nappystorm
Well-Known Member
I'm used to men (bfs, platonic, relatives) automatically treating when we go somewhere. Maybe it's a Mississippi thing. IDK. I said it once and I'll say it again, I can't get with this new age dating
Should he get a 2nd date?
- Thread starter LadyPaniolo
- Start date
I'm used to men (bfs, platonic, relatives) automatically treating when we go somewhere. Maybe it's a Mississippi thing. IDK. I said it once and I'll say it again, I can't get with this new age dating
Flawless_JYM
New Member
Every guy I know dislikes them types of dudes always calling them clowns(something else along those lines) with no game.I'm used to men (bfs, platonic, relatives) automatically treating when we go somewhere. Maybe it's a Mississippi thing. IDK. I said it once and I'll say it again, I can't get with this new age dating
CarolinaGal
New Member
See, I do not have time or patience for these types of games and shenanigans. The date doesn't have to be at Houston's or Morton's but a gentleman needs to take me somewhere within his budget because he WILL be paying.
In this case, OP, it seems like the guy put forth a great deal of effort to get there so that's a bonus, but then he didn't even pay for tea so that's a negative. I think the net effect is zero and he should get a chance to take the lady on a proper date.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
So what? You don't date to impress the same sex, you date to impress the opposite sex.
Flawless_JYM
New Member
I'm pretty sure they know(well I hope) but "platonic" friends aren't trying date you allegedly. That's the dudes they are laughing at the ones that try to be your friend but only cause they are too scared to tell you how they feel. I've had it happen to me just like I'm sure others have on here too.
nappystorm
Well-Known Member
*IMO*that's just part of being a man. I'm not talking about the platonic friend that's got a crush on you (although he should pay too
). Just dudes in general. Some were just taught to pick up the tab if women are present. If it's a group, the men split the bill among themselves. If yall are barbecuing or having a party, it's just understood that the men pay for the food. I guess they aren't raising them like that anymore 
And generally, the dudes that are doing all the cackling are single and running around with the flavor of the month like a broke down Hugh Hefner. That's cool when you are 20ish but when you are approaching 40, it's just pathetic.
Jas123
The Star of a Story
1st of all he should have let her ordered 1st... this is just manners... you always let the lady order 1st, whether tea or a proper sit down meal
he couldn't remember to pay but he could remember to ask for a kiss
me neither... he wasn't too awkward, shy or confused to ask for a kiss
and i remember when i was dating in hs... and even then the guys paid for the mcdonalds or pizza & a movie
... i mean d@mn... and these were 15-17 yo and they had enough sense to pay.... and when i went thru my thug phase this one guy that i actually dated.. he paid for everything all the time...
this is hard for me... i dunno....
i believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt & 2nd chances and all but tbh i would've been so turned off by not letting me order 1st he might have just gone into the friend category...
Jas123
The Star of a Story
I WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS.... NEVER!!!
halee_J
Don't worry be happy
So wait, he's too clueless to pay for when he asked me out, but has enough sense to want a kiss? Please, don't even come with this "I'm not paying 'cause it's not really a date, let's see how things go" nonsense. If it's not a date, and you like me like that, then ask me out a "real" date, you pay and then maybe ask for a kiss then.
So, would he get a second chance? In one word:
So, would he get a second chance? In one word:
Ladybelle
New Member
So wait, he's too clueless to pay for when he asked me out, but has enough sense to want a kiss? Please, don't even come with this "I'm not paying 'cause it's not really a date, let's see how things go" nonsense. If it's not a date, and you like me like that, then ask me out a "real" date, you pay and then maybe ask for a kiss then.
So, would he get a second chance? In one word:
I had to contain myself to keep from laughing out loud at my desk when I read this. Hilarious!Naveah2050
Well-Known Member
Nope....he struck out on the first date. Maybe we could hang out as friends so I could observe him in a less stresful setting but come on, not paying for a tea is ridiculous, even platonic friends or colleagues would do that.
ladylibra_30
Well-Known Member
-Time
-Affection
-Resources
Homeboy gave his time, offered his affections
, but hit the wall in not sharing his resources. He's got to go.
