Is dating a white man a "step up"?

[godzooki]

That's where the decision making skills come in that can make or break being a step up and those particular individuals have chosen poorly.

 

[QUINN]

Well, I've never had a type. I've dated black, white, brown, yellow and red. I don't see color, never have. It's funny cuz in high school the only guy I dated that attended our school was a white boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. Years later, when I had my kids, people from high school would think my kids dad was white (y'all know our kids come in all colors). I would correct them and let them know their dad was black as my shoe. I always got the comment "I thought you liked white boys." That still cracks me up cuz I never had a type. My man now is a very pale black man w/ red, black and blonde hair and freckles. I live around a lot of rednecks. The men love black women. Go figure. I think if you are fortunate enough to find someone who treats you with respect and loves you, then you are blessed to have found your mate. I never understood why people hate someone becuz of the color of their skin. Nobody is pure anything. I have a whole white side of family. I take people as individuals.That's my two cents. I do respect other people's views though. I don't teach my kids to hate. I think that is so wrong. Again that is my opinion. To each his or her own.

 

[toinette]

Dating any man would be a step up for me right about now...LOL.

.

 

[Cxshortie]

I get weird behavior from all sides I guess. Seeing people's eyes when they first see pictures of my husband is just sad, then it seems like all the sudden, they don't really want to talk or the ones that still want to talk want to talk about how he isnt who they pictured me to be with.


There are some white men that just want black women for the sexual experience. My husband has made comments to me that he received from acquaintances mentioning this discreetly i guess I could say.....like 'oooohhh...you must love tapping that ass' or 'that sex must be crazy.'

On the other end, we have white people staring at us when we are in white areas like we are from Uranus or something. That is very upsetting when we are sitting somewhere and eating and every time you go to take a bite, you sense someone is all up in your mouth for no reason. What will staring at me tell you about me? Not a damn thing. Although, I am mostly quiet and try to ignore, my husband is fearless, he will go up to anyone at any time and ask them WHAT THE F$%^ are you looking it? or on his days when he is not angered by it, he will revert to Pee Wee Herman and say 'why dont you take a picture it will last longer'

We have had our problems with family....more of his family. His uncle and aunt have been disowned. Although they smile in my face the few times I have seen them, my MIL told my DH before we got married that they said they would not come to NJ to see their nephew marry some n%&&$%. Obviously, they felt he was marrying down even though they had no clue about my life before him. A few weeks after we starting dating , my DH gave me a key to his apartment. When he told one of his friends this, he said 'yeah, she may not steal anything, but her brother and cousin will be hauling your brand new TV out into their truck.'

I have black friends that have made comments regarding 'yeah you must be dating a white man with the size of your rocks.' or 'why dont you go into your husbands account and get him to pay for it, cause i know how white folks like to spend money.'

There are just so many misconceptions that people have about other people. My husband is one of the most straight laced white men you would probably ever meet. He is bald, big 4 tattoos and an engineer by day. He couldn't name 10 rap songs if you put a knife to him. I was his second girlfriend. We are not rich, but we are comfortable. And not every girl wants a man thats slinging 12 inches.

Negativity is everywhere. I hear comments constantly, especially if people do not know my husband is not black. I just have to ignore it and realized what ignorant people say only makes me stronger. I move on...for I know I am truly blessed to have the man that I have.

 

[hotshot]

i grew up in white rural/suburban NJ with a white stepfather that raised me as his own. i think alot of teachers and parents gave me credit because my dad was white.

 

[hotshot]

Dating a white man can be a step up. read that sentence again... CAN being the operative word.There are too many young black men today afflicted with the lil john syndrome (you know...fiddy 'leven gold teeth in there mouth, can't put an english sentence together, thinking that selling drugs is a career) and more than half of us wouldn't even give them the time of day.
Not to say there aren't some intelligent, educated, hardworking, black men out there, but they are far and few between.

wow.

i'd also like to add that some people reallyinternalize the "step up" mentality. they see whiteness-white communities, white schools, white people as free from the stresses and realities of black life; things are perceived as "easier". white people dont have to worry about the social repercussions that come with being born "themselves". whiteness still means ease and freedom in more senses than one. to be accepted by "whiteness" in terms of dating, beauty standards or social setting can create a deep internal sense of relief and greater cultural agency.

pulling out some masters degree theories on ya. . .

