Is dating a white man a "step up"?

[Belle Du Jour]

I think black women have just been viewed as some sexual exotic creature for a long time by other races. We are normally viewed as having rhythm, wider hips, and bigger behinds and chests, so I think other races wonder what it's like to be with something different when they think about being with a black woman IMO. Back when slave masters were sleeping slaves, what reason did they have except for let me try that out and see if they are more sexual? I mean what would their reasons be for sleeping with slaves?

I think some of it is curiosity. Then again, some of it is simply attraction.

 

[Porsche19]

This is a hard question to answer.

Let me nake it clear that in my opinion, most men ar dogs regardless of their race. They do the SAME things, SOMETIMES they just do it in different ways.

It has been my experience that white men treat me better on average. I really have not dated a black man that I have really connected with, although I would love to. I prefer black men's looks over white men, but personality-wise I usually find white men to have the better ones.

I'm not going to say it's a step up, but usually I am more comfortable with a white man. I'm not going to sit around be with a black man that I'm not really into while there is a white man that's pretty nice waiting, you know?

Ntot to say all black men are no good, there are very handsome, intelligent chocolate men with their s**t together out there... and I know a few of them. It just seems that it's easier to find a handsome, intelligent white man with his s**t together.

In a perfect world, I would find a nice black man, but this world isn't perfect. I'll take what I can get.

 

[Cinnabuns]

I think it depends on the social-setting.

Yeah this is so true.

 

[sunflower]

No I don't think so. When I met my husband I did not think it was a step up. I was just happy to find someone to love and finally settle down with. I would think most women feel this way no matter the race of their mate.

It used to bother me when people stared at us but now I just ignore it. We have been together for so long that it doesn't bother us anymore. I find people stare more when we are out with our children. People also tend to stare at me when I'm out with the girls alone. I don't know why, the oldest one looks just like me but the youngest one not so much. I usually smile and go about my business because you never know what people are thinking.

My husband isn't rich (he is in the military) and he isn't super gorgeous to some but to me he is perfect. I'm an average woman , average looks, natural hair. When I see BW/WM couples most of the time the woman has European features and relaxed hair. The man is average but of course that is my opinion. We all know the saying "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

We get stared at most of the time by Asian women, White men couples. I've yet to figure out why they stare. I don't look twice at IR couples regardless the race of the couple. For some reason the Asian woman White man couple find my husband and I fascinating.

 

[Country gal]

I was told that I don't look like the type to date a white man by a black coworker. She said she was surprised when she saw my son whom she assumed was bi-racial. I was like what do you mean. She was like well most of the black women who date white men in her world typically act more white or have interests that are deemed white. I guess with my strong presence and natural hair, she thought I wouldn't be into white men.

 

[Plenty]

No

 

[Blossssom]

We get stared at most of the time by Asian women, White men couples. I've yet to figure out why they stare. I don't look twice at IR couples regardless the race of the couple. For some reason the Asian woman White man couple find my husband and I fascinating.

Here in California, when a white man, especially an average white man, dates outside of his race, he's with an Asian woman.

That's why they are looking at you. Your husband broke the norm.

 

[Blossssom]

I was told that I don't look like the type to date a white man by a black coworker. She said she was surprised when she saw my son whom she assumed was bi-racial. I was like what do you mean. She was like well most of the black women who date white men in her world typically act more white or have interests that are deemed white. I guess with my strong presence and natural hair, she thought I wouldn't be into black man.

I had a guy tell me one time (first date) that I don't look like the type of black woman who dates black men.

Of course, I HAD to know what type of black woman dates black men, and he threw out the stereotypes, of course.

I wasn't loud, fake looking and flashy. It's sad how some people from other races view black people in general. And I guess all black men, to him, were supposed to be thugs.

He was Latino. Suffice to say, I didn't go out with him again.