FIRST impressions are big to me.
I don't have the time to show you how to treat me.
I don't tolerate cheap or ill-mannered men.
-Affection
-Resources
Homeboy gave his time, offered his affections
, but hit the wall in not sharing his resources. He's got to go. FIRST impressions are big to me.
I don't have the time to show you how to treat me.
I don't tolerate cheap or ill-mannered men.
Theo
New Member
Gosh... you guys are harsh. He came out all the way, and everything else was good? I would give him a second date. For me the issue is not really paying on dates per se, but if you're willing to sacrifice to provide for me in the future. There's no way to tell that based on the what was represented.... so yeah, I would let him take me out a second time, if I liked him
BlackMarilyn
Well-Known Member
nah!
who knows if they went on another date/meet-up after this and due to the fact that she paid the first time, he's expecting her to pay the 2nd time? if this was not considered a date and they did go out again on a real date, how is she supposed to act when the cheque comes around if she's expecting him to pay?
if he tries to split the bill on this 2nd meeting and she pulls the "me? pay on a date "-look and he's there thinkin "she paid for her own stuff the last time, why is she acting like she can't pay this time?", how that gonna really play out?
paying on the first date just sets a precedent the 2nd time around.
who knows if they went on another date/meet-up after this and due to the fact that she paid the first time, he's expecting her to pay the 2nd time? if this was not considered a date and they did go out again on a real date, how is she supposed to act when the cheque comes around if she's expecting him to pay?
if he tries to split the bill on this 2nd meeting and she pulls the "me? pay on a date
"-look and he's there thinkin "she paid for her own stuff the last time, why is she acting like she can't pay this time?", how that gonna really play out?paying on the first date just sets a precedent the 2nd time around.
butter_pecan
Well-Known Member
I had a similar situation. Dude is very successful, young, fit, black, a good listener... basically my type. His parents are foreign born as well. He wanted our first date to be at the gym, and he wanted me to pay for the registration fee.
You know what I did? I politely said that, "I'm kind of a traditional girl, and the gym isn't my idea of a first date." He got my drift. We ended up doing drinks and sushi, and he's taking me to dinner tonight. Sometimes, you just have to tactfully tell people the truth.
You know what I did? I politely said that, "I'm kind of a traditional girl, and the gym isn't my idea of a first date." He got my drift. We ended up doing drinks and sushi, and he's taking me to dinner tonight. Sometimes, you just have to tactfully tell people the truth.
wannabelong
Well-Known Member
I was willing to give him a second chance until he asked for a kiss. How are you not going to pay for a cup of tea and then ask for a kiss? NOPE, he will not get a second date.
Dacia38
New Member
Give the dude a second chance. It was tea and you clearly mentioned homeboy appeared nervous. We've all had days when we were off our A game. I say go on a second date and have money with...if he doesn't pay for the "real" date then you'll have your answer. Who knows....you could look back on that first meet up together and have a good laugh on it. Besides....you'll always wonder "what if" later on down the road.
Katherina
Well-Known Member
SuchMagnificent
Taking a Break from Posting
BYE..Thats what I would have said in my mind..I would have dismissed him so quick..Funny this thread popped up, I had this happen to me Monday night..I was texting said guy, and told him I was going out to watch football...He asked if I wanted company and to meet up at local eatery..I said cool..We get there..we chilling..we eating..Waitress comes around with the check..10 minutes later she comes back to see if there is money/card in along with the check..There isnt..I didnt even LOOK at my purse because I just knew he was paying..
Him to waitress: Hey, uh, can you come back in a few minutes
Waitress looks at him, then me: Uuggh, sure
Him to me: Do you mind if we split the bill
Me: *long drawn out angry black woman, no this ninja didnt silence*: Sure
I ordered a mutha effin appetizer..9 dollars and some change
What killed me about it is he telling me how he tricked out his car with special lights, and rims, and exhaust b.s. that women know nothing about..
So you aint got $20.00? Then ninja, you dont need to be dating..