 

[BMoreFlyy]

I don't see it as a step down nor up. It depends on your preference and your social setting. And regardless, as always some will be and some won't be pleased with interracial dating between blacks and whites.

 

[Blossssom]

But Latinos don't look like black people though.

Some do.... the ones who have more black than Indian or white.

I couldn't see myself marrying a white Latino. Might as well marry a white man, IF complexion is that big of an issue.

Latia is correct. Here in California, we have a high mix of all types of Latinos. From the very light to the very dark with all different hair types to go with it.

 

[firecracker]

wow.

i'd also like to add that some people reallyinternalize the "step up" mentality. they see whiteness-white communities, white schools, white people as free from the stresses and realities of black life; things are perceived as "easier". white people dont have to worry about the social repercussions that come with being born "themselves". whiteness still means ease and freedom in more senses than one. to be accepted by "whiteness" in terms of dating, beauty standards or social setting can create a deep internal sense of relief and greater cultural agency.

pulling out some masters degree theories on ya. . .

\\

I don't think they have it easier though. I don't begrudge anyone finding love no matter what color the man or woman. It sad that interracial couples can't go to the mall without jerks staring like one poster experieced. I guess their isn't a high concentration of interracial dating in that area. Love is Love! It's all about preference and being true to yourself. F everybody else because your not dating them. I want to whoop the mall starers butts!!! WTF

Caramela Helz no we don't want da ones wit fiddy' leven gold/platinum tee'fa'cis!! You had me in tears with that one!! I have to use that now!!!

Bloossom, we have some handsome Latino's out here don't we? They are not all part of the 18th Street gang with fiddy' leven Tatoo's hopping a lowrider. Nothing against Tatoo's ladies.

 

[Blossssom]

\\

I don't think they have it easier though. I don't begrudge anyone finding love no matter what color the man or woman. It sad that interracial couples can't go to the mall without jerks staring like one poster experieced. I guess their isn't a high concentration of interracial dating in that area. Love is Love! It's all about preference and being true to yourself. F everybody else because your not dating them. I want to whoop the mall starers butts!!! WTF

Caramela Helz no we don't want da ones wit fiddy' leven gold/platinum tee'fa'cis!! You had me in tears with that one!! I have to use that now!!!

Bloossom, we have some handsome Latino's out here don't we? They are not all part of the 18th Street gang with fiddy' leven Tatoo's hopping a lowrider. Nothing against Tatoo's ladies.

Humpf!

You know what's really funny, though, I've been on different boards over the years which discuss interracial relationships.

IR couples are either upset that people STARE at them at the mall or IGNORE them.

I don't know what they want. IR couples want to be treated like everyone else (do you acknowledge every couple you see?) but when you do, they feel you aren't looking at them because you don't approve of them. All you're doing is minding your own freaking business!

I was at a "buffet" this evening (huge mistake) and there was a white woman in the restroom with her half black/white daughters. The white woman was staring at ME! I get the feeling white women with half black children try and gauge the attitude of black women because they have or HAD a black man.

What's the big freakin' deal?

 

[firecracker]

Dang I guess I don't pay attention to ish! Now your going to have me looking at folks when I go out to eat and the mall. I think some people just have staring problems though. I have a girlfriend I have to tell to stop looking at people from their toes to their head. I don't think she does this purposely.

I keep telling her someones going to sock her for staring. LOL I am guilty of assuming a new coworker had a black husband because of the way she act and dressed. I felt like ish because I judged her on her clothes and fat ca-dunk-ca-dunk.

 

[Blossssom]

Dang I guess I don't pay attention to ish! Now your going to have me looking at folks when I go out to eat and the mall. I think some people just have staring problems though. I have a girlfriend I have to tell to stop looking at people from their toes to their head. I don't think she does this purposely.

I keep telling her someones going to sock her for staring. LOL I am guilty of assuming a new coworker had a black husband because of the way she act and dressed. I felt like ish because I judged her on her clothes and fat ca-dunk-ca-dunk.

It just seems as if white women with half black children or black/white couples are looking for some form of "acknowledgement".