 

[imstush]

First let me say I've only dated outside of my race twice (once being in the first grade with a cute german, blond hair and blue eyes, GOD I Loved him)...the second time was to a Latin guy who was very light. I am however attracted to white men. I played a game...choose 5 celebrities that you would date and all were white. The reason I am attracted to them isn't because I believe they are a step up or that ghetto mentality..."cause I want my baby to come out with pretty eyes and good hair"....it's just that's who I find attractive. Don't get me wrong...I love my black men..but that is my preference because of attraction not because of a step up.

 

[Blossssom]

First let me say I've only dated outside of my race twice (once being in the first grade with a cute german, blond hair and blue eyes, GOD I Loved him)...the second time was to a Latin guy who was very light. I am however attracted to white men. I played a game...choose 5 celebrities that you would date and all were white. The reason I am attracted to them isn't because I believe they are a step up or that ghetto mentality..."cause I want my baby to come out with pretty eyes and good hair"....it's just that's who I find attractive. Don't get me wrong...I love my black men..but that is my preference because of attraction not because of a step up.

You were dating in the first grade?

Just kidding... I know what you mean and I agree with your statement entirely.

 

[BAP28]

my 2 cents...

the other day while i was visiting my family who relocated from NY to cobb county georgia, i finally agreed to go out with a top VP at CNN who i met at 40/40 one night...this man is white and i dont date outside of my race/culture( I TOLD HIM THIS ASAP-I LIKE TO CLEAR THAT UP EARLY)--- i exchanged information with him at 40/40 for business reasons only....anyway i visit ATL about once a month since my best friend lives down there and now my family has moved so i will be there more often...anyway after turning WG down on numberous occassions i finally agree to hangout with him for an hour b4 my flight leaves back to NYC... i am out in cobb county so he comes to pick me up from downtown ATL so we can eat and chat at the top of the westin hotel....so we talked-politics-movies-BUSINESS( funding a project that my bestfriend is working on in ATL)- ate-had cocktails then it was time for me to go..overall we had a decent time-... i will entertain a business venture....BUT FOR ME I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A SIGN ON MY FOREHEAD THAT SAYS I LOVE WHITE MEN- BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS APPORACH ME- AND I POLITELY EXPLAIN THANKS BUT NO THANKS...I AM APPROACHED BY WHITE VP'S AND BUSINESS EXEC'S ALL THE TIME BECAUSE THAT IS THE INDUSTRY I WORK IN BUT I LOVE MY BROTHAS...ALL THE MONEY-YACHTS-TRIPS IN THE WORLD..I DONT THINK ITS A STEP UP....ALL MEN DO THE SAME DUMB ISH....I PERSONALLY CHOOSE TO DATE BROTHERS BECAUSE THE BROTHAS I KNOW/MEET ( i do encounter a knuckle head ever so often) ARE DOING THE DAMN THING-CAREER-WISE,SPIRITUALLY-SOCIALLY AND FINANCIALLY SO FOR ME THERE IS NO NEED FOR ME TO VENTURE OFF WHEN THE GRASS IS GREEN ON MY SIDE...AS FOR ANYONE ELSE DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU...BUT A STEP UP-I THINK NOT....ITS A STEP INTO A DIRECTION- THE PATH TAKEN IS UP TO THE INDIVIDUAL

 

[SqrpioQutie]

Oh I know things are much better near DC, but that's because you have a lot of educated people up there as opposed to some of this inbred filth down here.

i'm in SE VA (Norfolk/Va Beach) and it must be ok here cuz i see it alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the time... personally, i've dated all through the rainbow and i don't really have a preference - although, the white men really didn't last that long with me...

 

[Suri]

I think any man can be seen as a step up, all depends on who he's being compared to. I do think there has to be some tangible criteria, and skin color doesn't fit the bill. If a new guy is more financially successful than previous boyfriends for example, some may see that as a step up, but being white doesnt stop the guy being a bum. last time i checked there were lots of broke white people all over the place so i'm not too sure about that "rich white man" theory either.