I deleted his number at the table while he wasnt looking and he had the nerve to be texting me today! HAHAHA...I aint messing with broke dudes when Im not broke myself..How we moving forward? What are we supposed to do when you dont have any money..Im too old to be creative and thinking up cheap a** dates because your pockets extra light...I dont get it..as a man, when you step into the dating world, you have to expect that at some point, you will be paying for meals, outings, etc..I can buy my own value meal burger homey, what are you bringing to the table..why should I spend my time with you versus the guy with a little bit of cash flow?
Him to waitress: Hey, uh, can you come back in a few minutes
Waitress looks at him, then me: Uuggh, sure
Him to me: Do you mind if we split the bill
Me: *long drawn out angry black woman, no this ninja didnt silence*: Sure
I ordered a mutha effin appetizer..9 dollars and some change
What killed me about it is he telling me how he tricked out his car with special lights, and rims, and exhaust b.s. that women know nothing about..
So you aint got $20.00? Then ninja, you dont need to be dating..
I deleted his number at the table while he wasnt looking and he had the nerve to be texting me today! HAHAHA...I aint messing with broke dudes when Im not broke myself..How we moving forward? What are we supposed to do when you dont have any money..Im too old to be creative and thinking up cheap a** dates because your pockets extra light...I dont get it..as a man, when you step into the dating world, you have to expect that at some point, you will be paying for meals, outings, etc..I can buy my own value meal burger homey, what are you bringing to the table..why should I spend my time with you versus the guy with a little bit of cash flow?
Flawless_JYM
New Member
You mean the guy that's willing to spend the money on you right?
Yall know just cause a guy doesn't spend it doesn't mean he doesn't have it. Just saying I know what you mean though just messing with you.onyxdreams
Well-Known Member
I would probably give a second date, I would not have given him a kiss. The second date would acquire actress reached an understanding of expectations. If he is confident enough to ask for a kiss then he should be able to discuss dating expectations. I'm sorry butI don't think verbalizing your expectations especially after a screw up like the first date/meet up.
onyxdreams
Well-Known Member
These are the signs that we let slip by and before you know it you have lowered your
expectations of the man you end up with.
expectations of the man you end up with.
I'm not trying to teach anyone at this point in my life. I take people for who they are and I make the decision based on their actions. If this man doesn't know by now what to do on the first date it's because he doesn't want to know or he deals with women who put up with this non sense.
Jas123
The Star of a Story
PLEASE stop accounting for the fact that he drove all the way.... please... men will do anything in pursuit of a physical relationship, not that it was going to happen that day but for the possibility in the future... so that driving does not even weigh-in for me...
and the more i read the op and think about it the angrier i get... op stated he ordered and then stepped aside to let her order... so you're standing in line and as a man you're standing in front of her or step in front of her to place your order then pay for yours... this seems so out of place... i'm really trying to figure this out logistically... i'm just thinking to my interactions w/men... and say if we're standing in line it's usually side by side... if it were say a movie he would then go 1st and pay for both tickets... if we were ordering a drink/food he would let me order 1st then he would proceed to order then pay... i know i'm thinking about this waaaay too much but it's just rubbing me the wrong way...
and the more i read the op and think about it the angrier i get... op stated he ordered and then stepped aside to let her order... so you're standing in line and as a man you're standing in front of her or step in front of her to place your order then pay for yours... this seems so out of place... i'm really trying to figure this out logistically... i'm just thinking to my interactions w/men... and say if we're standing in line it's usually side by side... if it were say a movie he would then go 1st and pay for both tickets... if we were ordering a drink/food he would let me order 1st then he would proceed to order then pay... i know i'm thinking about this waaaay too much but it's just rubbing me the wrong way...
Jas123
The Star of a Story
No. He should have paid. I don't know any culture where a man wouldn't(even though I am sure there are plenty).
I went on a date with someone..he asked me to go to dinner, then when the check came he asked for me to pay half. I smiled and gladly did so, but when he called asking for a second date..I also smiled and kindly declined.
First impression is EVERYTHING!
I went on a date with someone..he asked me to go to dinner, then when the check came he asked for me to pay half. I smiled and gladly did so, but when he called asking for a second date..I also smiled and kindly declined.
First impression is EVERYTHING!
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