If you "acknowledge" them, you're a ANGRY BLACK WOMAN. If you don't, you're still angry and you can't bare to look at them because you're so HURT!

I don't notice this with any other IRs, maybe because I'm black. However, I'm sure when white women see a white man with an Asian woman, the same thing happens. The Asian woman is looking for some "acknowledgment" and the man kind of looks "embarassed". I bet it does!

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

But Latinos don't look like black people though.

Latinos come in all varieties and shades just like black people. Have you ever seen natives of Belize, Panama, etc. Alot of the people look more of what I guess you would count as "black".

 

[webby]

Dating any man would be a step up for me right about now...LOL.

Aww girl, don't say that!!!
Hell, check the battered-women's shelter. That will put things in perspective.

 

[phynestone]

Humpf!

You know what's really funny, though, I've been on different boards over the years which discuss interracial relationships.

IR couples are either upset that people STARE at them at the mall or IGNORE them.

I don't know what they want. IR couples want to be treated like everyone else (do you acknowledge every couple you see?) but when you do, they feel you aren't looking at them because you don't approve of them. All you're doing is minding your own freaking business!

I was at a "buffet" this evening (huge mistake) and there was a white woman in the restroom with her half black/white daughters. The white woman was staring at ME! I get the feeling white women with half black children try and gauge the attitude of black women because they have or HAD a black man.

What's the big freakin' deal?

There's a thread on here about ir couples doing this. Can't remember the name it

 

[rozlips]

Doesn't sound like an 'interracial couple problem' per se. Sounds like a white woman in interracial relationships problem. While I've encountered this phenomenon with white women and black men, I've never experienced it with black women and men of other races.

Humpf!

You know what's really funny, though, I've been on different boards over the years which discuss interracial relationships.

IR couples are either upset that people STARE at them at the mall or IGNORE them.

I don't know what they want. IR couples want to be treated like everyone else (do you acknowledge every couple you see?) but when you do, they feel you aren't looking at them because you don't approve of them. All you're doing is minding your own freaking business!

I was at a "buffet" this evening (huge mistake) and there was a white woman in the restroom with her half black/white daughters. The white woman was staring at ME! I get the feeling white women with half black children try and gauge the attitude of black women because they have or HAD a black man.

What's the big freakin' deal?

 

[katie]

Latinos come in all varieties and shades just like black people. Have you ever seen natives of Belize, Panama, etc. Alot of the people look more of what I guess you would count as "black".

But wouldn't that be a Hispanic? A Hispanic is any person from Latin America so that can be a black or Asian or white. I thought Latino specifically referred to a Hispanic who is a mix of black, white and Native American(think JLo). Actually a Panamanian friend of mine told me that also. He is black Panamanian and says he is Hispanic but not Latino.

 

[Blossssom]

Doesn't sound like an 'interracial couple problem' per se. Sounds like a white woman in interracial relationships problem. While I've encountered this phenomenon with white women and black men, I've never experienced it with black women and men of other races.

I haven't gotten that "vibe" from black women and non-black men, either, Roz...

I think a lot of white women who are into black men are insecure, especially when they see a black woman who has it "going on".

The white women feel threatened. I'll admit this, too, since I'm speaking on it.

I had a gorgeous white boy friend about 10 years ago. Whenever I saw a GORGEOUS white woman and they "checked" each other out, I felt threatened.

When I'm with a black man, I don't feel that threat.

 

[rozlips]

Interesting...do you feel threatened when the black guy you're with checks out a black woman? (And if not, why not? Is it the fact that society puts white women at the top of the attractiveness pyramid?) I think I'd feel hella threatened (and disrespected) if I saw my dh check out a woman of any race. Fortunately, I've never caught him doing it. I mean, I assume he does, after all he is human and its hard to miss gorgeous folks, but I figure he must do it when he's not with me.

I don't know what the deal is with some white women in IRs. I do get the impression that many of them seek attention, and that they get much juice from the idea of 'stealing' a black man from black women. I think everytime a black woman rolls her eyes at the sight of a white woman with a black man their ego kicks up a notch. That's why even if it did bother me (And I praise Goddess that it doesn't) that I would not, under any circumstances let them see it.

