice guy" until one day I was like this dude is really just a f* boy disguising himself as a geek to seem harmless. He had to go. And guess what, he hasn't changed.

Move on from this one. We always like to say pay attention to his words and actions and see if they match up. In this case, they absolutely do! He doesn't take you out anymore and his words say women can treat men too and that is the only time you 2 hit the town. He's not pretending anymore.

He's definitely not pretending anymore! I agree!!

 

[greenmetro99]

Here's one more story I'm going to share with yall.

Early on in the relationship around month 3 or 4 we went to free day at the museum. I found out it was free and invited him. So we get to the counter, and the cashier (a black man) says "That will be 60 dollars". The cashier said it with a straight face too!!!! I knew he was kidding though. The fool step back and said "I guess we arent going in here". I said excuse me, you need to grab your credit card and pay..... we started arguing!!!!! He said "You invited me here!!!!!!" Then the cashier said "Im just kidding man"!!!!!!!!!!!

I was very embarrassed. I cursed him out and stayed quiet for hours during the museum visit. While he followed me begging to talk.

He knew my expectations of a man from the beginning.... He knew I required being taking out on dates and treated well. I guess his plans was to change me.

ok, I was too forgiving, accommodating, and patient with this fool! Yep! I see it.