Exactly what I was thinking

 

[sweetascocoa]

I think black women have just been viewed as some sexual exotic creature for a long time by other races. We are normally viewed as having rhythm, wider hips, and bigger behinds and chests, so I think other races wonder what it's like to be with something different when they think about being with a black woman IMO. Back when slave masters were sleeping slaves, what reason did they have except for let me try that out and see if they are more sexual? I mean what would their reasons be for sleeping with slaves?

Even black men often say something about sleeping with a white woman b/c they are loose and sexually uninhibited. I know it was discussed on another thread how a lot of black men will sleep with a white woman but would never take one home to mom.

And of course there's the myth that black men have bigger sexual organs and have rhythm, so that's what attract other races to them. Now, the white man, I haven't really heard anything about them yet. Well there really isn't a sexual stereotypical view of them out there I don't think.

havent you heard? white men have small organs well, in my experience, the smallest i ever saw was that of a black guy. those white boys are packing just like other races. well, ive only dated one black guy and the rest have been white. im more attracted to white guys, for reasons i dont know. i just go with the flow. dating a black guy is a step down for me because that means dating someone im not attracted to. people at work make fun of me and stuff and i just laugh it off. i truely wish i could find a black guy that i would fall for and get married but that hasnt happened yet people ask me, so are you going to marry a white guy and im like im going to marry whoever i fall in love with regardless of race. ive dated all types of white men, redneck, teacher, one who travels all the time, mommy's boy and a professional golf player. i have tried to "talk" to a few black guys but the spark just wasnt there for me. i also dated a bi-racial dude and he's pissing me off right now and im so not attracted to him. in my opinion, to some people, dating white men is a step down and they think im a sell out. but, whatever!!!!

ETA:
regarding the "looks" we get from other people, i never notice it. when you;re with someone, you dont pay attention to what other people are doing and im certainly not looking around to see who's giving us the evil eye. i do believe its those that havent been dtaing interraicially for a while that notice it. and after a while, you learn to ignore them

 

[StartinOvah]

In the south, when a white women marries/dates/procreates with a black man, the black and white community views it as a step down.
I've seen this type of behavior at work. We had a young white girl who started working her. All of the white folk commented on how pretty she was and blah blah blah. After she showed everyone pictures of her children, the white folk started acting funny. Instead of "awwww your kids are so cute" they frowned at her in disgust after realizing that her kids are 1/2 black.

Yet, let me be out with a white man. Other YTs will walk up and give him a high five.......WTF???? Everyone assumes that this white man must be
*rich
*cool with black folks
*has a big penis
My entire family is like this. Once they find out my BF is white the first thing that comes out of their mouths is "dem white boy spend that money".

This disturbes me some. When me and my white males friends are out and they see a black man & white woman together they always have something negative to say. When I mention that they are out with a woman of a different race (me) the shake it off saying that I'm O.K. to be with (even suggesting that I make them look cool, what BS).

How are these relationships viewed in your neck of the woods.

if my husband was white, i think half of my family members (the ones who give a damn anyway) would think he would HAVE to be rich in order for me to deal with the bs that can sometimes follow an interracial couple. it couldn't just be about love for these folks! so i guess it would be a step up if he was rich and a step down if he wasn't. just a guess. my poor family...

 

[adf23]

Cosigning with Rozlips saying tha most most white men/black woman couples are where the woman is mid-dark. I'll go as far as to say more "afrocentric" looking. Can't remember the last time I saw a sista with dreds with a black man. Down here (Texas), its an oddity to see a wm/bw couple and the girl is light skinned or biracial looking. 95% I've seen the opposite. And don't let her be natural or have a twa - white man bait all the way!

 

[FlowerHair]

Cosigning with Rozlips saying tha most most white men/black woman couples are where the woman is mid-dark. I'll go as far as to say more "afrocentric" looking. Can't remember the last time I saw a sista with dreds with a black man. Down here (Texas), its an oddity to see a wm/bw couple and the girl is light skinned or biracial looking. 95% I've seen the opposite. And don't let her be natural or have a twa - white man bait all the way!

Maybe I'm mistaken, but I also see that very light skinned blacks love to marry darker men, maybe it's the same scenario - opposites attract??