I know for myself and dh, we're usually too far into one another to even notice any staring or 'stink eyes.' Unless someone is blatant or aggressive or actually says something, we generally don't notice it. We were visiting his mother once and were walking around checking out this neat little resort area. Anyway, this couple was staring at us with their mouth literally agape. Dh, who's something of a hothead made an ugly comment and started to go over to them. Of course I grabbed him and my MIL asked what was wrong. I responded that the couple was staring at us. And bless her heart, she looked at us, truly puzzled, and asked why would anyone stare at us. Whit and I died laughing right there on the spot and moved on.

I think, for the most part, that's how it is with us. It's not a "I don't see color" type thing (I hate that phrase) it's simply that we've been together so long we honestly forget that we're an interracial couple. And apparently his moms did too!

I haven't gotten that "vibe" from black women and non-black men, either, Roz...

I think a lot of white women who are into black men are insecure, especially when they see a black woman who has it "going on".

The white women feel threatened. I'll admit this, too, since I'm speaking on it.

I had a gorgeous white boy friend about 10 years ago. Whenever I saw a GORGEOUS white woman and they "checked" each other out, I felt threatened.

When I'm with a black man, I don't feel that threat.

 

[firecracker]

I just don't get people staring at IRC's or getting that upset about who the heck I or anybody else dates! I had a IR incident happen to me years ago at a Supper Club. This white guy that I used to date casually used to hook me up with free entry. We were checking out Phyllis Hyman (she died a lil while after this). Some damn Ignant (not ignorant ) Muslim Black Brothers waited while I went to the restroom to tell me how shame I should be for being with a white man. WTF I was wondering why they kept looking our way in the venue. My date got upset about them confronting me and wanted to say stuff back. (I didn't want to chance that butt whooping) I did wonder what if all my black peeps in the place felt the same way about us? Really didn't give a damn he wasn't my man nor was it their business. We have way more pressing issues as a people to concern ourselves with than Ebony and Ivory. Heck I thought IRC were the norm everywhere by now. My friends from Chicago do say they see it more here than there. Go figure?

 

[Keike]

But wouldn't that be a Hispanic? A Hispanic is any person from Latin America so that can be a black or Asian or white. I thought Latino specifically referred to a Hispanic who is a mix of black, white and Native American(think JLo). Actually a Panamanian friend of mine told me that also. He is black Panamanian and says he is Hispanic but not Latino.

Most people use the terms interchangeably and many Latinos do not like Hispanic anymore because it pays homage to Spain, which many feel was the oppressor for Central and South Americans. This is what I was told anyway so I no longer say Hispanic. If she meant Latino/Hispanic, the way the terms tend to be used now, then they could easily be black or look black.

 

[Stylepink]

Humpf!

You know what's really funny, though, I've been on different boards over the years which discuss interracial relationships.

IR couples are either upset that people STARE at them at the mall or IGNORE them.

I don't know what they want. IR couples want to be treated like everyone else (do you acknowledge every couple you see?) but when you do, they feel you aren't looking at them because you don't approve of them. All you're doing is minding your own freaking business!

I was at a "buffet" this evening (huge mistake) and there was a white woman in the restroom with her half black/white daughters. The white woman was staring at ME! I get the feeling white women with half black children try and gauge the attitude of black women because they have or HAD a black man.

What's the big freakin' deal?

I understand what you're saying. I think some people are a little too sensitive when it comes to the starring issue. I live in Hell Paso, I mean El Paso, Tx and its rare to see white people and black people in this 99.99% mexican town. So, I understand people are going to do a double take and it doesn't bother my husband or myself. Most of the time I smile back. If they're close enough, we'll start a conversation. And I have never had an ignorance response. Maybe by our breaking the ice, so to speak, we can help to squelsch some of the ignorances and misconceptions, or at least thats they way that I like to think of it. And to top it off, we've met some great people.

And doggone it we're a cute couple, if someone wants to look----more power to them!

 

[BklynHeart]

I've never thought of it as a step up. All of the Black men I've dated were either in college, finished, or taught themselves a trade which turned into good money. Shoot, some of these so-called 'educated' white guys love talking to my husband because he's so knowledgeable about a lot of things. Believe me ladies, there are a lot of Black men like that out there. More than you think.