 

[adf23]

Yea I do think its the contrast that attracts some.

But in the same respect...most black women I know who are just animate about not dating white men are either light skinned or biracial. Again, just in my experiences.

 

[Isis]

I think it depends on the man you choose to date. My husband (who is white) wasn't much to look at in the eyes of my co-workers. He wasn't rich, didn' t have the "looks" that some guys in the so could get it post. What got me was the heart in the man. He wasn't rich, but did what he could for others and is known as a person who cares. He won me over with this and my family too. My theory is when a black woman finds the right man, it is a step up. Don't care about the media, what others say... if we left it to them to decide who we date, we'd all be a bunch of unhappy women! His grandparents were unhappy- old school italians, but he said I'm marrying you, not them. If they don't like it, too bad..... Gotta love a man that loves you back and let's no one stand in the way of your happiness. Go for it, sistsa. Especially if he is THE one!

ITA! I've always earned more than the black or white guys I've dated (except for two who were born into wealth) so that was not a criteria for me. I feel it's the heart that counts and having common spiritual values.

 

[Mahalialee4]

I guess it would be a step up to date a white man ONLY if you feel that dating a black man is a STEP DOWN! What do you think about the alternative? bonjour

 

[UmSumayyah]

Food for thought.

 

[Blossssom]

What's a white man? Heehee!

 

[dcprdiva]

Hell NO! I haven't been on this board and months so I'm posting my commentary late...

but... HELL NO. A white man isn't a step up?!! my black brother is my equal. Is that some country thinking or what? i never heard of such craziness. not to insult your experience, i'm just shocked! in this area (d.c) there are a ton of interracial couples and i havent noticed that people look at them funny. I know I personally look at black dudes who date white girls funny -- but that's just me. I want them for myself.

i personally don't ever see myself dating a white guy and if I do (highly unlikely) it is because we vibe. i personally think the black man is the best and i love them all.

 

[kitkat3ny]

I chose I like women.

 

[Spidergul]

Damn right... as far as i'm concerned, i'm a step up for ANY man not the other way around! he needs to count every last one of his lucky stars... though, i'm single right now so this star counting is strictly hypothetical.

Girl you said it all.

 

[Spidergul]

What's a white man? Heehee!

Aw hell blossssssom

 

[Blossssom]

Girl you said it all.

Jade is absolutely correct... since when did men become the prize... women have always been the prize. Somehow, it all got turned around. We need to remind ourselves and THEM who's the real "step up"!

 

[Blossssom]

Aw hell blossssssom

Heehee!

I be bored sometimes, girl! LOL! Just have to throw ANYTHING out to keep the board going. Ha!

 

[~*~ShopAholic~*~]

You keep it going alright, I continued reading this LOOOOOng behind thread because I knew you would keep it going, LOL, for a minute I thought it was gonna get real ugly, but not too bad.

Heehee!

I be bored sometimes, girl! LOL! Just have to throw ANYTHING out to keep the board going. Ha!

 

[HoneyDew]

Hell NO! I haven't been on this board and months so I'm posting my commentary late...

but... HELL NO. A white man isn't a step up?!! my black brother is my equal. Is that some country thinking or what? i never heard of such craziness. not to insult your experience, i'm just shocked! in this area (d.c) there are a ton of interracial couples and i havent noticed that people look at them funny. I know I personally look at black dudes who date white girls funny -- but that's just me. I want them for myself.

i personally don't ever see myself dating a white guy and if I do (highly unlikely) it is because we vibe. i personally think the black man is the best and i love them all.

I like the way you expressed yourself. I agree that is some country thinking.

The love of my life is a white man and I love him dearly. He is an amazing man and father.

My ex-husband and most of the boyfriends in between were white, so I guess you can say I have a track record in interracial dating.

But I WOULD NEVER say that dating a white guy is a step up!! Men have the same assets and weaknesses no matter what color they are.

Step up?!? If I were to think that, I would be putting myself down because I have never met a man that I feel is better than me.

That's crazy talk.