 

[jasmin]

I get weird behavior from all sides I guess. Seeing people's eyes when they first see pictures of my husband is just sad, then it seems like all the sudden, they don't really want to talk or the ones that still want to talk want to talk about how he isnt who they pictured me to be with.


There are some white men that just want black women for the sexual experience. My husband has made comments to me that he received from acquaintances mentioning this discreetly i guess I could say.....like 'oooohhh...you must love tapping that ass' or 'that sex must be crazy.'

On the other end, we have white people staring at us when we are in white areas like we are from Uranus or something. That is very upsetting when we are sitting somewhere and eating and every time you go to take a bite, you sense someone is all up in your mouth for no reason. What will staring at me tell you about me? Not a damn thing. Although, I am mostly quiet and try to ignore, my husband is fearless, he will go up to anyone at any time and ask them WHAT THE F$%^ are you looking it? or on his days when he is not angered by it, he will revert to Pee Wee Herman and say 'why dont you take a picture it will last longer'

We have had our problems with family....more of his family. His uncle and aunt have been disowned. Although they smile in my face the few times I have seen them, my MIL told my DH before we got married that they said they would not come to NJ to see their nephew marry some n%&&$%. Obviously, they felt he was marrying down even though they had no clue about my life before him. After we starting dating over 5 years old, my DH gave me a key to his apartment. When he told one of his friends this, he said 'yeah, she may not steal anything, but her brother and cousin will be hauling your brand new TV out into their truck.'

I have black friends that have made comments regarding 'yeah you must be dating a white man with the size of your rocks.' or 'why dont you go into your husbands account and get him to pay for it, cause i know how white folks like to spend money.'

There are just so many misconceptions that people have about other people. My husband is one of the most straight laced white men you would probably ever meet. He is bald, big 4 tattoos and an engineer by day. He couldn't name 10 rap songs if you put a knife to him. I was his second girlfriend. We are not rich, but we are comfortable. And not every girl wants a man thats slinging 12 inches.

Negativity is everywhere. I hear comments constantly, especially if people do not know my husband is not black. I just have to ignore it and realized what ignorant people say only makes me stronger. I move on...for I know I am truly blessed to have the man that I have.

Wow...I don't even know why I'm speechless after reading this.

Muslim Black Brothers waited while I went to the restroom to tell me how shame I should be for being with a white man.

I would have laughed in their face and walked away. I don't usually pay attention to much to strangers so I would think that they were crazy to even say anything to me as if I would care about their feelings.

 

[Honeyhips]

For some yes. I've seen it on the boards. Women getting excited b/c a piece of a white man is into blck women. Who cares. Or they are just so fed up with brothers they want to open the flood gates and let everyone in.
For some no. I've also seen black women who know they are the bomb and it is no surprise that black men AND white men would want to be involved with them.

THis is the same as every black man wants a white woman threads.

 

[HoneyDew]

"Yay. White man got that paper."

funny.

 

[NYKittin]

Years ago I worked at a hospital and I was the only black research assitant. A couple of the white men discovered my bf was asian and they started patting me on the back, and saying things like "Wow, good for you." This really sickened me because it seemed like my stock rose when they realized I was good enough for a japanese man.Or, that I took a step up. So, unfortunately this type of thinking is pervasive across cultures.

 

[phynestone]

Years ago I worked at a hospital and I was the only black research assitant. A couple of the white men discovered my bf was asian and they started patting me on the back, and saying things like "Wow, good for you." This really sickened me because it seemed like my stock rose when they realized I was good enough for a japanese man.Or, that I took a step up. So, unfortunately this type of thinking is pervasive across cultures.

How ignorant and stupid.

 

[Blossssom]

I've never thought of it as a step up. All of the Black men I've dated were either in college, finished, or taught themselves a trade which turned into good money. Shoot, some of these so-called 'educated' white guys love talking to my husband because he's so knowledgeable about a lot of things. Believe me ladies, there are a lot of Black men like that out there. More than you think.

You know what I seem to have a hard time finding here in Cali, a black man who doesn't have a bunch of baby mamas!

 

[sky_blu]

Havent read the entire thread but to answer the title question. "HELL TO THE NO"-Whitney Houston and Im from the south and HAVE NEVER heard anybody say that whether they were black, white, purple, and all the colors in between.